As much as some frown upon it, reach out to a local woman’s shelter and your local dhs. They have programs to help women get vehicles. Sign up for emergency relief (food stamps and cash assistance) with the cash assistance, you should go thru a class and will have to job search. I’ve been in those shoes and let me tell you, it is worth leaving! 10 years later, I am working my way through school to become a physician assistant. You’ve got this girl. You and your kids deserve better. File for an emergency ppo. Get out before it’s too late. The effects on your son can be turned around. Get you and them the help you deserve you can always message me on Facebook too if needed
As a survivor of domestic violence I’d like to offer you some advice. I too was a victim of domestic violence and had two kids with him and he was very physically abusive to me. The last straw for me was when he said he was going to kill me, then my mom and I found acid and an axe . He had said he was going to cut me into pieces and burn my body with acid. I knew at that moment it was time to take my kids and get out. It was hard because I had no job and no income he didn’t let me work, he controlled absolutely everything. I wasn’t sure how we would survive without him because he had all the money. I went to the ywca and we stayed there and went to another shelter that was long term. They helped me with rental assistance and helped get furniture. I know it seems hard right now, I know you may think you won’t make it without him or don’t think you can afford anything without him but trust me , you will be just fine. Start at a shelter and I strongly discourage you from contacting cps for help they only make things worse and that’s from personal experience with Them. Think about your kids and your life in the long run; the abuse will only get worse not better and you don’t want to be a statistic. I pray you get help that you need and get out safely. Please reach out to a women’s shelter they will help you.
First off, there is no semi abusive. He is either abusive or he is not. Find yourself a woman’s shelter or go stay with someone and promptly go to the Police Station and file a PFA. Do not look back. Do not answer his calls or texts. Don’t tell him where you are AND don’t let anyone tell him where you are. Find yourself an attorney (one that will work based on your income). Child support, spousal support/alimony would definitely help you make ends meet.
Just don’t stay!! I have been there. It only gets worse. I stayed. I eventually fought back… I went to jail. He remained free. LEAVE!
There are organizations that can help. Contact the United way, local women’s shelters. No woman needs to live in an abusive environment. If your son is mimicking him it is definitely time to go and get all of you counseling. Contact a lawyer and get child support plus half the assets. Also supervised access until a psychiatrist says he is stable enough to not flair up
Is there a shelter you and the kids can go to? They will have services to help get you work and housing. Thats not safe for you or the kids. Please get out soon.
Local woman’s shelter in your area, or even call the police and have them escort him from your home.
Honey u need to take the kids and LEAVE. There are ppl places and things that will help, u just have to ask! Or have him escorted out and document EVERYTHING.
You should’ve kicked him out years ago. Do not take any type of abuse. Is not good for you or your kids. Or just pack and move far awayyyyyyy.
Go to the courthouse and get a pfa…
There is no such thing as semi abusive!
Physical, emotional it is ABUSE!!
Leave him your crazy for staying
Get a plan together do you have family or friends where you are that you can call and count on if not then please please call a woman’s shelter they can help you.
Try save, try contact friends and family or look for domestic violence shelters. If your son is choking his sister now just guna get worse and eventually child services might get involved
Trust me when I tell you I understand. Unfortunately, very little of what people advise is going to help you in the short term. Set a long term goal to find employment that will pay more money and let getting transportation be a priority. Do it in a manner that he is not aware. I’m wishing you the best.
Run girl and don’t look back
Have him leave he will have to cover what you can’t and pay child support! Your son can’t witness this anymore! My ex hit me ONCE and was gone! I called the police and it was an automatic move out! I had no idea but was so grateful!
Go to school. Get an education. Get out.
Leave him ASAP! Especially since your son is picking up on his habits! That’s never a good thing for anyone. Your son will need therapy to control his anger and so will you daughters. It’s not worth staying. Or call the police and have him escorted out. Any family that can help?? It’s going to be hard at first but worth it in the end.
Get a job that will support you and your kids, find a place to go get a car and get out of there!
Get u n ur kids into counseling. Identify ur support system, family, friends, co workers, see if ur job has resources, talk to HR, even community support system. Find out if there r local domestic violence shelters in ur area. Breathe and tell urself u CAN do this! Don’t worry about those details about a car or anything just get u n ur kids to safety. u can do this!
I’m so sorry you and your kids have to go through this but As a mom you have to protect your children you need to get out of that volatile situation ASAP
There are so many different resources go down to the food stamps and Medicaid office I’m sure that they would have resources
Reach out to a local domestic assistance program. They should have systems in place to give you assistance in all areas.
Leave before he starts hurting your kids more than emotionally
That’s not your husband anymore. A true husband wouldn’t do that. And what you’re calling semi-abuse, can turn into something way uglier than that. Just leave! Don’t think about what you will lack now, because time can solve anything. Nothing in life is easy and staying in a toxic relationship, won’t make things brighter. I had an abusive stepfather if I can call him that, and trust me, things will get worse if you keep staying.
Praying that the Lord will give you the strength to leave and provide everything that you need.
Get out now Go to a shelter or your church or both You can get more”stuff” but you can’t get another you for your kids Don’t leave your kids there with him He sounds like a loose cannon
Prayers that the answer and the help comes very soon
Try contact woman’s aid , or woman’s shelter they’ll help you out to get out of your situation and even send you somewhere out of town so he can’t get to you, definitely get yourself and your kids away from him, it will have a massive impact on your children later on. You show them that’s NOT how a man should treat a woman x
R u n. If your son is acting that way toward his sisters, they need therapy. Probably all as a family you may after having to go through this. I hope u all find some peace and safety <3
Don’t make excuses for him say he done it . Leave go to a shelter there is hope out there l made it so will you.
Leave . ABUSE is ABUSE. He is dangerous. Take your children. Leave.
Bottom line is you need to leave. You already see it in your son. They already grew up with it. The chances of them repeating they cycle are huge. Get to a shelter. They will help you. Have him arrested. Get video. Hide cameras if you need to. Get out.
Leave now. I was a child who witnessed this kind of behaviour and it ruined all relationships I’ve ever had. For the well-being of your children and yourself please leave
There has to be some sort of resources in your city for help,Family friends anything would be better than staying.Don’t afraid to start from scratch…sometimes you’ll come out stronger when u do!
prepare a plan to leave before it gets worse. see if you could stay with a relative or friend. if not get to a women’s shelter now. get the police involved if need be. leave before it’s too late
leave before it get worse that dangerous for the kids before it worse
Coming from a woman that been through it he wasn’t my husband just a boyfriend my mother always told me when u tired & had enough you will leave but for the kids leave because my oldest son still talk about it 10 years ago I wish that on nobody I realized people do things to hurt you because they think u can’t do any better it’s gunna be hard to start from the bottom but when u reach the top it’s will be a blessing for u & ur kids & a better & great atmosphere good luck I wish u the best
Leave before it gets worse, my sister and her 2 kids had an abusive dad, it started the same way unfortunately they didn’t get out and he took there lives, do it for you and your kids… There’s shelters that can help x
Reach out to a domestic violence shelter. They can help you get out and get housing and a job and keep u n your kids safe!
You have so many options in your community, you are not alone. A few places to start would be your child’s school. They have so many resources and contacts available to them. Your local mental health place should also be able to help in some way. Look up support groups for abused women, they can help with more than emotional support. Also don’t be afraid to talk to your “welfare” office they can also help in many diffrent ways.
Girl you better run to the nearest shelter it’s only gonna get worse next time he might actually take your life .sending prayers for you and your children.
Here are some places you can call good luck
Then you need to look up places in your area that help women that are domestic violence victims. Just because he hasn’t hit the kids yet doesn’t mean he won’t. Leave that sorry son of a bitch. Also you should press charges
No such thing as semi abusive, he is an abuser and you and your kids deserve more. Contact your local da service they will be able support and advise you. Stay safe x
Contact a;local women’s shelter&leave quietly;&quickly with the kid’s. Call the;police&have them escort him from your home. The day;you’re refusing abuse is the day you claim back your basic human rights&it’s better;if your son isn’t around his dad being a bad example. Your son;is gonna need a good male role model like a grandpa;cousin;uncle ecetra.
Do you have access to any funds? Do you have family in another city? A best friend? If no. Reach out to a local shelter and they can and will help you. Please get away from that situation. Don’t announce your departure. Plan the day you’re going to leave to give you time to prep. Take the basics. Papers, a couple outfits for the kids. Depending their age. One toy that will give them their comfort. Keep acting like nothing is wrong. Don’t tell the kids. And when you’re husband is at work. Get out. It would also benefit if you keep proof with you on how your husband abuses you. You can do this and there are resources that will help you. Please don’t let the financial problem keep you in this prison. Good luck. Please keep us posted
There’s no such thing as “semi-aggressive” get out now, save yourself and your children, teach your kids that behavior is not acceptable and should not be tolerated
Leave now . its not going to get better and if it does it won’t stay that way . there are shelters that could help u
10 years it took me to leave I left cause I almost lost my life
LEAVE I can tell you it DOESNT get easier. They don’t change baby, just leave praying for you and your children
Child behaviour is learnt from books or sight get your children away from that behaviour. It’s unexpectable for them to see it and 4 u to go through it … do wat ever it takes to get away …
Look in to domestic violence non-profits. Such as SADVC (Sexual Abuse and Domestic Violence Center) places like these help you with temporary housing, counseling, relocation and legal support. They help with the divorce, benefits, and more. They are completely safe.
Do you have family you can stay with? I was in the exact same situation a few years ago only I have zero income. I moved back in with my parents with my two kids, started school and worked full time, bought my own vehicle and rented a small house a couple of years later. It was perfect and my kids didn’t have everything but they were happy and healthy and so was I. Here I am 6 years laster and I have my own business, bought a brand new vehicle, have a beautiful home that I share with my husband and kids, I’m treated with nothing but love and respect. It’s not an easy road but you are not stuck!!!
Change is scary! But witnessing ur kids picking up on and going thru that terrible behavior is way scarier!
I’m sure u know, but it will get waaay worse!
I pray for the courage and strength to leave!
Much love!
That’s not “semi-abusive”.
When my ex and I had our first physical blow out, I left with my daughter. I refused to remain in a relationship and environment where she would see how a woman should not be treated. It’s hard to start a new chapter but you can do it. Tap into Woman’s Refuge or such social services. There is life after an ex. It’s so liberating and amazing! Wishing you and your children all the best
Leave. Your children will recover quicker from poverty/homelessness than they ever will from the trauma of witnessing and growing up around this “norm” of theirs.
When I was 9, and my mom was 26, her boyfriend that had abused her for years finally killed her. He got away with it. The state of North Dakota ruled her death “natural causes”. Don’t ever stay. It doesn’t get better.
There are plenty of resources available go to libraries. Children’s daycare or even your doctor can show you in the right direction you can find all your answers to all your questions. Good luck.
Leave stay with friends or family, Vera house can also help
First of all I’ve been married to my wife for 26 year’s we have 4 kid’s their adults now , I’ve never even thought of abusing my wife in any way shape or form.you say it’s semi abusive no he he’s abusive or he not there’s no level abuse is abuse.try to reach out to your family if that’s an option for help with living arrangements .your kid’s are and will always be number one.theres also hot limes for helping mother’s in this situation.so start to strengthen your mind and be strong for your kid’s.you have it inside your heart just need to look deeper .protect them at all cost.
Leave. Stop using the word “but”. But nothing, just leave. And there is no semi abusive. Abuse is abuse at any degree. For the future of your children and their adult lives and relationships, LEAVE!
Oh momma get you & your Littles out of that abusive situation. Contact women’s shelters. If there’s no openings in your town/county try other counties. They have so many resources from housing to mental health. Your son is already believing violence is how to handle a girl/woman you’re daughters are going to grow up & think that being abused is normal. It’s not going to be easy but it is very doable.
You need to get out it’s gotten so bad that now your little one is learning the same things and thinks it’s okay to hurt ppl this is NOT okay I know you don’t want your son growing up like your husband and treating the woman he’s with the same way
Please leave before it’s too late. Take that leap. That chance.
Don’t leave your house. He is legally obligated to continue paying your house and car payment and expenses and HE leaves the house. File charges, and get a restraining order, temporary emergency custody of the kids and take him for everything he’s got. Best of luck
I say this with love and respect to you but get the HELL out NOW. I’ve been there it starts with words and gets so so so much worse…your children should not be around this any more than they have…it will hurt them so much more in the long run. He won’t change no matter how much he says he will and no matter how much you want him to.
I was there once. I went to a battered women’s shelter. I didn’t want my daughters and my son to think it was okay to be treated that way by anyone. I also didn’t want them treating anyone that way as well. I started all over again and I’m so happy I did. It wasn’t easy but I was definitely worth it. Wishing you and your children the very best. We are much strong then we think.
Leave and figure the rest out later.
I spent 7 years in a physically and verbally abusive marriage. Never again. I didn’t
Decide to leave until he put a gun to my head and pulled the trigger. Thank God there was no bullet in the chamber. I left with 3 kids and never looked back. Don’t wait until your me. Get out now.
We can all tell you to leave but unless you’re ready, you wont go! But for the children’s sake and mental well-being, you need to leave NOW! Are there any friends you can stay with? Id def look into getting in touch with someone who can help you financially and explain to them your situation! That needs to end now!
Leave, it gets worse and you’re teaching your children it’s ok to live like that and it’s not. There are people that will help just don’t be afraid to ask for it. Please get away from that now
Get out. Go to a local police station and ask for help or even a hospital they will help you get out. The places will get you the resources to help you financially. But you have to GO
Your kids deserve a peaceful home. Even if you struggle, they will mentally be happier & healthier. There is help out there. You are stronger than you think.
Speaking out of love from the other side 4 years later.
Reach out to your local abuse shelter!! They helped me with SO much! Daycare, the restraining order against him from me and my children, a place to stay, they helped me on food stamps while I transitioned (even though I already make $35-$70 an hour!) THEY WILL HELP YOU!! & as for you, they can charge you with child abuse for allowing him around your kids, so get out as soon as it’s safe. Don’t say anything to him, only talk to people you trust, make a safety plan to GET OUT. you can also message me if you just need someone to talk to that has been thru your situation.
Semi abusive? If he hurts you, he’s full on abusive. Can you get anything out of him like a technical degree of some sort? Maybe you can get him to help you start a business like home day care or something? Once you can stand on you’re own two feet, it’ll be easier to leave. You’re already putting up with him, might as well get something out of it and fast before things escalate. Good luck!
As a domestic abuse survivor take that chance and leave. Research for your area different programs that are available for abused women and then go. You might not get a second chance, the next time could easily be your last. Nothing material is worth your emotional well being and that of your kids. Hoping you have the strength to let go and get out while you can.
Praying for you and your babies
No matter how hard it will be when you take ur children and leave…it won’t be harder than staying.
There are help groups in ur area…ask around…people do care
Call or have family call aps adult protective services they saved me from the man who trapped me at 17 didnt let me have a phone or anyway to communicate with family beat me daily and fighting back made it so worse so i laid there and just let him beat me scared if i left he would find me and worse would happen my sister missed me and was so scared after over 2 years that she got adult protective services involved they and my my family saved me
Leave I been doing it 16 yrs
It never gets better put your kids and yourself befor a man. I was abused for 8urs physical emotional and verbal it don’t get better its always was oh I’m sorry won’t happen again type shit . I was 5months prego and he elbow me I was just sitting down and watching TV. And yes I had to turmanate my pregnancy do to him caving in the top of baby head. Please leave now dnt wait longer the moment I left was bad cuz I did not care anymore I stab him 3xs and did not care what happend to me yes I went to jail but eventually I beat my case I’m telling u its not ganna get better and your son is already doing stuff to hurt his siblings I’m so sorry you going through this you don’t deserve none of it or your kids .I knw its not easy to leave but if ur tired of it just get you and your kids and just go and never fall for that famous line (" oh baby I’m sorry I love and miss u I promise it won’t happen again I love you!")…
Cuz guess what I felt for that crap too and promise were broken . And any woman who been through that much abused will tell u it will never get better!
As someone who could advocate for the child’s stance, leaving is probably the only and best option. My mother didn’t even realize the abuse she was advocating for by being a victim to it, and it made me resent her growing up. It is trauma for the entire family and it will stay with you and the kids probably for a long time coming but at the least he won’t be able to cause anymore prolonged damage by getting out now. There’s no easy way out you’ll have to build yourself back up from the trenches even if that means staying in a shelter or getting state assistance but you and your kids will be better off for it in the long run. Just know it’s not your fault no one knows how to deal with that kind of situation until you’re the one in it.
Turn around and don’t walk, RUN. You’re in a prison and your children are in it with you and will emulate everything they’re living. Your son will be abusive, your daughters will grow up thinking bring abused is normal and acceptable. There’s still time to change it all for yourself and them. I’m not judging, I’m speaking from experience.
When he isn’t home pack up all of you and the kids stuff, get the kids and go stay with family even for a night. Call your local shelters, services that help abused women, get for you and the kids either a no contact order or full order of protection.
Block him on everything. And get a divorce going. It’ll be hard at first but you will find a way.
Call or chat with 2-1-1 in your area. Honestly even the nonemergency police number. If you are not able to call, when you take your son somewhere ask them for help. See if there is an agency that would come to your work to help you and it not seem suspicious. Without knowing where you are from it’s hard to narrow down specific resources but there usually are women’s and children’s shelters all over. If you happen to be in Ohio, feel free to message me and I can link you to resources privately (I work with parents of children up to age three, but have connections to other resources throughout the state). But the best thing you are doing is finding a way out. Especially for your children. I’d definitely recommend counseling for them as well due to the trauma of witnessing abuse. That can have lasting effects as well. Hugs to you
I’m sorry you are in this place right now but don’t give up …I know it’s hard been there done that but at the end you have to ask yourself who’s happy? Is it worth the sadness the pain? What are you showing your daughters? That don’t have a say that it’s ok to allow that …your son is reacting to what he sees her a dad is his model . Woman are not weak we are strong we can do what ever we put our mind and focus on yes it’s hard but it’s doable… wake up get help fir you and your family he never gona change you and your family are in danger Get wings of courage yeah you can lose your car but you can work to get another one.go get your own self back fight for your kids …go back to school get help there is help out there I did it .I went into a woman shelter with 2 kids got a apartment a job got back to school now my kids are grown I got a house a good job and I am financially stable I have a parther cause I want to but I can do it alone God has my back and always will I only trust him …
Document everything, video, etc…and not sure semi ever describes abuse it is either yay or nay
My question to you is… If your daughter came to you and said her husband was doing to her and your grandchildren what yours is doing to you and your children what would you say to her? If he gets mad enough next time and kills you do you think it will stop with you? When you are not there who is left for him to take it out on Your Children! When your daughter -in-law comes to you and says ma your son is doing thus to me how will it make you feel that you allowed him to learn that horrible trait and again possibly harm your grandchildren. break the chain now
Look for apartments that go by your income. It’s worth a try to look into that. I know few friends who have done it and it’s worked out for them
It might seem hard but you have to go you can do this there are places that will help just get out
There are domestic violence shelters in every city … look up the one in ur area … they can help you leave
Please leave before he kills you. He’s also teaching his son how to treat women and his daughters that it’s acceptable. There are many in your community that will help you. You nor your children deserve that.
A lot of city buses are safe places get on the bus with you and your children each with a bag and ask them to take you to a safe place… Someone will help you figure out everything from there.
Get ahold of a domestic abuse hotline & reach out for help! Find a domestic abuse women’s shelter for you & your kids! They’ll help you!
Get your son into counseling asap! It takes time to undo some of the damage that has been done but it will help so much. See if you have family that will help you or take your kids to a women’s shelter, they have a lot of resources and can help you. Also document as much as you can. Just don’t give up and go back, keep fighting for you and your kids to not go back.
Prayers for the answers you are looking for not only for u but them babies. U need to leave as soon as possible hun. Call around there are places that would and will help in this situation.
OP has already stated they have thought about leaving and are over the behaviors. I think this comment section would provide more helpful if people gave info to resources they know about vs just telling OP “leave” although it is meant well, it is clear she wants to leave and doesn’t know how.