Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How to control my anger and stop the cycle? - Mamas Uncut
Therapy. Therapists are trained to get to the bottom of these things
Realizing you have an issue is step 1 and that is great!!! I 100% agree with therapy!
Or it could be an anxiety issue manifesting as anger. Please talk to your Dr.
You have acknowledged the problem… you need therapy to break that cycle now… because by the time you break it yourself…your child will be grown and the damage done and the cycle continues.
A chance. You have a chance to be a good mother and new beginnings. Forget the past that hurt you and create new happy and peaceful memories
Go to therapy. Seriously. I’m not being mean or condescending. Don’t let your childhood impact negatively on you and your child. You’ve already done the right thing by acknowledging and admitting the problem. That’s the first step.
Following. I too struggle with this exact thing.
Honey your on the right track by noticing the behaviour. I’m same story literally my mother is toxic so I wanted to break the cycle.
I take 3 slow deep breathes in and out then address what your baby is doing. I’ve had to do the same. Times it really works sometimes, not as often though, it won’t work. If it’s really bad you can maybe talk to doctor and explain how you feel x
I too have the same issue. I ca snap really easy as that’s what was normal for mee as well. It took many years of self awareness to control it. I had to remember that I HATED this when my mum did it to me. You’re on the right path as you are already aware of it. If your baby does something wrong, just breathe first, take a few deeps breaths and then explain to your vaby what they did wrong. I know he’s still small, so patience is huge at this stage. Stay strong. You will get through this rough spot. It will take lots of practice and time. My kids are 13 and 8.
I use this app on top of weekly therapy. Dare covers alot of diff mental issues. Its like counseling on your phone/comp
I agree with getting therapy. However if you can’t afford to get therapy which a lot of moms can’t when your son does something take a step back away from the situation count to 10 and try to cool off. I have the same issue and I couldn’t afford therapy at the time when my child was little so I had to learn to step away from the situation for a moment and take a breath and it’s worked fairly well it’s going to take time and just realize you’re not a bad mom you just have to control your emotions that’s all.
Therapy and talk to your Dr. My anxiety comes out in anger and also grew up in a mentally abusive family. It’s hard to change those learned behaviors. Now my oldest daughter yells at her sisters and can’t understand why I don’t yell at them but I yelled at her. (Sad I know) I tried to do better as I learned better but it still left a mark on my oldest. She is now in counseling.
All of these plus I used a rubber band on my rest. Every time I felt I was getting out of line I snapped myself. Helped me when I went through the same with my eldest. Take a walk. Drink a tea. Watch a movie Keep busy. Find ways to keep happy
Photo not mine. Credits to owner. Everyday is a learning day even for parents. Take baby steps. Ask someone for help if you are exhausted. Have a scrapbook of photos and things that immediately makes you happy.
Learn to put up a stop sign in your mind then count to five give your self time to pause and think instead of just reacting …if you do it enough it will become a permenant thing…something for you to try working on while getting into therepy…please get help your child deserves this… and so do you…admitting there is a problem is the first step…you got this…now to learn to do something differant…that’s where the action comes in…and try not to sweat the small stuff…and you apparently are a great mom…who just needs some help or you wouldn’t bother reaching out…so hang in there. Parenting is a tough job…
You’ve recognized what the problem is. Now you need to see that it is bigger than any one of us could handle alone. Seek therapy to uncover more of the root causes and gain the strategies and tools needed to effectively deal with it.
I had to take a parenting class. I get really angry sometimes also, my father done same thing. I actually go in the bathroom for a few minutes to calm myself. I want the cycle to end with me. The lady teaching the class put it this way. Put yourself in a time out. I know it seems silly but as parents we do get overwhelmed. So if you feel like it’s something that needs to be addressed by a doctor , then make appointment. Good luck momma
Take a parenting class so you can add some new tools to your parenting toolbox and replace some of the old tools 
I recommend Positive Discipline if you can find a class taught locally.
I love the support that I’m seeing here! You’re definitely not alone. I too came from a troubled childhood and have taken the anger out on my sweet child. You recognize it and that is the first step! Therapy and even parenting classes is a great resource! The bottom line is… to break the cycle! It stops here and now with your baby! I’m a single mamma of an amazing 14 year old son and I’m still trying to work on this! I admire your transparency and willingness to seek a better experience for your child than what you experienced. Straighten your crown, beautiful, and put in the work! You’re on the right track for your baby and for your own healing!!! 
Been there.
Therapy.
Address the underlying issues of how you were raised. It will help.
Take some parenting classes too, if you’d like. They can’t hurt.
I had the same problem with my son when he was a baby. I lost my temper too easily. Because of my own truamatic childhood, I also can’t subject him to much of what happened to me. I would feel guilt for days, years. He’s 17 now no major mental health issues, definitely no PTSD. I felt so guilty one time, years later I randomly start crying and tell my son I’m sorry for that time when you were 8 (losing my temper). He just looks at me and laughs and says “Mom it’s okay.” Personally, how I was able to control my temper when he was a baby wasn’t in my own power. I had just turned Christian when he was 1. This is the first issue I brought to Jesus. He put a spirit of peace and control in me. Now I had Heavenly patience when he cried or was being difficult.
I relate, as a single mom, alone. I was like that, because it’s how I grew up. But I had to remind myself that that isn’t my life anymore and that I have a chance to change the future, with my son. I remind myself daily that I no longer have to live that life, that my son doesn’t deserve the childhood I lived, and that our life is happy and full of love. I also am in therapy, so when life kicks at me, I have a place to vent, along with Journaling. Therapy will help you address the pain from your past. Recognizing it is the first step. Sometimes you can always walk away, long as he’s safe, walk away and breathe and remind yourself that you’re no longer in the past. Hugs to you.
Doctor and Therapy. Put your son in a safe place where you can step out front or go in a room by yourself for a couple minutes to collect yourself. Tell him what he did and you will be right back to talk to him about it. Yes, he’s young but talking to him now will help you create that pattern when he’s older. Only you know what will work for you. Call a good friend who won’t judge you. Or send a text to yourself if you need to just to vent and get it out. You’re human. You are allowed to feel how you feel. You just got to find a way that works best for you to let it out before taking it out on your son. Holding it in makes it all build up. Kids are hard at any age and as they grow they will continue to test their boundaries. You already recognize there’s a problem and that’s great. Remember to breathe too. That’s a big thing I forget to do in the moment whenever I’m frustrated. Good luck mama. You got this. It won’t happen overnight but once you figure out what works best for you it will change. 
it really does help to get it out that moment so even if you keep a notebook to write in, in your safe place you’ll feel better and be able to explain to your son better once you’ve calmed down.
Remember to breath,take a min to think about your feelings…. pick your battles……try to understand he is a baby and you’re his everything, teacher, let him know you are his safe place. They don’t stay little for long. You got this. 
I had the same issues! It got to a point where the smallest thing would set me off. Finally I went and talked to someone, and it ended up being major anxiety. I got treated for it and haven’t had issues since and have a great relationship with my kiddo. I would talk to someone and see if maybe this could be your issue too …it was literally a lifesaver for me. Hugs to you momma.
Yes, therapy. Phone options available now might be cheaper and do-able. Look into anger management courses too. Maybe you could join one mandated by the courts for domestic violence. Read books/watch videos on the subject. Your librarian can help.you find good resources.
Define “not supposed to.” Your baby is learning by doing and testing his limits and boundaries. A lot of the time he probably isn’t willfully going against you, just doing what comes naturally. Cut him some slack. How often do you exceed the speed limit? Roll slowly through red lights? Tell people you’re busy when you’re not? Push back against the rules? Cut HIM some slack.
If you have a partner hand your child off to them immediately and exit the house or at least the room to calm down. If not, scoop him up and put him in a safe place like a play pen while you leave until you can calm down.
Also what kind of relationship do you have with your family now? Hope you are able to avoid them or their anger as it will reinforce that behavior in you. If you do have contact, video chat or FaceTime and cut the connection when they start to get mad. Meet at playgrounds or public places and get up and leave if things start to escalate. Once you are in a better place, offer to have them join you in therapy, anger management classes and/or meditative practices. Understand this is likely what they experienced growing up but tell them your success means they too can break the cycle.
Other ideas:
- Substitute a new habit. Every time you get mad, do a few hops and hum until you are calm, for example (counting to 10 didn’t do it for me). Makes you concentrate and use your voice in another way.
- Meditation classes/apps/You Tube videos/DVDs. Learn how to turn away bad thoughts and be calmer. Set times to practice every day, maybe during nap time. Do it in 5-minute increments if that’s all you can manage. Just do it as often as possible.
- Yoga or Tai Chi is also good for practicing patience. Maybe when you catch yourself getting mad do a difficult yoga pose to move your concentration elsewhere. Tai Chi has other health benefits too. This is my favorite because I can remember it: Tai Chi Chih - Joy Through Movement - YouTube
- Yes, the rubber band on the wrist to snap when you feel anger rising. The idea is to interrupt the angry reaction so you can take deep breaths.
Good luck. Professional help to short-circuit a lifetime of behavior and positive effort on your part will help. We’re all flawed human beings and mess up. Keep striving and you will get there!
It’s ok for mommy/daddy to take a 5 min time out. Years ago I took a love and logic parenting class, every one made fun of me. I didn’t care. I was doing my best for my children and I. It is OK to take those classes as well. They don’t teach just how to raise your kids. None of this means your a bad parent or person, you’re asking for help and guidance so apparently you aren’t.
Get therapy. You wouldn’t expect your diabetes to get better by force of will, neither will the screwed up stuff that happened to you as a kid. Talk to a professional. It’s worth it.
I would seek counseling and maybe some anxiety meds.
This is a good reminder… As far as advice when you find yourselg getting stressed take a deep breath before reacting to your son verbally… If you have to move him do so quietly and take a couple deep breaths and try to remember he is just a baby that is simply learning and testing boundaries and only partially knows better and understands that…
You know it’s a problem now stop doing it. His shoulders aren’t made to carry your baggage. Yes it’s harsh but u are grown he is not
Therapy will help you process the trauma you faced as a child and guide you in breaking the cycle. Research gentle parenting.
You are human, give yourself grace, if you inappropriately yell, take a deep breath, a time out and apologize to your child. Tell them your sorry for yelling and calmly address the issue.
Talk with a smile, it’s hard to tell if your smiling. This is what I used to tell my girls when they were mad, talk with a smile. I now use it at work. 
Stay calm…don’t put him threw what you went threw as a kid… Walk out of the room…know one wants to walk on egg shells…so don’t leave them on the floor.
Practice the pause. Pause take a few deep breaths. Walk away if you need to. Come back and address the situation calmly.
I love listening to Happy As A Mother Podcast. She talks about all things including Mommy Rage. If you aren’t a Podcast person here is her Instagram https://instagram.com/happyasamother?utm_medium=copy_link
Oh gosh I know what getting yelled at does to a person! It literally changes their brain I read. Take all the advice these understanding people have given, for his sake as well as yours. It’s frightening to get yelled at! Especially a small babe who has no idea what he’s done. My heart races just thinking about those days! Please get some help quickly!
Counseling. Or a parenting class, book or friend. You can do this !!
Practice the pause. The moment you recognize your getting triggered and about to lash out… you’re going to have to try really hard to remember every single time but please do for your little one. Just look at them… but don’t do or say anything…feel your feelings… take a couple deal breaths and remind yourself to be better and to remember that you wouldn’t want someone screaming or lashing out on you.
These little humans are going to make mistakes and repeat mistakes over and over again they are learning and you’ve had an entire life of experience so of course you know better. But honestly they don’t. Their brains do not reason, they do not think ahead, they do not think about consequences because their brain is not fully developed. It will with years and years of experience.
I’m currently working on breaking my cycle, I always pause and feel my anger… then I let it go and offer to help fix/pick up whatever they broke/spilled/made a mess of.
Then I explain to them what not to do next time to avoid the situation and offer kisses and hugs. Then I forget about it move on with my day. Because you will forget about it tomorrow but they won’t… they’ll remember how mean mommy was and how she hurt me and that is instant snowball affect for trauma.
You’re aware of your anger issues which is amazing and you care enough to fix it.
It won’t happen overnight but if you practice the pause and reset your thinking eventually you’ll get where you want to be parenting. You got this momma. Be the mom you wish you’d had.
Young one- it’s good you’ve realized “your behavior” and where it manifested from. First when he does wrong or make a boo boo- look at him in the eyes. Know he is looking at you to see how you react. Try to not raise your voice and really think about what you say. Patience is a lesson you need to learn. Remember how you behave- will teach your child how to behave.
Look up positive parenting, I went through that course and it helped me so much with this
When you feel yourself starting to get tense try to stop and say 1 “breathe” 2 “release” … it helps me. I fight with similar issues. Knowing you do it and wanting to do better is the first step momma! Look your child straight in the eyes, make sure you have his full attention then calmly talk to him.
It’s going to take time to change your gut reaction. Work on calm breathing, walking away before speaking, and before reacting, pretend you’re speaking to yourself so you know how what you’re saying will genuinely come across. While this will all take time to actually change your genuine reactions, you can immediately start practicing “redos.”
Some practices of this can include phrases like “mommy is sorry she got upset with you, that isn’t how I like to speak. Can I try that again?”
It’s okay to mess up as a parent and more importantly as a person. We’re all going to do it. Set an amazing example for your son by normalizing that we don’t always get things right, especially the first try. But it’s okay to 1) acknowledge where you messed up and 2) try again and fix it.
In the future, anger management classes are so helpful to anger that has been instilled since childhood. Break the family curse, it’s your turn to change the narrative. You got this!!
I want to get “be better “ on one wrist and “be patient” on the other one. That way I can always be reminded that I WANT to break the cycle. I am learning just as much as she is. We’re in this together and you are correct, your baby is innocent BUT so were you…. Don’t be too hard on yourself. You recognize what you need to change and that’s more than most people can do. So keep your chin up, and try to always remember “be better and be patient” you can apply it to ANYTHING. I relate so much. We got this mama 
My family also communicated in yell. Practice discipline. I never speak when I am angry, I tell my babies mommy needs a moment, when I am calm, I would circle back and talk it over. I have developed a mutual respect fir my kids, I see them as little humans deserving the same respect as any other person and treats them accordingly. I surround myself with friends who have a healthy relationship with their children.
I know everyone is saying therapy which I agree is important. However thats not the only thing you can do. Self care is extremely important. Do stuff for yourself just 20 mins a day at minimum if you have to to not get so irritable. Take a yoga class meditate go outside. Read a book make a good meal do something to stay true to yourself. Be mindful of when you start yelling. Children need to be taught and they cant learn by an adult yelling at them…I know I cant.
I can do relate. It took a long time to self correct my behavior ( wish I would have sought out help much sooner ). You got this. Take deep breath before you yell. You can and will be successful just knowing there is a problem is half the battle. But get into help ASAP. Do it for him and do it for you. God bless you for taking action now. Much love and support.
I was the same but with 5
I stopped stressing a clean house and amazing meals
Started giving myself time outs. When the kids were not having a good day we went outside
I have always found parenting outside so much simpler
I was also raised in a very non-functional home and though I hated it I carried it into my family…for the most part I’m now a very patient and calm grandparent!! I hope you reach your goal long before I did!! My Mom is in her 80’s and now I can sit back calmly and see her for what she is and what she’s done…even in older age she acts the same
Get them to check your b12 levels. I had neurological problems when mine was low and also extreme mood swings
Anger management classes and train yourself to count before speaking to him
Educating yourself on how to deal with anger is the best thing . Finding the source of anger and agitation and how to deal with it. There are lots of sources online on how to deal with anger and agitation . I know you feel guilty and I’m sure it’s not fun for your little one but you should be proud of your self for identifying the issue and wanting to help yourself .
I’ve struggled with anger issues my entire life. This is my advice to everyone: the next time you’re feeling angry about everything, stop and really think about what you’re angry about. If you find yourself saying “oh my kid did this” or “my work is doing this” or “my SO is doing this to me”, stop and ask yourself “are they really doing anything to me or am I just feeling some type of way so I can place blame for how I’m feeling?”
It’s hard and it takes a degree of looking objectively at yourself that not a lot of people are capable of because of their ego, but practice this and you’ll start feeling better!
Put a big rubber band on your wrist and when you feel the urge to yell at him for being and doing what kids do, snap it against your wrist. In time, you’ll stop. But you have to do it consistently. For at least 30 days.
I was screamed at daily, belittled, not love. From 17 years old with my first son, I VOW TO NEVER BE LIKE THAT! You choose to be like your parents. While others choose to be better. Yes I left at 17 NEVER LOOKED BACK! 21 yrs later, I haven’t spoken to my screaming narcissist mother in years and will never again. Best bet is to get help!
You are a wonderful mom because wonderful moms doubt themselves. If you’re reaching out for help you are so amazing. Lots of moms struggle with this and not too many will be honest about it. I think you’re very inspiring to admit the problem and want tools and advice on how to stop. Good for you mama🥰
I have started walking away for a minute to calm myself. Unless it’s going to hurt her I try to not react at that moment.
Same. Honestly I had to go back on anxiety and depression meds to help my moods and try try so hard to not do it. I go into the other room when I feel my blood boiling. We will break the cycle! Stay strong and remember before speaking or acting how you would feel if you were in his shoes. Much love!
I had the same problem, not necessarily with kids because I don’t have any but just in general. Everything would make me snap. Small inconvenience, unexpected bill, someone saying something I didn’t like or even my nephews 
. I was raised the same way where anger was normal. My mom always said “your kids must fear you to respect you.” That couldn’t be farther from the truth! When they fear you, they don’t trust you and when they don’t trust you, they can’t and won’t talk openly to you and when they can’t talk openly and they get in trouble or in danger outside the house they won’t call you for help.
The way I have changed it for myself is I make sure to remember how it made me feel when I was a child to be scared of my mom and I make the conscious decision everyday to not be her. I remember that no one is “out to get me”. They are not purposely driving slow in front of me to be in MY way, I’m not that important in random strangers lives lol.
For your son I would make sure to remember he is “just a baby” and will be “only a child” then “just a teen” and “still a young adult” at every stage he is still learning how to be an adult, a productive happy member of society and that all starts at home. It’s a conscious decision everyday to not raise him in the fear that you grew up in. It’s a conscious decision everyday to pause before you react when something less favorable happens. It’s a conscious decision to remember everyday he is still learning everything (and will make mistakes) and will learn most of it from you. When you give him an activity, literally anything, remind yourself of all the possible less favorable possibilities that come along with said activity so your mind is prepared for when they happen because sometimes/a lot of times something less favorable will happen and when you’re aware of the outcomes ahead of time it’s way less of a shock to your mind and results in less actual shock which results in less sudden reaction.
The next step is to evaluate where you’re not happy and make changes. Are there people in your life making you feel not in control of your own life? Is your mother still around throwing her anger at anyone it will stick too? Ect. Then you need to change this, set boundaries. Boundaries are not only healthy but extremely important and those of us that got in trouble for having boundaries growing up do not know how to make our own boundaries and not allow people to cross them. When we work on healing our own trauma and pain we become happy and learn to not give it to anyone else. Our pain is for us to heal not for others to carry.
The fact that you have guilt and are aware of what’s wrong and even where it came from is farther then a lot of people get in their whole life.
In order to do better we have to be better. In order to be better we have to acknowledge where are faults are.
On a little side note my dog has really helped me check my outburst too lol I thought I was doing pretty good for awhile then I adopted her from a shelter with no knowledge of her background. Well when you get any loud outburst of higher energy she will coward down and sneak off to the room to hide under the bed. When I see this it absolutely breaks my heart because it’s a reminder of the fear I grew up in and I never want to be the cause of someone else’s (animal or human) fear.
by acknowledging the faults your one more step closer to breaking the cycle, you’re doing good mama.
Following but i now have 5 kids
Just remember he is a little human and doesn’t understand why you are upset. Learn to breathe slow deep breaths and remember the way you feel after you yell at him. Count to ten slowly and if you have too put him in a safe place and take 5…
Therapy!
I feel you a lot bc my mom was a YELLER! And I don’t want to be that way. I’ve been working on patience, taking 2 seconds to stop before responding, going to therapy to deal with childhood trauma, and making sure I listen and try to understand my daughter’s emotions as well as mine.
It’s hard, I’m still working on it. But getting better
big little feelings on IG
Literally learn to tell yourself not to cry over spilled milk. I went through this. I make it a point to laugh things off. Especially pety thinga
I’m in the same boat…following.
Honestly I’m about to take parenting classes to learn from a professional how to go about it the right way. And I’m on meds to control my mood swings which helps with the anger outbursts
Try to take a breath before you react which I know is super hard. Try to find out what is triggering you, is it specific things he does that causes you to yell? Do you have support or are you getting drained and easily irritable because of that? Sometimes we just have to take a step back and remember that they’re learning and we need to teach them. Imagine he is you and try to talk to him how you wished you were talked to. Good luck mama
Try to train your brain, when he starts doing something bad, stop, count to ten, then continue, what I do, is give 3 warning, first I say we don’t do that, and why, and redirect, (if he’s thrown something, i see you want to throw something, would you like me to get a ball you are allowed to throw?, 2nd remind him we don’t do that, and repeat why, and I say final warning, if you do that again you will be in trouble for not listening. 3rd time, you have not listened when I’ve asked you nicely, send him to the other room or naughty chair for time per age, explain to him what he did that wasn’t OK, and why we don’t do it, walk away, come back in 2/3min, get down on his level, ask him, can you tell me why you’re on the naught chair? Then give hints if they can’t remember, like what did you throw that wasn’t OK?, then I say thankyou for saying sorry, would you like a hug. Then we move on. He’s 3.5 and barely gets to 2nd warning, 1st one is enough for him to correct his behaviour, always follow through, so they know you are serious too, that should stop them trying to get a reaction, as there is now a consequence. But I only started doing that once my boy had the understanding, so he knew what he was doing was wrong, not that I was just making him have a time out for no reason.
Counseling. I’ve been doing it for a couple years, I was also a yeller(it’s how I grew up). Counseling has helped me so much. I very rarely yell, and my 13 year old and I actually have a relationship now. It’s wonderful.
Daughters Recovering from Toxic Family Relationships with The Undone Mama
You need to walk away breath calm down and then you deal with what ever is wrong. Try your hardest not to blow up put yourself in time out if need be. That’s what I did to get rid of the abuse in my family I didn’t want to raise my kids the way I was
I am no dr but the one major side of depression is anger! Control the depression and you control the anger
Girl same here. I was brought up in a very emotionally abusive family. Parents cussing each other out the worst words you can imagine and not caring that the kids are around. I want to break the cycle too because all I seem to do is yell when they don’t deserve it. I’ve been trying I’ve been trying to work with patients and being understanding because they are growing up and becoming their own person.
There could be other reasons if it not just in the parenting aspect of your life. Thyroid issues and other issues can affect your “rage” and outbursts as well
I love all the moms on here giving healthy advice and sending love her way. I struggled with this and I had to learn to put me in check and what discipline is age appropriate it takes a village. Remember before yelling what it’s doing to the kiddo it’s emotionally draining to be screamed at instead of getting a talking to. I grew up with this and it does rub off into adult hood. Show what they did say no and redirect to an activity until they are interested also long snuggle when u feel the urge to yell stop give a hug and talk through it some stuff can totally be disregarded and we often let ourselves jump to anger like that saying thank before you act we are adults old enough to do so kiddos at the toddler stage need that example set 
sending hugs your way and proud that you reached out for support and ideas to better yourself. Your doing amazing
Therapy!!! This is the exact reason I started therapy! I thought I was ruining my children. Turns out, I had undiagnosed ADHD and sensory issues. My therapist is helping me and in turn I’m trying to help my children control their anger. Therapy is literally my favorite part of my week (I go every other week.)
Therapy. You HAVE to create new neuro pathways. Therapy. Seeing the problem is a big step. However, ignoring it, a big no no.
Counseling to help you. Read, learn, parenting classes. Have a written list to remind you of alternatives to yelling
Add on. My sister used to say, when I yelled my kids ignored me. When I whispered, they moved
Make eye contact state cal. Monotone voice Repeat and remove from the obstacle. Redirect
you should start by lowering your expectations of a 1 year old. That is a baby. Your poor kid probably doesn’t even know why they are getting yelled at. My best advise is to walk away and think about what you are actually doing. Sometimes a different perspective on the situation will adjust your perception of what your child should or should not know at a year and a half. And if you are truly serious about wanting a change, you should seek therapy. good luck!
I put up signs all over my house that said “stop yelling” “no yelling” “take a breath” it took a few months but it really helped me to stop yelling so much.
Break the cycle…find an outlet…so often we are a product of our upbringing…identify your triggers is a step in the right direction…but using your upbringing to justify the action isn’t the way to heal…practice mindfulness…
Therapeutic parenting
You also need to see a counsellor they will teach you other coping and grounding techniques
Just so you know anger issues are first sign of mental illnesses sometimes mood stableizers help or depression meds just so you know if you can’t control tantrums you may need help same with the rest of your family
Antidepressent/anxiety med! I had so much stress and couldn’t handle anything (was in a bad situation)! Called my doctor and they have helped tremendously
Therapy is amazing as is identifying the triggers and admitting that you’re able to see the wrong. I think all of our generation dealt with it in one form or another
Positive parenting g solutions… look it up was a life saver for me (costs money though)
Also there is an app I’ve just started recently called The Happy Child, it’s free
Sweetheart you are a beautiful, strong amazing mama & the love you have for your child is clear to see in your post & speaks volumes!! … now give yourself a moment & take a few deep breaths… 
My best advice after 8 kids (& lots of yelling!) …be kind to yourself huni, it’s the best example to set them & the best environment to raise them in.
Parenting takes the cake as the toughest & most rewarding experience in my life, kids can be both angels & gremlins at their whim, & Something will always test you! … Lego stabbing your foot at 2am, the power going out when you really didn’t need it to, things overdue from bills to library books, the washing you just sorted upended by your adorable ‘helper’ … we’re taught this is exhausting & will create stress while not giving equal light to showcasing the amazing blessing it is to see how that sweet smile lights up their whole being, that face softened by sleep makes your heart melt, those chubby clapping hands & those eyes full of wonder & excitement at the world as they let us view it through their eyes & draw out our own inner child to play … answer that call with open arms mama:sparkles:
…build a magical castle, light a candle & read a story, write colourful reminder notes with pretty pictures & smiley faces on them & play hide n seek in the washing basket or turn it into a race car to deliver clothes to their drawers… have fun & Be Kind To Yourself.
There are ways to embrace this we’ve never been taught because they’re still being discovered & it is a beautiful journey to be on.
But you will still get angry sometimes & even yell, in these moments take a breath, give you & bubs a time out to cool down then you can talk about it, remember you’re a great mama & being angry at yourself won’t make it easier to be less angry at your child. So be kind to You, you’re doing great huni xxx
Oh & I also recommend binge watching ‘Bluey’ best kids show & parenting course ever made! 
I applaud you for realizing the trauma you could be causing your sweet son when he grows up.
As a counselor I work with my clients to help them understand action/reaction and cause and effect. Learning about these and what to do with them will open a new tolerance to the mischief your son gets into.
I’m happy to help. If you want PM me and we can chat.
Remember parenting is not easy, our children don’t come with manuals so parents only training is to use what their childhood taught them. It doesn’t make it right just understandable.
Do you scream at him like that in front of others? Like your church members? Friends?
If not then you can control it if you choose.
Self control. As adults we have choices to make and you need to choose calmness instead of flying off the handle, more or less.
For many self-control is a difficult thing, especially with anger. If you have a hard time controlling your anger, speak with a counselor and they can help you find other ways to help you control your anger. Good for you though, the first step is realizing that you’re doing wrong. 
It’s not silly asking, you need to break the cycle. That’s the only way toxic behaviour will stop. See your doctor and get a referral.
See Your Doctor ,ask for help. Maybe counseling maybe pills . Start with Dr. Good luck ,break this habit now.
admitting is the first step. proud of you and proud that you’re trying trying break the cycle follow big little feelings on Instagram. That account talks about regulating emotions for yourself and for your child. Dr Becky Kennedy is also a fantastic account to fallow on Instagram. I used to be all hard tough love but since following following and practicing what they teach- my attitude has changed and the way I parent has changed.
Speaking from experience, my short fuse came from me suffering from depression and anxiety. I take prozac now and am honestly a better self (and mother) on it. No shame in asking your doctor for help. It took me a while but once I finally did I was happy I did it.
The fact that you’re trying:metal:t4:
If you have and Instagram, I would recommend gentle parenting Instagram accounts such as:
Ourmamavillage
Biglittlefeelings
Drbexkyathoodinside
All of them have courses for purchase but even their free content on their accounts will help you so much!
Gentle parenting is all about breaking the cycle, learning to forgive yourself and using tools/scripts to help with these tough moments
I feel your pain, mama. Trust me. I struggle with this too. My twin girls are now 6. I have worked so hard on bettering myself for them as we’ve grown a lot together over the years, but I’m always looking for ways I can improve more. I grew up in a very similar household, and didn’t realize how much it effected me until I had children of my own either. Read up about gentle parenting, calming breathing techniques, try meditating and practicing being mindful/present (like I said, practice… it won’t happen overnight. It takes time to become mindful but it truly helps your life in so many ways…) Also, I just want to say to not beat yourself up and fill yourself with self hate… that will only make things worse for you and your son because carrying the load of your mistakes with you everyday weighs you down more and can cause more mental struggles… Apologize to your son when you make a mistake, it shows that adults are still learning too, holds you accountable and demonstrates how to say sorry when you do something wrong… but the key is to forgive yourself as well. Start each day with a fresh mindset. Really try to minimize your daily stresses if you can… Make sure you are taking care of yourself too, don’t put yourself on the back burner. Listen to the “wise owl” deep in your heart, you are breaking generational curses. That is something to be celebrated.
Peace & love! 
