No judgements please, I am already very depressed. How do I cut off my child’s father?
My child’s father was the man of my dreams until I got pregnant. During my pregnancy, he called me every name in the book, would yell at me constantly, grab my face forcefully, and scream in my face. He would miss prenatal appointments and would leave me hanging while I waited for him. He was drinking heavily and using cocaine. Our child is now 6 months and he’s only bought the baby a pack of onsies and has left all financial obligations to me. He didn’t work for these past 6 months too or made the effort to look for work and left me to take care of our child alone.
After being in a deep depression for months and contemplating suicide, I am finally realizing that I can no longer live my life like this. I realize I deserve better and that this is abuse. I want to cut him off but don’t know how to go about it. He’s on the birth certificate. He claims to love our son and calls to check on him daily. He is relentless when I don’t answer the phone but it’s all about control. He will visit maybe once a week even though he doesn’t live far. I believe he does love him but he doesn’t provide for him and treats me like trash. He plays with him, kisses him, and carries him when he’s around.
Am I wrong for not wanting this man around at all? I don’t want my son to grow up thinking this is okay or to grow up in an unstable environment. And how do I navigate this with his parents knowing they want to be involved with their grandchild but live under the same roof as him?
Thank you all
Go to court, ask for their help.
If you were never married, check your state’s laws. You are probably sole legal guardian anyway. Until he files for rights and custody and all that. Then just tell him no because you’re afraid for you guys’ safety and don’t answer the phone. It’s not illegal or contempt for you to do that without a court ordered custody agreement in most states. Get an ofp if you can.
Most of these assholes won’t ever even do the work to file for custody/paternity because they don’t want the legal obligation of the kid, they just want the mom to remain under their thumb, but if he does, the ofp will help you out later in pleading your case as to why you want limited contact or supervised visits or what have you.
I’m sure he’s still using. Thatd make my decision very easy. block his number. Make him go through the courts and make him get drug tested to see your child.
Take him to court and let the judge decide based on your information.
There are free lawyers call your local Domestic Violence Shelter or your local free lawyer project they can help you you’re not stuck this sounds painful
Document everything as proof. You need to prove he’s unfit to be exposed to your baby. This isn’t the wrong cchoice sometimes it needs to be done. I firmly believe that if a man can abuse the mother of his child nothing is stopping him from eventually turning on the child as well. not to mention keeping your child exposed to you being abused is so mentally and emotionally damaging on them. Your doing the right thing. A child does not NEED both their parents a child needs a safe and healthy family. And that can be just you 2 and your support group. This man does not sound like family.
You need to be honest with his parents take him all documented proof so they can have clear eyes on why your feeling this way. Maybe until you trust that they will respect that he isn’t to be in the child’s life allow them to visit you on your terms supervised.
To me if he is abusing drugs & drinking heavily still, I wouldnt allow him to see the child. I would get a lawyer & proceed from there. You deserve better & so does your baby. You both deserve to have a healthy, happy life. That baby depends on you momma:heart:! Just showing up once a week to visit & hug & kiss all over the baby just when he wants to doesn’t make him a father. He needs to be present all the time if he wants to call himself a father! He needs to grow up & be a man. Ill be praying for you, you got this!
A lawyer is the easiest way to remove his rights depending on the state.
I get cutting him off if he is also toxic to the child but he’s not. The man needs help, his son could very well be the only thing that wakes him up in the morning. Talk to him about getting help. HELP him. He clearly wants to be a father, what take that from either of them, he doesn’t have to like you but he does need to learn to respect you. Figure it out together for the sake of that baby.
I left my ex husband after he got his second DUI. I helped him through his first…but at the time of his second, we had our daughter. We were already having issues…he was getting more and more violent.
People like my ex don’t care about anyone other than themselves. He hasn’t tried talking to me or my daughter in a year.
I think when it comes to selfish people, separate yourself from them and if they want anything to do with their kid… they’ll try. My ex has visitation rights, but has never tried to do anything with them.
But his parents will come out for a week and spend time with her, they fly us out for her birthdays.
If your baby dad’s parents want to see your kid they can spend time with her outside the house.
It’s up to the courts. You will have to have proof of everything, but they will probably still give him some sort of visitation. It’s up to him to comply to his obligations. Find out how long it takes to consider the father alienating his child and go from there. I know there are toxic people that shouldn’t be a parent, unfortunately they still have to he given a chance. Use a moderator if he is given any visitation. And he needs to pay child support regardless. It will add up. My ex is mad his taxes are taken because he is behind, but that is his fault. They can only dodge that so long as they can go to jail.
U r in tough spot but don’t take abuse your son deserves to see what a real man treats a lady like good luck
Is very simple wat to do leave he’s stupid arse and take yourself and child and live a happy life without dirt like him
He’s going to have visitation no matter what unless you can prove he’s still using. Courts don’t really care if someone used drugs in the past. My ex was fresh out of rehab for only 2 months and then court gave him joint physical and legal custody and overnight visits. You can try to cut him out of your life, but they won’t cut him out of the child’s. Even actively using parents usually end up with supervised visits. Be careful he doesn’t turn the tables and claim you’re alienating him if you won’t return his call. Also, file for child support if you haven’t done so because the courts aren’t going to see why it’s a big deal he’s not buying anything if you didn’t bother to file.
I honestly believe if a man wants to be in the child’s left, let them. Even of he visits once a week, it’s a lot more than it could be. Some people stick to once a month or every other weekend even if they live 2 minutes away.
If he is that horrible of a father then he will end up making his way out of the child’s life on his own.
If he wants to see the baby just make sure you’re around when doing so, especially if be really is doing drugs. If you truly feel hes a danger to your baby then talk to a lawyer.
He needs to be respectful of you, yes. But he isnt required to be your bff. Honestly if he did all that shit to me that he did to you I would only speak to him when it was about our child. I wouldnt want any type of relationship with him, friendship or whatever.
Do you have child support set up? Have you asked him for it? Maybe you should try to do that. And j wouldn’t say he “claims” to love your son. If he calls him DAILY, then he DOES love yalls son.
Set it up so he calls at a certain time every night to talk to your son for a certain length. That way you know when to expect his call and he has zero reason to try and call any other time. That way you are the one in control of it all.
Yall aren’t together anymore and you may have a tough time proving to the courts that he is drinking heavily or using drugs, but it may be worth a shot.
It’s this simple your so. Will follow his example do you want your son when full grown to treat another woman that way and or you
I would get a restraining order and start therapy for yourself. I’ve been through this same situation. Good luck
Yea get a lawyer and fight back
Personal experience… Leave. Move states if you have too. I did. I let them go see him for a week one summer, he kept them. We we’re still legally married, I couldn’t do anything so I let him have them for a year so I could get my shit together for them… I went back to his state, laid down how the divorce is going to go, he handed them over right there… He hasn’t tried to contact them since. It’s been a blessing in disguise. Run now before your child knows him and remembers him…
Abuse is abuse, whether physical, mental or emotional.Take it from a survivor of 18 years, it gets worse,not better. I would do it on my own. If he is drinking and using drugs, he has to want to stop. If having a previous child is not enough motivation for him, then nothing will. God Bless
go to the courts and file for child support and sole custody with supervised visits to start, once that is in place then u can work out the rest
You complain about supporting the child but have you even considered or tried filing for child support I would go to court and what is the things for his visitation of the child which the court will bring up should be blood test for alcohol random tests because if he’s rough with you while drinking a baby has very little defense and you hear of babies being maimed or killed everyday it’s scary so to protect your child and to provide for your child you need to go to court you need to talk to Legal Aid in your area order Social Service tell them what’s going on you fear for your child safety and that you need help providing diapers and formula and things the baby needs follow their advice this is some of the things you need to do not later now
You won’t be able to just cut him off
Hes on the birth certificate, is actually in the child’s life, and calls daily
If he had completely abandoned the child or abused him that would be different
Just go to court and try to have him get supervised visits so you don’t have to be around. Sounds like his anger and control is towards you not yalls child. See how that goes best of luck.
You need to get a attorney that specializes in child and family cases…document and keep everything (texts, receipts (anything regarding the baby whether he paid or you)), even video recorded or filmed if possible…he has obligations to pay you to help take care of the child but actually doesn’t have rights until the child is legitimated… if he signed the birth certificate in the hospital he would of signed a PA (paternity acknowledgement form) which makes him obligated to pay child support if you pursue it… he would have to file to get rights to have visitation etc (totally separate) and have a DNA testing done to have legitimacy done…having a attorney is recommended if it went this far Bc if it gets ugly you’d want someone that knows the laws especially for your specific state that you live to help you
I went through something similar a year ago when my son was born… his father wasn’t present for the pregnancy and only visited once a week until he pursued rights… child support wasn’t established until the legitimation Bc he refused to sign the birth certificate until afterwards… It was really messy and we ended up settling through mediation LUCKILY we’ve coparented great together since and have zero issues and he sees his son and does what he is supposed to as a father since GOOD LUCK
Sounds like he comes around just enough to keep you from turning him in to child support recovery …know when your being played…put him in your rear view…if he pursues a relationship with his son, ill be surprised…
I definitely do NOT recommend involving the courts. I was in a very similar situation, I took him to court and I regret it. Pm me if you would like, I am more than happy to give any insight that I can!
Tell him it ain’t his kid and to get the f out of your life.