How to find balance as a mom?

I am a FTM of four going on five children. I have one child in middle school and the rest of the kids are back-to-back babies. I’m truly struggling at finding balance in my life. I find that my husband is very helpful, but I’m slightly envious of him because other than getting away from the children through work, he prioritizes things that are important to him. Sports, church, and occasionally events that are available typically for men. (I’m dreaming of a day where he prioritizes finding daycare and takes me on a date ). I find myself in a difficult situation, always stuck with the children and their needs, how do I try to make friends locally? How do I get away from my kids and do something for myself? What are things that you do as a mom to find balance? (Keep in mind I’m in late stages of pregnancy) I do enjoy being active but I’m at the end stage of pregnancy where I’m slow and very tired. Help a momma out please. Need to get out of this depressing cycle.


Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How to find balance as a mom?

Honestly your husband needs to keep the kids so you can get out and do something for yourself. Even if its just taking a drive listening to music. Anything to get some peace and clear your head. And I know it’s hard but try to get a sitter occasionally so the two of you can spend some time together. Stay strong mana :muscle:


Birth control. Also, why do you allow yourself to be 100% parent with no breaks? The kids have two parents. Leave him with the kids and go do you time.


Don’t worry about it right now, your hormones are out of control, wait until after you have the baby. Have him watch the kids while you go out to eat, a movie, church, art gallery, something.

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Find a mama group on FB that is in your area. You’ll meet lots of moms there. What we have started to do this year is we found a babysitter that babysits for us on date nights. And just recently, my husband and I have been taking turns where we take the kids to do somwthing as a family, then the next weekend, I spend time with kids while he does his thing. Then the following weekend he takes kids and I do some self care.
It has helped me mentally as a mom so much and it has helped our relationship grow closer. When mama gets some self care and down time, everything else runs smoothly. I’m my opinion. :joy:
Good luck mama, you got this. I know it’s not easy, but your doing a great job.


I’m sorry I can’t get over being a ftm with almost five kids lol you were a ftm with your first, but not anymore


I think she meant full time mom!FTM

Let dad keep the kids while you leave the house for an hour every couple days. Whether it be a leisurely stroll or go to the movies, find a book club etc. I know I have to take breaks. :revolving_hearts:

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Depending where you are located, where I am, we have ECFE, classes you take with your children, you stay w them in class for about 1/2 hour then, the parents leave the children and gather to discuss various topics. I found it refreshing, kids had opportunity to make friends and learn thru play. And I was reassured I want alone, and other parents shared what how they coped with and dealt with similar concerns with their kids It’s nice to get varied responses to similar circumstances. There were different activities going on( free) that I could go to and bring my kids, that I wouldn’t have know about if I hadn’t gone to the ECFE classes. .

um, ftm doesn’t mean what y’all think it means… it def doesn’t mean full time mom… do your research before using terms. #ftm means female to male, as in transgender. the more you know…:star::star2::sparkles:


Im a mom of 5 but i only have 4 with me. It is just me and my kids in my house. My 2 oldest daughters are in elementary and the last 2 are almost 16 months and almost 2 months. The kids go with the grandmas ever so often when I need to go to appointments, the store or whatever. Being a single woman sucks lol but it is what it is

Some churches have mom groups where they provide day care and you go and sit with other moms and chat and do groups. Also, I found putting my kids in a Mother’s Day out program 2 days a week really helped. I’m able to do things those day for my self or just be alone!


With my first kid I took her to story time at the library and Barnes and Nobles, we would go to the park to play and I enrolled her in the little gym twice a week, along with a mommy and me class. we both made friends pretty quickly. I was able to find other moms for me to hangout with and she was able to have friends her age to play with. Just try joining local mom groups or kids activities and you’ll find the group you need

I feel this strongly.
I only have two kids but they’re 2 & 4 and I plan on homeschooling them so no alone time for the foreseeable future.
My husband owns his own business so he’s gone to work 4 days a week - also jealous he gets kid free time.

I don’t have the answer but I’m just trying to enjoy it as much as I can until they’re older and I’m able to do more adult things with them.


If he’s an over all good husband it’s because he prioritizes his alone time in order to be a providing husband you need to do the same put all kids to bed early by 9pm all should be asleep take a bath nightly with a glass of wine have your husband watch any of the small children if they wake up take small steps in alone time while still being around for all 3 small children it’s only going to get worse with new born so make your bath time something your husband can help with take 1 hr bath later move on to a weekly 2 hr shopping time to target have him take care of kids good luck start small

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Tell him what you told us. Odds are he’ll understand but doesn’t realize you need some breaks.


He priorities what’s important to him??? You should be at the top of his list!!! He should be taking over for you to get some rest especially with you being pregnant!!! You are his wife not some birthing machine. God Bless.


Do you also ho to chuwith your husband or does he go alone? Normally when we go the kids go one way and we go another. Then I have the women group. That’s a great way to meet women friends and a great place to have kids play while you have some time away from them. Also they have couple groups as well
But if church is not your thing then look into something similar.

Just like dad wants his “free time” you especially need it as well bc your home all day with them and watch them majority of the time when dad is off work too so he can go hv fun. Let him know that you really need to get out, if needed give him advance notice of when you would like to go out, or even go to store, to the park just to sit in peace read a book or lay on grass with a blanket. Every parent needs their “personal time” so they can regroup and are able to be the best possible mom or dad for their kids. You just need to tell him although you are happy he gets out you need it to and start planning things. He is their father and your his wife/lady so he shouldn’t hv a problem watching his kids so momma can hv somw time alone or to go out.


Getting my eyebrows waxed, tanning, any self care. Hang in there I know things are tough.

I’m confused by the ftm of multiple children.


Join or find a church. Put them in the mamas day out. You’ll get a few hours a week. From there search for a sitter. And once a month have hubby chill with his offspring while you get a quick haircut and eyebrow wax. Or just sit quietly in the car at a random Walmart parking lot.

Tell your husband you’re going shopping but have a click and collect order ready to pick up. Use the time to get your hair washed and blow waved or a manicure/pedicure, free massage chair with every pedicure and loads of ladies to start a conversation with :wink:


Find a mother’s club in your area.

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Men don’t think about stuff so you have to be blunt, specific and direct. Tell him point blank he has to find one or more babysitters by asking his colleagues at work and activities for recommendations. Meanwhile you can look on, ask people on a neighborhood website or your neighbors for recommendations, etc.

Church, playgrounds, neighborhood places are great for meeting other moms and single friends.

Give him a warning you need to talk, give him a date & time when he has to sit with you, and give him a deadline when he has to have the information.

Write down all his activities and how much time they take, and you negotiate for equal time off, but give him the option to pick when he can take the kids so you get a break. Once you get him in the habit of routinely watching his kids, you can negotiate more hours or different times. Remind him you are being generous, and be sure he knows how much money you’re saving the family on day care costs.

I also recommend reliable birth control after this baby is born. I can’t imagine wrangling five kids! How exhausting! You must be superwoman.

With that many kids I’d hire two sitters at a time on a regular basis so y’all can have date nights. Tell hubs you’ll alternate making plans. Getting season tickets to a local theater (even the local high school plays) is a great way to plan nights out while enjoying some culture.

Then you negotiate equal time for yourself. He can choose either what hours or days he watches the kids, whether he gets Saturdays to play & takes the kids Sundays or vice versa or he is responsible for the children Wednesday nights, and weekend mornings or whatever.


I definitely agree with going to your local church. I too struggled with this, but since joining in my local churches Bible study and and doing some volunteer work there I’ve found purpose for just me being me and also found a family :heartpulse:

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Take a day to go have lunch even if it’s by yourself a nice hot peaceful meal with no interruption, a movie even, go get a pedicure , or a hair cut, a facial, a Mani shoot take a day and do all of the above if you can afford it. You need to find yourself as well, hormones are so difficult to deal with pregnant and not pregnant as well especially when you feel like you have lost yourself or that you are not a priority in your husband’s life. I would make it a point to go even for a joy ride in the car alone listen to music drive in silence or call a girl friend on the phone and chat with no kids Interrupting surely he will understand you have to have some quiet time. This doesn’t make you a bad mom at all it makes you human!

You said he go to church get in a lady group stop having more kids lol ask a teen at church who would like to baby sit start taking your kids to kid things at the library Church ask a family member get to know the ladies at church and maybe you could exchange a day and they can exchange a day for child care

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Does your church have a “mother’s morning out”? Check the library for children’s programs.

First of all recognize you are a rock star! Hardly anyone dares have that many littles in these times. So hats off to you, I only have 2 and it’s a challenge!
I would encourage you to take your husband’s approach. (My friend actually gave me this advice and it helped so much!) He has his work and then schedule’s things to balance it. As moms we feel the need to fill every void and yet it’s not possible. Go ahead and start booking breaks. Whether it means you use a babysitter or (god forbid!), your husband takes over so you can have your down time! When I started doing this 2 things happened. One, I was happier. And 2, my husband started to appreciate me more. Realizing I’m not chilling at home while he does the “real work”. It took a little bit, but now I book full weekends away. There’s absolutely zero reason why my son and daughter can’t be taken care of by their dad. And by the way they will benefit! And you will too. It’s not easy to back off but I’d encourage you to got for it!


Quit having babies. If your so stressed with the children then why do u keep having more??


Let your husband “babysit” his kids. Idk why it’s always the men going out and doing fun things while woman is the only one who watches their kids.


It cant rain forever mama…i remember being there and being so stir crazy. But now our kids are growing older and having kids of their own makes me a bit said how fast it went we have 7 between 24 and 10 and our 4th grandbaby otw


Yall so rude talking about birth control and stop having kids

Bitter bettys i guess

I go for a late night swim and sauna occasionally and my 3 children stay home with their dad. It’s 8-10 pm at my local leisure centre so the children are in and I go have a swim and sauna. Its my bit of relaxation


Why are you having another if you are already overwhelmed?


He definitely had a part in making those babies, so he can step-up and take care of his own. Get a paid day off there daddy and help out. Hire a doula…and as harsh as it sounds 5 kids is a lot and my goodness you need a life. Get the hubby fixed and have him pay for a full time nanny so you can actually do stuff in more than 5 minutes. I have 2 and didn’t need the 2nd one, barely any time to just breathe. Best wishes momma :heart:

We have 4 kids and we hire a babysitter so we can go on a date bc we are best friends. You picked who you had kids with do something about it, communicate your needs or put in the work to fix your relationship so both of your needs are met.

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Where are you located? Im a SAHM of 4, oldest is 10 and my other 3 are 4-3months. Feel free to message me, i know the struggle forsure.

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Ask him to help you find a day care and go from there

Do not fantasize. Tell him! Tell him exactly what you need from him. Don’t ask, tell. He needs to prioritize family more and you need to less. Everyone needs some time for themselves, I’m sure he would understand that.

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DM me if you need to talk, been there before, I’m amom of 5, 3 in their 20’s a 14& 8yr. A granddaughter & grandson on the way.
Def not easy but you will do fine. You have to fond time for yourself. I didn’t & it caused a lot of problems in the beginning through 20 yrs. Now 27yrss in he is my everything.

Tell your husband he needs to be helping you more. He made the children too. It’s not fair for you to shoulder most of the responsibility.


Look on FB for groups in your area that have same like hobbies etc. Talk to your spouse once you find something you want to do and explain to him you need this time for yourself and would appreciate if he could step up and take care of the kids during these times. I hope he mans up but be prepared in the event he doesn’t. Have a plan B. Do the grandparents live close? Or someone willing to care for the kids a few hours a week so you can participate in something you like?

If you need to talk without people judging please pm me. I am a mother of 6. I have 2 in middle school and 4 in elementary. My kids are also almost back to back.

Don’t wait for him to do it, do it for yourself! Pick a day where he’s home for him to stay with the kids and you go treat yourself! He’ll understand especially if you do it for him. Especially before new baby comes! Do you have family close by? If so, plan a date night and then let him know how you want to do that more often and he should take some initiative as well. Moms definitely need time alone too!

For mom friends, I’ve definitely found myself making some at local parks and mom groups on social media. Just always be careful!

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Cross-stitching is very beautiful and calming and you create a beautiful piece of artwork :slightly_smiling_face:

First off talk to your guy. Let him know you NEED a break and a date night! Secondly, if you need some you time, when he is home tell him to watch the kids and go for a walk or just go take a shower and relax a bit. Other times take kids with you. Take them to a park so you get in a walk and get some fresh air. Fresh air helps a lot and having kids run out some energy at the park is helpful too.

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Take his time for sports and let him stay with the children while you go out and have me time

Date nights need to start after this birth…

Leave the kids with Dad one weekend a month. Get away. See a friend. Stay with family. Hell, camp in your car. Just get away. You will be better for it. Trust me.
Prioritize yourself. The entire family will benefit from it.

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I tell my husband if I want to go out and get my hair done, or meet up with friends!And I work on weekends,so he gets the kids!!U have to make it 50/50!!Don’t be afraid to speak up!They r his kids too!!Not a sperm donor!And yes u too should make date nights at least every couple months!

Have him start taking kids with him.

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Some of these women in this group are ridiculous… as if the “why do you keep having babies if you’re already stressed” or “birth control” or quit having kids” comments help. :roll_eyes: I just recently had my 5th and I felt the same way. My significant other got a vasectomy before I gave birth to our last baby. 2 of my children were literally birth control babies. People are ridiculous with their suggestions as if they know your life. With that being said, When my significant other gets home… I just tell him I’m leaving lol. I just get my stuff and I let him know where I’m going etc. and I go. I don’t ask. Because they don’t ask… it’s their responsibility just as it is yours. And you deserve to get out and get things done with out the chaos. Communicate your needs and feelings with your husband. What has worked for me if on occasion giving him scenarios where the roles are reversed. Men have a hard time seeing themselves in our shoes lol. It’s so easy for them to assume we have it all under control and we’re fine because we make it look easy… try talking to him.


I have 4 kids and 1 on the way, 12,5, 4 and 3 and I understand completely. I’m a single mom and I’m here if you wanna chat

If you want time for your self, then make the plans yourself. When he gets home, have your stuff ready and leave. He will have no choice but to help.

Man some of you ladies are assholes lol