How do you bond with your preteens…miine always seems to have an attitude with me no matter what i do and i just want to get a stronger bond with him so he can come to me as he grows older…i dont even know where to begin
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I don’t have any advice just came to say I FEEL YOUR PAIN!
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Don’t force it… praise him for things he loves… example if he loves video games… tell him how amazing it is even if you don’t understand it. By just simply being there gives teens a little comfort as they find themselves
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Drive in the car together.
No background noise.
Create the environment, however it gets done, for him to open up, to you, with just a smidge of prodding.
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Talk with him about his interests, my son was/is big into D&D/MTG and we talked all the time about it lol, I have no clue what he was saying or how to play, but it was a bond I felt lol. He tried to teach me, but it’s very complicated lol
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Teenage years are so rough-
It’s such a hard age. Just let them know you are always there no matter what, that you love them. Show interest in what they talk about.
Don’t force it. I have a 17 yr old. Wait for him to come to u cuz if u go to HIM, he will feel cornered. Like a feral cat lol. Make sure u still love him from afar and keep being kind no matter how mean he gets. But don’t tolerate abusive behavior, obviously.
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Road trip, just the two of you. You learn a lot on a road trip.
Also try to limit questions to 3 at a time. A former roommate taught me that. When you start getting monosyllabic answers you asked too many questions. I always said, You are giving me monosyllabic answers, so I am going to stop asking questions for now. He has always said he appreciated that. Doesn’t mean there won’t be more questions later, plus he knows that I recognized he was tired of answering questions.
Just explain how you always thought you had a better a relationship together with him and ask if he does/wants it too. Just plain and simple, not we need to talks or what have or can you do. You do. You do enough, too, I’m certain. XXXOOO 
What does he like to do? Ask to learn, show an interest in his interests. Go out for ice cream or lunches, if you are going to the store ask if he wants to come as well.
If he comes to you listen, show you are 100% present with what he is saying. Let him know hey I’m listening but I’m also going to cook dinner or whatever it is you are doing.
If he says no or no thank you, leave it. Don’t force it just let him know that you are there and interested and wanting to hang out with him. Don’t tolerate disrespect though, when o deal with my teens or preteen if they start to get disrespectful I simply tell them they can go to their room and when they are willing to speak respectfully and have a conversation I’m ready.
This is the point where you understand why some species eat their young 
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Mine like spending time with me when food is involved 
I think that’s just how it be with some teens . My daughter and I were into everyday thru her teens now She’s 21 and our bond is unbelievable . We have our days but our relationship is 100% better . Never stop being how u be . I ask questions need info and don’t care if she mad eventually she understood the importance of why I feel how I do . I’m ur Mother I’m always worried about u . . It’ll get better 
Hang out with him more. Go to the movies shoot basketballs whatever hes into
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Bonds are formed in time. Stay consistent.
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Ride it out…he will mature…grow…u might be the ‘enemy’ for a bit…means ur doin ur job…
Give him space and love him with all your heart!
Raised 3 boys with different personalities. Time in the car and dinner time around the table were key. Those times aren’t forced, they’re necessary. Attend sporting events or any activities they’re involved in. If I asked too many questions I was “prying” so be patient and listen… the teen years are (have a near 17 yr old) hands down my favorite years!
All of my boys are very sensitive. Don’t think for one minute that girls have the corner market on compassion and sensitivity. Honor and respect all their qualities. You are raising men, future husbands and fathers.
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Meet them at their level and be honest with them.
I’m sure there’s a reason he doesn’t want to hang out. Start running errands with him, go to lunch. What is he in to? Have family game night, family movie night. Don’t force anything. Just start small. He won’t even know it’s bonding haha.
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Pre teens and early teens are the worse with attitude. Your bond will come just keep reassuring him you are there no matter what. My kids are my best friends now. Usually when they hit about 16/17 that’s when you will notice they need you more. They don’t realize we know about being a kid but they do realize we know about the adult things that are coming their way. We still maybe wrong sometimes to them but just keep being there. No pressure
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Preteens have attitude with their parents no matter what you do, but secretly they do enjoy your company. Especially if you’re taking interest in something they like.
Try doing things they find fun that y’all can do together 
my parents would take me bowling and to the movies, nothing crazy but something we did together that made a big difference
I raised 4 teens that are now 40’s. Even now they call for advice. They were taught that they could come to me no matter what and even when I disagreed I would be open. Like every teenager they experimented with everything but when in need they called and I rescued. In the morning when I knew they were safe we discussed the previous events. I didn’t punish them but advised. This just continued to grow over the years.
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Let him come to you. Let him have his emotional outbursts … he’s growing and maturing everyday. Let him always know you love him and you’re his safe spot. Trust is earned it’s not just given. Listen. Pray. Forgive. Understand. Be empathetic and sympathetic. He’s learning his way through life right now. I promise it may feel like he hates you but we were all emotional teens one time too. It’s frustrating. Keep instilling the good morals and values but don’t be too quick to judge. I promise it all comes out in the wash. My second and last baby graduates this year. It goes by in the blink of an eye looking back… and no it’s not easy or fun al the time. But as long as he knows you’re a safe landing spot no matter what… it’ll all make sense in the end. Give more than you get right now.
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My oldest is 12 and we’re really close we always have been . I hope it stays that way as he gets older too . Try doing stuff with him that he likes
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Start with “the happy child “ app
Also: So one psychiatrist me n my daughter were with we had this cool thing I would take one of my big make up brushes and move it over her face then she would do me , I think you could expand on that with makeup days?
Give him boundaries/his way when you can.
I took my kids with me to cool shows/venues. Rock show, monster trucks, it’s really worth it.
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Turn off distractions. No game systems etc. Make a game night. Make rules, he has to play or no tv, games or whatever for three days…
Give them space. Feed them. Joke around. Space is important though. Don’t snoop or micro manage.
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I had girls and one boy. I talked to them about the things my parents didn’t. I let them do their thing… While I kept tabs. I realized that the more my parents"ragged on me" the more I did stupid stuff. They in turn, talked to me. I let them stay out until midnight on a school night. They got up the next day. Went to school. They dabbled in marijuana, as did I. But they didn’t get heavy. I’m not saying that this is good. But coming from an addict from the age of 12, got clean at the age of 22, with 2 kids so far. This worked for US. none of us wanted to be supervised growing up. Parents were dumb. Not hip. So I stood back and watched. I gave my opinion. And vmy oldest is getting her PhD in 2 months. My middle child is a mom to the best grandson anyone could ask for plus has an online store. My son can build any video game you want. I did something right. Somewhere along the way. And I did it by myself
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My daughter hardly ever wants to hang with me anymore she’s 12, so I randomly knock on her door and join her in watching what she’s watching in her room with her. Gotta go to them and show interest in what they’re doing. Give space when they want it though. I think it’s just part of raising teens 
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Take a sincere interest in his hobbies, types of foods, music, clothing…
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You just keep trying and never take anything personal! They are literally assholes and I’m sure this is going to offend someone but it is what it is!
Welcome to the “I have no Mother, I was hatched from an egg stage”. All you can do is just be present. He still needs and wants you around, he’s just not going to tell you that. Just “blend in” he’ll come back around.
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Well, I’ll tell you what I did with my kids. I talked to them. I asked their opinions. Instead of biting their heads off, I told them my troubles. Why I had an attitude. I started when they were young. When their dad and I broke up, it was the three of us against the world. We were a unit. We had each other’s back. Their step-mother condemned me because she said I couldn’t be a friend to my kids and be an effective parent. I was a parent. My daughter was bugging me for a $20 sweater. We were always living close to the wire. Back then LPNs didn’t make much. I was trying to figure the monthly bills and she kept whining and pestering me about the sweater. I finally got fed up. I tossed my check stub at her with my net pay circled. I tossed the bills at her with the amounts due circled and told her if she could find it she could have it. When she found out we were going to be in the hole $40, she looked at me with big wide eyes and asked me what in the world we were going to do. Well, I asked for extra shifts at work and we scraped by. We even had enough left over to rent a movie. So, that’s how I got close to my kids. I treated them like people.
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Listen and remember. I hear all about YouTube streamers, and video games and everything. Do I like them? No! Do I remember who they are? Hell yes. I ask about their top scores, and what stuff their fave streamers are doing. I will watch it with them for a while. As they get older I release the strings a little bit at a time.
I also treat my kids with the utmost respect. Knock on doors, ask their opinions, and never undermine their good efforts.
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I, personally, was already very bonded with mine way before that age. By then, it was just about maintaining that connection.
Car rides, mini vaycays, take him places like concerts and events in neighboring cities/towns… and relax, ignore his attitude… or say in a non-attitude voice… things like… I’ve been very nice/kind… It hurts my heart when you talk like that… and then leave or go on with what you were doing… state it matter of fact but then ignore the fact that you said it…and say it with a kind loving voice… not getting crabby about it… etc. Such a tough age… good luck… I have a 12… I think this age is all about these things… for all parents… at least mostly… you’re not alone!!
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It’s very difficult to have a relationship with a preteen. I got close to my son his is entire life.
Listen whenever he talks, even if you don’t find it interesting or important. Go out and toss a football together (or baseball, or whatever order activity he likes) and be ready when he starts talking about whatever is on his mind, go for walks together, join him in his hobbies and interests and invite him (without obligation) to join in yours, go on camping/hiking trips if you can, shop together, let him pick a movie to watch together, eat meals at the dinner table together
Mother and son fun day out quality time, see what he wants to do take an interest in his hobbies
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