How to deal with toxic faimly?

How to deal with toxic grandparent?

My father, the grandpa, wants to do everything with my children and be involved with every single one of my children.

My mother, grandma, wants nothing to do with me or my husband. Favors my oldest child over the younger two. It is very blunt when she does.

My mother is very mean about me in front of my kids will even tell my kids that I was a spoiled brat as a kid. She’ll even say my brothers and sisters think I’m a spoiled brat. She will tell my kids how terrible of a child I was.

She will stay in front of my oldest, if I knew now what I what I know now, I would have beat your mom more. Your mom is too harsh on you

I feel like everytime I parent or even try to correct my child in front of my parents I’m ridiculed and told that I’m too harsh. When I discipline I put my children on a rug. Kind of like a time out spot. Or my oldest sometimes I will take things that are really important to him when he acts out after warnings

I feel like I’m never enough for my parents. I have tried putting my foot down and saying that if they can’t be nice and won’t come over. I’ve tried inviting them over and my mother says she’ll never come over. My dad comes over though. When my dad or one of sister come over if my house is not clean, spot Free, they will judge my house and tell me that I need to get my act together.

We live in a small community and my mother has spread so many rumors about me not allowing her to see the kids. When I’ve never said those words. I have asked her if she can’t be nice then we won’t come over.

I don’t know why I keep doing this to myself and they are my family. But I feel like my whole life they’ve never felt like I was an equal. I feel like all my life I’ve been told I’m either spoiled brat. When I grew up I was spanked. So I’m not even sure why they are so mean to me all the time. Even my sisters and brother who are all step don’t like me. I’ve tried many times to try to make things right and I feel like just because my mother doesn’t like me she turned everyone against me.

I cry about it a lot because I can’t even look at my own parents without feeling ashamed of myself or feel like I’m doing something wrong.

I feel like I should never talk to them again but then I don’t know my heart says that I shouldn’t do that because my oldest loves my parents. Most of the time the reason why we leave is because they’re being mean to me and I can’t handle it anymore.