Advice on how to handle MIL.
I have a question/rant about MILs.
Am I alone, or does anyone else feel this way??? My mother in law drives me bonkers. I appreciate that she is in my kid’s life, but it feels like she, in a way, is trying to compete with me. It’s always about her.
During my pregnancy, she would tell me, “oh trust me; you won’t understand until you hold your kid the feeling of being a mother, it’s amazing and indescribable. When I had my kid, blablabla”. Well, ever since I delivered, now it’s, “you don’t understand a grandmothers love, it’s indescribable.” Like yes okay you’re right, but holy smokes.
Lol and just think your poor husband was raised by this lady lol
So, shes trying to talk with you, bond with you, & share her feelings & experiences, & that drives you “bonkers”? Seriously?
Sounds like you have a loving person who is thoroughly enjoying you, your pregnancy & now becoming a grandmother.
Its all things I have said to my own daughter with my 1st grandson, so guess I dont get your problem~
We have NOTHING TO DO WITH MINE…she is pure evil
In the middle of our adoption (that took 4 yrs) my MIL texted me telling me how she just adopted her friends kid bc she couldnt take care of him anymore etc etc etc… I was also pregnant (3 previous losses and considered extremely high risk, no lifting, no stress, etc) I simply replied with “no the fuck you didnt. You have temporary custody of him there is a difference. Now please stop blowing up my phone bc honestly I dont care” this was after she got married the day before our wedding (and missed our wedding), posted all over FB about the loss of our 2nd baby before we ever announced we had lost it, and made an post about being pregnant (as a joke/game thing for Breast Cancer awareness month) literally 2 weeks after we lost our first baby, and attempted to turn my daughters 4th birthday party into her family reunion… and the list goes on and on and on…
She was this way my husbands whole childhood also. Just tell her she needs to stop. She is being a bit excessive and you honestly just dont wanna hear it. Ever since I finally spoke my piece to my MIL she has backed off ALOT. She is still super dramatic and still loves the spotlight. But I think I showed enough of my crazy one day for her to get the hint. She now asks before she posts anything about my kids, and makes sure she keeps her place out of the spotlight when it it’s not her turn.
Good luck momma!
When you feel love for her , you will not be so offended. Respect the woman who raised your husband and you wil find an second mother even to you. Then it is easier to tell her when things bother you and if she loves you she will know the boundaries. Wishing good for your little family:heart:
I don’t think what she is saying is wrong, doesn’t sound anything like she’s trying to compete with you. She is just sharing her experiences.
Its not just MIL… my own MOTHER does this!!! My mom point out told me that she loved her grandbabies more than she loved me amd her son… which im completely fine with that, id rather see my kids get loved more than myself!!! Its not a bad thing, its just gonna happen… i bite my tongue alot. But i love my mil and my mama!!! But i guess its different for everyone… but im sorry youre going through this!! I pray it gets better
What are you 16? Doesn’t sound like MIL is doing much but expressing how she feels. Grow up
Put her in her place before it gets worse. Trust me…I dealt with a monster in law and let me tell you…fucking horrible. I put her in her place multiple times. She ended up telling me “then you’re not welcome in my home anymore if you’re gonna act like that”. I was like “fine…then dont get pissy when my daughter no longer goes over there. If I’m not allowed, neither is my child.” I never trusted her to begin with because she gave her a breathing treatment that wasnt even prescribed to her and she didnt need it at that time. She gave her meds when she didnt need them. She has drove with my kid not in a carseat. Yes my child is 4 and not even 4ft yet… but she needs a damn carseat. My daughters dad and I are no longer together because of how his mother is. She has taken my kid outta my arms and took off with her. She has threatened to take her from me and never bring her back. She has threatened to use a “high profile lawyer” to get full custody of my kid but failed to realize her son is also a piece of shit like she was. Things are still rocky between her and I a year and a half later. She still threatens me a lot. I just blocked her number not long ago because of how bad it got.
So what’s the problem? My grandfather said this to my mom when I was born. That being a grandfather was even greater than being a father. And he said the same when my daughter and nephew were born, being a great-grandfather was even greater. And my grandfather is an angel of a human being. Same with my grandmother.
I think you just have some hostility towards your MIL.
Check out the group
That’s it, I’m Mother-in-law shaming.
Just ignore it and move on. It’s not worth getting upset about.
Accept it and find a way to love this and some day you may even find yourself adoring this I completely relate with the feeling of it somehow being some weird kind of competition, but they are innocently just loving this new life they didn’t comprehend beforehand. I think our mothers and mother in laws often end up with very confusing new emotions and have different connections with each grandchild that’s born. It’s really difficult for them to allow another woman to claim a life they feel responsible for, ya know? And, woman that are older than us grew and were raised in completely different worlds basically, like the generations before ours perceive things completely differently and almost confusingly due to generations before us being completely stricken of emotional empathy, causing innocent ignorance towards emotions they don’t recognize. It’s beautiful but difficult as mothers ourselves to accept this confusing behavior. But it really is innocent, so think of her as a puppy that comes to visit lol not in an insulting way but mama always knows best, she’s his mama, but you’re your babies mama it’s weird but it’s a strange truth… don’t waste your energy “teaching old dogs new tricks”. Just pet their ego with the knowing that their actions come from pure love usually and can really be a blessing that you don’t have to do every day.
Annoying, yes. But as someone with an EVIL mother in law, I would count your blessings if this is the worst thing she does or if it’s really bothering you that bad, I’d just let her know nicely. Open communication is very important. I’ve always been the type to tell people if I have a problem (nicely) rather then let anger build up.
Pick your battles. Quit trying to compete with her. She’s really not saying anything wrong.
Some of u r just cruel. Gramas lobe grandbabys more . Its totally a normal thing. Oh well. But she just sounds bad at expressing her self without coming of as a know it all
I think most people have issues with mil it’s totally normal. Unfortunately itll never stop
Sounds to me like she’s trying to bond with you on another level. She’s right though. We don’t know a grandparents love until we become a grandparent. I don’t see what’s wrong with her saying that. Seems like you have issues with her and are reaching for reasons to be mad Be happy that she likes you enough to talk to you and have a relationship with you. I wish my husbands mom was still alive so I had a MIL and my kids had another grandparent.
I think she’s feeling overwhelmed with her feelings. And she’s remembering those feelings of love for her children way back. She’s in awe. And now the baby is here and again she can’t believe the love she feels. My MIL was a harsh spoken woman. I loved and respected her so much. I loved her on a level her daughter in laws never found or even tried because they couldn’t get past the harsh. The harsh was from a life of hard work and rough treatment. I respected and loved her all the more for it. BTW she told me if my child was a girl she wasn’t babysitting. Well guees who couldn’t keep her hands off of our daughter? Best Granny ever!
I don’t understand the disrespect of so many with the first suggestion to to tell someone to shut the F up. Back the F up. It boggles my mind. I would have never spoken or will i ever speak to someone that way. Let alone a parent or in law.
Appreciate her. My MIL drove me nuts sometimes, I’d get so upset over things she said or she’d suggest… and the day before my Birthday this year she passed suddenly… I would take all the discontent back, every bad word i thought and may have said just to be able to talk to her one more time… she’s not trying to compete or make you feel bad she’s excited her baby is having a baby…
I don’t think her saying this is a form of trying to compete with you, but thats just me. She is in awe of her grandchild, I can’t blame her for that. My mother use to tell me the same things and still does now that she has three grandkids. She isn’t wrong though.
Would u rather her not give a crap???
What did she do wrong???
Sounds like ur just jealous of her for one reason or another! Just be glad she doesn’t feel the opposite!!! Grow up sweetheart
Mine is upset that with a 2 year old and an under 1 year old we only make the 3.5 hour drive 5ish times a year. She also gets upset that we don’t do seperate birthday parties for her apart from the other grandparents because she doesnt want to share her time with them.
It’s really not a big deal
Respond with “you might be right”…of course she might be wrong but is it really worth an argument?
I tell all my soon to be mommy friends they don’t understand the love for a child until they are born and laid on your chest so am I a problem as well? I think you are reaching a bit much or not telling the whole story. Not all MIL and DIL have great bonds or communicate at that so you should appreciate her.
I honestly don’t see why this would make anyone upset
Sounds like your the one with the problem not her, sorry.
Shes not saying anything wrong… it doesn’t sound like shes trying to compete with you at all. Be happy she wants to be involved. My kids haven’t seen their dads mom since 2 weeks or so before Christmas.
I think by reminiscing about how it was when she had her children she was attempting to “female bond” with you. Women in the workplace, families, etc do it all the time. I think as you mature you will be thankfull she is in your children’s lives. Please don’t bad mouth her in front of your children. She’s not attempting to compete with you she is being grandma. Grandmas are the fun person. They have none of the responsibility of rule making and decision making, they get to share their love and be the fun person. You will get your turn sooner than you think!
take a deep breath… is this her first grandchild?? sounds to me shes beyond over joyed and shes trying to share it with you… thats not competing if you wanna hear competing i can give you some stories… but honestly yes it maybe annoying but thank god that this is all that it is… could be wayyyyy worse.
Love her for loving you enough to want to be a part of your life! She’s expressing and sharing her feelings with you because she cares.
Sounds excited to me. But i understand my ex mil whew… Dont get me started and her son and I didnt have kids together
I wish my MIL would have been involved in my kids life. She absolutely did not babysit or have much to do with my kids. So thank her and enjoy her for loving your child.
I limit the amount of time my MIL is allowed to sit in my home. “Is he hungry?” Is he thirsty? Want me to hold you? Make sure you watch him like a hawk and NEVER leave him alone. Do you want me to do you laundry? Want me to bring you water/groceries? I love what you’ve done with your home with what little space you have.
My list is endless but she drives me absolutely mad. I limit the amount i stay on the phone with her and visit because it just stresses me tf out and i can’t deal
Maybe she’s right, you don’t understand.
Instead of being annoyed, be flattered that she puts you and her in some type of category together.
She might feel a whole lot of appreciation and want to teach some things but unable to communicate it… and if she is just being annoying, learn how to tune her out.
She also might need to boost herself like that to feel needed or important?
Be glad you have the help. I have none, neither his mom or mine.
Everything I did was wrong in the eyes of my ex MIL. Still is actually, even tho I’ve raised her grandson by myself for 9 yrs. I used to be shy about everything she said… now I’m blunt. I put her in her place once and shes less ignorant about it but still tries. Your mom. If she gets carried away, tell her
My MIL lives about 5 miles away from us, and has to drive past our house to get to work. We see her maybe 2-3 times a year. My son, who is almost 4, doesn’t even know who she is. When we do see her, she makes snide passive aggressive comments about wishing she could see her grandson more. She steals my Facebook photos and posts them on her wall with captions like “I love my family!” I tell her she is welcome to come by anytime. My mom has even attempted to get her to come around more.
The fact that you have a MIL who cares and who loves your child and is TRYING is a wonderful blessing. Try to be thankful.
Sounds to me like you are defensive for some reason. Nothing you said she has said is wrong, or harmful.
You should be thankful that you have a MIL that wants to be a part of your childs life. She is happy and fully in love with your baby.
I used to be this way. Until the day we were away for her mom’s funeral and we went to sleep. My mother inlaw didn’t wake up.
Thankfully I didn’t complain about this stupid shit. I complained about my son being around her cigarette smoke. But I still have regrets over it.
I hope she doesn’t have to die for you to appreciate her
It could be worse. My MIL in Heaven, where I can’t ask questions or for memories. My son will not have the love of 2 grandmothers.
This is how they start… she will make you feel inadequate then continue to tell you
How to raise your baby and more and more 3 years later she’s gonna be a tyrant calling you names and trying to raise your baby I beg you put your foot down and tell her if she has nothing nice to say please don’t open you f*** mouth she can be a part of his life but if she has anything negative to say towards you about raising your baby don’t let her I learned my lesson I’m warning you before it starts
I was blessed to have two wonderful mil…but we both had to work on keeping the peace
She problay dont know shes doing it,