My husband and his baby mama have a 4 year old son which I absolutely adore and we get along very well. Well recently his mother has been really stepping outta line. She has sent his messages asking some really nasty questions then will tell him he’s not doing his part with taking care of their son. But yet the days she has him he’s with her mother and hardly spends time with him. He’s started saying that she doesn’t like him. He’s said something to her about the inappropriate messages but never when she doesn’t see her son or belittled him when we pay for everything for him make sure he goes to school has everything he needs. I’m not mad about having to take care of him without her help at all I’ll support that little boy forever. But how can I remedy this without feeling like I’m over stepping my role?
Like I’ve told others…ITS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!!! NOT YOUR CHILD!!! IS THERE A BIT OF JEALOUSY THERE…SINCE SHE IS NOT PAYING CHILD SUPPORT IM ASSUMING CUSTODY HAS NOT BEEN ESTABLISHED LEGALLY…SOOOOO…IN OTHER WORDS LIKE ALOT OF OTHERS, HE IS NOBODYS CHILD, SHE CAN TAKE THAT CHILD DISAPPEAR AND THERE AINT A DAMN THING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT…QUIT DOING THINGS HALF-ASSED BECAUSE YOUR LAZY AND ITS EASIER!!! GO TO COURT ESTABLISH CUSTODY …THE EX IS NOT YOUR PROBLEM…BUT WE’RE ONLY HEARING YOUR SIDE AND OBVIOUSLY YOUR NOT THE PERFECT PARENT…!!!
Sit your hubby down and explain to him that it’s enabling the baby’s mother to take full advantage if the both of you .the more she gets away with the more she will push forward ! That is a recipe for disaster.
First and fore most that little boy has a name so let’s reference him by his name out of respect for him. Secondly all you can do is support your husband by being his peace that is not your battle to fight if it gets to bad he need to take it to the courts because going back and forth with her is not going to resolve anything. There are still emotions there that need to be resolved. Your husband needs to just allow the mother to do her thing while he be the father that he can be to his son and not expect anything from the mother because what you all think she should do may not ever be what she does and I would not worry myself about something that I have no control over
Your fucked because he’s undoing your hard work by enabling her behaviour
Stay in your lane and mind your business.
It’s not your place.
Unfortunately you should just talk with your husband about how you feel but he should be the one to have the conversation with his ex. I have been in your shoes and it usually doesn’t help if the step parent speaks to ex unless you get along. My ex husband’s ex wife hated me for no reason and used that against me. After she passed the kids all told me that they wished they would have got to know me more and that thier mother was wrong about me. But I had to let them be raised by thier dad and mother. While they were in our home visiting I would treat them like my own kids and love on them but did not ever over step my boundries as a step parent. If I had concerns I would take them to thier dad. He would then speak to mom about it and they would handle it. (She was pissed that I got pregnant and sent a threatening card to me about it! Yes, It was reported).
If tou trust your spouse to do the right thing for his child then let him do it.
As the current wife your perspective is probably off. You say he provides everything & makes sure he goes to school. First of all school isn’t mandatory at 4. Sounds like that’s a choice you may have made for a child that isn’t yours. Second it’s his job to parent his child that includes providing for him, getting him to school etc. If a mom or mom’s bf/husband came on here complaining about that they’d be told she’s doing her job. As far as her leaving her kid with grandma all the time is that for work, school or other obligations? Is your husband (not you) able to care for the child instead? He can get “first right of refusal” added to their custody agreement. That means if 1 parent is unable to care for the child they have to give the other opportunity before leaving him with a 3rd party. However this doesn’t seem to be a concern to him. You’re nit picking to find fault with her. He addressed the messages. That was what concerns him. You need to step back & stop finding reasons to hate the mom & therefore cause problems in their co-parenting. Remember you’re not the mom. You’re simply daddy’s wife.
You shouldn’t do a damn thing unless asked. Not your kid not your ex not your business to handle. If you are asked to step in then do something. You are not a parent to this child you are a support to the parents. You can talk to your man about your feelings, but that’s as far as your reach goes until you are gifted permission for more.
To me she just sounds like a very caring step mum x
This woman sounds scandalous. Tell her to keep her nasty thoughts on the street and not in your marital household. She’s lacking in home training herself.
Just tell her what you guys do on your parenting time is none of her business.
You don’t handle her let the ex deal with her.
You handle the ex by knowing your role, minding your business and Staying in your lane. He’s not your kid. You’re not his mom. If you’re asked, that’s different.
Young one - she knows what she’s doing. She is trying to cause drama in your life - remember the little one is watching and learning. You need to keep good communication between your husband and you. Together- you can handle it. 
You can’t remedy it. It’s up to the father of their child to do something. You can support him, or help give him options but YOU cannot be the one to do anything really. I think the father needs to go to court and file for more custody, or less visitation from birth mom especially if it’s having a negative impact on the child. Again, you can support but you can’t change anything.
You can’t. I was a stepmom for over 10yr. Vent to your hubby but stay out of it. I wish I had just been there for my bonus son bc my meddling made his mom evil towards me and got my entire husband’s family hating me by talking shit about me and it was awful
Honestly courts will tell you custody and parenting stuff is ONLY between the mother and father legally.
I am reading a crap ton of lack of objectivity and cattiness in many of these comments on this thread… 
One of the hardest parts of being a stepmom is realizing there are some things you cant do anything about. His ex will ALWAYS be one of those things. ALWAYS. You can talk to him but when it comes right down to it you cannot force him to change or force him to address anything with her and if you try, it’ll just cause resentment and problems in your relationship with him.
You say you get along well with her. Maybe she needs some support. Invite her to go get coffees and drink them together while you enjoy the 4 year old playing at a children’s museum or park. Or invite her to go get a pedicure just the two of you and ask her how she’s doing.
Ok there’s probably a reason why bio mom is getting nasty and your probably not seeing the full picture
Get his father to deal with this…
Ignore all the bio moms on here telling you to “know your place” while they’d let a step daddy handle EVERYTHING* and talk all that mess about how he’s the real daddy.
I’m a stepmom & a bio mom. My husband has had full custody of our son & his baby mama has had supervised visits for like 16 months. He had residential for a few months before that.
Before we had custody, my stepson’s mom was all but completely absent. She used him as a pawn over my husband by telling him he would never see my stepson again if he didn’t do xyz. At the time we had him at least* 75% of the time. When she did have him, she dropped him off with her aunt and he would come home crying that he wanted his mom cause he didn’t get to see her while she “had” him 
But when it came to her coming sideways at MY HUSBAND, I don’t play that shit. I have a biblical & moral duty* to have his back against anyone. When she stepped at him disrespectful I stepped right back. She was absolutely vile to my husband It only took a few times and she quickly changed her attitude. Now I never said shit to her about how she raised her child until the last time she said we wouldn’t get to see him again and at this point we were in the works of removing our son from an extremely abusive and dangerous situation living with her. That time I just informed her that her son & her husband had told us about the abuse in the home & that we had copies of all of the police reports and would she like us to hire an attorney or could my husband get his son for his time? I’ll also add that at this point she had stopped texting my husband about our son and was only texting me for pickup/drop off because, in her words, it was “just easier talking to the other mom.” If she hadn’t been saying these things to me, I would’ve left it alone as we were only a few months out from filing for custody.
It’s a whole long story BUT just document everything. We got residential custody with her getting every other weekend easily with the years of evidence my husband & I had collected. And don’t be scared to stand up for your husband because a child is in the mix. I was always extremely friendly to BM when my stepson was around & my husband was as well. We made sure he never saw any difference but I also made sure she knew that my husband stopped having to walk on eggshells around her and deal with her literal abuse the day he met me.
You are not overstepping your role as a wife when you defend your husband. It doesn’t matter who it’s against. Over my husband I will go toe-to-toe with anyone… his mama, his baby mama, the devil himself for all I care because biblically I outrank them when it comes to him and nobody’s treating anything I call mine like trash 
To be honest, it’s not your job. He needs to step up and set boundaries. She is getting very comfortable and disrespectful. He needs to put her in her place not you. Because if y’all ever go to court, the judge will deal with him and her not you. That’s the problem when woman dating/married man with small children. BMD are hot mess. Not all of them tho. 
I cannot stand the whole mentality of “stay in your lane”, when it comes to step parents. I have the unpopular opinion here, I know, but I have been on both sides of these situations as a “step-mom” and as bio mom. It is 100% your business if ANYBODY, is disrespecting your significant other. This woman doesn’t get a free pass just because they have a child together and/or history.
My advice is to document everything. Continue to care and love for your bonus son as you are and try your hardest to shield him from the negativity. I promise that he will notice how you, mom, and dad communicate with each other and it does has an impact on his upbringing. If the disrespect continues, ask to have a sit down with mom and all three of you discuss your problems. Lay boundaries and stick with them. If she continues to use your bonus son as a pawn, then you take her behind to court. Whatever you do, just try not to let her bitterness cause problems in your relationship.
I wish you the best of luck! <3
This why I don’t get in their business their kids their issues, love them like they’re mine, but I didn’t create them…
In reality, your husband needs to pit her in her place. If he can’t by asking her… then he need to keep all those texts and present them to the judge.
Get an order pertaining to contact only regarding the child.
I also had to put an order regarding his family and talking crap about me infront of my daughter. Something like no disparaging the other patent. This way I could report actions, submit video, texts, ect.
Prayers and positive vibes your way 
I hate the whole stay in your lane stuff. I am a bonus mom and a bio mom. They both are taken care of by me so it will be my business especially if my bonus child stays with me.
Honestly, you can’t. The best thing you can do is just not say anything because that will make it way worse for your husband. It sounds like she’s just trying to push his buttons. You can’t control what she does on the days she has him, only what goes on the days you guys have him. Just continue to take care of him and make sure he has what he needs and hopefully she’ll grow up and calm down. If she’s sending him nasty messages he should just ignore them. If it’s not about their son then he doesn’t need to respond but save them in case things get real bad and you need to go to court.
Just do it for him…life will catch up to her!
If you can prove how awful she is and that she doesn’t watch him at all the dad might get full custody
Don’t. Honestly it’s not your place to get involved between them. Remember you’re seeing it from another side as well, you don’t know what she may have dealt with in their relationship in the past.
You know baby mommas really shouldn’t have to co parent with the wives/girlfriend But we do out of peace for our kids. It would be nice if girlfriends did remain in the back… I know I got tired of girls switching… and girlfriends that only been around a month or 6 tell me how raising my kid is going. Obviously you haven’t been married very long. If they have a 4 yr old.
Ignore her. Your husband needs to ignore messages that don’t pertain to the son.
Well for starters quit referring to her as baby mama.
You can’t do anything about it besides being supportive of the child. Yes it sucks thinking your mom don’t care for you, but if you has you loving him and CHOOSING to be his mom it won’t matter much when he gets older. Especially if he’s with grandma most the time anyway.
Dad can say something, but as long as he’s taken care of, I’d document it all so he could get more custody time or whatever. The grandma is the one that should be telling her abt her behavior with the child.
As far as the texts… if he’s already told her to stop then he can either ignore it or reply eww fukc no 
No experience, personally, but in family. Love and care for all children involved. Let man or woman take care of issue with Ex’s, if can’t, tell them you’ll have to get court involved. Meantime, and before that, save everything ever sent, text, emailed or witnessed by others that is causing problems. May need it later.
You’re overstepping your role & place by thinking you have the right to intervene at all honestly. This is between them. Learn to distance yourself from that. Love that little guy and be good to him. Forget about the shit with his mama because that is not yours to take on.
just tell her. that maybe its her own guilt eating at her and blaming him. tell her she needs to straighten up. cause you guys are doing your share.
As a step parent if you and the child’s parent have the child over half of the time, split custody or custody of the child then yes, absolutely you have a say in the parenting & you should be respected as such; sometimes you have to demand it. If you don’t you’re asking for a lot of trouble in the future.
Document everything but honestly he has to deal with her
Ignore her and let your husband deal with her
Not your business. Baby momma sounds so ghetto. You are not the mom, let the father deal with it.
So since you said husband, I’m going to say you’re married. So ignore the other comments talking shit about girlfriends and such.
He is your husband. You are step mom. Tell your husband how you feel and let him talk to the child’s mother.
Or have husband go to family court.
Ignore her and keep doing you! Advise your husband to do the same. Ignore any texts that are not about the son. Screenshot any texts from her that seem like she’s using his son to get other gains from him. Love that little man with all you got and he will be happy and healthy and hopefully when she realizes her advances or attitude arnt getting her anywhere she’ll stop. Ignoring it and being the bigger person really gets you further in situations like this!
His baby mama is not going away. Do NOT insert yourself in to his relationship with his ex and his kids. Stay out of it. I don’t care what she said about you on social media. First, anyone who wants to believe the worst about you will no matter what you say. Second, I don’t care she called you names. Grow up and ignore her. You need a thick skin for a man who has an ex. Maybe you will get lucky and he and his ex get along fine, maybe they don’t. You can take his side, but do not take it on yourself to tell her what she should be doing. Not your place. Do NOT disparage his ex in front of the kids. I don’t care if you KNOW it is a true fact, keep your opinion behind your teeth if there is even a slight chance her kids will hear. If her kids tell you Mom said this or that about you, just nod and let it go. Do not make the kids a punching bag between you all.They are innocent bystanders and didn’t ask to be in the middle. Be their safe space.
Leave it to him
He should be standing up towards her not you
NACHO baby momma. Literally ignore her existence altogether! Your husband can ignore her as well unless it pertains to the child. Keep doing what you’re doing for your husband and child. I’m sure the love and appreciate you very much. Document everything, perhaps your husband and yourself should have full custody.
It’s his child so he needs to deal with it. All you can do is be supportive to him and the child.
Keep a running record of time and money spent. Show her the proof when she says anything.
As a step parent, this is not your circus. You can talk to your husband about setting appropriate boundaries with her, but that’s about it. I think family counseling is warranted. There are a lot of intense emotions here, and 4 year olds are old enough to pick up on them and blame themselves, even when those emotions have nothing to do with them.
Let your hubby and the mother of his child sort this out
(They both made this child)
You sound like a great step mom
Who wants to just protect and love this child
X
as hard as it is (I have been in your shoes) let his father take care of it if he chooses too, you just keep loving and caring for that little guy
Honestly it’s not your battle to fight. She is his baby’s mother not yours !! Let him deal with the situation he created.
Lose…lose situation…Just be a great role model for that little boy and let the parents duke it out
You cannot force someone to spend time with their child. Dont stir the pot and mess things up. Just love him even more.
Let you husband handle this. They made the child. She’s trying to get to you. Do not let her get you on her level!!!
How long have y’all been married?