My in laws are horrible. What do I do?
My question follows: How on Earth does one deal with horrid in-laws? My husband’s family acts like he is the black sheep, and apparently, his children are as well. My problem is, there are other children in the family, our nieces, and nephews. During holidays and birthdays all the uncle’s, aunt’s and Grandma (mother in law) show up and get nice gifts for them. When it comes to our children, there has been many of holidays and birthdays where they don’t receive a thing from most of them. My children understand it’s not a gift that matter, but the older they get, the more they see a difference between how their birthdays turn out versus their cousins. Despite the cruel unfairness to my kids, they still want to attend, and extend invitations to birthdays. I want my kids to know their worth, but I have no idea what to do.
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I’d cut them off & tell them exactly why they aren’t allowed around my children. Who treats kids like that?
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My in-laws are the same. So we stopped exposing my kids to it. Now my kids don’t even know who they are and that’s fine with us.
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We all know sooner or later its best to leave
My in laws are like this. They didnt even come to our wedding and though they live just up the road from us we never see them. We just chalk it up to if they dont want to be a part of this then its their loss. More baby time for my parents who love the crap out of our boys
We dont go out of our way for them any more and dont expect anything from them
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U cut them out of ur life. Simple.
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I say just stop talking to them. If they even care they will reach out to you.
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We just don’t attend events. In 6 years not one of my in-laws has attended one of our children’s birthdays. (My FiL calls.) So we just don’t go to events where the kids will see how different they are treated. We tried for the first few years, but I am not going to continue to expose my kiddos to being made to feel “less than” anybody else. We brought it to the adults attention and it fell on deaf ears. (We asked that for Christmas, it was made to “look” equal and that any extras for the other child could be given before or after our time there… It wasn’t done, so we no longer go.)
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I would stop exposing my kids to such toxic and if the in-laws ask why be straight forward about it. I would be damned if my in-laws did that.
That’s not fair. Treat my kids fair or don’t come. They will start to understand sooner than you think.
Run for the hills!!! Horrible in-laws stay horrible FOREVER
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That’s my side of the family my husband is not allowed to talk to or my kids half of my family because of how toxic they are i won’t allow my children to feel like i did growing up its not worth it
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Cut them out completely! Once I noticed that they way my kids were treated from his side of the family was effecting them, I ended it right then. That is not fair to the kids
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Same boat. 13 year’s now. Finally cut off all contact ( not much to cut off). Now my husband and I and are children are in a much happier place
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My in-laws did the same thing. My husband daughter from an ex-gf got everything and she got very little or nothing in comparison, with lies and promises of making it right next time. They’re not in our lives anymore.
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Had the same type of mil
Fortunately we didn’t live in same state. But as kids got older some really didn’t look at her as grandma. Her loss. I have wonderful caring children.
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My kids had this issue but as they grew to say she my grandma but they do ask her to come by cause she wouldn’t. My one daughter walked by her window an says who’s that. It will be there loss not the kids. As for my husband he can’t even talk to his mom without arguing within ten min . I say don’t call her. Only makes him mad an her.
We wouldn’t go. I’d make my own holiday traditions in our home. That’s garbage.
It’s not worth the frustrations. Make new memories in a stess-free, loving and equal environment. Your kids will remember a happy mama and lots of love.
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thus why i quit taking my kids to those family events… i dont play that shit … kids even young kids can see that and ill be damned if my kid is going to be made to feel like less… they wanna see my kids they will treat my kids with respect if not fuck ya my kids dont need ya
Stop inviting them to anything, stop going around. Completely block them out of yalls lives 
You have to teach them their worth, teach them what to tolerate and what to not tolerate.
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I’d keep them away honestly. It’s not the gifts, it’s the principle of things. I couldn’t imagine being a grandma and buying gifts for some and not others and then riding gift exchanges right in front of the kids I didn’t buy for. And I could never doing that to my niece and nephews as well. I had grandparents that did that. And it really hurt and gave me issues. I remember trying to show them more love or be really well behaved thinking it was something I was doing to make them do those things and nope it was just bc they played favorites. And the funniest part is my parents were the only one to buy my dads parents presents and t
I’d cut them off. All they are gonna do is make your kids feel like shit and your kids deserve better. Trust me, with my dad’s side of the family it was the exact same thing, and being the kid in that situation sucked. It’s so much better without them in my life. And now my mother in law is all butt hurt cause I stuck up for myself, so now we don’t have them to spend holidays with since we moved across the country with them, so now it’s gonna be just my husband daughter and I. And honestly I feel bad for my husband and daughter but it really came down to how she was and she’s not gonna be disrespectful to me and then expect shit. So maybe you guys should just do your own thing without the stresses of his family and choosing between your kids and their cousins.
Then why continue to expose them to that? Doesn’t matter that your children want to attend and spend time with them, YOU know better than to put them through it. Perhaps the only reason they want to attend is in hopes that they’ll surprise them and give them gifts for once. But as the adult you know it’s not going to happen so avoid the situation altogether for their health.
I don’t let ANYONE make my children feel inferior. If I see any kind of behavior that’s less than what they give others not only do I say something bluntly but I make sure to never give the opportunity to do it again. You don’t mess with my kids. I don’t care who you are. And yes I make it very clear why I cut people out just so that there are no misunderstandings about it being for no reason or that I’m difficult. I’ll make sure everyone knows you mistreated my children.
But that’s just ME.
You could buy them gifts, wrap them and write grandma’s name on them. Then watch your in-laws faces when they open their gifts and thank them!
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They would never see my kids or me again
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I would tell them if u can’t treat all kids the same then don’t come around. In fact I told that to my hubby’s dad and he disowned my husband but wanted pictures. And I told him u disown 1 u disown all
Cut them out!! Been through it, our family has never been happier/ less worried than we are now since the horrible people aren’t in our lives. People like they aren’t worth the stress, upset or energy.
Don’t go… simple. If your children/you still want to be involved with the nieces and nephews… invite them to your house occasionally to play.
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I’m in a similar situation… and what I stated above works for us.
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We let our families know that if that type of treatment continued, they would be cut out of our lives. Then we followed through.
When we get blasted on Facebook, I pull out screenshots & put them in the comments section.
You need to STOP taking your children around them. That will affect their self esteem even if it’s just a little bit it’s not worth it. Invite them over to your house if they come great if not oh well.
Don’t go and don’t put your kids through that.
Been there my child never will see them cut them out of your life!!
Has your husband spoken with them about your concerns?
In most instances there’s more to the story. All my friends are grandparents, both bio and step. I am as well. I have never seen this type of behavior in any of them and I cant wrap my mind why they would do this to their grandkids.
I feel so sorry for your kids. I would want a definitive answer on why they’re treating your kids this way. Your husband should ask them when he’s alone with them and not let up until he gets answers.
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I went through this and i had to just cut the out and stop going to events with them. We focused on the family that did care and showed my kids love and it was much better.
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Fill them with love. Make them feel that they’re worth it no matter how your inlaws treat them. Make them feel that they don’t need the attention of other because their contented to the love and support their parents give to them.
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Most of what everybody else said. But also remember your parents. The kids still have your parents as grandparents. Involve them more. Then they will still have a good grandma and grandpa.
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Tell them we’re done. I like Tasha Johnson idea, I think it’s sad that they treat kids differently. Sad.
The best advice I can give is put your in laws on your prayer list God will work out the rest for your family
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I would have stopped going a long time ago. The whole family is family is a no go when my kids are mistreated.
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We stopped doing birthday parties because people don’t show up. We had to cut out my sister in law because her and her husband are toxic
My husbands identical twin and his family are like this.
it’s truly sad. My kids and I don’t go around
Get them out of your life. Why put your kids through it. Better off without them
I have always been treated like this. Now as an adult with three children of my own. I cut my family out for three years because of their shit. They finally came to me asking for forgiveness and for us to repair relationship. I told them what I expected. At the very least they have to call for birthdays and holiday. They agreed. It’s been amazing since. My children and I are no longer the black sheep. I should probably add that mine was because I was a step child and not full blood. My father was absent from my childhood because of my biological mother constantly moving and not allowing him contact. Today I have a better relationship with my father and step mother better than my real mother.
I’d tell your kids to ask them point blank why they behave this way & see what they have to say. If they don’t want to push it, the one if you who is most like a prosecuting attorney should ask & keep calling them out on their bullshit until they know how awful they are being.
If it’s because of some BS story someone told about you, ask them why they let someone else tell them how to think & what to believe.
If your kids enjoy seeing other people at the reunions, go and enjoy the company of those people, avoid the toxic ones, & make sure the kids know the toxic ones are crazy and wrong but it’s their problem, not yours, and they will be alright. Have friends & decent family members amass gifts for your kids to take to these events.
Stop inviting them and don’t attend family gatherings
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My mom singles out my youngest, because he “favors” his sperm donor. She holds resentment toward him, because of DNA that he can’t control. He’s 14, and asks me why she treats him differently. Sometimes Grandparents just suck.
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I would just be “nice” and tell them to fuck off! Your children don’t need people around them like this, family or not. Your children deserve to be treated better and I wouldn’t put myself or my children through that anymore.
First of all I’d like to say I am very sorry for you and your children for what you’re going through with that toxic family I myself has a family member who treats everyone children much better than my grandchildren but I just keep the love going from a distance and the way I look at it I will love them no matter what and at least my grandchildren has all the love they need from their parents and grandparents keep your head up sweetie remember those famous words hurt them with kindness and lots of love don’t belittle yourself to there toxic Behavior just keep your distance good luck
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No invite, your husband may have some history with em
Your child however, should not be shunned for someone else’s possible actions and history with inlaws.
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I know this all too well. Soo sad this happens in a lot of families.
I have a suggestion, to go beyond the “cut them off” notion.
I would sign your kids up for some after school clubs or sports, any kind of community involvement that has kids around the same age there.
Get them to make friends, which they can invite over for birthday parties. This way, they do not feel as though their missing the friendship aspect with their cousins.
If their cousins want to maintain a friendship with each other, they are welcome to come over for the holidays and birthdays, but not the adults.
This will teach your kids their value and worth. They are worth it to have supportive and loving people in their life. If someone doesn’t care to show non-material love and affection, they do not deserve to be in their awesome life.
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