Rachel Mercedes Gonzalez
Medication can change personality. Research each med and find the culprit. She may have a fear of water. Mine does. Ask her if she is and would she allow an Oil Spong bath. You can use Coconut Oil. Organic or a natural. Look at the ingredients to make sure it’s not other ingredients in it. But, it will help even if it’s just arms And legs at first. Then when she’s comfortable you can gradually do more. I just use a bowl if water and put the oil on the sponge then rinse the sponge in the bowl. It’s easy and will be more beneficial than a bath. She may have trouble getting in and out of the tub. Also talk to her Dr about Vitamins for her mind. I read about a man who said he cured his wife if dementia by cutting sugar out of her diet. I was having trouble and tried it and I have to admit. It helped Soo much. I’m speaking clearer and I feel so much better. Sugar can also cause joint pain. Don’t use sugar subs as well they cause bone deterioration. God bless. I hope this helps.
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Hi I am A memory care giver and I also help with hospice I have almost a decade and have had patients on differing levels of memory care try using incentives does she have a favorite treat? Or does she like going for coffee or a walk? I will be honest there is a time where you will have to start doing sponge or bed bathe her and if she’s had it for over 30 years it may be time to call in palliative care They come to bathe and complete her daily ADL or activities of daily living you are strong and capable love you got this!
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It’s sooo hard with that….if u know when she use to shower before that might help. “Mom I know you like to shower before we go out. If you wanna take one we can wait for u to be done then leave.”
Then it’s there idea not urs.
Or if u gotta be be sneaky with it take partial baths threw out the day or week…… like hair washing is part of getting hair done, then later oh no there’s something on the back of your shirt and it’s soaked threw let me help u wipe that off when we change your shirt, wet wipes or wash clothes when toileting for a quick wash up there while ur allready in the bath room.
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I’ve worked with many dementia elderly, there’s different things that have worked, try these and see what works if any;
Don’t tell her what you’re doing, take her to the bathroom, tell her we are going to get dressed, then just kinda take her to the shower and give her one. Another thing is, music does seem to help. Talking her through every step can help as well. Let her pick out her clothes, and kinda hype it up, and be excited. Good luck! They can be really tricky at times. But I hope one of these suggestions work for you
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I had a similar case with a very elderly lady that really didn’t have dementia but she just didn’t want to shower. She was an English proper lady and was an actress in her younger years. I told her one day that her hair had an odor and she immediately said oh honey I must take a shower. She had body odor but I had to be very careful and when i told her this she really was ready for her shower.
Pick your battles, when she wont shower encourage her to give herself a wipe over and dry shampoo her hair. If its a big struggle look into homecare options.
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Honestly, I think you would benefit greatly from joining a few CNA groups (certified nurses assistant) because they are the ones in nursing homes and hospitals who bathe/day to day activities w/ patients and work with a lot of dementia patients. They would probably have some awesome tips to help!
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Nothing wrong with washing her but try giving her some Dr Bach’s Rescue Remedy 4 drops 4 times a day in what ever she is drinking it will calm her down without any side effects and assist her coping with the dementia. I have treated many people with dementia and it really helped. xxooxx
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Fibbing “Fibbles” are okay sometimes
On rare occasions f health reasons … to use with those struggling with Dementia .
Tell her she needs to clean up f a Doctors appointment , a birthday party, a Tea party ,anything …
try different reasons f showering .
But if she says no … don’t force it . Leave it and wait an hour to try again .
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Been there…… the struggle is real!
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My grandma told her FIL that he could have some whiskey if he took a bath. My friend bribed her FIL with dinner after a shower. Where my dad was, many of the dementia patients scream when they are showered. He didn’t like listening to it and my friend said it was horrible to listen to her MIL. But both were told this is normal. The lady that helped with my mom asked every week, but on the 3rd week would insist, no excuses.
They become afraid of water. Baby wipes/sponge baths are your friends. I wouldn’t force her to shower.
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Please don’t put her in a nursing home they will force her and are mean to them put my mother in one and after 6 Mos she was going down hill so bad took her out a went to an Adult Foster Csre it’s amazing the difference they take their time and sometimes bribe but it works my mother never drank water at all no she drinks a small glass every meal by telling her she can take her dishes to the kitchen if she drinks this glass all up and she does so please never use nursing home usually getting someone else to help bath my mother would do anything with any one but me she thought I was trying to poison her or hurt her
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People with dementia have hydophobia. Try washing the feet and lower areas first then owly move up. MaKe a quiet calm relxing experience like a spa environment. Alot of older wemon use to go to beauty shops. Maybe she would like to get her hair done at a shop that would wash and style it.
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Music!!! Play her wedding song. Play something back in her highschool times. I work with elderly and this is always my go to. Music while we shower.
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Soft calm music, making it more of a spa like experience, telling her that she has to shower for a special event. I hate to draw comparisons but a lot of the techniques I’ve used on my toddler son work for my older patients.
Give her something she loves if she showers 
There’s a lady who says you can change the outcome by changing the way you ask. She’s on fb does some role play things the seem to work and are a nice way to reframe it and get the person to agree. Forcing doesn’t work
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I was taking care of a friend’s mother one day. I enticed her with scents. Smell the lotion, doesn’t it smell good? Led her gently through the bathroom door. Feel how soft it is on your arm. Ooh look here! Smell this wonderful soap! As we inch into the bathroom closer to the shower. Now the shampoo, now the conditioner. Feel the washcloth. Touch them soothingly. Before this she was screaming and grabbing the door frame to avoid a shower. Keep calm, low key and upbeat. Get her in the shower seat, let her feel the water in the hose with her hands before you run it on her body. Maybe start by washing her feet and work your way up.
With a housemate with Aspergers, I just put a calendar with every other day marked shower day, with alternate days being change clothes day. Maybe that would work, having images on a calendar & maybe posters or plaques you change daily that say “It’s shower day!” Or “It’s fresh clothes day!” So it seems scheduled and inevitable. Good luck’
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People with dementia doesn’t like showers or water on them they scream alot
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Have a home health aid come in and assist you.i go through the same thing with my mother .
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My mom was afraid of showers after a while. I started giving her sponge baths. she didn’t mind that at all.
Even if she goes to a nursing home she can refuse a bath, after so many refuses she will have to take one.
Nursing homes also can not force anyone to shower. Residents have the right to do what they want if they say no nursing staff must follow that. They can order beg etc but not force anyone into eating, showing, sleeping, getting up, etc
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Honestly coming from someone that was a CNA for six years. We have dementia patients that we were forced to shower because if we didn’t their families complain and we got in trouble by our boss. (Don / adon) I have so many scars on my arms legs from being violently attacked by the elderly in the shower room. And there was literally nothing we could do or more alert patience we could get them to sign forms and state they were refusing their showers but our other patients we were not allowed to let them refused and it was such a sad situation.
Would a nice smelling bath maybe surrounded by familiar items and maybe some music and bubbles help? I know that you lose time and memories but maybe scents might help…?
It’s almost impossible. Once they are to the point where you can no longer provide care they need a nursing home. I know it’s a hard choice to make, but I recently discovered that in some circumstances it is better to have them there because they are getting the care they need.