I'm looking for all mamas advice and input please!
My children told me their father made them do inappropriate things ie get naked run around while their dad sat on floor, with his phone out. Also said they were made watch VERY inappropriate videos.
My ex and his lady do intimate things with the door open for kids to see.
Cops were called, ministry involved etc…
Kids say this happened when dad was drinking… their dad has a bad alcohol addiction…
I’m looking for advice as ministry wants to slowly reunite my kids with their father by supervised visits through a facility to start, then eventually no supervision. I’ve contacted everyone and I’m at a loss, its stressing me out so much every day and night the disbelief that his charges were dropped and the ministry is suppose to be something that helps keep your kids safe, but its plainly obvious my kids safety or their trauma they went through is being swept under the carpet. Of course the dads side of family is contacting wanting to visit kids, but totally are in denial about the situation too!
Im not with the father and havent been for 2 years, we were making arrangements fine via parenting time before my kids came to me with this. My problem is I dont want them to go back to their dads, ever. I know all kids deserve both parents in their life, but I feel like hes lost that title! Please help what would you do? Courts have issued a no contact order, for now but says unless directed by ministry etc
What would you do, what other resources can I look into to keep them from having to go back.
I have a lawyer involved and that’s the result I got when his charges were dropped october 13th I filed for a new protection order against him my kids and myself and the new order states he cant have any contact with myself or children unless advised by ministry or new order etc. Ministry is filing a referral for supervised visits for now but eventually not! Like obviously hes gonna put on a show at the supervised visits, its ridiculous! my kids dont want to see him and have expressed that to their councelor too
Charges were dropped due to not enough evidence??? Although my kids both gave their statement and my 8 year old even wrote it for police. Yes old enough to voice they dont want to go. They havent seen their dad since I found out, 4 months ago but ministry is pushing for supervised visits until they think it’s okay for unsupervised which I’m totally not understanding and of course not in agreement
If your not in agreement I’m not sure the ministry would even push forward with it or why their word is more important then yours. I understand everyone wants both parents involved but after what he did he has lost that right & if you don’t want your children around him then that should be that. The fact that your children are so young and gave statements should show how traumatic it was for them, and the courts need to consider that. I’m not sure how they dropped his charges when they had statements from them, there’s no reason for a kid to lie about that. I would keep fighting, because I wouldn’t let my children visit him, let alone unsupervised.
I don’t know what kind of “ministry” you have but this is very sad. I’m sorry your children had to experience this, their dad’s behavior is disgusting and unacceptable and illegal! I would follow your own mothers intuition and keep far away from him!
u need to have a trial case in court with a jury ur Lawyer suppose to tell u about this…
Because this is beyond madness what there father is doing.
U should Never send ur kids back there.
There must be some Protection Police Unit involve in this keep filing reports this will help u in Court.
Have some Children Authority officers involve,
u have to fight this case be strong trust in God,
Keep on filing reports…
He needs a serious Damn warning to stay away from u and ur kids
Where are you? In America there’s a difference between church and state. Who the f are the cops and courts and why are they listening to what this so called ministry says? Why are YOU listening to what this ministry says? These are your damn kids! Do what it takes to protect them.
The next person who says “well the ministry wants you to do this or that” you tell them to tell the ministry to blow it out their a**. If your lawyer says it, fire them
Over my dead body would I ever let my son around someone like that. I would 100% refuse, absolutely not. You would have to legitimately kill me first to ever let him over there.
It’s not a question of IF your children are going to be sexually assaulted, but WHEN your children are going to be sexually assaulted by him or both of them.
Can someone also explain what this even means by a ministry in regards to custody and visitation? What does a ministry have to do with any of this??
Take your children to a psychologist immediately. Get a new lawyer. If nothing happens, just leave and take your children away while you still have your OP. Protect your babies at all costs. They WILL get hurt if they ever go see him again.
Where is your attorney in all of this? Can you request a Guardian ad Litem for the children? This is beyond bizarre that a church would have any saying in your visitations. At best, it should be neutral grounds. At worst, not involved at all. Period. Any contact needs to be through your attorney from this point out. Do not go for any visitation or anything that is not specifically court ordered by an actual judge. Do not turn over the children for a visit. Do not let them attend the ministry. Once those children are out of your hands, and in his, he isn’t required to give them back until the courts make him… just like you.
This is all very very bizarre but I would start with that 1000%
I dont have any advice I’ve been In an even worse predicament and nothing absolutely nothing was done to help my son and me… well I have the worse guilt and emotional struggles every day because of it. My son was 3 when he told me he was being molested by his “father” and I did everything in my power to fight I took to hospital each time he told me which was 3 separate times and I’ve called police where my son had been very outspoken. I got him into therapy where he trusted the therapist and poured his little heart out when we to court I was told right in stand where was the last time I ever felt whole when I was told because the “father didn’t give permission” the therapist wasn’t allowed to speak she needed both patent permission to speak on My child’s behalf and this was his only chance of safety and it legally went walking right off the stand. My life has never been the same and I pray every day no other child no other momma has to go through what I have. May God cradle your baby in the brightest of lights the safest of all heavens here on earth may God protect this baby and keep him free from this evil. Please dear God watch over these babies. And may anyone who dare ever hurt these babies be tried under the full extent of the law and imprisoned thrown away where they should be.
I am so sorry for what you ate going through I feel it deep inside my entire body the sadness a mother endures when she’s been let down in this way. I stay strong for my children all 3 who need me but there is a deeper part of me that wishes I would have sacrificed myself and removed this person from life entirely so he could never hurt another again and here I am just a scared and sad mom who couldn’t protect my baby.
I would seriously run away and hide with my children! There’s no way in HELL I would be sending them back to visit their father, supervised or not! There’s people who will help you stay safe!
I would be going into hiding until the kids are 18! Over my dead body would I let him see my children again. My fiancé had something similar with his ex’s family and his daughter and he basically got everything he wanted. They get no contact and though her mom is dead now, there’s only a very few people who are allowed to see her on her mom’s side. When someone messes with a kid, they don’t get another chance in my book. It can’t possibly be an accident. If they’re sick enough to do it once, they’re sick enough to keep doing it! Get into hiding mama!! God bless you and your children XOXO
Dont know where you are but assuming the ministry is some kind of legal person above the court and not some religious person ??
Its ridiculous youre being made to put your children at risk
One way or another that man would never be near my children again…accidents happen every day
I didn’t even finish reading it. Absolutely NOT. They’d never go back. I’m sorry mama you and your babies are going through this. He’s proven he’s not to be trusted and the system rarely works. YOU go with your gut and you do what you have to and protect your babies. I promise they’ll be okay without their abuser.
Didn’t the police search his phone and computer for evidence? It seems to me that even with the charges dropped about the inappropriateness you still can prove he’s an alcoholic and your children are not safe with him.
Don’t agree to that. Anyone in their right mind would priorities the kids safety and well being. Especially with what he has done. Do not give into your ministry. You are the only hope your kids have. I’d honestly look for organization against family violence they usually have attorneys and counselors that can advocate for your children and you. Stay strong, your doing a good job protecting your babies. Like others suggested, I’d skip town and cut all communication with everyone.
Have you gotten them into counseling yet? A counselor’s Recommendation to avoid contact would help support you in the court. What was his defense for his actions that the ministry is so at ease to let these kids with him? That’s crazy
By the sounds of it the ministry is more interested in their idea of family rather than the best interests of the children. The ministry needs to be removed from the situation.
Where are you that this ministry thing has any control at all?
How does very clear assault on your children and child pornography get dropped? Whatever the ministry is tell them to eff off. Subjecting your kids to that man is dangerous, go the news, do whatever you have to do to bring awareness to whatever fuckery has happened. I’d take my kids and run before he was able to be near my kids again.
Wait, what!?! Not enough evidence!?! Did they even take all of his electronics/phone and search them?? Guaranteed he is in possession of child p**n! Especially if he had his phone out… I thought it was just America who didn’t take abuse of children and women seriously enough!!! I would move to another country and change our names before ever making my kids go back to their abuser!!!
It’s like their version of CPS I believe. Unfortunately some parents make these kind of things up and they end up finding zero evidence BUT this doesn’t sound like that at all!
Stand your ground…these kids shouldn’t be put in danger like that…they can see him again when they come of age and firm a relationship with him if they want to…
The court systems fail our kids daily and no one wants to help. In our situation mom is bitter and using their son as a pawn and with NO EVIDENCE my husband’s time went from 50/50 to 3 hrs every other Sunday (even on holidays) and we have to stay in his state even though we live in another (only 30 mins away). Court commissioner acts inappropriately and is bias. We have evidence against HER and he won’t see/hear it. Tried filing misconduct on court commissioner and everything. Tried involving state reps. Nothing!!! I am so very sorry that no one is listening to you and your children. I get it and it sucks. prayers for a better outcome and that someone will listen!!
Never again.
I have never dealt or heard a “ministry” being able to be so involved.
Keep filing protective orders… Move far away if there’s no other option to protect them.
Counseling for you and your kiddos.
The very best luck to you and your kids.
Honestly …unless he gets help it is better they stay away from their dad (living this situation…my ex husband can’t even tell you my youngest two kids names. Has only seen my youngest for literally 5 min and she will be 5 in January. He is an addict and can’t tell the truth nor remember the lies he tells when he would call and talk to the girls) I tell my oldest (11 with lots of special needs that their father is getting help and will reach out when he’s ready …yes not true but for her sake this is what I tell her. My youngest 2 kids don’t know their father at all and will keep it that way until he has proven take the steps needed to get help and actually want to change …NOT court ordered stuff that he pretends to want to get better. ) hugs and prayers to you dear. Your kids safety comes before all else don’t agree to anything unless he steps up to get help (wants wants it) anyway can fake their way through the classes…my ex in many times.
Tell the ministry you no longer follow them and walk away. They should drop the case. Then take you and your babies far far away and start over. I would die before I ever let my kids back with a sicko like that. Period. Keep fighting momma! Don’t ever let those babies go back!
My son would never see his father again if I found out him and his wife were doing inappropriate things like this in front of him. Your ex and his lady friend need psychological help. Children should not ever be exposed to that. In my opinion, it starts with making the children do inappropriate things and escalates to far worse. DO NOT LET YOUR CHILDREN GO BACK and file for FULL CUSTODY
Do what you gotta do to protect your babies!!! I wouldn’t personally ever let them go over there again. If he has videos on his phone I would make sure he gets charged and held responsible and his lady will be an accessory if she’s involved. Be their voice! Good luck to you and your kiddos!
Do what you have to do to keep those children away from that man. What happened is absolutely NEVER ok. I agree, he would have 100% lost the parent title in my eyes. Parents protect their children, they don’t harm them. Protect those babies!
Why in the heck would the ministry want your kids to see their father?!. Aren’t they supposed to protect the children not send them into the lions den?!!?! That is awful! I’m so sorry your children are going through this.
I don’t know who the ministry is… But this is why I hate religion. Childhood trauma is real. Take your kids and move States away Even if they’re given visitation, most parents of addiction wouldn’t have the money to go get them for their time anyway.
Wow, that’s awful. I’m so sorry. Keep your kids away from him. Email the ministry (so you have it in writing) that you are leaving them and no longer want any contact with them because they are not doing what is in the best interest of your kids. File for full custody. Move so he nor his family has your address. Good luck.
So because in reality you will have to follow court orders if you want to keep your babies, find a nanny cam teddy bear and give it to your child. Make sure it’s charged enough and have them carry it while at dads house so if something happens there’s proof. Teach your babe to loudly say what is happening and that they don’t like it. I’m sorry your babies are going through this but you can definitely find ways to gain evidence to protect them. Don’t give up.
Don’t let them around this person period, unless possible supervised. But still it sounds like this person is very toxic. When kids are 18 let them choose. If court orders anything follow it! They can take your kids if around anyone courts order not to be.
Surely the children have a voice and can say they don’t want to go… well done u for raising ur children feeling safe enough to tell you about this… I am gutted for ur children… that is definitely behaviour that warrants him to never be alone with his or anyone else’s children again… I honestly hope u get help with keeping ur children safe xx
I am so sorry that this happened. From personal experience and I HATE saying this. They are not going to do a thing. You have no OPTION to keep your children safe….Isn’t that sad. They deem it as “not enough evidence” and it just is what it is. If you don’t follow orders you will be screwed. The system is a joke. They wonder why children struggle and have issues… because they aren’t truly protecting them and even when the parents do then we get punished. It’s a shit situation.
This sounds like it may be in a different country so take this advice with a grain of salt. I’m in the US. Get the kids away. Find another lawyer, move, appeal the decision, do whatever you have to do. Alcohol is not an excuse for his behavior. If he’s a bad person drunk then he’s a bad person sober and just good at hiding it.
You f*ucking do what the hell EVERRR you need to do to KEEP YOUR BABIES SAFE AND AWAY FROM MONSTERS! NEVER EVER ALLOW THEM TO BE AROUND THEIR ABUSERS EVER AGAIN.
And this is why I hate the courts. “Not enough evidence” what an utter load of bullshit. I am so sorry you are dealing with this. Never never let them go back.
Take the children to a therapist who specializes in trauma, ptsd, and sexual abuse. They should have the power to stop the visitation after the children open up to the therapist. I’m so sorry this is happening it seems so unjust with the court system. Your children absolutely do not have any business being around him supervised or not. He will make himself look good for the supervisor then when he doesn’t get supervised visitation I could only imagine what he will do again behind closed doors!!! If I were you I would take my kids and go into hiding if nothing helps. Do everything in your power to protect your children. If that means disappearing then so be it. At least the children are safe. my heart breaks for you and your babies. I would die before I let that monster get my kids again. Good luck mama in whatever you chose to do but please keep these innocent children safe
I’m so sorry your going through this. Your not in the wrong. The world is so screwed up now a days, I wouldn’t feel comfortable with my child being around someone that is clearly guilty of their actions… hopefully you get what you want out of this situation.
So ministry here in Canada is like social services or child services. I don’t know if you can “drop them” but I would ask your lawyer. They are just trying to do reunification. Which they always try to do even if it’s not in the best interest of the kids. See if you can have them uninvolved. If you have a no contact order, that’s what you follow. That’s legal. Go for full custody. Use your lawyer. If your lawyer isn’t aggressive enough, get a new one.
Also, get your children in with a mandated reporter psychologist. Have them write to the ministry that being reunited with the father is not in their best interest.
So I am currently in a similar situation. Start by if you have a custody order modify parenting plan. State you only want supervised and I would say at social services not his house with who ever he chooses. If you don’t have a custody order put in a motion to qnd ask for everything you want. I personally would absolutely never send my child back to that man.
As someone who was abused listen to your kids mama. If they say they don’t want to see him drop the ministry and trust your gut. Its traumatizing enough to go through it as a kid. The ministry obviously does not carr about their options and wants. Im so sorry for you and your kids. No one should go through anything like that
Ditch the church. That man is a pedophile and the fact that he and his SO purposely leave the door open so the kids can watch their sexual intimacy should label them both pedophiles and they should be charged with child endangerment and sexual abuse. Advocate for your babies and protect them at ANY cost.
If he wasnt jailed for lack of evidence with all that you had then there obviously is some form of corruption at work,–(backroom deal, payoff, religious overreach), in the U.S. with the seriousness of the charges it would take way more than 4 months for him to get clear of this vile mess, you better get your kids out of there or he’s gonna get access to them soon
You may want to contact a tabloid to tell your story, as long as they change all your names in the article. Once there is really bad publicity the Ministry and your lawyer might be willing to do anything to fix it and your ex may agree to make concessions to avoid being outed as a drunken pedo with his female accomplice. I’d ask the police & search the Internet to see what turns up about her too. She could be the instigator if this is the first time this happened.
Also, if he shows up drunk to the supervised visits, won’t that be noted and he’d be denied access to them? At least his nasty woman would not be allowed with him. Would supervised visits take place in government offices? I’d hope his supervisor would be a huge fellow named Bubba, but that might scare the kids. Also, I’d think they’d note how the kids react to him (like screaming, crying, cowering). I’d also ask to be present for any visitation.
I’d also report your ex to an appropriate police office as a pedophile. If he’s on a sex offender registry wouldn’t he have to stay away from the children? Can you ask the police to trace if he has posted online or monetized any photos of the children? Or if she has?
This just makes me ill. See if there are local, national or international organizations that can help you fight this. Can you report the behavior of your lawyer & court/judge to a governing body that could get them disbarred? Do you have any friends in law school who could find out about similar rulings/judgments with the people with whom you dealt?
Idk what you mean by " ministry " but I report them to higher up. If the kid’s don’t want to go I would do any and everything including going on the run, shelters for domestic abuse exist and this should qualify.
He didn’t just cross the line by accident. He doesn’t just leave the door open by accident. He is probably porn addicted. The addiction of porn is harder to kick than Heroine. It changes everything about the person. Makes them see people as objects. As he has shown he does with your kids.
Honestly no matter what the Government says I would find somewhere to go where he will never find you if they try to force visitation.
Assuming “ministry” is what we refer to as the courts in the US. My response is based on that assumption. Everyone saying not to let the kids have contact is missing a bigger issue. By not complying with court order puts mom in a bad light. Sadly the courts are so obsessed with “reuniting kids and parents” that they don’t see the bigger issues. I have been there and I had the same problem with the courts forcing supervised visits. I also couldn’t understand how the legal system wouldn’t press charges. Apparently the word of kids (in my case substantiated by an investigation by Yale) isn’t “reliable evidence”.
I don’t know the “rules” where you are but if it’s possible, consider asking the court to appoint a guardian ad litem (attorney for the kids with THE KIDS’ best interests as their role). Go along with the supervised visits and don’t think about the court’s goal of unsupervised visits. Make sure the kids’ attorney is involved in all of this but see about having the kids see a therapist to talk about how they are feeling. IF the “father” actually goes through with the supervised visits and manages to petition for unsupervised, you have the therapist to testify why it’s not in the kids’ interests. The therapist and the guardian ad litem give the kids a voice.
Best of luck!!
