How to deal with mom guilt?

My husband and I both work full time. We have 2 kids. One goes to school and one goes to daycare. If i am not working i am home with the kids. My husband and I would only go on dates maybe 3-4 times a year. Recently we have been doing a monthly date night. We usually go to dinner for 2-3 hours. It has been great for our marriage. However i always feel so guilty leaving my kids. Maybe because we both work 40-45 hours a week. Why do i feel so guilty? Should we cut the date nights to every two months? Why do I feel guilty for spending time with my husband?


No, you need time to be husband and wife. And if it’s only once a month for a few hours that’s pretty good. But if you feel guilty then plan date night at home after kiddos go to sleep. Yeah it might be a late night date but still.

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A monthly date night is perfectly acceptable. My husband is a plumber and on call on friday nights. I am a full time student and mom. Your marriage will suffer if you guys give it up. If it really bothers you maybe every other month is a family date night type thing instead of just the two of you.

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No. Don’t cut the date nights. You need that in a relationship. It will keep y’all sane an connected. I agree with above comment make kid date nights. Family date night games, food, movies. Something of that nature.

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No you two need time to be yourself. Few hrs a mth kids aint going to notice

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U have to have time with ur husband to just make a family date once a month

You need time ling as you spend time with them after work and weekends when its not date night

Do NOT feel guilty!! My hubby and I have a 5 year old and a 1 year old and we have barely been on a date since baby was born, and we used to do something weekly! As a result, our marriage has suffered and we are really trying to get back to something like that. You guys keep doing what you are doing, your partner is so so important and the relationship does take that extra time alone! :slightly_smiling_face:

We are mamas. Spending time with our kids is what we think we are suppose to do but we forget about ourselves and significant others. Take the time with your husband and make a family game night once or twice a month

My husband and I used to do monthly date nights and it was great. I felt guilty for leaving our 2 kids to go to dinner and all too. Now we have 3 boys and got another baby on the way. We can’t really afford a monthly date night anymore and unfortunately our marriage has seen the consequences of it. (We still have a great marriage but not having that time to talk and be alone together does take its toll) a monthly date night is great if you can do it. Don’t feel bad about it you need that time with your husband.

Totally healthy to spend time on your relationship! However, I noticed that you say that when YOU aren’t working YOU are home with the kids. Is your husband the same way? It may actually be good for you to have an individual outlet as well… a yoga class, book club, etc.

If you feel guilty about it then make a date day with your kiddos. Even tho im sure youre with them all the time ypure not working anyway. Weird how moms feel guilty about a little time away from their kids but trust me lol i get it

Hell no. Alone time and that 3-4 hours a month is not a lot to ask for. You need that time with your partner to connect. Keep it and do not feel guilty about it. For Valentines Day I am making a monthly date box for my partner. Some of the dates are for us to be alone for a few hours or a night. Some of the dates are family dates where our little one can participate like build a blanket fort and watch a movie or making an ice cream sunday bar and playing a board game. Its about having experiences with each other and the bonding. Sometimes you can do with your little ones and sometimes it’s nice to just be alone.

Do not feel guilty!! Having time for the two of you will make your marriage stronger and your kids happier in the long run. You absolutely need time for the two of you without the kids and eventually the guilty feeling will fade…

Plan a date night for you and a family date night as well.
Make it a priority for both of you to attend.
You need time with your husband so don’t take that away, especially if it is benefiting you two.

You need time for just you and your husband also. Keeping your marriage strong is beneficial to your children also. If you feel bad leaving your kids behind, maybe try to leave them a fun something to do with the babysitter that they dont normally get to do, that way you going on your date night is a positive thing also. Mamas feel less guilty when their kids dont mind them going. My daughter gets to go have a sleepover with my parents or her cousins for our date nights or weekends away, she loves it and doesn’t blink an eye when we leave. Some kids have separation anxiety so it’s important that its is kept positive! If the kids dont like the babysitter, find someone the do enjoy.

I think its great you get to do that! I wish we can. We have 4 so it’s harder to find sitters but when we manage it really does help our relationships. As for the kids im sure they are fine! If you wanted maybe take them out for a dinner. :slight_smile:

Absolutely not! I am the same way. I hate leaving my kids. Heck I’m with mine 24/7 and STILL feel guilty about leaving them. But i see dates as an important thing in a marriage. That one on one time with your s/o is very important!

No. You will be better parents if you are getting time to be a couple too. I actually try to snag the grandkids every month and give my son and his wife time out. He works long hours and she takes care of everything else. They deserve and need time to be together

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You need that time to still connect with your husband. The kids will be grown and out of the house one day. And you don’t want to end up being strangers. Your husband is your partner for life. And you have to make time for him too. It’s ok to have your guys time away from the kids.

Do not feel guilty! You are bettering your marriage which in turn makes a stronger more living home for your children also. You are also modeling for them that your spouse is important.

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Nope keep the date night going. A happy marriage is a happy family

Totally normal… I always miss my babies literally 5 minutes after leaving them. You need some time with your husband though too, so that you guys can keep your established bond up to date. You said yourself: if you’re not at work, you’re with the kids. Don’t sweat and just have your fun when you’re out. :laughing::grin: <3

Keep the one date night a month going. Happy mama and daddy means happy babies.

I promise you, your kids don’t care… it’s just another day to them. I put so much pressure on myself to be there 24/7 for my kids and never miss a game or show. Now that they’re older they told me that they never cared and don’t even remember half the time if I was there or not, lol. Go to dinner, have a good time and bring home dessert or a special treat to have as a family if you feel guilty.


Happy parents = happy children! Do not feel guilty! Your happiness in your marriage benefits the kids in so many ways!


Spend more time with hubby. It’s good for the soul. I’m sure the kids would appreciate a happy marriage.

My husband and I go out every Wednesday for about 1.5-2 hours to dinner. We actually just changed it though to one Wednesday a month we will skip and go out on a Saturday instead, leaving our daughter at one of our mom’s houses overnight. We both work a lot too and feel guilty leaving our daughter also, but it is so important to make sure we get quality alone time as a couple. Don’t feel guilty, you both need and deserve that time!

Set a special day for the kiddos .Do something like a favorite food time!

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If this is something that helps keep your marriage healthy and working, by ALL means, this is the best thing you can do for your children. Also, teaching your children how to learn self-care and relationship maintenance is a healthy lesson for them. It sounds like you are a thoughtful and caring set of parents. That is huge! Keep up the good work!!!

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Take the kids to a fast food place to even up the nights out with your husband.

Maybe date nights every other month and in between go on “dates” with each individual kid so they get that one-on-one time! I’m a mother of 3(6,4,1.5) and they LOVE when I take just one of them to do something fun just the two of us

Lucky you get that a month lol my husband and I we haven’t been on a date in two years. He works full time, I stay at home with our son. Most of the reason we don’t go on dates is because we don’t have anyone we trust to watch our son. I feel guilty just going to the store by myself and leaving my son home with his daddy

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Nonononononononono. Do :clap:t2: not :clap:t2: cancel :clap:t2: or :clap:t2: lower :clap:t2: date :clap:t2: nights. In X amount of years, your kids will be out of the house and not come by as often as you’d like. And even before then, when they can drive, they’ll be so independent and busy with their friends they won’t want to hang around mom and dad. Having kids in the house is temporary, marriage (with few exceptions of course) is until death do you part. Invest in that relationship. Because when the kids are out of the house you don’t want to realize you’ve been married to a “stranger” and not even know when that happened.


Keep it up. Date nights are important your marriage should come first then your kids. Most people i know do weekly date nights


Your children will be much happier if their parents are happy and have a good relationship. Parents have needs too!!! Put your guilt in a in a plastic bag and place it in the trash where it belongs. You aren’t doing anything to harm your children by having a date night with your husband!!!


Im a stay at home mom and still feel guilty. We only go about once every 4-5 months and we JUST started doing that a year ago.
I believe there’s plenty of time to go out when they’re gone. Just my opinion.

So jealous :sob: we’ve been on like 5 dates in 4 years :sob::sob:

Keep date night. But also have family night as often as possible. My family used to get the whole family (parents and my siblings) for game night every Saturday night. It was great.


You should keep your monthly date. It’s good for your marriage, which in turn is good for your children. I promise that one night a month isn’t hurting your kids. But it’s helping you I’m sure. They aren’t newborns from what you’ve said.

No. You keep doing that. Its important to you as a parent and as a wife.

Its momma guilt, you just have to realize that you spending this time with your husband is making you a better mom.

We all need to love ourselves 1st!


I think your priorities are kinda mixed up. You need time out from being a mother 24/7, your husband needs that time with you alone, both of you eating without interruption and talking about everything under the sun. Don’t you think?

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I dont think your priorities are “mixed up” I think your a great momma! Im the same way we rarely go out but I honestly dont care…we have fun at home with and without the kids…do whatever works for you

Chaz Porter well if this isn’t us…

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When your marriage is put first , your kids will benefit. Let your kids see you leave to go on a date, and hold hands. Then when you spend time with your kids there is less likely to be tension between you and your husband and more love and laughter. You should not feel guilty for trying to show your kids that love will always take work and that it is worth it.


No you shouldn’t. Although your relationship with your kids is important so is the one with your husband. Your kids are not being deprived by you going out once a month. As long as you know they are safe and healthy. It is actually beneficial to them that you and your husband take the time for each other and have a good relationship.

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Dont cancel date nights! My husband works alot (12 hr days) and im a stay at home mom. Some times when we cant fit them in and he is on afternoon and doeant get home till after midnight. Ill get the kids to bed and have his dinner and ill wait up for him and sit with him and will talk, its a nice few hours in a quite home. He mostly doesnt have time at work to eat so he waits till he gets home.

You’re a mom we feel guilty. However, you need time with your husband to be a United family. I can tell you being a strong couple :couple_with_heart_woman_man: helps with everything else! Kids need to be away from parent’s too. Gives them a sense of accomplishment too. It will make them stronger.

Keep the date nights… but maybe begin to include a family night or kids night. A family involves delicate balance. I work 50+weeks… I always try to get in one date a month with my husband alone, one day a month for just my daughter and i… even if it’s just a quick bite to eat and some shopping, I have my morning routine to include my 6 month old son to bond and just enjoy him or feed him before work every morning, and no matter how hard I try to do a family night something comes up… but even just putting the kids on a movie with mom and dad present and popcorn and everyone just cuddling makes a great family night. I find that it eases the “guilt” of finding a sitter if everyone gets a day when possible

Have a date night for you and hubby and a date night for each of you and one kid, alternate which kid and when. One on one is really important in an relationship!

That’s how a real parent feels. Don’t beat yourself up about it. Keep the date nights

Keep dates it’s not the time you spend with children it’s the quality of time! Hubby needs his time also!

U need ur time too remember that

There are tons of articles/books/studies that say you absolutely should put your spouse first! First, if you don’t work on your marriage there won’t be one eventually. Second, your kids are watching both of you and will model your examples.
You should go on a WEEKLY date!

Keep up with the date nights! It’s important to have ‘you two’ time. At least you want to spend that time together! And if that makes you guys happy, that reflects on the children

You feel guilty because your a good mom. No don’t cut back. The kids are fine for a few hours without you. They may even enjoy it too :wink:. You and hubby need this time to just be husband and wife. Not mom and dad. Enjoy it. Or try to. Good luck

I think personally it should be more than once a month you guys need that connection and for your children to be happy and see a great and healthy relationship between their parents the parents need to be happy so take more time for yourselfs it’s not being selfish I think it’s actually thinking of your kids as well as your relationship with each other

It’s good for the kids to have a break from the parents

You feel guilty because you live in a society that harshly judges mothers and expects them to be constant martyrs. However, the date night is not actually putting yourself, your husband or your marriage before your kids. Children thrive when your marriage is thriving. Your husband is a better father when his needs are met and he has this time set aside. You are a better mother when your needs are met and you have this time set aside. Children who spend time with other adults who model the same values as their parents are more likely to maintain those values than those who spend little time with like minded other adults. There’s a balance to it all.

I feel the same way. I’m a preschool teacher AT MY SON’S SCHOOL and I still feel guilty dropping him off at my in-laws when my husband and I go out.

Again…if you have someone who’s capable of watching the kids. Go have fun being GUILT FREE !!!