I have a 15year old Stepson who is trans (ftm) he lives about an hour away and my husband and I desperately want him to move in with us. His Mom isn’t supportive and denies he is trans doesn’t respect him at all. Talked him out of a work placement program he got into through school. She doesn’t talk about feelings and so he doesn’t ever tell us how he feels. We accept him and love him and want him to live with us. My husband and his ex never went to court for a custody arrangement. Just wondering how to go about it. He’s not happy and we know with LGBTQ kids the self harm rates are so high especially with unsupportive family.
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That is amazing that he has support through you guys. He bio mom needs to have her rights taken away.
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I have no advice. I’m just here to say that you’re AWESOME!
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If he’s 15 the courts will usually let him choose.
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He should be old enough to decide where he wants to live. Y’all are a great support system for him!
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He is old enough to decide in most states where he wants to live. Contact a lawyer!
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He is old enough to decide which parent he wants to live with. If that is his decision, take her to court and let him give a statement. Also, I would recommend looking into the family court laws for your state before you proceed. That way you understand everything before going to court.
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You would have to go to court to set up a custody arrangement.
Once you do that the child can have a say in where they live. At 15 a judge will take the child’s opinion into consideration.
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Be careful folks there are 2 sides to every story here we have only one
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Hes at that age where if you went to court, it can be reversed. I would talk to a attorney! That’s your best option. Good luck and tell your son to stay strong, he is loved and supported. He has to learn not to care what others think about… Meditation helps alot!
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I’m not a lawyer, and state laws vary. But since a custody arrangement was never formalized, that’s what you need to do. I’d call a family attorney for a consultation. Usually the initial consultation is free. The process might go through mediation or the courts, depending on how much the mother fights it. At 15, the judge will ask the youth (privately) what they want.
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At 15 years old he should be able to decide who he wants to live with.
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Get an attorney & fight for your boy. Like you said, him not being in a supportive environment is dangerous to his life. Good luck!
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He is old enough to decide for himself who he wants to live with
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Interesting the boy didnt say he wanted to live with you guys. Stop being so dang busy.
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His father needs to have a talk with the mother about it and with the son. There needs to be some conversations here. If his life with mom isn’t healthy for him he needs to be with dad. However if he says he’s happy at mom’s or whatever there’s really nothing you can do about it. At 15 a judge will listen and take seriously what he wants to do at that age.
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You go to court. File a motion for custody. He’s 15, and plenty old enough to speak to the judge on who he wants to live with. The way things are these days, children need support and understanding, in any situation. They need to be in a home that will support and protect them. Not one that suppresses who they are and ignores warning signs of stress, anxiety and depression. So get yourselves in front of a judge and provide any and all documentation that you can to support him living with you.
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Ask him if he wants to live with you he’s old enough to make his own decision.
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Over the age of 13 most states let the child chose which parent they live with.
Get a lawyer and file for motion in court for custody. Does he want to live with yall? If that’s the case then it should be pretty easy
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idk I feel like y’all should sit down with her maybe try to get a better understanding before you talk about getting custody 
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if theres no custody agreement he can come over and just not go back 
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If mom won’t let him come live with you, dad should petition the courts. It might be easier to file for emergency custody next time SS visits, but I very highly recommend he speak to an attorney before he goes that particular route.
That said, there is no “magic age” where any court will let a child decide where they live. They will take it into consideration, but at the end of the day, the court MUST act in the best interest of the child. Based on what you’ve said, he’s got a very strong chance of winning custody.
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If there is no custody arrangements go to courts and ask that some be made. Give as much proof as you can on why the child being with y’all is more beneficial. (Show facts not just opinions). Show how and when mom lacks on supporting child. Show that child is sad and wants to be with you. If you cannot then getting what you want will be hard. A key thing that must be shown is that it is in the best interest of the child.
First of all, start off with putting him in counseling. It will be so beneficial for him. This will also help with custody case… Second, sit down and talk with him. If he feels like it’s a toxic environment, causing him to feel unloved, not acceptable and/or depressed, move on to talking with a lawyer to fight for custody.
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States vary but he should be old enough to choose who he wants to live with. All your husband should have to do is file a motion for primary custody. I would definitely get an attorney’s opinion and probably hire one for the case so there’s no mistakes on your guys part.
Leave that poor mother alone she is obviously grieving…not everyone embraces the fact that their child chooses to be transgender…and that poor child.,I think the child and bio mom should go to counseling together to talk about their feelings…and step mom should butt out and leave the situation for bio parents to deal with…
Most states, 15 is old enough for him to tell the judge who he wants to live with and unless the parent chosen is unfit in some way, they will gain custody
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Go to court and he can then speak up on who he wants to live with.
Have a court hearing. Make sure he attends. He is old enough to make the decision which the judge will take into huge consideration
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Un popular opinion but first off no 15 year old should be deciding their gender. The mom isn’t in the wrong here !!! And the encouragement of this behaviour is what’s wrong with our society
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Sit & have a talk with the son & mother together, making your wishes known. If the son agrees & the mother doesn’t, then you get a lawyer & go to court.
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At 15, what he wants is heavily weighed by the court.
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File parental rights n responsibilities in court son is old enough speak for himself in front the judge.
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He is 15 with no custody agreement. He can just stay with his dad and you. At this age, they can choose where they wish to live.
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He should be old enough to make that decision in the eyes of the court.
My half sister did this at 14. Wanted to live with her grandparents. And she did
At 15 the court will listen to him tbh
I have no advice sorry but what an amazing step mam you are…it’s quite humbling to know there are decent people out there 
… if my son was in the same scenario in the future I’d like to think I’d be as supportive as you 
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Basically, if there is no court order, he can just leave his mom and come stay with you. At 15 he is old enough to make the decision as to which parent he wants to live with, but he has to be honest with his mom and let her know that he is choosing to live with his father and why. My suggestion is that after he speak with her and makes the move, to also put it in writing (make a copy) and mail it to her certified mail signature required. When the proof of delivery comes back staple the proof to the copy and keep in a safe place. This way it is all documented and she cannot say that he just ran away, or he didn’t tell her why he wanted to leave. This will also be a document that will be accepted in court should Mom try to go there or involve CPS. I agree that non-supportive parents of LGBTQ kids make them feel even more isolated and lost than they already are. That young man needs a lot of support and a safe place to be who he truly is. I would also document every phone call (record them if you can) and keep a ledger of the phone calls and communication he has with his mom and the content of the communications and phone calls after he leaves. This is important again if it goes to court or if CPS gets involved. Wishing you the best of Luck, Love and Light in this situation.
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Depending on what state you are in and their laws, since he is 15, he may be able to decide who he wants to live with. Maybe you can check in to that?
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Go to court.
He is old enough to tell the judge where he wants to live.
I mean, tech since there’s no paper work the next time he comes over you don’t have to send him back. You could also try to file an emergency custody order where you could go get him now and they will give you a court date in a few weeks to decide long term placement. He’s 15, he gets to decide where he lives TBH so if he wants to be with y’all just go get him
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He’s 15? And thinks he’s another gender? How would he know yet? He’s not even half grown up. ???
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He is 15. I think a judge would let him decide who he wants to live with.
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Have the father go after custody. And prove everything you said in this post.
He is old enough to make the decision where he wants to live in the eyes of the court.
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If there is no custody order in place at all, he can come for a visit and stay. She would have to take you and your husband to court to get him back. Yes, as long as he’s with a custodial parent he can refuse to go back to the other parent. Even at his age if there is a custody agreement in place, he can refuse to go back. She’d have to go back to court to have it enforced. The police can’t do anything without an enforcement tp return from a judge. So my advice is to go talk to a family law attorney in your state so you can get the facts. You don’t necessarily have to hire them. Many do free consultations.
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The judge will decide who is better fit to raise the child and its not only money that is taken into consideration. Its what is best for the child, no matter what age.
Unless the other parent can prove yall unfit, the child gets to choose where they feel safe and comfortable to live.
You dont have a formal arrangement so ask your son what he wants to do and , if he’d rather stay with you , then contact a lawyer. He’s old enough for the courts to listen to his opinion
For goodness sake! It’s not rocket science. Sit down with him and have a conversation! Talk to him! You are the adults in the room right?! Be there for him and make sure he knows you are and will be. Open up communication before heading to the courts. The courts will just add more stress and guilt if he’s forced to choose between parents. That path should only be used when all else has failed or if the boy is in imminent danger.
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Does he want to live with you? Have you asked him?
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Depending on which state you live in, a child has a say from about the age of 13-15 as far as court custody is concerned.
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I don’t have any advice. I just want to say what an amazing father and stepmom your stepson has. I hope you guys get everything figured out soon. Best to you all.
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He’s old enough to choose, courts will allow him to choose as long as it’s a safe environment. Good luck x
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Stay out of it. That’s her child and in 3 short years, that child will be an adult and can do as they want.
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You can have an attorney file an ex parte (emergency custody) or Dad files for custody, son must state he wants to live with Dad. Emergency custody petition would work the fastest, especially child is in a neglectful of abusive situation. Explain that the mother is mentally unstable & is refusing psychological care.
Go to court. Is my first suggestion, but like many others have said if there is no custody agreement he can just go to dad and stay with dad. Mom will then have to open court proceedings to say why he needs to be with her as opposed to with dad. I would be cautious with court if you live in Texas. Trans situations are getting very cloudy right now.
If he’s not talking about his feelings how do yoi know he’s unhappy?
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The ones wanting to take custody away from this mother who has raised this child for 15 years already…wow. Better be glad it’s not me and my kid. This step mom that posted would have a heck of a fight on her hands! The child hasn’t even said where they want to live. Making mountains out of mole hills.
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The kid needs some counseling, not a full blown custody fight in court.
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He can just move in with you. The court won’t really get involved at that point unless the mom hires lawyers and makes a big stink. At the end of the day though he can decide for himself at that age.
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TV… 15, he can come live with you if he wants, go get him, she can’t do anything about it, she does not have legal custody, so he doesn’t have to stay with her. If she calls the cops they will ask for legal documentation which she doesn’t have.
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With no custody agreement in place he can just stay with his dad. He is old enough to choose now as well. I would still go to court and make sure you have that in writing but you definitely don’t have to send him back.
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The last thing this confused kid needs is your kind of “support”. Let HER mother raise her DAUGHTER.
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I go to court they will listen to him he’s 15 years old he knows what he wants
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He is 15 I believe he can make his own choices!!! Just ask him if he wants to live with you guys. If he says yes then thats it!! I doubt the mom will try to do anything about it anyways. Doesnt sound like she is a good mom at all in my opinion and probably doesnt want him there anyways. Good luck!!!
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First question are you on his birth certificate?
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Folks saying he can just live with him… Two scenarios if he is not on the birth certificate she can say that he kidnapped her… Also if he’s not on the birth certificate and they don’t have custody paperwork he won’t be able to get her into school.
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Has anyone asked the child what he wants? That would be the best place to start.
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Your husband has rights and needs a lawyer and file for custody if the daughter wants to move and not feeling supported by mom dad may have grounds to get custody
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As a mom with 2 daughters in the LGBTQ community,thank you for supporting him.I would take her to court.Your husband is going to have to file paperwork and explain why he wants custody of his child.His son,will probably have to speak to a lawyer guardian in regards who he wants to live with.
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if he is 15 years old then he should have a choice on were he wants to live, no custody agreement , then he can live with his dad and you ,talk to a lawyer and see if that helps s in his age i think he should be ok to make his own choices.
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He’s 15. Tell him you want him to live with you that he just has to go to court and say it.
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Wait till he’s 18 and let him decide. If he’s not being abused, please don’t drag this mother through the mud. It’s unfortunate she doesn’t accept it but maybe one day she can. I hope.
Let me add, I do support trans people. I just feel like 15 is too young. I was wearing boy clothes, had only boy friends and got dirty and rough. Doesn’t mean I wanted to be a boy. Our society pushes this on our children but…live and let live.
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He’s 15 he should have a right to make decisions where he wants to live but do contact a lawyer about this
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If the child wants to live with y’all…the best advice is to consult a lawyer. They will know the laws and precedents in your town/city/state. You need to do this legally…in case Bio-mom wants to fight for custody.
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He’s old enough to pick and choose which parent he wants to live with. I’d put in court papers for a temporary order of custody
She doesn’t have to support her being Trans, she doesn’t have to believe it neither.
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All he has to do is file in court.
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Can we remove transphobes from this group admins? Human rights aren’t politics.
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With no agreement in place all you guys do is go file and it starts. File for emergency placement he can come live with you guys while court is dealt with and an agreement met.
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At 15 he is old enough to decide where he wants to live. But don’t badmouth his mother to him.
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Y’all need to hire a lawyer and go to court. He’s old enough to decide where he wants to live.
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He can legally pick who he lives with! She can’t do a damn thing about it.
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If his parents don’t have any type of custody agreement and because he is 15, just ask him where he wants to live. In most states at that age, he can choose which parent he wants to live. After he moves in, get legal custody of him.
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I have no advice, as I have kids under the age 8, so idk what to do age wise.
But koodos to you for being supportive to your stepson. I’m apart of the same community as your son, I’m not trans but Bi. I’m also polyamorous, but with how my family is, I never told them. And I am 28. I’m just starting to let it known to my family that’s friends to this account. I know that once I let it known to my grandparents on both of my parents side, they’ll probably disown me or cry or try to shove “go to church and start thinking right” or something along those lines. One set of my grandparents are pastors, so I can already see how that bridge with go down.
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Well in some states a teen claiming to be trans is considered a mental condition untreated by the parents. The custodial parent can be charged with medical neglect for letting it continue.
Check state laws then go to court
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get an attorney file a custody case.
Some of these comments are absolutely disgusting. That type of behavior is exactly why these poor kids are getting bullied and committing suicide. No one says we have to agree but our jobs as parents are to be the safe zone and to support them no matter what. And I say that as a pro-life Trump supporting Conservative Christian so don’t even come at me with remarks about my political affiliation. Human rights are not politics. Love people. Pray for people. Leave the rest to whatever God you serve.
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I like how alot of you are recommending that theu ask the child where he wants to live but have skipped over the fact that his mother practically FORCED him to give up placement work that was set up through the school. This mother sounds narcissistic, controlling and downright terrible. Sounds like courts will definitely need to be involved for the welfare of the child. He sounds to be so mentally/emotionally abused, he will do whatever his mother wants
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At that age he can pick where to live, you don’t have to have a court order but I’d get one cause of how narcissistic his mother is ! If she starts anything call the police tell them the situation.
I don’t have much advice just wanted to say you are an amazing person!!
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If there is no agreement, the son could come stay with y’all and she can’t do anything about it. You could take him to another country, and the mom couldn’t stop you. Get a lawyer, though.
Check laws where you are but some states 14 is the age when a child can decide what parent it wants to live with.
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Get a lawyer ($ but worth it)!!!
It’s great that you are supportive. That said, has he expressed a desire to live with you? Regardless of his gender, if he hasn’t voiced that he would like to change his living arrangements, he may not want to. Where he lives now he presumably has friends at school who are supportive, yes?
Having to move and upend his life could potentially be more traumatic than having a parent who isn’t on board with his lifestyle.
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With no agreement, you can file for custody
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I just want to give you much praise for accepting this child just the way they are 
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