How should I handle this situation with my mother in law?

How do you deal with a mother-in-law who creates relatives for herself (calls them niece and granddaughter) and doesn’t treat her real grandson as a family (or us)? She asks to come over and see her grandson (rarely) or asks to watch him so that my husband and I can go out (happened once). She doesn’t acknowledge him on FB (like her fake granddaughter and niece) and doesn’t invite us to holidays or anything else. I don’t understand why she is back in our lives three years after she disowned us if she doesn’t want to be a real family. I stayed friends with her on FB all these years and it hurts seeing her celebrate holidays with the “granddaughter” and “niece”.

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It is possible she has some mental issues going on, my own grandmother was only capable of loving (if you want to call it that) one person at a time. Turned out she had bipolar disorder (had because she passed away a few years ago) but she hardly acknowledged my existence or my brothers existence. Frankly if she wants in your life let her as long as she is not verbally abusive or physically abusive, take photos try to put the hurt away. If you are angry and bitter and she suddenly dies then you will feel guilty. There was a time that people believed family was everything, good or bad we forgave and loved our family. Also sometimes family isn’t blood it is people who are there for us when nobody else is. I would love to know your mother in laws side of the story.

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I’d be done with her

Aint got time for that drama…block and keep living your life…never make someone a priority if they treat you as an option

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Cut ties with her and cut her out of the family. Problem solved.

Cut her out of your lives. She’s playing jealousy games

If she’s not interested in you, you don’t have to be interested in her. :woman_shrugging:t2: There’s no point in being jealous or upset because it’s not going to change anything. She’s free to make her own choices - including who she considers family.

Your child is better off without her … trust me… You will be much happier and feel less guilt because she doesn’t treat your child the way you expect a grandparent to treat their grandchild… Sometimes you just gotta know when to fold…

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Toughen up cupcake… It isnt always a bad thing to not have another family except you into theirs when your not blood related!!!
I have dated a guy for 8yrs an his family doesnt except myself an my two boys as their family an that’s ok bc we are not blood related…

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I think you need to first openly communicate all these feelings with her. If you are not afraid of cutting ties then what would it hurt? Possibly she feels closer to these people because they are actually closer to her :woman_shrugging: I mean visits and spending time together go both ways and if they are spending more time with her then it seems like that’s your answer as to why she acknowledges them more. If you both want to build up the relationships then cool work on that but if you want her to do all the work on her end alone it will never turn out the way you want. People want to feel appreciated for their efforts, especially older people. But I really do think nine times out of ten most problems come from lac of communication and that’s in every kind of relationship :woman_shrugging:

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Cut your ties and losses it won’t change! I have a bitter sil who creates fake aunts and banned me from their life cuz I don’t want to be friends with one of the fake aunts

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Cut her out of your lives. It will not change.

Well do you guys invite her i once talked to an older woman same thing and she said that her fake family cared for her and visited her and all that when her real family was just to busy

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Similar situation, my father and stepmother always share their pictures and celebrations with their other grandchildren but never mine. It hurts, to say the least, because my kids have been very deprived of the father’s side of the family, for different reasons! I just let my kids join in the love that my side of the family has always given them! But I never know what to say about my father/stepmom (their other grandparents). My son turns 6 on Saturday. He still isn’t sure who his other grandparents are. Sadly, I wish this could be changed but I don’t know if it ever will be! :sleepy:

I am a person who has a “granddaughter “ as you say an I have other grandkids but they never come but there parents don’t bring them I love them dearly would try to move mountains for them but the granddaughter shows me respect an is always there when I need her I love them all

Cut your losses now, you don’t want fake people family or not in your child life, at the end of the day they will know what family cared enough and which didn’t I wouldn’t force it. From someone who grew up around this situation it showed me who I could count as family and who I couldn’t.
Til this day I don’t regret not knowing them, One day she will regret not being in your child life. Or yours.

First it’s her issue not yours, she is missing out and she knows it hence the “granddaughter niece”
It’s a fake life she has created to remind you every day she doesn’t need you ! Is your husband only child ? Did you go against her when the relationship first started ? Did she feel as if you took her baby ?
A lot of women do this with their only sons …

Wiped mine out of our lives 6 years ago, never been happier.

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Some don’t realize the pain they cause, some do it for spite, you and your husband really need to have a heart to heart with her and find out where her heart is… communication in ALL relationships is vital and you need to trust her if you are going to have a relationship with her and have your child(ren) around her… I understand how you feel whole heartedly, I’ve had to have a similar conversation with my mom before

Just unfollow her on Facebook. That way stupid stuff she does like this doesn’t affect / hurt you and your family. Then when she makes initiative to see the 3 of you, she can. It is worth it for your peace of mind!

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Why are you even questioning this? If she makes you feel like this then cut ties. Delete her off fb. You deserve better.

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Everytime I read an article about mothers in law…I’m am so grateful mine was on another continent :woman_shrugging:t3:. Sorry, not sorry. :joy:

What mom disowns their son ?? For 3 yrs ? So there is your answer right there ! If she can do that -then she has no problem doing this !! It’s her loss ! I could never stay away from my kids or & especially my grandkids ! Ever no matter !! She will need you before you need her ! Walk away & don’t look back

I think you should totally cut her off. Your not going to change her. When she does want you around ignore her until she asks forgiveness.

What does your husband have to say about this? You need to tell your husband how you feel, I would delete her from FB, she’s not worth it, she’s either involved in everything holidays/birthdays/ dinners etc or she’s out!!! You don’t want your kid(s) to get confused.

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Cut that off. Not worth it, your family doesn’t deserve that treatment. She’s not a grandmother at all.

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Press hard on that Delete & Block button! This toxicity should already cut loose. You all deserve better & hopefully one day she’ll realize her wrong doings! Good luck & positive vibes coming your way :heart::hugs::blush:

Unfriend her and tell her to kick rocks with an open toe shoe. When people leave your life lock the door behind them.

Cut ties. Delete her off facebook. Ignore her calls and texts. I’m sure she knows what she is doing and is getting some thrill out if it know your on her FB.

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U raise your child love them and dnt let someone bother u like this

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Her side of the story :question:

Sit down and talk to the horses mouth…her. Ask HER these questions without arguing. You’re both grown women after all. I wouldn’t be concerned with her ‘made-up’ ‘family members’ after all who among us has not had a friend who we felt close to and called our adopted sister or second mom? Or out of respect called Auntie? That you can surpass except for the fact that she gives them more attention than her own grandkids. It could very well be the disconnect between the two of you that causes her not to spend time with them. I’m not agreeing with it I’m just saying it’s possible. And you do not say what kind of relationship she has with her son, your husband so I can’t make a fair statement about the situation only having your perspective. These days everyone is about ‘oh you don’t need to put up with THAT’ , 'Cut her out of your life, block her on fb" …yaddah yaddah…but I believe that to be counterproductive to the outcome you SAY you want for YOUR CHILDREN. If you two cannot be cordial to one another for the children as well as the man in your lives whom you have in common well, THAT is the work of 2 not 1. I have no problem being cordial to my former daughter in law who is a real WITCH because she is the mother of my grandson and I KNOW in order to have a good relationship with HIM I MUST have somewhat of a relationship with her EVEN though she and my son split and I see my grandson on my son’s custody days I realize that my animosity could easily flow to my grandson if I were to hold on to my uneasy feelings about her. These ladies saying block her and delete her and have nothing to do with her nor allow the kids to see her when she requests to…that’s all bad advice unless she is a screaming MiMi and disrupts the entire household, verbally violent or God forbid physically violent, demeans you or degrades you in front of your children then of course she should be given boundaries and if she can’t adhere to them your husband should take the kids to see her but keeping them from her? No. Not unless she is inappropriate with them. Honestly it sounds like neither of you have a liking for each other but you don’t have to like her but she IS your children’s grandma and your husband’s mom so I would not aggravate the situation to an irreconcilable proportion. Its totally unfair to keep kids from their grandparents and as I stated it seems she might have CREATED these non family relationships to make up for that which she is lacking. If you flatly do not deal with her I don’t know how old your kids are but they will resent you for it when they are older, question why they have no contact with her and then what? You going to talk smack about their Dad’s mom? That will make YOU look bad in the long run. Invite her to lunch somewhere where you can really talk without a lot of noise or distractions and with no time limit. Not her house not your house. Get these feelings out in the open AND LISTEN to her. Listen to the answers to these questions that you’ve asked here when she answers them with the same willingness you are listening to us total strangers. As a mom you always have to do what is BEST for your kids even when its self sacrificial but not self DESTRUCTIVE. There IS a difference. Idc if I get criticized for my opinion. I feel as though it so far the best most sound advice compared to people saying cut her out of your and your children’s lives. Never ok to alienate and disrespect your husband’s mom. He will also feel resentful toward you even if HE sometimes takes issue with her thats his mom and he CAN but YOU can’t. You know how THAT goes…
Good luck with pulling this family together. Put yourself in a happy place and represent those babies of yours!
Wishing the best for you all…her too!!! :blush:

nothing you can do but hope your husband stands up for u or u cut her out of your child and your life . people like that dont change my son is 10 and his grandmother still could care less about him because his older brother is the favorite grandchild and couldnt make that child feel jealous so she treated my son like crap and still does

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Delete people like dat from yur life make no sense

We have this same situation. My husband is her only biological son, we have her only biological grandchildren. They get shafted by her so we stopped trying to make it happen. Other people love them just as much as we do and we focus on those relationships. In the end she will lose big time and my kids will still have people who love them.

Keep it moving. She doesn’t want to be like that with you. I would just delete and block and keep it moving. If I see that person in public, I would simply speak and keep it moving. Thats it. That’s all.

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You can’t force people to love you or your children. Just focus on your child and move on.

Just let it go your a blessing and so is your son and you both love him He knows who cares and who doesn’t trust me she regret not begin close nothing is so wonderful blessing of all my grandchilden

Try and have a conversation with her and if it does not resolve the issue then I would eliminate the relationship from your lives; it is toxic to stay if she isn’t invested in her grandsons or your lives.

Sounds like a toxic relationship you should just cut off now. If all she causes is pain and hurt, it’s better to just step away from that and get your son away from that so he doesnt grow up thinking he is lacking in some way and that’s why grandma loves her fake family more than him. That kind of behavior can affect kids pretty strongly.

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Don’t follow her on fb take a break from the friendship so he doesn’t even know. Live your life fully and happily creating memories and traditions of your own and hope for the best.

I was lucky I had a sweet mother in law.

If she cut you off/disowned you then why have her on your fb page? I would cut her out too on the same day she did.

You cant force people to be what you want them to be. Once you accept this, you will not get hurt as you know they are who they are and YOU can’t change them. Stoo hitting yourself and delete her FB!!!

Unfollow her and my mother in law does this. She caters to her husband’s children and they spend time with them haven’t seen her in almost a year. She lives 2 miles down the road the only time my husband sees her is when he stops at the dollar general where she works only posts on my Facebook when the kids are sick and tries to make it look like they care. Her granddaughter had he appendix removed and I posted in on facebook. She responded and said we love you (enter child’s name) get better. And didn’t even come see her when we got home. Your not alone♥️

Lady, if that was mine id be thankful. My mil attacked my 1 year old with a knife. Cut my husband who stopped her. She cut him down his chest. It was heartbreaking to see him so out of it because he had to choose. My son underwent trauma mentally. Changed our lives forever. My son wasnt harmed except a bowl thrown at his head. She is in prison. I hope she rots there. Be thankful some people arent worth knowing. She is a piece of shit.

Sometimes relationships are based not necessarily by blood . There is always a reason behind every action so we cannot be a judge to such situation. Hope and pray all ends well. God Bless you and your family

I think your husband needs to figure out what relationship he wants with his mother and you follow his lead. This is causing you pain and stress for no good reason. Dont follow or look at her on FB. If she wants to see her grandson, be kind about it. Rise above this pettiness: it’s not yours. Talk to your husband and see how he best wants to build or not build the connection with his mother. Just my 2 cents.

I agree with Krista Thomas. Cut ties. I did. I was in the same situation as you, and finally had enough of her ignoring my son(her only g.c. from her oldest son before he passed) in favor of spending time with her neighbor’s grandkids.

I havent done anything to her but let them live with me for years on in. And when she gets pissed off she leaves with my grandkids. Its true i havent seem my grandkids sent Christmas when they came got there presents. But shes not telling you that i work 7 days a week 12 hour shifts amd that she can come see us. Yes my son does come see me at work. Cause he knows i work all the time. But you people have no right to judge me cause you dont no me. If she has a problem with me then she needs to come to me and tell me what the hell i have done to her and as for me and my step daughters they come see me. And beside that she ask me to come to any dinners etc thats shes had. With that being said i love my family. And what she desides to do is her business.

Cut her out. Don’t force contact. Your family doesn’t need that

Yall deserve better dont have anything with her.

Sometimes that’s how it is move on it’s not going to change