A couple things dad went away and has now come back around and we have moved to a different state to better our life. We were not together when he did go away well fast forward to now… visitation is a little Bit rocky due to he was gone for a while not just for months he again like I said has come back and our child is now in sports getting older with more priorities my question is how do you guys split visitation when your child is in sports that you pay for and training that comes with it not only that but school all year long… his woman has kids as well and our kids are on different breaks with school I’m ok with him missing like a week of training that is free but am I out of line by not wanting him to miss much more then that? I need some sort of direction we are trying best to keep it out of court but some days he gets angry and I’m just over it to be honest. And keep in mind again that we live in different states 5 hours away from eachother. Also he gets angry because he has missed so much already and of course that would be tough mind you he doesn’t have a license either so his girlfriend and I have to arrange to meet it’s just annoying
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i know if he left, then he doesn’t have much wiggle room. he would probably end up getting summer vacation and school breaks or something if he is clean and sober
We live like an hour from where my step kids live with their mom. If she puts them in something that interferes with our parenting time i take them. I get in my van and drive the hour and take them. Its not the fault of the kids that their parents didnt stay together so i do everything i can as the bonus mom to make sure they dont miss anything due to visitation
Edit i just reread the post and seen i missed its 5 hours away… Maybe talk about him splitting summers with you and doing breaks during the school year… But if hes unwilling to bend court may be your only option.
He wants to see his child he needs to move closer to you
He knows where his kid is ,he needs to put the kid first too and geow up
If he wants more time then he needs to move closer . Why should your kid miss out on its activities for a deadbeat
Well a courts going to tell him he’s fifty percent responsible for transportation. I don’t drive. I make sure my kids get where they need. That’s part of being a parent. It’s not your responsibility to do his part too. If he wants to see his kids, he will show up. Sounds like he gets to be a weekend/vacation dad unless he moves closer to assure his child’s schooling and extra activities are met. Keeping doing the best for your kids.
It’s not your fault he missed so much. That’s on him. You don’t have to make up for his lost time. If the sport is a priority to your kiddo, I wouldn’t allow an absent parent to affect it. Let him be mad. 
Good luck mama.
When my daughter had extracurriculars on visiting weekends either they had to bring her Saturday morning or they had to wait until after to pick her up.
Let him come to you. You have done enough. It’s important for your child to be in sports and u signed them up to be a teammate
I would tell the dad he knows where y’all are if he wants to see the child he can arrange to get a motel room close by and stay there and visit the child and make sure they get to there activities and stuff . If he can’t do that then he don’t need to see the child and if the child is a certain age they may be able to decide if they wanna see dad . I know my kids were able to decide if they wanted to see there dad.
So wait is your son’s father getting angry because “he’s missed so much already” or is it your son (you didn’t give an age) that’s saying he’s angry because he’s missed his time training or playing a sport in order for his dad to see him. If it’s your child’s father that’s saying this, well then boohoo for him. He’s the one that left so he doesn’t get to be angry for the time he missed with his son. If it’s your son saying this, then I would tell his father “look sorry, but [child’s name] was looking forward to [activity] and I’m not going to take something he loves away from him because it’s the only time it’s convenient for you” tell him if he wants set visitation that y’all can go to court and the court will take into consideration activities your son is already enrolled in as well as school time. He can have holidays and such but he needs to be prepared that since he lives 5 hours away that courts could deem that he’s, at the very least, 50% responsible for transportation regardless of whether he has a vehicle or not. Also he stepped out, he doesn’t get to dictate based on his schedule when he gets visitation. Honestly, I feel the only way this gets to be resolved is through the court.
Wow. Yall are those that think dad’s are 2nd class huh. Every other weekend. Meet half way. I do this every other weekend. Split spring break. Rotate holidays. And every other week in summer.
It isn’t anyone but his own fault for missing so much and expecting you, and his now girlfriend, with her own life, to make all these arrangements for him to see his kid.
Logic would be, he should figure out how to get his license. He can take the kid when it works into the kids schedule.
How off-putting that he expects you to just move everything for him. It’s called trust and earning his way back into both your lives, as the other parent.
Go through the courts , it’ll be best
He made the choice not to be there. HE choose to miss that time. Now you feel you need to drop everything for him?!? And he has the audacity to get angry over anything. He can get glad in the same shoes he got mad in. There is no court order, you don’t live in his state. Does he even pay child support or back child support. Just cuz he wasn’t there doesn’t mean the kid didn’t eat or require clothing. I would take him to court, request visitation work around your son (his activities/school) and start support with back support. If you rather not (which I get), stop being pushed around. He wants to see him so bad, he can come to him. How he gets there is not your concern. You have raised that baby from the start, he dipped out, you call the shots mama.
i agree with Vickie, he has been with you and your family since day one. He just now within the last couple of years expanded his horizon, now is when he needs stability, and he is doing that with his daily activity so i would not put an option in the equation. His dad thinks so much about him let him share that part of his life and not take it away.It would be a honor to take him to anything that helps him succeed.So he needs to stay where his life is.
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DAD made the choice to not be around. I would like to know how long he was gone for. It seems like he was gone long enough for the child to develop a hobby that he enjoys that mom pays for. FOR THE CHILD. So, dad can not come in and disrupt child’s life. I’m hoping mom is flexible on non practice, game, training days. But dad needs to not get irritated. He created his own situation. My goddaughter loves softball. Her dad signed her up. He loves it too. Her mom, not so much. But she does not bitch about the training, practices, and games that occur on her time. Why? Because her daughter ENJOYS it. It really is about those kids!!!
Get the court order or shut up, sounds like he has anger issues, and is immature, and needs to grow up…
Girl, he would not have visitation. He abandoned his kid. He’s done.
First of all how old is the kid? Does the kid want to see him? Second with the distant like that visitation is usually during school breaks ONLY not weekends.
He can get his kid on weekends that don’t have sports activities scheduled. That’s literally what a court would order. You most likely need to go through the court because your not going to make him happy.
I live 3 hrs away from my ex. He only is suppose to get 1 weekend a month. He doesn’t even get that because he abandoned my son. There’s been no contact in over 2 yrs and he’s behind almost $20000 in CS.
Your child comes first and he needs to realize that. It’s not the child’s fault that he was away and it sounds like you’ve done a great job of providing a normal, stable life for your son. With that said, dad needs to understand that his choices is what got him sent away and his choice is what keeps him 5 outs away from his child. Set boundaries and be firm with them. Your son is in school, so Dad can get him on school breaks, not your fault that his school breaks don’t line up with the girlfriends kids breaks. This isn’t about his girlfriend and her kids, this is about him and his kid. There’s usually a week or two between the end of the school year and when any camps/sports start up, let dad get him during that time. Don’t disrupt your child’s schedule.
Thats on HIM what he missed. YOU have SOLE custody with visitation, Visitation doesnt interrupt a DAMN thing, edoecially that you paid for.
Work out what is convenient between you 2 ladies and the kids.
Daddy gets what he gets, (he can take Mad somewhere else) and BE HAPPY. Otherwise grow a pair, get a license etc.
Go through mediation than courts if it’s needed
Well he chose to go away so he’s projecting his frustrations at missing out on his son’s life on you. DON’T let him. His bad decision. His consequences. My suggestion would be to make a schedule of your son’s commitments and share it with him. I’m not trying to talk down to you when I say this so please don’t take what I’m about to say like that. Don’t know how old your son is but missing a lot of practice(training) assures he will ride the bench and not get to play as much. My husband was a coach for many years. This was his rule. Your son made a commitment to play.That’s one of the important life lessons sports teaches. It’s not just about trophies and winning. It’s about following through on commitments. Keeping your word. Besides sports and the friends that come with it are wonderful for children. Your husband should know this so wanting your son to drop everything (and you to lose $$)is selfish on his part. He’s not thinking about your son at all. He doesn’t get to disrupt your son’s life (and yours) to assuage his guilt. I don’t envy your position. Retaining an attorney to find out your legal rights would be in your best interest. You need to protect your parental rights and your son. You’re his mom and have stood by him from the beginning. It’s good that his Dad wants to be part of his life BUT you are NOT at his beck and call. You’d don’t have to agree to unreasonable demands just to keep the peace. Get an attorney and get some good advice before this escalates. And don’t feel guilty when you have to say no to visitation requests because of your son’s commitments. Your Ex should want your son to be involved and happy! Remember you didn’t leave your son. Dad did. Good luck! 
The child shouldn’t be missing out with something that is already established & he likes because of Dad’s availablity and or lack of transportation. He/Dad made his choices and went away. Dad’s choices have outcomes. I’m not sure if I’m reading this correctly but it sounds like Dad was incarcerated and came back into his life. I wholeheartedly believe in second chances but that doesn’t mean impacting a positive experience that has
already been established for son. I would ask my son what he wants & follow his lead. If he wants to keep at training he can see Dad when he isn’t in training. Dad will have to grow up & stop being a man child because he didn’t make life choices with his son in mind when he had the opportunity to do so. That ship has sailed, he can be mad or he can get glad to even be given the opportunity. It’s all about
perspective.
Go to court. I learned my lesson the hard way not having a court order in place. It’s to protect both of your rights and without it the arguments will continue
It should be about your son and what’s best for him. Interruptions to his life and activities should be minimal. Let him decide. If you need to, go to court. Daddy needs to grow up and put his son first.
See a lawyer and have the court set visitation. The court will most likely set up his visitation around your son’s school and sports schedules. His dad left him and went to a different state so he’s going to have to give a little bit and not disrupt established events in your son’s life.
See a lawyer and have the court set visitation. The court will most likely set up his visitation around your son’s school and sports schedules. His dad left him and went to a different state so he’s going to have to give a little bit and not disrupt established events in your son’s life.
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He is going to have to come to your town for visits.
Dad has no right to be angry when he left and moved far away. I would agree for weekends, but it’s not your issue if he doesn’t have a license, that’s something for him to figure out. Also, probably most important, what does the kid want to do. Does he want to see his dad more or not really? If he’s older, he has a right to make that decision for himself with no pressure from either of you.
Courts will give him all school vacations if he’s proven to be a fit parent. Summer break, winter, etc…
Go to court
They will set a parenting plan he will get him every 9ther Christmas break eery other Thanksgiving, spring break, and Easter and every other birthday it will be set and nothing to fight about
It’s always a delicate situation, but from what you’ve stated, I would see if every other weekend was a possibility for your son’s father, as well as school breaks.
It sounds like he wants to be a part of his life, & if you guys can find a halfway point between where you both live, you might be able to work it out.
But if you two can’t agree on a schedule, just be honest with each other & try getting it done through the court system.
Go to court. You will always feel like you’re butting heads and guilt tripped. If the judge says the way it should be it’s a little easier to either stick to the guideline or make exceptions for specific occasions. Otherwise he will always treat you like you’re being unfair and you’ll always feel bullied because neither of you agree and you’re making it up as you go.
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Yea I of course have my own personal feelings but it’s not about me… all I care about is he’s not missing school or football and even on some of the school breaks he still has practice or the dads girlfriend works or it’s always something we are all civil get along the best we can but was just seeing what other families did
Me and my kids dad aren’t together anymore but our schedule is 1 week on 1 week off, typically if there’s appointments or events in our week it’s our responsibility to get them there and if for some reason we can’t, we arrange it with the other parent to take them to whatever it is… as for the financial part, it depends… like school trips and hot lunches we take turns paying for, sports we try to do through local organizations that help cover the cost but if it wasn’t covered I’m sure we would split the cost. If you two can’t find a mutual agreement then I’d go to court and have this all put into a legal agreement.
Sounds like it’s his own fault he’s missed time. He should only be angry at himself.
You have an established and active life where you are now. It’s his problem he lives so far away. Don’t let him threaten you.
How does the child feel about all of this? They shouldn’t be forced at this point to miss out on their daily commitments and life because dad now has decided he has time for him.
Dad needs to be reminded he chose to not be there. A judge will realize that too.
Dad needs to put more effort into repairing this relationship. Personally I’d go to court with all your documentation and show that he was stable beforehand. Maybe even out kiddo into therapy to help them work through the feelings of abandonment from the dad. Now that he’s back and trying to force involvement feelings and issues may crop up.
Go to court and have shared custody.
Judges love catchwords like “continuity” and “episodic abandonment”, if you go to court your holding most of the cards, it’s ironically by his own doing
Sit down an work it out you think!