My in-laws show no interest in my kiddos; mother in-law is kind of cold-hearted to my daughter, problems with them since being closer. I am just unsure how to handle it or just let go altogether. Here is a little back story: So my husband and I moved closer to be near family, at first everything seemed to be going great, everyone was getting along, and all of a sudden, BOOM! There were instant problems, arguing, and a lot of finger-pointing. It seemed like if my husband and I would have a disagreement, they were so quick to tell me to leave him, or maybe we should separate from each other. It literally would not be that big of a disagreement/argument. They were so quick to jump into our business when we would step away from everyone to talk things through, I didn’t understand why, but the moment I would do that to them, I was told to mind my own business. I wasn’t allowed to let them know about what their kids were doing wrong, but consistently kept coming to me about my child, what my child is doing wrong, and I told them, I don’t care to hear it anymore; it seem like you only come to me to see my child get into trouble, but no one is allowed to say a thing about your kids. Guys, I am just tired of it. From telling me to leave my husband, which makes no sense to me, they tried painting this horrible picture of my husband to me, which they haven’t seen in years, and I mean years; I told them he never treated me the way you speak of him. Yes, we argue, like ANYONE else in the world, but he is protective of me and our kiddos, and we bounce back quickly from any disagreement we may have. Why would they tell me to leave him? They treat him like the black sheep. But want to have their hands out for things. With my daughter, the mother-in-law is so mean, my daughter would say hi, and her grandmother would just walk right past her and go to another grandchild that she knows their whole life, and baby that grandchild right in front of my daughter, she wouldn’t say hardly two words to my daughter, day in and day out. She is a little girl; she asked me why her grandmother don’t like her. at first, I thought it was just me, and over thinking, so I started paying attention more, my daughter would try to talk with her, but she would just ignore her. The in-law told me that my daughter is bad and need to be better disciplined. she no different from any other child. I didn’t know there are perfect children, and I can assure you, it typically kid behavior. My daughter is one the softest hearted little girl you’ll meet; she has bad days just like us adults. But, withholding love from her because of a bad day is not okay. She withholds love from my daughter, and it breaks my heart.
Umm sounds like you, your kids and your husband need to stay away from these ppl. Happiness should be a priority to your home and family life. Anything that disrupts that MUST GO!
Stop seeing them.
Eliminate toxic people from your life and your daughters life. You’ll be protecting her and if they complain flat out tell them they did it to themselves and if they are willing to set down, talk and move past the issues then they can see your daughter again, if not well too bad their loss.
My kids have and will have no idea who their dads eldest sister is and majority of her kids. They cause so much drama. It’s been over a year since I’ve seen her and probably closer to 2 years since my son has seen her and hes about to turn 3 next week. I wish I had the same power for my bonus daughter but unfortunately I don’t. Ive been lucky enough to have my fiance back me up on this decision as he felt it was best for him too. Currently pregnant with our second and he’ll never meet her. If were invited to events I ask whos going to be there. Obviously if shes not going to be there we go and if she shows up we leave. Your life will be so much better without them. Family isnt always family.
Stay away from them. Stop giving them things cut the communication off. Tell you’re husband what has been happening and tell him you are done he can see his family if he wants but you and your kids are done. They don’t need that of toxic relationship in their lives from their so called grand mother. My family and I had to step aside from my husband grandparents because our daughter didn’t fit in their to what they see as a perfect family. My daughter is autistic and no one in the family has any thing but her so his grandparents would say crap about her to other family members not really caring if it gets back to us or not. So we stop going to family functions. We tried to confront them about it and all they would do is shirt it off like nothing and continue to still do it
Protect your children at all costs…they don’t deserve to have their hearts broken by people who are supposed to support them and love them.
Move or cut them out of your lives,before your kiddo is messed up
Same situation. My parents are thousands miles away, and they cry at the phone everyday seeing our lo. My mil is 15 mins away and she hasn’t seen her in the last maybe 2-3 months. Everything she does its like she’s trying to interfere since we got engaged. Now it’s even harder with the virus and a 9mo… My husband has been actually out the country so I had to deal with a baby, 2 dogs, shopping, cleaning and the rest by myself, which wasn’t a problem but not even once offered to not even take her, but at least come over and hold her for 15 minutes so I can deal with everything. We decided we will move on my parents land as soon as we can as there’s where we feel loved, appreciated and helped by all means, all of us. It is hard, and trust me, I know. I gave birth at 30 weeks and borders were closed and here, all I have is my husband. My family could not travel due to the virus. Mom has seen our lo when she was 4mo and dad when she was 5. Mom had to travel by buss for about 72 hours each way. Had our lo in nicu for a month, and it was just me and my husband. But we’re fine and happy. Build your happiness with what you already have and love, the ones that love and appreciate you back
I have learnt that just because you are blood means absolutely nothing. No one should have to go through toxic relationships. The idea that blood really matters has given too many people emotional damage. People are now willing to say you’re my family but you are not good for me and breaking away for their survival. I believe that family is who you choose to enrich your life. That can be a mix of blood and people who you choose to be your family. We are on the planet too long to have people around us who show we are meaningless to them, try to surround yourself with people who acknowledge that you are meaningful in their lives.
I would stop seeing them!! Make some friends and focus on your little family. If your daughter is noticing that, it’s damaging her. From my personal experience having gone through this myself, it’s very damaging and toxic and it hurts us really bad.
Fan, after reading this I have tears in my eyes for that beautiful little angel. Personally, I would step back from the in-laws. If they are so toxic they want your marriage to end over a little tiff, you don’t need them. Keep your child and husband happy and forget his family.
I’m a grandparent of three, two boys and 1 girl. I try my best to have a great relationship with them. I know how important it is for kids to have grandparents in their life. I can’t understand why grandparents choose one over the other. It is wrong and the children don’t deserve it. The advice I would give is to sit down as a last ditch effort and talk. It probably won’t change anything, but put it all on the line and see what happens. Then you can tell your daughter when she ask later in life is that we tried. If the MIL doesn’t see where she is wrong go your separate ways. Grandparents are very important but this person is in no way a grandparent in my eyes. She is just someone who hasn’t grown up yet.
I agree protect youre children at all costs some in laws r bitter n vile ,my in laws pass my children in our local village n don’t even speak to them im glad my little ones dont understand who they are tbh… its there loss!
Tell them to F off. Your child doesn’t need anyone in her life like that and nor do you and your husband. It’s OK to cut off toxic family members.
Move away again. If you can’t, don’t acknowledge them. My mil couldn’t handle how horrible her son was to me and his children and he needed help. Once he got the help we’ve been cool, but she refuses to talk to either of us, and has forgotten birthdays and apparently where we live. But it’s okay cause my husbands dads side makes up for all that with love and attention.
Cut them off, get away from them ASAP! It’s that simple. I had to get away from both of my latest husband’s family for different reason’s.
sounds like your husband’s family doesn’t like you. I would just stay away. Why submit your child to that kind of negativity. She is your number one priority. Too bad you moved closer.
I think it is time to move away. Don’t need that kind of life and your daughter does not need that kind of “family”
You need to cut these toxic people from you and your families life, they are not the kind of people you want your children growing up around because they will undermine anything and everything they do or achieve and make your poor children start to doubt themselves and their value to their family, it will cause major insecurity in them and cause you and your husband endless stress and frustration
never understood why people are like that ? sounds like his mama is have a hard time letting go of her son. i would stay away from her as much as you can, tell your daughter that she is an old and sick person !!
It made me very sad. Children learn from elders.make your children your first priority, everything and everyone comes after that.it is very disrespectful that how she broke little angel’s heart.
Stay strong n protective for your kids:heart:
I wouldn’t let them around my children ever again. These things can have an affect on your daughter emotionally which could later cause problems. Protect your kids and stay away!
Walk away and don’t let them treat your children like that. They are called TOXIC PEOPLE and you don’t need that in your family’s life
Tell her the fuck off first of all, secondly if he doesnt already you need to tell your husband about what theyve been saying and doing, and third, just drop them from your life because if they were truly family they wouldnt act like that
Step away with your husband and children. Have no contact ( I understand its his family) but maybe if she has a heart she’ll think about what a mess she’s caused. Its not right for her or anyone to treat children that way!!! That just pi**** me off!!! I know the feeling my ex husbands mother would do that to my children. So I feel for you…pray about it.
Happiness should be a priority in ur family.your kids only have one childhood EN its your responsibility to make it peaceful for them…some pipo have so much hate,u would wonder how they sleep at night
Completely cut all ties because your family doesn’t deserve that from in laws. Especially ones that are trying to destroy not only your family but your marriage i speak from experience on this basically just tell them to f**k off. Because if they were any kind of family at all she would take more interest in your children regardless of yall living long distance before now.
I would avoid them and not continue putting my children in that position ever again.
Ditch them!. They want nothing to do with it their own son and granddaughter so why bother with them
Why are you around these people? You have the choice to not enter their home and space, and not let them enter yours…
Screw them. STAY away. Ignore them------they are mean, unhappy people. Who needs them and keep your business to yourself. Walk away, shut up and live.
Those are your children maybe it’s time to stray from them to save your marriage and having your children feeling hurt
Beware of toxic people whine against yr family and want it destroyed for whatever reason. She in particular has issues and s also transferring them to yr daughter. Time to cut the ties and limit contact and set rules when u r in contact over holidays for example. If u Don’t how they act be prepared to leave. Don’t let them hurt ur daughter
Holy crap girl! Get away as fast as you can.
We don’t destroy a child’s self esteem or mental health FOR NO ONE!!!
No need for toxic family around !!
Move back to where you came from. You were better off
I dealt with that same situation. My children are all grown now and their grandmother is on hospice and they refuse to go see her, stating that she was basically a cold B*tch. I never forced a relationship and they knew who loved them.
Screw her!!! Seriously. Screw her and the horse she road on on. First of all, you said for better or worse. With him. Not them. And if she is the kind of person to be sh*tty to a child let alone YOUR child… She does not deserve any of your time. Ill be your childrens grandmother. That woman is toxic. She Does not deserve any of your time. I’m so darn mad at her and i don’t even know her. No need to make an announcement. Carry on the way you normally would. How insulting. Clearly not all people deserve grand children. She is the perfect example. Im sorry she treated your daughter wrong.
Take your family and go live closer to your family. But beat you MIL’s ass first! Jk
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Karma come around to her fast
Cut all contact. Simple.
This is a toxic relationship. We have the same problem and it was the way until we moved out they altogether stopped answering the phone all together. We live 2 miles down the road and the only way my husband’s own mother talks to him is when someone has died or he goes into the store she works at. They did the same thing when we were there and nothing was good enough. Pull away don’t give them this.
Move… pack up everything and move cross country. We had to do this. Even when my MIL passed, my husband’s sister was being over the top - asking their step dad why my husband’s opinion on where to bury his mom mattered. I started to cry and had to keep my shit together. Needless to say - we packed up and left that evening to go back home. My one sister-in-law tries to not get involved. It is sad and heartbreaking. Esp since they adore his daughter… but act as if our 5 year old son doesn’t even exist.
I agree you should cut them off. They need to stay out of your marriage and if they can’t love the one daughter then they can’t see the rest. I wish I had a little girl to love and spoil our kids had all boys. They should be closer to her not push her away. Good luck
It sounds like they have anger and resentment towards your husband and taking it out on all of you.
Keep your daughter away from them. They aren’t worth your time or her self esteem.
If your inlaws are telling you to leave their blood its one if two things they dont like you or they have bad blood with him they can’t get over. I would pull away from them if they want to change they can come to you
Often when people point their fingers and accuse you, of things you know is not happening, deep down they know they are at fault, either now, or in the past. If it is possible for you and your husband and family to move somewhere else, it’s worth thinking of, you both can do without all this aggressive behaviour. Sounds like they need counseling, but I suspect they won’t do that . Hope a good resolution happens. Or maybe you should just go somewhere else.
Honestly, cut them out. This isn’t worth your daughter self esteem or your marriage sake at all. A grandmother that doesn’t treat your child right and takes whatever situation on a child does not deserve consideration from your part. Watch for your family, stay away from them.
Girl, CUT THEM OUT… Life is too precious for you and your family ( husband and daughter) to be miserable and in a toxic relationship with in-laws…thats probably why your husband did not speak to them for YEARS as you said…
Why were you sharing your disagreement with your husband with them in the first place? Keep your relationship to yourself.
Treatment like that happened to me from my grandparents as well on my fathers side, my father was also very protective of my mother and all us kids. I would run home crying because they were mean to me, I remember this one day VERY vividly. When I was walking home from school in the middle of winter with my two other cousins (who lived a block from me) and anyways my grandparents ended up driving by that day but came back and told my cousins to get in the car that they’ll drive them home, so they both jumped in and as I went to jump in too she snarled and said “close that damn door”, so they closed it and left me there… I ran home crying and that broke my heart. As a young child that day and that awful feeling stuck with me for a long time. My parents but ESPECIALLY my father refused for us to see them, he was beyond angry and hurt with them for that incident. It took a long time for my grandparents to come around, I think it was like 4 years before my grandmother had passed they completely changed.
Have you talked to your husband? Is this a step grandchild? ( Not that it should make a difference, but people are petty.) Have you talked to them, better yet, let your husband do it. And if they don’t want to change it acknowledge it, then cut toxic people out of your life. Your baby don’t need that.
cut them out your life. period your babies happiness is more important and when your child asks why a grandparent doesn’t like them, that’s A SIGN TO STEP AWAY
I would step away and not expose my daughter to that kind of treatment if other grandchildren her cousins want to get together I would do that but not in the presents of somebody that ignores her
sounds like moving further away again would be better. Put distance between them and get away from the toxic environment.
Honestly cut them out. Neither you or your daughter deserve that. So heart breaking that they could do that to your daughter.
Cut them out completely. No need for that toxic crap.
It sounds like you should cut ties with them for your daughters sake.
Sounds as if you and husband need to move away so they can get their nose out of your life Just saying .
Cut them off. Their loss for sure. I cut my own father out of my life.
Just move away. This will never stop until you leave.
THATS where you went wrong when you put them into your Marriage Business.
Keep it in your MARRIAGE
(unless its violent & need help to get out)
YOU DO NOT OWE TOXIC PEOPLE A PLACE IN:clap: YOUR LIFE!!! CUT OUT THE B*TCH and when she dies, dance on her grave!
Cut her out. She’s toxic.
Sounds like you need to do what I did a few years back and haven’t regretted since. STOP GOING AROUND. I tried making sure my kids knew my mother in law but she was evil and did things like you are saying so after an argument about her not coming to my daughters birthday (because she couldn’t afford a present my daughter just wanted her there not a present ) but a week before you went to other granddaughters party. I told her to get bent and if she wants anything I do with my kids she knows where we live and 8 years later she’s been by maybe 3x (literally works at next stop light from our house)and all those times were for her son to fix her car. PROTECT YOUR BABIES FEELINGS she doesn’t need that in her life
Definitely agree with what everyone is saying, stay away from them, they’re toxic and you don’t need that in your life, to me that seems like something your husband should have to be dealing with since it’s his family, but if he’s not, then you keep your kids away from them.
One or both of the parents sounds narcissistically disordered. Look up narcissistic parents, the golden child and the scapegoat. The husband sounds like the scapegoat.
Your husband needs to grow a pair iti s his Mom up to him to strighten her out , who is telling all your business to her ? he needs to tell her but out
This is not ok I wouldn’t ever do this to my granddaughter’s kick them to the kerb stand tall and walkaway
I’d move my family away from them. Your family comes first. Protect them at all cost.
You. Stay. In. Your. House. They. Can. Stay. In. Theirs. I. Would. Not. Be. Mean. To. Them. But. I. Would. Not. Include. Them In. My. Life. Your. Child. Does. Not. Need. That. I. Have. A. 11. Grandchildren. Some. Of. Them. Are. Stepchildren. But. I. Try. To. Treat. Them. All. The. Same. Tell. Your. In-Laws. To. Fuck. Off.
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