I am trying to be a gentle parent and not spank my kids…but sometimes really hard when you know they are pushing your buttons on purpose…what are some ways that I can redirect them and calm myself down before i speak with them?
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I send mine to there room for 5 minutes or I will go outside.
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Deep breaths, jumping jacks for everyone, put them someplace safe & take a brisk walk around the block, hand them off to someone else. These are just some random ideas.
We all yell, use bad language and do awful things to our kids because they are so good at pushing our buttons. We all lose our cool way more often than we’d like. Apologize, regroup and try to do better next time. I don’t think any of us have found the magic bullet so far.
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It takes time 
a person can get a lot of advice but the truth is that you need to figure out your triggers and your response and go from there. There are good days and bad days especially with the mom guilt we take upon ourselves…parenting is a constant challenge but even though it’s difficult to see, progress is being made. Good luck 
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Kids are experts on that , and is really hard to give discipline advises because they all are different and respond differently, same as us mothers , sometimes we repeat ourselves more than the necessary and when this happens we are already very mad and out of control, try not to wait until that point, say something once or maybe twice if they continue with their behavior act immediately send them to their room , time out , take things away , send them early to bed etc . Take a deep breath and be constant.
And if you say that you will do something just do it , so they know you are serious and not playing
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Kids need discipline!! PERIOD!! learn what discipline works for your kid. If it’s a spanking…then it’s a spanking. You shouldn’t raise weak kids.
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I want to give you kudos for recognizing. It’s hard to admit when we’re ugly.
It will take time, but if you’re determined you can and will. 
I went through this myself. I succeeded in not using corporal punishment. They have grown to be two lovely adults. Well my daughter is 21 and my son is 17.
Do what ever you need to do before you spank your children. There is such an unequal power balance between you and them. Either you or the child take a time out. Keep them occupied and encourage them to go outside playing, go for a walk or cycle with them.
Compassionate parenting works so much better. You have to decide what type of parent you want to be. I know it’s difficult, frustrating and exhausting. Try distracting them, play dates are great because the children will play together. Arts/crafts, movie nights, board games all depending on their ages. Just keep them occupied. Plenty of deep breaths…
Best of luck X
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Why are you people saying things like you get out of control? You are the damn parent!!! YOU PEOPLE!!! yall better learn who the boss is!! And the 5 minute comment…sigh. yall are acting like it’s all about yourself. Omgosh.
It takes a lot of patience and reminding yourself how you would feel if someone 2-3x your size was screaming at you and/or hitting you. My oldest is almost 4, I’ve never hit him and he’s an all around well behaved kid. Of course he has his days where he’s getting into any and everything, so I do implement time outs as a form of discipline, but I could never bring myself to spank him. I try to explain things to him as much as possible. Trust me, kids understand a helluva lot more than most adults give them credit for.
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Realise that teachers get their buttons pushed every day and aren’t allowed to hit the kids. Think about how they manage and what they do.
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I dunno how old your kids are but mine are 6 , 11 , & almost 13 , they try and push me but they also know my limit ! I’ll come up with my hand as if you were stopping someone and I just say don’t even , and that’s a done deal . They’ll walk alway contrary but at least no one is yelling , and there’s no crying … Five mins everything’s forgotten and we’re on to happy moods again.
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I just send my kid to her room. She will tell me oh I’m trying to get you mad. She’s almost 11 and I’ve never laid a hand on her. I just go in another to calm myself. Which I also have a TBI and she knows how fast I can get angry……
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I take mommy breaks and come back with a level head. Sometimes I scream like psychopath and said “well, I am human too” 
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Heal your inner child first.
Follow some great support groups.
It’s rewiring the brain and unlearning the awful done to us as children. Therapy and counseling to help you.
High Impact
MrChazz MrChazz
Janet Lansbury
Big Little Feelings
Preschool Therapist
Not Your Perfect Mom
Not Your Perfect Mom
Gentle Parenting
Synergy: gentle parenting resources.
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You hit children out of anger and lack of self control, not to discipline. Change my mind? 
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Kids need discipline. Try the gentle parenting technique 1st but also realize when they need actual discipline. You don’t want to raise entitled brats. Your the parent, not their best friend.
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There is a few gentle parenting groups here on Facebook that have awesome advice and TONS of ways to help 
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My girls know I will bust there buts .or we will send them to a corner if send to there room well they will either fall asleep or play not clean there room or sit there and think about what they did 10&11 yes old or if did wrong and nice outside won’t let them outside that day knowing that’s what they want.i take what they want away from them they don’t like it
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Big little feelings on IG has been a huge help for me in learning different techniques and ways to help them and myself navigate our emotions
It is hard, and it’s okay to walk away and take a break if needed before reacting.
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Talk to them. Show them Theres consequences for how Theyre acting. If u do this, then im taking this away for this long. And actually mean what u say. It was hard for me to learn. But im glad i did cuz i Dont wanna be whoopin my kids ik how that is. And it worked for me. I got my ass whooped sometimes too much. It worked for me. Im respectful and know right from wrong. But im tryna do it differently with mines. So far its working. I have 5 daughters, 3 are teens. I have the normal attitudes here and there and fights over the front seat but other than that Theyre pretty good. And i havent whooped them in a looooongggggggg time. Its ok to change ur parenting style. Just remember why u are
I believe in spanking but I respect your choice as their parent. Have you tried grounding your child from something that is important to them? Just a thought. Good luck.
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I use to spank my kids. Then I stopped and tried gentle parenting. Now they walk all over me and are my size, every day is a battle. There are private parenting coaches in your area, contact your DHS to find out who they are or maybe you can Google search it. Also, take every parenting class you can. Even if its online and you only have a spare 10 minutes. I get through to my kids more in conversation, when I’m not apologizing for over reacting or they aren’t apologizing for being assholes. I say things like “how can I be a better mom for you?” And “how can I help you make the right choices?” That seems to help for MY children. Every child is different and not a single person can tell you the correct way to parent, they can only tell you their opinion of what that looks like.
There are times when you can’t. There are times when that butt needs to go in a chair in the corner and be made to stay there until you calm down. Sometimes they need to go to their room until you calm down. There is sometimes no way to redirect a child if they have sent you into a towering rage after doing that one thing they know will set you off, one more time! That’s when you shouldn’t spank! That’s when they need to go to bed for awhile. No matter if they still take naps or not. The time to catch a child is when they first start acting up. Say, “Is this the kind of day we’re going to have today? I hope not because that’s not what I have planned.” Make them think a little. If they get mouthy, start them in doing chores. Tell them, “We’ll do chores till you straighten up.” Once they settle down, then do activities that you want to do. Reading or other educational things. Let them play a bit. Maybe do a craft project of some kind. Have lunch. After lunch, if they take naps, do that. If not, let them play in their rooms while you do housework. Then maybe take them to the park or the library. Or go grocery shopping. Whatever needs done. If they act up while you’re gone, they go in the corner when you get back. If they won’t stay in the corner, give them a swat on the butt. Put them back in the corner. Stand over them till you’re ready for them to come out. Let them know you love them. Let them know that you will stop putting them in the corner when they stop misbehaving. Their own actions are doing that. Always praise your kids and tell them you appreciate when they are good. Make sure to reward them with a trip to McDonald’s or something when they’ve had a really good week. I know, there are some people who will say McDonald’s isn’t healthy. Not on a daily basis. But it won’t hurt as a treat. Make it a point to do special stuff with the kids. Games. Movies with pop and popcorn. Just simple things. They’ll remember that.
Don’t let gentle parenting turn into permissive parenting where you basically have no boundaries with your children. After being in therapy, gentle parenting is okay, but you still have to have the boundaries. You are not your child’s friend, you are a parent. And I highly recommend that if you have very little patience and high anger, gentle parenting is going to be difficult. It’s manageable, but make sure you don’t resort back to old ways. I very rarely ever spank my kids, mostly because I hate doing it. But the boundary is “If we have exhausted ALL forms of punishment, whether it be time out, being sent to your room, etc., we will resort to spanking”, but it never really gets to that point anymore. I know someone on here said to not send your child outside, but honestly, sometimes it helps. Or when you feel stressed, put your child in the bathtub. It might sound really dumb, but children love playing in baths, and it’ll give you that moment of cool down- monitor bathtub time to ensure accidentally drowning doesn’t happen, of course. Or as previously mentioned, send your child outside. Doing something redirective before you reach the point of yelling is a good form of gentle parenting, but don’t forget about crossing boundaries. There are so many people who ‘gentle parent’ by letting their kids run all over them.
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Not Your Perfect Mom is a group. I believe she’s actually a parent coach.
There’s a lot of good books out there on gentle parenting.
Take 3 deep breath and encourage the child to do too. ( breath in through your nose, hold it for a couple seconds and blow it out. Show and tell the child as well) Soemtimes it takes awhile for them to catch on but the breathing calms you down to be able to handle that situation. Choices are a great way help the child feel like they are in some sort of control but you get done what need to be done. Ex. You can put your shoes on or I will put you shoes on. You can clean your room or sit in time out until your ready to clean your room. And taking things and sticking to it… If you are to the point where your about to spank count to 3 that gives the child 3 Seconds to make their choice of doing what they were told yo do or getting spanked. Timeout works as well in Lou of the spanking. Or taking something. I love counting to 3!! They don’t even know what would come at 3 anymore and neither do I but ot gets bodies moving.
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It’s very hard to not yell or spank at times especially when you’ve asked something of them many times in a row. I found telling my child im upset with you and youre upset we both need a break helps sometimes. Send them to their room or sit on a chair or couch for a few while you gather yourself for a few. If they refuse to sit and they arent hurting themselves or someone else simply leave them there for a second while you walk away to calm down. Chances are you won’t want to spank anymore by the time you’ve had a minute and they’ll listen more to what you say because they aren’t crazy with rage from being told no 
with that said tho it doesn’t always work and i do yell at times and feel guilty later. And id be a liar if I said id never carried a tantrum throwing child out of a store. It happens and sometimes in public the only deescalation is to remove them from the scene completely. A few times walking out the store and my son learned quickly he’s not getting everything he wants fit or no fit and if he throws a fit or doesn’t follow rules there is no reward. My daughter hasn’t pushed many buttons yet because she’s 1 but I’ve been pushed to the limit many times by my 11 year old. Just personally for me i don’t like spanking unless it’s something really major. I remember the humiliation of being spanked as a child
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You just have to keep informing yourself. Keep watching the videos, share the memes, read through the comments sometimes. It won’t happen over night. It’s a daily struggle. & Remember you are choosing to change for your kids and that alone is more than enough. You got this!
Get counseling, parenting groups etc healthy adults can do it without smacking their kids, If you dont like their behavior more often than not they got or from you
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Big Little Feelings check this page. It’ll help you or Gentle Parenting
You control your anger. Think about it. You wouldn’t have the urge to spank if you weren’t pissed off.
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Sometimes a spanking is the best method for teaching your child what is and isn’t going to be tolerated in your home. You can stand each one in a corner for x amount of time - no talking or crying in the corner, taking away the item your kids are fighting over and putting it up until they can play nicely. If your child is biting you can have your child bite himself, same for slapping, pinching, pulling hair. Keep your discipline methods the same for each child and each offending episode. Kids learn their boundaries and the house rules this way. Spanking a child is 3 swats to the butt and tell your child you love him/her, however you won’t tolerate what he/she has done. This works wonders and I have used all of the above on my kids.
Just walk away and count to ten.
1, 2, 3… tell them once. Ask them to repeat it. 2, a reminder of consequences with repeat again. 3, consequences … my favorite was to have them clean the kitchen.
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Big love from Indianapolis
Contact him via his link- Redirecting...
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Thank you so much Mr. Joshua Bunker for all you have done for me through your BSV citadel hedge fund Trading platform, despite this ongoing inflation , I still made awesome profits under his mentorship. Please don’t hesitate to contact him on how to earn from bitcoin and altcoins successfully
Good work deserves recommendation, knowing where to invest, what to invest in, who to trust and how to make profit can be very difficult as a beginner, but when you work with the right people, the road to financial freedom becomes a lot easier. I proudly recommend whosever is looking forward to join crypto should trade with Mr. Joshua Bunker and his profitable platform to yield the best result. You can contact him with the link tag below
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