How to fix a relationship?

I’m a mother of 4, ages 5, 2, 1 and 6 months old… me and my kids father recently had an huge fight where I pressed charges on him and he isnt allowed to contact me until his court next month… I want to work things out with him but he moved back to his hometown and told me he is not willing to work things out, because I take him for granted. how am I taking him for granted when i gave him a place to live, gave him kids. tried to keep him and his kids happy and forgot about myself, I fell into deep depression a while back and things finally got to me to a point where I wanted to end my life but no I’m seeking the help I need, I want him to work things out with me since I am willing to change for the better, what should I do?

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I understand you want to work it out with him, but you don’t deserve that emotional abuse. And your kids don’t deserve to see it either. It might be the best to maybe do shared custody or something. You and your children’s mental health and physical health is more important. I promise. I wish my parents would have realized that sooner. Good luck

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If you had to press charges chances are you shouldn’t work it out and maybe moving forward without him is best. Coming from someone who has been there.

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Just in my opinion, if my baby daddy pressed chargers on me and made it to where I couldn’t contact to check on my children I would not want to work things out. Sounds to toxic, but I also understand wanting to work it out to be a family. Tough decisions.

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If you have a no contact order, don’t contact him or you both go to jail. And then where do your kids go?? Not to mention they don’t give NCO out just for the hell of it, he had to have done something that was dangerous to you or your kids, is that what you really want in your childrens lives?

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Honestly I personally would leave it alone if yall were in a situation where you had to press charges that means things got way out of hand! Also even tho you are trying to better yourself doesnt mean yall will be better together or that he will better himself either! I would not break any court orders to try and make things work he could always use that against you! Get yourself straightened out and get everything right for you and your babies thats all you should worry about right now in my opinion!

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Get some therapy for yourself before you try to get back together.

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We only know one side so we can’t be much help. Goodluck.

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Keep fighting for what u want don’t give up.

Work on yourself. His complete unwillingness is a clear sign he was just looking for a reason to not be the father/husband you need in life. It’s sad and you will be sad but you can’t make someone step up and do what’s right

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You sound like maybe you’ll need to work on yourself first! If you’re already pressing charges on issues maybe it’s best you both go your own ways & just co parent for the sake of the lil ones!

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Move on. It’s hard but focus on yourself and your mental health. Don’t contact him anymore. You’ll make things worse.

If he doesn’t want to work on it, there’s nothing that you can do. Relationships are hard together. They’re impossible alone.

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You can change yourself, but you cant change anybody else.hold your head high .make you happy.life is short.look out for you and your kids.

You just said you’re getting better once he had left. That’s your clue to not go back and move forward girl

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You already know it’s no good. That’s why you guys fought and split in the first place. Why you pressed charges. Dont let fear of being alone make you beg for disfunction. You deserve better and need to work on yourself as a woman, not a relationship. Good luck mama

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I would say work on your self and get your self together and just worry about your children right now. Because it seems like he needs therapy and you do too because you don’t want your children growing up in a dysfunctional house hold.

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I’ve been where you are! Yes we are still together, but it took along time to get their. Counseling, living separate for almost an year. It took a lot of work and dedication on both ends. It can be done.

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You should stop worrying about him and get yourself healthy for the sake of yourself and your kids.

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Obey the no contact order. The kids are what’s important right now, especially if you’ve done something and are now facing charges. Don’t make it worse by pressing the matter with him

The fact that you listed “gave him kids” as proof of not taking him for granted strongly suggests that you may need time alone to mature and reflect. What confuses me is you had a huge fight and you pressed charges on him, enough to have a court order of no contact, yet you keep contacting him and want him back? If he physically hurt you and you feared for your life I hope that you move forward with your life and not go back for the sake of those children. But if you antagonized him and falsely accused him, I hope he finds himself a good woman and you can see updates of how happy they will be and I hope your kids know the real reason why their parents are not together :raised_hands:t3:

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You pressed charges against him and there’s a no contact order…what makes you think he’d be all willy nilly to fix things with you? Did he hit you? Push you? Slap you? Threaten you? Or was it just a verbal fight? You need to fix yourself though before you can fix your relationship.

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A no contact order strongly suggests someone is violent or threatening. I’d say the relationship needs to be set aside. The focus needs to be on navigating you and your little ones safely through that process. Deal with Dad only after you have, and have also surrounded yourselves with a strong support network. Stop trying to put a square peg in a round hole. You can do this.

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ur slowing him to beat on u again and again if u let him back

You can do all those things and ot doesn’t show appropriation

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Ask him to go to a marriage counselor. If he says no then move on. The hurt is almost unbearable but you and your kids will be better off.

Whatever issue was going on that you had to call the cops on him is not going to get fixed if you are the only one trying to better yourself. It sounds like he has his own issues to deal with, so you should take time to help yourself without the strain of your relationship.

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You contacting him while under a no contact order if a jailable offense, stop it and leave him alone

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Typically abusive man they don’t take responsibility for jack shit. Just leave and never look back

Work on you. Pressing charges ended any and all chances of a relationship. Your relationship wasn’t very healthy or mature to begin with from the sounds of it hun. Work on making everyone healthy and happy. Counseling. Then just coparent. What’s done is done.

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Do the work on you for you. Maybe when he starts seeing the results he’ll change his own mind. But it takes two.

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Counseling clearly needs to happen

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You pressed charges on him? And you want him back?! You’re absolutely crazy. He isn’t gonna change. You need to learn that. I know you love him.and have kids together but it’s not worth it. Move on and make.yourself and children happy. They dont need to see you fight… I felt with domestic violence best decision I made was to LEAVE. You’re better than that. Especially of you think you screwed up. You need a man who will treat you like a queen

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It takes two to make a relationship work. If one of you is not entirely devoted it will be a waste of time to keep going. If it got to the point where a restraining order is involved, why do you want to work it out? Maybe it is best you go your separate ways and give yourselves a chance to heal.

work on yourself before you worry about him

Kick his sorry was out of your Life and sue him for Child support and spousal support!!

Protect your self and your children

Let it go. U pressed charges for a reason 🤦 don’t settle for his shit cuz ur afraid to be a single mom. Think of what you’re raising your kids around 🤦

Realize you and your kiddos deserve better!! Never beg a man to be with you!

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Take caare of you amd your kids if you weremeant to be together it ll. Happen

Honey you cant force someone to be with you or love you. Tell him that you honestly want to work on things and be together and your willing to do whatever that takes but if he still doesnt want to or wants to take it slowly, you gotta understand men go through alot too and have a harder time then women talking about it usually so maybe he needs some time and space to really think about stuff and just do what you can from a distance to show your trying to make things better for him and yourself and your babies. I pray yall are able to work things out and get your family back together. Also it’s pretty important you dont have any sexual relationship while trying to work things out cause that will just make things complicated even more and could make things worse. Good luck :heart:

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So you had him arrested? Now YOU want to change for the better AND work things out? I’m glad you’re seeking help. That is a start. Next step would definitely involve seeking birth control…

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Let him go. Don’t waste your life chasing after someone who doesn’t want to fight for your relationship. It pushes him away more and will just cause you heartache. Let him go.

Make your self frist, then your kids, cause u cant make someone else happy, i know this cause ive lived it.

As Steve Harvy say don,t let a man tell you twice that hedo not want you. Let go my friend it will o ly get worst.

I don’t understand why you say you are willing to change, when earlier in your post you stated you didn’t understand why he said you take him for granted, when all you did was take him in, and took care of his children. If you think you didn’t do anything wrong, what is it you are willing to change now?

LEAVE HIM ALONE. Voice of experience here girl!!! You’re trying to PLEASE him. A relationship is a give & take situation. He just wants you to chase him!!! I’m not saying the situation is going to get better overnite coz it WON’T sorry to say. Get some counceling ASAP. You didn’t say if the fight got physical & it’s none of my business. If my case it did sad to say. Get on the net & do a little research on a narcissist. Probably also a Sociopath coz he sounds like one to me. I got out, you can too. All the luck & lovw to you & those babies in the future sweetie, they deserve a happy mommy :heart::heart::heart::heart:

Shit stupid comments I just made didn’t post or will take forever to do it. I got hacked I think UGH!!!

We’ll…since you asked what you should do the first thing that came to my mind was “go check on your kids”.