Fan Question
Karen🍒
Hi I’m a ftm mom
I just recently put my son’s dad on cs .
We’re waiting on our first meeting.
Anyways I asked how can I go about getting sole custody of my son.
Can anyone give me steps and what I can do ?
They told me if the dad disagrees it makes it harder which I know he’s gonna do
But I have my son 24.7 and I have the best interest for my baby. And he doesn’t really communicate about our son. And plus we have a toxic relationship that I’m trying to get out of. And to top it off his family’s no good either.
I just wanna make sure I have the final say so for the choices that concern my baby…can anybody help?
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At the end of the day you speak to a solicitor or in front of the judge why you should get 100% custody and he does the same saying why it should be shared. The only person who gets the final say is the judge
Go to the circuit court house and get the papers. Fill them out and turn them in. They will file and give you papers to serve him. He has 30 days to file a response then they schedule the court date. In your papers there is a spot to write a narrative explaining why its in your sons best interest.
… the kid needs his father too. Dont be greedy. If you really had your childs best interest you would want him to have both his parents as much as he can.
Just because you two have a bad relationship doesnt mean the father and son would.
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Vet a lawyer bc every state is different.
You can do it on your own, but I’ve seen that not end well.
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Your relationship with him has nothing to do with him as a parent. If he’s a piss poor Dad then I could see why
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Sounds like you want him and his family out of your child’s life. Unless he has abused his child then he can get custody if he wants same as you or he can go for 50/50. You won’t stop him being involved in the child’s life. Also custody doesn’t mean you have all the say . Any big thing like schooling who the child can be around doctors ECT will have to be agreed on by both parents
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Annnnddd this is why men talk about us being crazy. Just because you THINK his family is no good and the two of you have a toxic relationship has absolutely nothing to do with ability to be a father. He still deserves that right…I suggest you two work it out because unless he’s physically harmed your child or you have proof he’s out there living on the streets any judge is going to allow him to have visitation.
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So YOU have a toxic relationship with the man and that means your son cant have a relationship with him either? Youre being selfish. If you dont want him in your sons life you shouldnt be getting child support.
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I know that it matters what state you’re in… I’m pretty sure. In Idaho where I live you make a petition to the court to have the state sign over his rights to you and to you alone. They set a court date and more often than not the dad never even shows up. And then automatically the kid is signed over to you. You obviously also have a lot of proof and validation that the child is with you and never sees their sperm donor! Not to be crude… That’s what I call my daughters donor! And obviously child support is over and is never going to be paid from him again which in my case doesn’t really matter because he doesn’t usually pay anyway! And try not to take in account to much what all these other people are saying about how you’re selfish and this that and the other thing. You know the way he treats you is toxic meaning if he does that in front of your child it’s going to do nothing but mess your kid up don’t put your kid under unnecessary stresses that’s how you do the best thing for your child! Also if it’s a girl you don’t want her to think that it’s OK to be treated like that from men in her life. And if it is a young man you definitely don’t want him taking tips from a toxic… possibly abusive father!
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Was he a bad Dad before y’all chose to break up? Was his family bad people before? If you can’t TRUTHFULLY answer yes to both of these questions, you do NOT have your child’s best interest at heart. And newsflash; how y’alls relationship went doesn’t mean squat when it comes to kids. You might want to learn that real quick so you can actually put your child’s best interest first. And lastly; child support and visitation/custody are two totally different things. One has nothing to do with the other.
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Unless you can prove that he is of any harm to the child it might be almost impossible to gain sole legal amd physcial custody. Maybe try for supervised visits. Courts arent playing with moms these days either sis. Get your documentation together that he is unfit or you could be laughed out the courtroom and labeled as bitter
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I want to know why so many mothers are so quick to dismiss the fact that children need their fathers as well. I mean all I hear from this is me me me. It doesn’t matter that you want to make all the choices. It doesn’t matter what your relationship with the father or his family was or is. This is about your child. And I can assure you that if you continue to make this about you and not your child … you will ruin the relationship you have with this kid.
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Unless you have thousands for a lawyer, GAL, and paperwork, you’ll more than likely get physical custody and 50/50
You can apply for sole custody, but if a judge thinks you’re going to keep the child from their father all because you have a toxic relationship with him, the judge won’t consider that and doesn’t care about that. The judge only cares about the child having a relationship with their father. If you have any evidence to support your child will be unsafe in the care of their father then get a lawyer. If not then you’re both going to have to adults and be amicable enough to handle visitation.
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You don’t just automatically get sole custody. Dad should have rights to his baby too unless he’s abusive to the baby or does drugs around him or something.
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I understand you guys had a toxic relationship but unless he is not a good dad then it’s not fair to take your problems out on the child…every child deserves both parents if possible…when you guys split it may make him realize he needs to step it up for his child…it does happen I’ve seen it happen first hand…but as I always say if the other parent doesn’t pose a threat to the child let them have a chance to be a parent because my 6 year old son’s father passed away 2 1/2 years ago and doesn’t get to form any kind of bond, relationship or opinion about his dad…his father and I had a toxic relationship but he was a great dad and anytime he asked or would’ve asked I would’ve never have told him no he couldn’t see his son…be civil…and one day you may regret not having your child’s father involved more…I know I regret it everyday but there wasn’t much I could do when he lived 7 hours away…makes me embarrassed to be a woman sometimes because some are so petty and money hungry and think they have control over everything and selfish
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Your relationship means nothing.
You cannot keep a child from the other parent. You don’t get to use your failed relationship as a path for the relationship between child and father.
You don’t get to take that right away because you’re mad about your failed relationship.
If he does drugs with the baby around, abuses the child, etc, I can see why (and im sure there will be an update to make him out to be a monster he probably isn’t, to make people side with you)
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It’s not just your baby it is OURS. You need a lawyer. But he will get 50 50 or visitation. Your going to have to Learn how to deal with it. He made this baby with you. It is his child to. Not just yours and no reason to be bitter because you 2 can’t work it out not fair to the child.
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My personal experience is I have my older kids full custody that’s doesn’t mean my kids don’t spend time with their dad. He gets them every other weekend, sometimes every every weekend if he wants to. He also talks to them daily.
My youngest too. I also have full custody because me and their dad had break up and the judge though that was the best decision for them but still had his visitation rights. Not how he wanted them but he did.
Common sense says get a lawyer or ask a lawyer. Or Google. Google has a lot of info as well considering each state has their own laws.
Anyway. Your relationship with him has zero to do with his relationship with the child you created together. If he actually wants to be part of the child’s life, Let him. If he doesn’t and isnt abusive or toxic to your child then there isn’t any need for full custody.
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He is the dad and unless he’s physically abusive they are not going to take his child away Stop Being Greedy co-parent and share the child get visitation setup
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I’m going to assume this is Donnie’s post based on her “laughing” reaction to everyone opposing this post.
ANYWAYS, just because y’all don’t have a good relationship doesn’t mean he shouldn’t have a relationship with his son. Y’all issues are between you two. Not you two and your child. Don’t be bitter. Unless he’s mean to the child, and you’d have to have proof, or has admitted to not wanting anything to do with him or not want to see him, you pretty much will be wasting your time trying to get sole custody. It could bite you in the end.
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You would need proof he is a bad father and just because youay not like his family again you would need to prove why they are bad or dangerous to be around y’all’s child just because you had a bad relationship doesn’t make him a bad dad and you need to prove you are doing this with no personal emotions like are you doing it cause your pissed at the dad or is he actually a bad person … you can be a crap person but still a good parent and if he fights for his rights it could drag on so ask yourself 100% if this is worth you putting our baby through and make sure that it’s worth it and depending on his age he could remember all the court stuff so keep it a clean fight please… Again ask yourself if your personal feeling s are clouding your judgement… Father’s do have rights
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I need more details… you cant just take the father out of the picture AFTER you went after him for CS… that’ll make your case worse cause if he pays he now has a valid reason to see your child (he had one to begin with) but now its solid… second… is he bad to the child… are the paternal family bad to him? NOT TO YOU but the child? If he is you need PROOF! And $$! You can not just remove a parent from a child’s life… would you like if he tried to do it to you just because he doesnt like you anymore and to be spiteful? I’m guessing no… I’m not trying to be mean at all…but it’s just facts and this is what the court WILL ask you. And you actually get chewed out by the judge if he thinks you did this out of malice. Think about this before you decide to act on it… and again you best have some money…like thousands…court feels lawyer fees mediation fees… shit ain’t cheap… and for what???
I think its abit messed up. Your asking for full custody and child support. Sounds like you want full control over the child and the decisions made for the child. I hope custody is split and you get your child support. Also don’t be one of those moms who uses the child as a weapon or bargaining chip then complain like their the victim of a bad babydaddy
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He would have to sign his rights away and valadate he wants nothing to do with the child or anytime in the future. Need attorney to do this.
Ladies: stop using your children as weapons against their fathers. Also, go get a lawyer and talk to them about it.
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He is still the father you had a baby with him unless he is doing illegal stuff he needs to be in the baby’s life…
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Unless he has criminal record and you have lawyers up your ass it won’t happen. The judge will also tell you on dads time its none your damn business
If he isnt a bad father don’t try and keep his child from him. Just cause you two don’t work together doesnt mean you should keep his child away.
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U have to prove him unfit
I don’t know what state you are in but in the state of Virginia anybody can file for custody of anyone’s child. This mean if you gave birth to a child someone can file for custody of your child because you don’t have custody of your child. Yes, it is confusing and rediculous!
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Your and his relationship being toxic has shit to do with his relationship with YALLs child. His family has shit all to do with HID relationship with Yalls child. He has just as much say. Don’t use this child as a weapon against the other parent. I will never understand this then expect him to pay CS ffs how horrible. Unless he’s a danger to the child not much you can do it’s his child as well.
Your child is his just as much as yours.
He can be a bad boyfriend/husband and still be a good father. Unless you are worried about your child’s safety, you should really work for evenly split custody.
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Why do you feel you are more entitled to your child then his father? It’s not about you anymore. You gave that up when you had a child. Every decision you make from here on out needs to be in the best interest of your child.
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Get a really good lawyer to help you out. I would get full custody asap. But still allow him to have visitation. Dont listen to these people. Get full custody! Be secure! And he can still see his son. But at least you can be at peace knowing you have custody and everything is in your hands. Do it for the sake of your son. Because things could get ugly and he will go behind your back and take you for custody. It happened to me. Dont let it happen to you. Now my son lives with his dad. Then he even took my son moved away for 2 years never called or anything I had no idea where my son was. What he even looked like how big he got nothing! After 2 years I finally got a call and we met up. He told my son a story that I walked out the door and left him one day and didnt want to be with him. And my son believed that for a long time. I told my son the truth. That his dad took him away from me. Dont be that mom. People are nasty beings these days. They care about nothing but themselves. Go get the full custody. Protect your child! I wish you the best of luck.
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Just because you have a toxic relationship with him, doesn’t mean your son can’t have a relationship with him.
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Is he abusive? No reason he can’t have visitation if he isn’t neglectful or on drugs seems u r being petty
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You want the father out of his life, but still want him to be financially responsible… seems logical and not selfish at all
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Don’t be surprised if you don’t get it. He will probably get 50/50.
Everyone needs to lighten up
In almost EVERY custody agreement one parent is the primary and has the final say
She just wants to make sure it’s her like every single person here would want with their child
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unless he’s a danger to your child, thats selfish.
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Child Support and sole custody? Doubt that will happen. Get child support and work out visitations with the father. If you already have your son 24/7 why rock the boat?
Sorry but you don’t have the final say. He’s his child too.
It’s because you don’t like his family or like him doesn’t mean that he can’t be a good father to your child please remember this. Your son will suffer from that in the long run.
He is your baby that you both are responsible for. He needs to have at least the opportunity to know his father.
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Share the child equally. He doesnt have to be a good spouse to be a great dad.
Were you married? I’m not exactly sure but I do know that my sons dad and I were never married and I’m listed in the cs papers as sole guardian.
Just because she wants sole custody doesn’t mean she doesn’t want her BD in the child’s life. She just wants to make sure she has final say in decisions made in her child’s life. Find out from the state you live in how custody works. You could already be sole physical and legal guardian but if you take him to court for custody they will give him partial custody. If it states you are sole guardian I’d just leave it be.
Sadly that’s not how parenting works. U say he doesn’t communicate but it doesn’t really sound like u would be willing to listen even if he did. U are not the only parent the baby has. And that’s something u and him need to respect
It’s a control thing she still wants to control bd
I’m not sure states wise or province wise, In Ontario unless the father gives you full custody it’s hard to get (Not impossible). I have full custody of my son, however father still has rights to medical and school, gets him every other weekend, we have to switch holidays, one Christmas he is with me until the 25th at 5pm the next he is with his dad till the 25th and I pick him up at 5pm. We both can travel with him and I can live anywhere in Ontario with out his consent. Like the judge said to me… You got in a relationship with him, you stayed with him knowing what hes like and you decided to have a child with him, what’s good for the goose is good for the gander. He agreed I have full custody that’s why the judge gave it to me. He asked him if he was sure. But the judge also told just because I have full custody doesn’t mean I can break court final order and refuse to send my son and tell the father he can’t have him on his weekends, I will be in content and possible jail and 5000 charge if father wants to pursue it. So full custody really doesn’t mean much. You have to follow what’s on the court order. I have never kept my son from his father and never talked bad or let anyone else talk bad about him, remember your children no matter what are part both of you, so saying bad things about each other is saying bad things about your child.