Hey guys I didn’t really know where else to seek help and opinions but please no bashing…
I don’t know what to do with my 3 year old anymore lately she has been spitting on me and biting me and throwing tantrums when she’s really mad or doesn’t get her way… I don’t think this is completely normal for a 3 year old with how constant she’s doing these things she’s fine around other kids when she plays but will act out towards me I love my daughter but I need opinions on what to do. I’ve tried time out but she will bang on the door really hard and she has been crying for an hour before bedtime. This recently starting happening so sorry for the long post. My question really is what would you guys do? Should I take her to the doctor and see who they would recommend for her to see? Is it just a phase? Thank you for reading.
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Even if it is a “phase” I wouldn’t allow her to disrespect you in that way. I would be taking her to the doctor to her evaluated.
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I’m sorry you’re going through this. I have a 3 1/2 year old and she’ll have the occasional meltdown. Ask yourself…Is she bored? is she over tired? is she over stimulated? has she seen another child behave that way?
At this age, they have a good understanding on how to get a reaction out of someone…wether it be positive or negative behavior. She also leaning of consequences. Now is the best time to instill a consistent form of discipline. I hope her behavior improves for you.
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Explain too her that behaviour isn’t OK an sit her on chair in the corner of the room (time out) so she gets a full understanding that it’s not OK… Be firm an there will be tears but owell
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Ignore the tantrums. If she throws herself down and screams walk over her and keep going, or get up and walk away from her. Tantrums sre attention seeking behavior if you do not give her the attention they will stop. And I am sorry if she bites you bite her back. Not hard enough to break the skin but to show it hurts. All this is attention getting. Best thing if you insist on time outs which by the way do not work for all children…then time out in a corner in part of the house where she is NOT part of the action but you can still see her. If she gets up, walk over pick her up, set her back down say nothing and start the timer over and walk away. Do this repeatedly until she understands time starts over until she sits there for the whole time.
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I get the whole time out thing, I raised 2 children who are 32 and 34 now. Distraction always worked for me…then later we’d talk about the behavior . I don’t think you get anywhere in the heat of the moment. My kids always had an afternoon nap I think that helped as well.
Honestly I know it’s frowned upon these days but smack her once when she does it and yell at her. It’s called old school discipline. If she spits at you tap her mouth and yell at her if she hits you hit her back. Time out shows her okay I can do this I’ll sit down but I’ll get out. I’m not saying beat her or hit her for little things like throwing herself on the floor or yelling at you but if she spits at or hits you she’s testing the waters big time. A doctor is of course Gunna recommend a whole bunch of toxic medication she doesn’t need. This is a behavior issue NOT a medical issue . I bet you you show her who’s boss one time she won’t do it again.
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Put her to bed earlier. Not sure where you live but the weather has been nice so we’ve been outside more and fresh air makes kids tired. Also with the behavior during the day send her to her room to relax or ask if she needs a hug or just ignore her and walk away while she’s being disrespectful
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My daughter is 4 when she starts her fits I tell her to go have time in her room til shes ready to act right and be nice.
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Time out! when she spits dip your finger in some vinegar and put it in her mouth…she will quickly stop the spitting once she repeatedly gets that…consistency is key…at this age a doctor is going to tell you it’s a phase
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Pop her ass and put her on the wall and take away her toys and privileges. You run the place, not her.
I smacked my daughters mouth for that. She never spit again
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Ever heard of spanking? One spark, a sturn talking to, and instead of timeout try “talk it out corner.” take her over there, sit in silence for 30 seconds-1 min, and when she’s ready, talk her through why she’s acting out. They don’t understand how to handle emotions at that age.
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3 minute time outs, loss of tv time, spankings. You got this
When my son bit me I made a big show about how much it hurt, never bit again.
Spitting, give a warning. She does it again, a quick but light pop on the mouth. It’ll surprise her.
Tantrums, basically ignore them. Or throw one with her. Do as you seen fit.
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Hug her and be extremely nice to her as hard and challenging this is but she is simply asking to be cared for and listened to by you. She needs you most.
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I think it’s normal behavior for a toddler. They just do not know how to deal with big emotions yet. Needless to say it sounds extremely frustrating. I’d recommend checking in with her pediatrician just for evidence based advice. Personally, I really like the parenting advice that Janet Lansbury shares. https://www.janetlansbury.com
You need to stick to your guns because she’s testing you need friend time out even if she cries and definitely make her apologize to you and tell her she shouldn’t be acting like this hitting and biting and spitting on you put up with this kind of behavior so play with her but as soon as she acts like that put her in timeout until I just can’t play with you I want to but I can’t unless you act the right way
This isn’t a popular opinion but, my little girl is three. She is very advanced for her age, she understands lot more than she should. She has started this but she will try and shout at me and tell when and where she eats her food, she will scream and shout at our kitten and try and stomp on her, when she lashes out in temper she will kick her legs and swing her arms at you for trying to check she’s wiped properly after going for a toilet. I do three chances, calmly tell her to stop what she is doing, and talk to me about what is wrong. After three times, she goes into her bedroom to sit on her bed until I am ready to talk to her. If she throws or hits anything in her bedroom whilst being told to sit on her bed, she stays for longer. After all of these attempts of talking her down, and she is still lashing out, I will pop her bum and tell her that mummy is not happy, and until she talks nicely she isn’t coming out of her room. We have been at this for about a month now, and she is starting to talk to me instead of shouting and screaming, and time in her bedroom to reflect on what she has done is helping her to understand why she isn’t allowed to act this way. I haven’t popped her bum a lot of times, maybe three times in the past month. It’ll get easier, be consistent in your ‘punishments’ and let her see mummy isn’t messing around. Good luck x
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Start nipping this in the butt by giving her a warning each time she begins acting up. If it continues with backtalk, tantrum, defiance, etc…then right to timeout. Don’t tolerate tantrums they are misbehavior and deserve discipline. Be consistent and take away privileges if need be as well.
I have an 8 yet old who tells at me that he hates me, wishes he wasn’t part of our family. He says I don’t love him because I don’t buy him everything he wants…in the beginning I would try reasoning with him in a very patient manner…but now when he tells me I’m the worst mom ever my reply is simply thank you. This confuses him and makes him think for a moment. Shortly he apologizes and he thinks that all is forgotten until he wants something else and then I remind him of his behavior
Oh myyy some of these comments lol. I agree with time outs but look up jo frost her techniques are what I use. 1 min for each year of age, and time restarts each time they get up. Sitting in silence is very very hard for a kid. My daughter will sit in time out for 10 mins sometimes but always apologizes and fixes her behavior when it’s over. Spanking can also help but not always so use it as a last resort. Takes one smack to a clothed bottom with a bare hand. Not meant to hurt her but meant to grab her attention and let her know she’s out of line. Also flicking in mouth/lip for spitting
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I say a hand across her little but won’t hurt her but let her know you are not going to put up with her acting out like that.
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I’m sure I’ll get crap for this but when my kids would bite me they got bit back. It only took one time. You don’t have to bite hard but enough to get their attention. The spitting thing- I don’t know about that.
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First of all, when she starts the tantrum is when you need to nip it. As soon as you see the first pout you need to tell her “either you stop or we go sit in time out”. Hitting and biting cant be accept, if she does it even once you take away whatever she values whether it’s a toy, technology, etc. She can have it back when she can behave. Time out is still enforced also. What time does she go to bed? I used to put mine down early, like 730 and it was just too early for her. It took me hours to get her to bed. Now we lay down and relax at 8, bedtime is 840 for my youngest, 9 for my 4 year old. If its later than my kids, try putting her down earlier but do it slowly, start with ten minutes earlier every night. My 4 year old is in this phase, and it’s a struggle. Not gonna lie some days I get them down and just cry from being so frustrated, but you must be consistent and you must learn to be stern and not let emotions take over when she is acting out. Kids feed off of our energy.
Came here to see the lazy parents that suggest hitting 
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Ok so heres the thing. Im going through similar stuff with my 4 year old who was like your daughter for all of 3 lol… Anyways. A lot has to do with communication. Yes in some instances ignoring the tantrum works better but if you have someone challenging you following you and gurting you well obv the time out and ignoring isnt working. I suggest mentioning it to you pediatrician brlecause there could be a bigger issue autism or bipolar for example. We’re their moms and know them best. And you can tell if she’s just doing it to be a brat or cause she didnt get her way. You can tell whats normal for her age. But if your seeking help you must too think something else is wrong and off and you should trust your gutt and have her checked out. Good luck mom
My daughter used to spit at me. I tapped her mouth every time and firmly told her that was not ok to do. She stopped in a few days.
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Also, try watching some Supper Nanny. Jo teaches a lot of things that have worked for me.
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She bites you bite back. She spits at you you smack her in the mouth. Tantrums you ignore them or slowly start taking everything away from her. You gotta show her who is boss. She thinks she is the boss of you right now. You need to be firm with you wild child. I have a five year old that did that a 2 and she learned her lesson right quick when mommy bit hir right back she spits I wacked her in the mouth just enough to show her who was the boss.
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The biting thing. The only way I could break my kids was to bite them back. When they do it. Because if they biting you she could bite another person as well.
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Bite her back she will stop once she learns it hurts as for spitting I would tap my son in the mouth and straight to the corner
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No bashing intended however I think some of these little children need to be taught who is the parent as who is the child and maybe they need to be taken out behind the barn
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You need to continue what you’re doing…NO MATTER WHAT. It took me 4 years to get a good control of my daughter but once I did everything changed. Of course she’d test me on and off again for the rest of the years she was home before leaving for university but for the most part they were good. She always knew when she was pushing me too far and would usually stop. I remember her staying in her room for a few hours screaming and I let her until she calmed down. The neighbours must have thought I was killing her. And then if anybody saw her outside the house they probably wouldn’t have believed she was that difficult. She was a beautiful intelligent and pretty well rounded girl. Bossy and strong willed. It’s hard to get control but you are the adult and you need to be the strong one.
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whoop her ass, she’s doing whatever you allow her to do to you.
When she bites bite back and when she spits pop her in the mouth.
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Shes testing you hunny. To see how far she can go and what you’ll do about it. Going through the same thing with my son. Dont back down you’re the parent.
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You also need to evaluate what is going on in her life. My son went through a really rough patch when a lot of changes happened in our house. We realized we needed to give him more positive attention so we did when he was behaving and when he was misbehaving we handled it. I had to put him in a shower with his clothes on at one point because of the screaming. He was allowed to get out when he was done. Then when he calmed down we had a conversation about what caused it.
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Ah testy threes… So much fun. Now is the time to be mean mommy. I’m all for a spanking when deserved. She bites either bite back or a swat on the tush. She spits and tell her not ok and into time out. Ignore the banging on the door or add time and tell her she’s only making it worse. Take away the favorite toy for the day or even till she earns it back. As for crying an hour before bed time. Then its bed time when the crying starts and let her cry. I know its really hard on you mama. We hate ourselves for our kids misbehaving and fir punishing. When she’s crying it out go take a shower so you can calm down too. Then when you’ve bith calmed down sit and have a conversation. Tell her that behavior isn’t ok and why you have to discipline her.
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Isolate and ignore. She’ll stop when she realizes she is no longer the star of the show. Isolate and ignore. Let her come to you when she is calm. No lecture or it starts all over.
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You put her in time out until she calms down regardless of how hard she bangs on the door or cries. You ignore it. When she cries before bed ignore it. Do not react to bad behavior. She spits or hits you immediately remove her every single time. She may cry herself to sleep in time out, you ignore it. Once she calms down you can talk about how she should’ve behaved but in the moment you say I won’t let you hurt me or spit on me, leave it at that and time out until she calms down.
Stick her in corner facing wall.
Everytime she acts up do it.
Wont take long
Please please do not bite or spit back. That teaches nothing except to react to violence with violence. Cps would consider biting or spitting back as discipline as abuse. Please do not do this. I say use your discretion on spanking, but don’t ever spank when you are angry.
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This child may have an undiagnosed medical condition and we have a ton of lazy parents up in here saying that hitting and biting a child is the answer. 
Even if they don’t have one, you are the adult. Act like it. Do you bite or smack your spouse, friends, boss? Stop justifying your lack of control and patience by calling it discipline. The last thing this aggressive child needs is to learn that aggression is a solution to problems.
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My son was the same exact way and I literally put my phone down. Every bad thing he did I popped him on his butt cheek (underneath diaper) with my palm to make him realize I’m not playing anymore. The whole ‘hand popping’ will never work. You have to actually pop them bare cheek for them to actually feel it. I only do one pop, I’m not mad at him but he needs to realize that I’m in control not him.
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It’s completely normal for a 3 year old to act out, it gets worse if they feel they are lacking attention.
So many people are so quick to think something is wrong with there kid and want to medicate them.
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Mine isn’t old enough yet… But when i was that age i apparently used to bite, hit, spit (ect.) My mom… Our pediatrician told her to bite me and so on so forth. That coming from the best pediatrician in the country (back in the 90’s , still is to… He now teaches young pediatricians in his retirement days) he told my mom “she needs to learn how it feels” … Good luck!! 
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Smack her mouth when she bites or spits. She’ll learn to stop because she wont like getting her mouth popped
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Y’all using the excuse “would you bite back or spit on your friend or spouse?” As justification for babying your child… An adult doing those things is absolutely assault. If they spit on you or hit you, its self defense when you hit back. When a child does it, they’re learning that behavior isn’t okay. If you’re only sweetly saying “oh dearest baby that’s just not nice!” And they’re clearly ignoring you over and over, you’re not disciplining. You’re enabling.
Positive reinforcement only works when the recipient is receptive to that particular system.
Your toddler needs straight discipline. Pop the hand when she hits you, put soap in her mouth when she spits, remove all of her toys and make her sit in time out. Pop her butt when she gets up.
I learned very fast that certain behaviors were a MASSIVE no-go and I would be spanked for doing them. Igot warnings and still did it, so I got a whooping. Sure as hell didn’t do it again and made damn sure to pay attention to warnings. Only took one serious spanking for that to sink in around 5/6 and I’m 23, clearly remember that “aha!” Moment
She may need ABA therapy. I would take her to the doctor for sure. They will direct you in that direction. My daughter has autism and her meltdowns can be very rough. She has to see an ABA therapist.
3 year olds are assholes, just don’t give in and stand your ground on timeouts sbd things
and find the times you can reinforce anything positive
It should just be a phase
My daughter is the same way. Her dr finally saw how bad it was. They believe she has ODD and we will be starting counseling.
First thing first please don’t hit your child you don’t really need too okay. I have no idea where your from but I’m from the UK and it’s actually against the law to smack your kids. So second find out why she is aggressive like my daughter who 1 was actually like this few months back but that was because she was getting it from me and her dad by arguing all the time we was going through a difficult and stressful time etc. But now we have stopped arguing in front of her she doesn’t hit me or scratch or pinch or pull my hair. So there will be a cause why she is acting this way as soon as you find that out then you can correct it. And believed me you will notice a change. In the meantime just keep a stearn voice and simply say no that not nice. Just run with it. As frustrating as it is. Xx
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This sounds bad but my daughter bit me once I bit her back never again did she do it ima firm beliver of standing g in the corner and taking privileges away. But also reward her if she does good u know positive reinforcement. My kids would act up and we wouldn’t take our walks or they couldn’t watch TV
DIET?? Just a thought… no judgement here😊
Does she consume treats/sweets & foods we all do? Additives, preservatives & colours in processed foods cause behavioral problems, so do natural occurring sugars & acids.
My 5 yr old son started eating ORANGES each day after school, within minutes, he would become quite aggressive throwing school shoes & bag around being cheeky, arguing. Oranges seemed to “set off” a friend’s son also. I had my 5 yr old allergy tested, not only did he have a reaction to citric acid, but also cocoa, yeast & cats. Elimination of these made a huge difference to his behavior. I’d have her allergy tested it certainly wouldn’t hurt. Good luck😊