i know this isnt really child related but i have been struggling to get my license to drive for years. i have ptsd from a crash i was in and a very nervous driver. because of this i am now 27 with out a full license but have gotten my beginners and been practicing for the last few years! this was a big step for me. my dad tried to help me learn and then gave up, i guess i didn’t learn fast enough for him. (he usually just ended up yelling at me if i didnt drive perfectly). I just found out this morning that my father apparently bought me a vehicle last year, never told me about it and then got rid of it because he heard me make a comment that we needed something bigger than a car. BUT. i was talking about our family vehicle, obviously my fiance needs a big vehicle to drive us all around… and if you are ASKING ME what kind of car we are saving up for then yes we need to buy an SUV… but I have had nothing to practice driving in for years and I would have loved ANY piece of shit car that was put in front of me if it was mine!!! so he never asked or told me about it and then got rid of it after we bought our own vehicle? im just finding out now because my step father actually stepped up and lended my fiance and i the money for a new truck. i am so upset. i dont understand what kind of parent would buy their child a vehicle and take it away again with out even telling them. i would have appreciated it so much. I asked him if I am that much of a disappointment to him that he doesn’t want me to succeed and he basically told me he is holding a grudge against me because of something silly that happened years ago. i told him i am sad that i dont have a good relationship with my father. i also told him i was pregnant the other day (2nd grandchild for him) and he was very disappointed (same as he was with my first kid even tho he loves her). he says its because my fiance has kids from previous relationship but i dont see it like that i think the more the merrier. i am so sad. i feel like such a fuck up in his eyes but the rest of my family is so supportive and loving. i just want him to be proud of me 
Spoiled af. You come off as whiny.
You’re almost 30, unlicensed and mad because your parent decided not to give you a car?? I understand you had a trauma and that’s why you are having difficulties but your husband is who should be helping you now js.
I kind of agree… the car wasnt yours unless he gave it to you… and maybe he just doesn’t like some of your life choices…such as having a second child when you cant ecen drive yourself to a doctor appt or grocery store…I feel like theres alot more to this…bottom line pull up your big girl panties and stop looking for everyone else to help you do things and just do them…my parents died when I was 14 and my family was shit sooo most everything I’ve done in life I’ve had to do myself…
I come from a abusive bio father whos never been proud of me no matter what I did. When I told him I was pregnant he straight up asked me if that was a good idea right now and then proceeded to tell me hes sorry for not being happy for me. At some point in life you just have to ask yourself if its worth it anymore to keep trying. I have a amanzing step father who is more my dad then my bio will ever be. Try and focus on the people around you. Yeah it sucks he returned the car but it sounds like your step dad really cares by lending you the money for a new truck. Dont let that go unnoticed.
I’m 35 and still don’t have a license because of a car accident I was in when I was 17. I’ve had 6 permits and am now going for my 7th and hopefully this time my license. You will get it when you’re ready and don’t let anybody rush you
Entitled much? Buy your own damn car. I never got a car handed to me, even though I got my learners at 16-17 (you know, the age when it’s considered normal for parents to help you out with big purchases).
I’m sorry your dad is so judgmental. Get counseling to deal with him, as he probably won’t change but your reaction to him can. And congratulations on learning to drive and working through your PTSD!
Youre an adult… Throwing a fit cuz daddy didnt give you a car? Is this serious? Its not his job to get you anything. Its not his fault youre not driving. Grow up already
No expectations no disappointments distance helps me during troubled times had a therapist remind me to not keep going to places I’m being hurt that was a good advice for a time but honestly turn to Jesus for everything
Wow you sound spoiled…smh
If you are financially struggling, then I can see why he is disappointed. No one wants to see their kid struggle. To him, he may think that you and your partner have enough mouths to feed. But I don’t know the whole story. I just know that there are a bunch a kids already and that you borrow money. For the driving part, go to driving school.
To whoevers post this is, im so sorry for the majority of negative comments. I had higher hopes this group was more supportive about anything and everything. If you would like to pm me and talk please feel free.
I was in a car accident in January 2019. And ever since then I have aniexty while driving … if I see a car coming my way I freak . If there coming from another street getting ready to turn I freak… overall I pretty much freak out when other cars are driving … last night I was driving in the dark with my brother. And I stopped in the middle of the road BXUZ I thought the car was driving in my lane coming towards me. But he was in his the right lane … I’m about to give up driving all together. 
I spent so much time trying to be good enough for my dad its not worth it. As I got older 43 now it began effecting for than me. Now it was also effecting my children. I basically cut him out about 10 ish years ago. I still see him once in a while (he just live across town) but I no longer live to please him nor do I care.
Maybe he was having financial difficulties when he got rid of it? And how did you never see the extra vehicle he bought? If my parents would’ve had an extra vehicle I would have been extra nosy about it lol as far as new baby goes maybe your father is just worried about your finances and/or just needs time to adjust to it. Its a big change for any family.
He was probably embarrassed or ashamed. Like he was excited to get u this car then hear u going on about an SUV like of course hes going to return it. He was afraid of the rejection/let down of your reaction. May have said theres another reason to cover it (my dad would of) but he was probably hurt.
I see your feelings being hurt but you said he never told you about the car. Maybe it was going to be your reward for getting your license because you had a hard an bad experience. You never got them so therefore he decided to sell the car. In my opinion you need to grow up an stop wanting approval from him or anyone eles the one person you need to make happy is you an then your husband an kids not mom an dad. aunts an uncles nope you. stop an starte making your self happy read your Bible an pray an know there is no greater love than Jesus
He’s your dad. Tell him what you’ve told us. What have you got to lose? Try to discuss it as an adult. Your relationship can’t improve if you dont come to him honestly as an adult and let him know how you feel.
Talk to your dad… you’re 27.
So you think your dad should have gave you the car for your boyfriend to drive… yeah your not thinking clearly and you need a few years to mature to understand this wrong thinking
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Karen🦋
I understand it sounds like i was whining about not having the car, but please understand there is much more to it than that. Its not about the fact that he didn’t give me a car. Im an adult, i will get one of my own. This is more about the relationship between my father and I. He went out of his way to buy me a car(amazing to do) never told anybody about it. I was NOT offered any help with buying a new vehicle, nor would i have asked!! I have always provided for myself and am not spoiled, my parents kicked me onto the streets when i was 16 and have been on my own since then. I asked him at the end of the conversation what i did to him to make him dislike me and he says that he has been holding a grudge against me because he told me something about my ex and i spoke to my ex about it. I am a very open and honest person, my dad is very secretive and no one else in my family understands why he did this! Its not about the car at all, its about the relationship between my father and the fact that no matter what i do he had never supported me because i got pregnant twice now and never went to college yet. He thinks i am a disappointment but i have been thru so much trauma in my life, been suicidal and had a lot of mental health problems and drug issues BUT I OVERCAME ALL OF THAT!!! i am working hard to make my life better i have a beautiful family and a happy life. So to hear that my dad did all that it almost sounds like he got spiteful with me or something. He seems very manipulative i honestly just want to have a loving relationship with him, i dont want his money or car
I want him to just be happy for me and want me to succeed. I hope that makes more sense i just feel like he did the whole car thing to hurt me or something?? If he had showed up with a 500$ car he found on the side of the road i would have been so so happy. So i just feel like a failure And as for the baby he told me to abort my first child … and has had minimum contact since. I know it is a diffiicult situation i guess i just wanted to vent because i know im a fuck up, but i have been trying so hard. Some days it is hard even just to want to be alive. So im sorry if i seemed entitled but thats not the case… just wanted tounderstand why i dont feel like he loves me or what i did wrong. I almost wish no one told me about the car i wouldnt know any different or be bothered by it. Thanks to the few ppl who actually understand my situation i appreciate you guys a lot.
I get it … I walked and bussed to daycare and university for 5 years with 2 boys . My dad didn’t help me at all , he borrowed whenever he could from me and never gave a dime back .
I just found out he bought his girlfriend son a truck and furnished his apartment … because he’s in SCHOOL. Hurt my feelers really bad , as I walked with HIS grandkids. We recently had to start over due to children’s father taking EVERYTHING FROM US . Anyone can get into school, staying and maintaining is the tricky part . I legitimately haven’t spoke to my dad in 4 months because of this . His girlfriend has never done anything for me . She’s made it very hard to have a relationship with my father since I was 12 . I left when I was 14 , was a horrible struggle surviving that young .
My dad will need me one day and when that day comes he’s getting the same treatment.
I kinda feel the same way, my dad bought all my cars I had, when I started driving, he never took them away or sold them. But as for the fact of my dad not being proud of me, I feel the pain, he has always compared me to my sister… always, be like your sister, dress like your sister, do your hair like your sister. He was highly upset with me, when I got pregnant, and wasn’t married. It was a decision that me and my son’s father made, that we didn’t wanna get married… but he loves his grandson, but he always makes me feel like, my sister is better then me… and that I am a failure to him… I went out and got a billing and coding certification, and wanted to work in that field, because I loved doing it, I do… but he makes me feel like I am a total piece of shit… and it hurts me…
He may be your parent and you his child but you are grown now. Time to buy your own vehicle and deal with it. So what he got rid of it, it was his money he spent on it
We spend way to much time as woman waiting for a mans approval.
Often we have a fantasy in our own heads of what they should be and why we don’t fit into that need.
Looking at everyone as their true character not what we “need “ them to be, helps.
Focus on you. Your gifts, your life and the lives of those that lift you.
I promise from experience that if you let that need for his approval go and take away that power, your life will soar.
Anyone that isn’t a gift in your life can be returned.
Peace I send to you and congratulations on your new addition. Happy New Adventures
Your father bought the car with his own money, it was his to do whatever he wanted to. It sounds like he wants you to grow up and be responsible.
Sounds like me and my dad and what ive learned is no matter how hard u try and plz them NOTHING is ever good enough…i could become a brain surgeon end world hunger and donate millions to charity and i STILL would be nothing in his eyes…thats just the way it is. I stopped using my energy 2 proving im worth it and started living my life 
em
Grow up. Your an adult with 2 kids that won’t even drive herself.
Some people just don’t appreciate the effort we put into trying to make someone proud of us! My dad was the same way for years, always saying undercutting slurs towards me, complaining about my life choices, even good ones, until I finally quit showing him that it got to me and I have shown him no matter how bad he would treat me (not like he beat me, or called me names, or anything like that, just the jealousy towards my mother and my relationship) , that I still love him, but I became less worried about his approval and it showed! Now everytime I see him, you can look in his eyes and see the joy when I go visit and our relationship is better then ever! I just showed him that I’m not going to tolerate bullshit from him or anyone else PERIOD! And whole driving thing…Dont feel bad, I got my 1st DL Card last year and I’m about to be 28. And my reason I didn’t drive was the same as yours, bad wrecks that happened when I was 13 and 16, but I finally learned how from my sister (less yelling if I did something wrong lol). Now that I have them and arent driving illegally I don’t get as nervous anymore, but when you get them, keep in mind wrecks still happen because I totaled my car Jan 3rd and broke my left arm, right foot, got c02 burns on my face and arm, but even in that wreck, I’m not as scared or hesitant about driving. I feel it makes it when ever we drive illegal we get nervous and all things car leated that was bad floods our mind! You’ll get it!! Keep your head up, be there for your man and kids, and everything else will fall into place!!! Prayers for you and your little family that this mess will pass!!
My father doesn’t even claim me unless he gets to tell people I’m a first responder and all that stuff. He’s being manipulative, cut him off and move on. If you’re ever going to want an amazing relationship then keep wishing, he sounds exactly like my father. I cut my father out due to mentally hurting me and then trying to manipulate me while being an alcoholic arsehole. This is where you need to stop and think, so I need validation from him? Do I need him to do anything? Or can I show myself that I can do this on my own. If you’re looking for validation… haha good luck is all I can say . I stopped looking for it from mine and I’ve never been happier, and yes I do have a child. So this affects your children as well.
I’m not trying to be the asshole here. But speaking as a child, a parent and grandparent… None of us are entitled to anything. The only shitty thing about the situation was you finding out that the car ever existed. I’ve struggled financially all my adult life. My parents are financially secure. They’ve helped me out on occasion. But if I asked for help and they said no, I wouldn’t be upset. Because it’s their right to be able to do that. I’m sorry your upset. I’m hoping you’re able to become more comfortable driving. Things work out in the end.
Ur dad has issues. Try not to make them yours. Your family comes first.
I didn’t get my license until I was pregnant with my first and I was 29. I didn’t have my significant other teach me to drive because he had similar responses like your father. I actually took a couple drivers training classes with an actual instructor
and then had my friend let me drive her car around. You can do it girl. It will be such a relief once you get ur DL. Especially with the fam bam.
I understand. I’m going on 20 and just passed my permit written test. I was in 2 out of 3 car accidents within a 4 month period and the anxiety you get from accidents is terrible. Sometimes I can’t drive either because of it, but before those accidents, when I was a child living with my parents they were really bad drinkers and then would drive with me in the car so I’ve been in some pretty close calls. The last close call I remember I was 10 and my stepdad was driving drunk and almost slammed into the back on a stopped vehicle at the red light. Well if it wasn’t for me screaming at him to stop we could have all died so ever since that night I became the driver (at 10 yes I was driving my drunk parents around) so I know how you feel about the anxiety.
What’s the grudge though?
I’m thinking he got rid of it because he didn’t think you would be appreciative or maybe because of your intense PTSD he thought it would just sit there.
Men have a hard time explaining themselves as we know.
However, you do seem a bit emotional and overly upset about it
It’s in the past but if you want to work on building a better relationship, reach out to him more and keep it positive
Leave out the negatives. I know my dad and I have a great relationship now built on positives and we keep phone conversations short but sweet
I have phobias of driving but being in a vehicle if I’m not driving even more and it was really hard I didn’t get my license until I was 28 because of the same fear you have I finally passed my test and my driver’s test on my own I got to drive with other people to do practice as much as I could but I started as hard as I could when I had the chances I would drive with my friends to different places to store whenever we go somewhere I’d ask to drive to get my driving hours in my friends know me well and do my phobias and my fears and anxieties and we’re patient with me but I overcame it and I did pass my driver’s test and I’ll tell you what as I began to drive on my own after I got my license the phobia started to go away and I got better and better and better now I do find driving unless there’s snow then I get scared but I tell you what I’m still scared to death of being in a vehicle if I’m not the one driving
I’m not trying to be rude but you don’t have liscen maybe he needed the money and didn’t give to you because you can’t drive fully yet and tell him how you feel! You’re both adults
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For an update turns out he still has the car, he just said he sold it to try to get a reaction. I sent him a nice message apologizing for being upset with him earlier, and letting him know that i was truly sorry for the mistakes i had made in the past. I told him that really all i wanted from him was his love and support, he can keep or sell the car but i dont want it. I just want him to know that i have acknowledged that ive been a disappointment and that with all my struggles i am still trying to do better for myself. When i said i needed an suv/truck its because i am being realistic as any parent of multiple children would be. If i have a choice and am buying a vehicle for myself of course im going to look at the SUV or van type compared to a small 2 door car. If some one had asked me hey if i buy you a vehicle will you use it to get your license and do what you need to? HELL YEAH! And he knew that… god damn i asked him for his BICYCLE NOT THAT LONG AGO. Because i needed ANYTHING at the time. So i know he just used a random comment i made to justify this, when he didnt even sell it so wtf is he even thinking seriously? I dont want his car and im not mad if he sold it or decided to give it away its HIS… i was planning on buying my own vehicle and every one knew that. My aunt, grandma, mom and stepdad are all very smart people who tell me when i am wrong, and they are also scratching their heads here and don’t understand why he does things like this. Apparently his father was also a very difficult man to understand. I just dont know what he wants from me. And for those commenting on the kids my ex beat me and killed my 1st baby so im sorry but my babies are my world and i dont plan on having more but the 2 i have are my everything and are why im trying to live a better life for them. But i was struggling and to the person that says he threw a temper tantrum that is exactly what my dad is like. But i am not going to live in the past i told him i was sorry and am moving on, i am going to find a babysitter soon to hopefully start practicing for my license again. When i was first learning how my ex was supposed to be teaching me and started distracting me while i was driving, literally causing me to drive us into 10 ft of rocky cliff and total the car soi know it seems immature that im not driving yet but i am going to have it soon i really am. thanks every one for the messages and advice.
I’m 39 and have a shitty relationship with my dad, too. I’ve just gotten used to it. I never could depend on him, even as a child, and I don’t need him in my life. Find a friend or someone who will let you practice driving their car. It takes time to perfect a new skill. And please don’t let your dad’s opinion of you dictate your happiness. I have never been enough to make my dad proud, no matter what huge accomplishments I’ve made. I’m finally ok with that.
You’re almost 30 years old and you sound like a child. Grow up.