Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How to handle my breakup?
Sounds toxic & he WILL hit you again . Boss up boo it’s not good for the baby you don’t need him , keep your self busy so you won’t think of everything between you guys . Good luck
This new in the relationship and he has treated you so badly. Lots of people lose loved ones and don’t abuse their partners cause it is a difficult time. Think of the life you want you and your sons to have. Verbal and physical abuse shouldn’t be it.
Treat your children like you want to be treated and Leave that Little Boy alone . Go to work and take care of your children they deserve better then you’ve been to them. God bless
Sounds like he’s done it before. You need to stop making excuses for him, he put his hands on you. I see you love him butbots time to move on for those 3 babies. Call your family again, let them know to not talk about him. You and those babies should be the most important t hi ing in your life. Get some counseling, make friends at work. You can do this, I have been in a toxic relationship, i left when my daughter was 5 months old, I wasn’t going to raise my daughter in that type of environment. You can get through this.
It’s only been since March and all this already happened?? Not good hun, reg flags all over, and if he hit you, he definitely will do it again, it’s only going to get worst, run! Run as fast as you can
You’re so young and naive seriously. You got two other kids the cops have been involved due to domestic violence and you still wanna b with him? You need to think of your kids at this point and not this guy seriously cause he’s already been arrested for domestic violence against you about 5 months into the relationship. Guess what honey it’s not going to end well trust me. Maybe other people won’t be blunt with you but I will because I’ve been there with domestic violence and nearly lost my life so. Get your kids pack your damn bags up and go back home to your family. Your family has every single right to talk down on him honestly because he’s been violent towards you. If u can’t do it for yourself then do it for your kids and if you can’t do it for your kids then ask a family member to take them because those little kids don’t need such a chaotic life cause their mom wants to stay with an abusive man. You’re not in love with this man trust me you’re in lust with him and once you open your eyes and see that this relationship isn’t good then you’ll see how quickly you fall out of love trust me. What u need to do is go back home seriously. If u think this man ain’t gonna hurt you again you’re very naive because he will and it won’t end up well. There’s more of a risk of homicide while you’re pregnant and when you leaving when you’re with a partner who’s been violent. He knows exactly wtf he’s doing to by doing this silent treatment with u it’s a manipulative move abusers do cause they love to see you beg for them to come back. Once they come back they act all nice and sweet and loving than bam something happens again and it’s repeated cycle till one of two things happen you leave completely or he hurts you and kills you. You need to be strong enough for your kids at this point honestly
Oh good grief get out
You’re fucking up if you get back with him. I was 23 when i got into an abusive relationship and it looked and sounded exactly like this! It was the hardest 6 and half years of my life and when I say it fucked up every little thing in my life IT FUCKED UP EVERYTHING. I’m still struggling to fix some of the damage and it’s been over 6 years now. Please listen to me and RUN! He ain’t gunna do better or be better and yalls relationship will only get worse. I’m sorry sis I’m not tryna hurt you I’m actually tryna protect you. Stay strong for those babies!
That hurt my head, I’m sorry you’re going through this… But this is a blessing in disguise!
He’s gaslighting you. You didn’t make him call out of work. He is a grown man you are not his only option for transportation. Public transportation, the friends he lives with , possibly coworkers are all possibilities for him and if not he could walk. He’s an abuser physically and mentally and him not talking to you is part of the manipulation. I really hope you take a step back from your relationship and work on your self esteem. If your fights are really bad & constant and he puts hands
On you then I’m going to assume it’s
Affecting your children and that’s really sad. Please try and distance yourself now before the baby is born because he will absolutely use the child y’all have to manipulate & control you further.
I’m gna go ahead and say you should apologize to your family. They had EVERY right to talk down on him, he is an abusive piece of sh*t. If he doesn’t come back, you will be WAY better off without him. He will do it all again, the hitting, the fighting, rinse and repeat. It’s a vicious cycle that never ends.
Wow! I couldn’t even finish reading this. He’s awful. That kind of arguing a few months in?
Wanting to have a baby with him so soon when you have 2 already? Good luck to you. Focus on your babies!!
Focus on building a life with them first.
This is too much! Just too much! You already know what to do and whats best for you!
How you “handle it” is: you acknowledge you’ve made some bad choices and now you’re going to be raising a third baby alone, if you’re lucky. If you’re unlucky this loser “baby daddy without a pot to piss in” will hang around in and out of you and your poor baby’s life making everyone miserable. Get your butt to work. You don’t have time to be anxious and depressed because you’re about to have three babies to raise. Get some counseling and read some books so you don’t ignore all the giant red flags next time an abusive piece of crap comes along.
Ok so you have children right? Think of it this way. How would you feel if your child’s significant other was treating them this way? Would you want them dating them?
If he has laid hands on you in anger who is to say he wouldn’t hurt an innocent baby if they are crying and he is upset with them. You need to just walk away and let him be. If he can’t get along with his other child’s mom that should be a sign. Even if you don’t like your ex and you have a child together he should still attempt to be civil to coparent with the mother. Listen to your heart. I know you miss him but I think you already know the answer on what you should do or you wouldn’t be here. Maybe send him updates on the baby and baby only. If he wants to meet up do it in a public place with someone with you. Keep the conversation about your child only. When the baby and he is wanting to visit the child I would fight to establish supervised visitation and anger management. Especially since you have already filed a report for violence against you. If he doesn’t want to communicate and work with you I would walk away and just think about you and your babies.
Call your family . Go home !! Raise your babies and don’t look back!
Find some mom’s groups, reach out to people you work with, people in your neighborhood, befriend a lonely senior to find friends. Talk & FaceTime with your family so you have friends to lean on.
Why people have babies after such a short time together I’ll never know. But concentrate on the Ch
You need to put your children first. Put yourself and your unborn baby first. If he wants to be with you he needs to work on himself alone.You need to move on and if he wants to change then he will. You can’t force anybody to change and unfortunately it doesn’t seem like it will. It’s very toxic and unhealthy. You are very young and you will have your hands full. Never depend on a man for your happiness. The right one won’t put you through all of this. If you truly believe he’s the one then let him go. Let him get some therapy before you work things out or you will continue this cycle. If he can’t commit to therapy then he doesn’t want to be better. Be smart and put your kids first. Stay busy with them find new friends and make yourself happy!
Girl…not only is that type of behaviour toxic and bad for you…but it’s bad for your kids…he assaulted you and has been in jail because of it…9/10 things don’t get better. Also the fact that your pregnant and hes ghosting you is a huge red flag. You both moved way too fast…moving in together, and planning a baby in under a year was the wrong move…get yourself back on track, its unfortunate you’re in that situation but only you can make things better for yourself and your kids.
This is a whole mess. Been with him less than a year, get pregnant when the relationship was clearly failing. Pregnancy isn’t going to change a man or how he acts towards you… take it as a lesson and just leave him be and raise your children.
Pregnant twice in eight months and he’s abuses you mentally and physically, and has left you numerous times already!! Woman, no, no, no. That’s not love, not even close to love. You need to talk to someone professionally to help you out with yourself. Your children need you, not some abusive, manipulate a**hole who doesn’t care about you or your children… run…!!
This man is toxic. He put his hands on you once he will do it again and again and again. I promise it’s not a one time only incident. I’ve been there. Their apology and their excuses sound good at the time and it’s easy to be fooled into staying or going back but don’t do it. It will only get worse I promise. Show ur babies better. One time is too many. You can raise those kids on your own. You don’t need him to help you. Focus on you and those babies. Thats all. Forget about him. If he wants to see his baby that’s his right but I would make sure u have as limited amount of contact as possible. But if he chooses to not want anything to do with that baby…good. ur both better off without having an abusive man in your lives.
All this and you only been together since March! Girl, fix yourself for your kids sake
This is way too early on in a relationship to accept or forgive the things he’s done to you in my opinion. Everything you’ve seen so far will just magnify in the future. I’m sorry that you’re going through this!! I think you’ll be way better off in the long run without him.
Toxic for each other
You already know what the answer is.
This is a lot. I’m not going to be a hypocrite and say get to know someone before having babies, because I’ve done it twice myself. But, you need to concentrate on yourself and your children. That’s a lot to happen in just a few short months. He seems childish himself. Let him be, he needs to grow up big time. Sometimes, you don’t know what you’ve got, til it’s gone 🤷
Girl you need to work on you & take care of the kids you have stop being so needy go back to family so they can help before you keep putting toxic men before your poor kids
He was a bum when met him. Let it go…
Sound toxic AF!! Yall only been dating since March!!!??? Girl run!
He has major issues and so do you. Stop worrying about men and worry about yourself and your children. When was a bum before, a bum during and probably still gonna be a bum…RUN
So he won’t try to find someone else because he is a bum and no one wants a bum? So you’re not good enough for him because he got with you as a bum…maybe he had a job and a car…but living with a friend??? Not even renting a room from someone??? Come on girl. No one needs a man until the kids are grown.
get some counselling and grow up a bit before having more kids… please. You’re being so toxic and you know that, and you’re still allowing it. Change girl, be better for your babies!
It’s not just him. You are making some pretty bad decisions. It’s sad because you have children the rely on you. Get yourself together.
No communication makes it easier to get over him go on with your life
Call your family. Talk to them. Call a therapist if you can, get visits scheduled. Take your kids to see a family therapist as well.
Go back and read all of this out loud to yourself.
I would say go with the flow if being with him makes you happy than be with him nobody can really give you advice and expect you to really take it in unfortunately we as woman don’t do what we should do because our hearts take over but when the time is right you will know exactly what to do and by than your mind will be made up but I will say this since you have a baby on the way maybe try and reach out to the family because you may need a little help and just try and ignore what they say about your bd or ask if you guys could just not talk about that because you may need some support and help from your family with a baby you know also maybe try some therapy good luck to you
You never established the basic foundations of a relationship. This is where so many of us fail! You’re 23 so at least you have a reason.
Keep yourself busy to cope in the meantime. What’s done is done and the baby is coming. It was a bad idea to have a third child with a lack of commitment (marriage or something). I hope you learned from this experience.
You should of left the moment he touched you that will never stop. You should never tried to have a baby with someone who you truly don’t even know but for a month. If you stay with an abusive man your teaching your kids it’s ok to hit women. I definitely would have never had a child with an abusive man nor a man I just meant. Your worried about a man, worry about your kids! They deserve better !! Good luck
How you gonna know somebody only 4 months and get pregnant ON PURPOSE?! 🤦
I only read about half of this and I couldn’t take it anymore. You already know that he is a piece of shit. He put his hands on you. They never stop. All you are doing is what EVERY single woman who dies of domestic violence does…making excuses for his behavior and blaming yourself. Maybe if you were nicer, maybe if you used a sweeter tone of voice, maybe if you had brought his coffee faster or cooked his steak better, not had an opinion or xyz…then he wouldn’t have called you names, hit you, stabbed you, shot you, or killed you. Leave this man alone. Move on with your life, before the baby the two if you ridiculously decided to bring into a known unstable relationship is either killed in your womb or left motherless along with your two other children.
You’re making excuses for every behavior he has that’s becoming more & more dangerous - and you’re less than a year in. Get out, get out now and don’t look back, before he hurts or kills you.
You’re fucking stupid and fucking selfish. You want to continue with him? After how he has treated you? He has brainwashed your ass.
Also ummmm let’s not forget most importantly YOUR OTHER TWO CHILDREN? Like are they there when you are both arguing? How about when he put his hands on you? Kids there too?
Oh and his baby mama said he was the same way. Verbally confrontational, arguing, ect.
Girl that is who he is.
For the safety of you and your kids, grow up and move on
Take care of babies yourself
Not offense, but you seriously need to work on yourself before getting involved with any other men. You’ve known this man 8 months and you’re almost 4 months pregnant This is something y’all should have done until much later on. They say it takes 3-5 years to truly know someone and the red flags were right in front of your face, but you chose to ignore them. Your post makes you sound desperate to have a man in your life, why? You’re stuck to some abusive dude who has another BM confirming the same abuse…he’s going to find another woman right after you and do the same thing to her. My advise is stop looking for attention and validation in another person. You need to learn how to love yourself before you have any other children and jump into another relationship.
Edited to add that no wonder your family hates him. They have every right to dislike that man. You’ve admitted to distancing yourself from family because they don’t like this POS. You need to realize that abusers do that. They get you alone and away from your support group so they can continue the cycle of abuse. Wake up and realize you need to let this guy go.
Wow sorry about the roller coaster you have been on but frankly you need to focus on yourself and your choices. Why move in with someone you only knew a few months and have had arguments. Then decide to have a baby with? One who is not even financially or emotionally stable?
Not worth it. And after that many chances sadly that’s who he will always be. Be thankful you dodged a bullet. He can still be apart of your lives but that’s it.
Good. It’s called a break up because it’s BROKEN !!! Stop. It’s not good for you. Don’t let him back. How many almost battered to death women do you need to listen to ?? If it happened once, it will happen again and that’s your fault.
Jfc did you read that out loud!? Dumb af! “We fight literally daily, but we are so happy” “he put his hands on me, WHILE PREGNANT, but we click so well!” Grow tf up and stop reproducing! Who tf is watching you 2 OTHER KIDS while you lay in bed depressed over a losr? My God, you’re exhaustng
Do NOT go back to him. You should’ve left when he laid his hands on you. Being mad is no excuse and once it starts it won’t stop. Don’t make babies with people you’ve only known a few months there were obvious red flags that you ignored. This guy must be really good looking or something. He sounds like a complete loser.
Who is taking care of ue kids while u lay up like a dang teenager u r a mom. Mom up and taking care or ur kids and the one on the way and leave men alone cause u need to do a ton of work on yourself before u put ur kids through anymore BS
If you can’t see it’s not healthy or right as you yourself write it out…then you need help…you met a man and tried to have a baby within the first month…wow really who does that…he is constantly arguing and puts his hands on you and you excuse it for whatever reason girl you need to just read this out loud to yourself…and stop having you son’s around this kinda man…but seriously sit and out loud read this to yourself…read the horrible/crazy stuff your trying to tell and then the stupid unrealistic expectations your hoping for from something that’s just not going to change or get better… and the excuses your telling yourself…your a grown women with children not a high school girl…so stop trying to pursue that giddy high school romance and realize your a grown women with 2 kids already…focus on rasing them and stop trying to find mr right to pop out another…do you the best you can and Mr. Right will come but you need to be able to see red flags and knock the away…not settle for anything less then what you and your boys deserve because you like the good attention that’s sometimes there…I’m not putting you down or anything just really read this out loud several times and re evaluate your goals…and expectations and your future for you and your boys…it’s never ok for a man to put his on you…but 2 months in and he has already… regardless of knowing your pregnant or not…and your still willing…nah girl sit …read this…outloud…and then think if this is the best environment and person to help you raise your boys to become great men one day cuz this dude don’t sound like very much of a man js…get help…in the nicest way possible…get help…your a grown woman with children and they come before your need of attention and dick appointments…and work on yourself…work on learning you can and will be enough and one day someone will coming into your life and be good enough and if they aren’t they shouldn’t be around you and your family…but you need to take some personal time to get your mind right… forget men…and dick and making more and more babies with basically a stranger…and get yourself right for your boys and the one on the way…please don’t let them grow up watching you still learning how to grow up…that’s just sad…be a mom before anything…you chose to pop out babies the least you can do is do right by them the best you can and raise them to be able to be decent functioning adults one day.
You guys sound very toxic together. And he is abusive and you don’t want that around yourself and your kids. Doesn’t matter if he only did it once so far or that he says it will never happen again. Don’t believe that. Try talking to your family again, they were right not to like him or want him around you and your kids. Work on yourself for now, don’t rush into another relationship and don’t take him back. Stop trying to communicate with him. If he cares let him make the effort. Even if he does I would be careful having your child around him.
So. Im going to be brutally honest, but understand I made some very similar bad decisions at 22 and im not judging.
1st things first: this man doesnt love you. He has control issues and is an abuser… A single, young mother from out of town is an ideal AND EASY target. You clicked well at first because he was showing you what you wanted to see… The guy you know now that tears you down, makes you question yourself, and hits you is his true self.
2nd: I have no doubt you are going to go back. At least once more… Probably more than once though… So when the violence starts back again TAKE PICTURES OF YOUR MARKS!! After you take the pictures send them to a friend you trust. Do the same w texts messages. Make sure they are saved outside of your own home and devices though. Document EVERYTHING bc you will likely end up in family court, where words mean nothing without proof.
3rd: the baby you are carrying was a trap he set and you walked right in it. This gives him access to harass and in the very least, verbally abuse you for years to come… Even when you have finally had enough and leave, you share a child so he has access to you.
4th: go to counseling and a self defense class.
5th: your very best bet is to leave the state, go back to your family, get rid of all social media and pretend you had an abortion. 🤷 I wish I had done that 12 years ago.
Sounds like an abusive relationship. Let it go, leave before someone gets seriously hurt. And then there’s the best example you’re setting for your kids. He’s a long way from getting his act together
I cant read that all. Ur making excuses for his baby. He’s showed u his true colours EARLY. Believe who he is. And run.
Why would you plan to have a child with someone you do not know? The he’s putting you through is just the beginning of what’s to come.
My gosh girl!! You need to just leave that relationship. It’s unhealthy and not good for your children to be brought up in that kind of situation. My God!! Put your children first not that douche. Gee why are some people just to stupid to see what is happening right in front of their face?? Open your eyes before it’s too late!!
It sounds to me like you want to vent rather than leave. If your not responsible enough to have protected sex then at least be responsible to your children and get rid of him. Your kids don’t deserve this and seriously I get so pissed reading this as you would rather be with this twit then protect your children.
Lets forget the fact that your SHITSHOW alarm should have went off about 10 minutes after you met him, is this the kind of behavior you want children exposed to? their adult psychological health is determined very much by childhood exposure to dysfunction
So! Sounds just like a normal abuser. I’ve been there, done that. Sounds so perfect in the beginning then all of a sudden fights constantly for no reason, then escalation to physical abuse, isolation, etc… Fortunately for you he’s no longer responding. Probably because he’s scared to be a father. It really is a blessing in disguise he’s not wanting to communicate with you. You’ll heal in time. Work on yourself and focus on your kids. All of you are worth more than the life of misery you just avoided.
Uhm "how people get when they’re angry " I’ve been plenty angry many tunes, as has my husband we have never physically hurt each other That is not normal behavior. You didn’t even truly know this man and you make statements like “so unlike him” You were so unsure of who he was you had to reach out to his ex, who reinforced the fact he does nothing but argue. Stop making excuses for him and MOVE on.
You’ll get over it honestly… you think you won’t but you will, I met my partner in august 2015, I was pregnant by October 2015 with our first child (not planned), he then left me when I was 20 odd weeks pregnant, we kept seeing each other and sleeping together then it all cut off and we didn’t speak, just about a month or so before our eldest turned 1 in 2017 and I had got over all the heart break etc he told me he wanted me back, I went running back… we’re back together with or second daughter who is 1 on Sunday…
If things ar e meant to be they will be if not they will go…
One thing he’s never done is lay his hands on me though! (Don’t think he would dare if I’m honest)
Girl take your babies and run. He put his hands on you he will do it again.
I stopped reading after 4 months in & wanting to have a baby
You don’t know someone we’ll enough after 4 months to even consider that kind of lifelong commitment
Just put ur kids first.
So basically you had every single read flag imaginable and ignored every single one and have no idea why you’re in the place you’re at?
He’s an abuser… this is part of the cycle. He put hands on you already and next time he could kill you. He could shove your child and they could be hurt or killed. He’s broke bc of bail well that’s his consequences for being abusive. Move back to your family who didn’t want you to be with an abuser, they saw it and talked down on him bc they knew he was shit. Please get somewhere safe! And get therapy to rebuild yourself and work out why you accepted all the red flags!
Wow. Couldn’t even read it all.
Girl you have huge self esteem issues.
You either like being mistreated or you don’t realize you deserve better.
And what are yuh teaching your boys?
Join a support group or a mother’s group to make friends look forward and don’t look back
A relationship like that is too toxic for children … break the cycle for your boys
You need to make healthy friendships and develop a support system. He is not it. He has control and anger issues. Rip the bandaid! I wish you the best
Go see a damn therapist.
I am sorry you are going through this… especially pregnant. Seems like you want to be loved. He doesn’t seem like the one. The entire post was about him. It is time to make bettering your life about you and your kiddos. Build a support group of friends. Go back home, if your family is supportive. Do not continue in this relationship. Allow him to be a father to his child.
You should’ve left a long time ago, look at all those red flags!
Maybe you should read what you wrote here. Honestly, I didn’t even finish it because well, I read enough. You knew all the signs were there yet you still chose to make a baby with this guy. Honestly, I hope for the sake of the kids and yourself, he doesn’t respond to you. Trust me, one day you’ll look back and just shake your head at your foolishness
Please get away, he’s a abusive man. He will hit again.your very young enjoy life without this man.
Please remember everybody, it is very difficult for those who are in domestic violence situations to see the abuser for who they really are and not what the victims mind has been filled with! Please be kind to this lady.
Maybe get to know someone a little better before bringing a child into this mess. I feel for your children. Seek therapy.
Sounds like your crazy 4 months and I wanted a baby
Also shouldn’t have even met your other kids that short into the relationship how old are you ?
He is nothing but abusive and toxic…why would you have this man around your kids let alone get pregnant 4months into a relationship??! Focus on your kids and keep this man away!