How to handle toddler tantrums?

Fan Question

  • V :dizzy:

my almost 3 year old has the worse attitude ever.

always telling people to shut up throwing things when mad or when she is told no.demands you to give her things will have an angry face and tell you to get it or give something up. If i tell her to pick up a mess she made she will scream grunt and stomp away i’ll make her come back and clean it up.

But my husband thinks she is ODD (Oppositional defiant disorder) which to me sounds like an excuse to not listen to me. the way i feel is she is the child and will listen to me i am the adult you do not tell me no you not tell me to shut up or have such a nasty attitude. I’ve tried time out spanking and talking it out nothings works.

We also have a new baby so i know she is acting out because of that and i do include her in things with him changing diapers bath playing etc i also make time for her daily walks the park bed time stories. i just dont know what to do about this attitude. ALL THE TIME she is like this.

i’m losing my mind she got like this maybe 2 months before the baby was born She use to say please and thank you ask permission for things or to do something and was happy all the time. any advice


It could be because of the baby, but it sounds like ODD is also a possibility if it’s all the time. Might be a good idea to get a behavioral counselor involved.


Have her vision checked. My child had major attitude and anger issues. She calmed down a lot once we realized she was frustrated because she couldn’t see!! I’m not saying that is what is going on with yours, but I didn’t connect vision and behavior either.
Also don’t give in to her tantrums!!!


Sounds like she may be jeoulous of new baby.Stay strong she will get better as long as you keep up the discipline and be consistant.


Idk if automatically assuming she has a disorder is the right route. Who is she seeing that’s being nasty and telling people to shut up or being demanding? Kids don’t just know “shut up”. Find the source of where she’s getting the behavior from and minimize it. not saying that its you, but take a look at yourself as well. Are you telling her please and thank you? Are you telling her to shut up? I have found that I have expectations of my toddler that I don’t follow myself at times.


She’s a kid! Don’t go throwing labels of mental disorders around, probably just jealousy over the baby or something is majorly upsetting her. She’s three, all kids between 2 and 3 years old push boundaries and fight back. Spanking can make matters worse, they become more angry and less likely to listen to you because you’ve hurt them, or they go the other way because you scare the shit out of them!

Discipline her with the naughty step, loss of sweets/treats and temporarily rake away the things she leaves a mess with. Or failing that a chart system where she gets a small treat at the end of the week.

Also she may be learning these behaviours from elsewhere, found out if she is and try to minimize it.

Bare but spank. Only thing that worked on my kids.


Starts with the parenting 🤷


slapped backside is called for.


Poor behavior remedy is isolate and ignore. No arguing. No eye contact. Totally ignore her right where she is, no corner etc. Once you are no longer her captive audience, her star of the show is removed. I did daycare for 10 years. This works, just keep doing it, she will learn. No please , no thank you, again ignore when no manners are used. Good luck.


We do lead by example. And something is bothering her, and she does not know how to Express it healthy, it being a medical problem or a jealously problem.

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Try a good behavior sticker chart and see if it works also maybe a talk to pediatrician about your husbands concerns to rule out any possibility of a disability.

Yes include her… Let her help you … make it into a lil game… I do this with my youngest one…

I think I would honestly ignore her. Don’t give in to anything, not react. Walk into the other room and shut the door. Address her again when she’s calm. Idk. I’ve never had a problem like that with any of my kids.

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I think she needs more attention, I think you need to put your anger aside for a moment to find out why she’s doing what she’s doing. I feel like she’ll take the negative attention because attention is all she wants. Have a mom to daughter heart to :heart:. That’s your baby and you will have plenty more to come.

Good luck. Mine is 5 and is just now growing out of that phase. I just ignored her

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Whoop her ass. Children these days need their ass whooped.

My son has never acted like this… It’s
Called discipline you spank there butt, you ground them you take stuff away… On the plus side let her help make it seam fun to be a big sister… And when baby is sleeping spend some one on one time

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My 4 year old does this… So following.

Your a great mother sorry you are struggling at the moment, you will figure this out breathe… Just thought you might need to hear your doing a great job Mom! :heart:

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She is testing her boundaries which is normal at this age, however, you need to discipline her for bad behavior (spank her butt, pop her in the mouth when she back talks or screams at you/other people) and you need to ignore her commands. If you don’t nip this in the bud now it will only get worse the older she gets.


Bust some butt.not beat,just an attitude adjustment.


One of my 4 year olds was this way to I was at a lose so I talked to a child therapist and was told if they are not endangering themselves or someone else don’t respond. I did this there were days that were so bad I wanted to give up but it took about 2 months of ignoring his fits and it stopped. Don’t get me wrong he still has a fit every now in then every child does but it’s so much better

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You are describing my three year old. We also have a one year old. I think this is totally normally. What works for us: Outings with just me and her, hugs and breathing techniques when she gets really upset, being firm with her when she gets to the point of being physical, timeout when necessary, rewarding good behavior on occasion (not every time), talking to her about her day as a part of bedtime routine, discussing our loved ones (its nice for her to verbally say that she loves her little brother- I think it reinforces the idea to treat him nicely), long walks/exercise every evening to get out excess energy, limited screen time.

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Hang in there. Be firm!

My son was the same. Diagnosed with odd and adhd. Still whines and we butt heads but it’s a lot better.


They mimic what they see…just saying


I agree w some of the moms w the ignoring her when she misbehaves…I’m not saying if she does something terribly wrong that it shouldn’t be addressed but she could be just looking for a reaction…whether its outta jealousy or just cuz she is in the terrible 2s phase (ik she is almost 3 but sometimes the phase can come early or late). But nevertheless, try ignoring her and let her get whatever it is out. Once she sees you’re not even entertaining her behavior, then she may realize she is gonna get more sugar by being the sweet little girl she once was. Best of luck to ya, mama❤

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She is only 3!!! Not 16. Folks, you can not reason with a 3 year old. At 3, her brain is not fully developed to understand your expectations. Be patient and understanding and loving instead of punishments.


My oldest was like that and she is ADHD/ODD and strong willed

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Start whooping that ass. Problem will be solved very fast…

I’d take away all of her things she likes to do when she acts like that leave her with nothing to do no toys or I pads or tv make her sit there and think about her actions for a day or 2

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Oh my gosh this sounds exactly like my 3 year old right now. I’m a couple months away from having our 3rd baby. My 3 year old is the oldest. So she knows what’s coming and I think it’s giving her anxiety and making her act out. I’m glad you posted because now I know it’s not just my 3 year old acting like satans spawn. But the only advice I can give is to stay consistent. Whatever discipline you are doing just keep doing it and don’t cave. Sooner or later I’m hoping they realize they don’t get their way and will lose the attitude… at least until the teenage years :wink::upside_down_face:

If it is ODD or some other behavioral health issue, I think you should seek information or a counselor who can help coach you through. It sounds exhausting Mama, just remember you’re doing your best, don’t give up. :blue_heart:

Talk to her doctor. In some cases, it really in a behavior issue and not an “attitude problem.” I don’t power struggle and kick in to “I’m the boss and you listen to me” attitudes with my kids. 3 is rough. They’re learning so much and don’t have a handle on feelings and emotions. Adding a new sibling to that confusion probably means she’ll take attention any way she can get it. But ignoring her will probably end up being g counter-productive. Maybe talk to her and explain her feelings and appropriate actions thoroughly instead of feeling like you have to jump straight to punishment.

Make sure your child isn’t being abused sexually especially if her attitude changed very quick. I hope I am wrong. Does she know about good touch bad touch. I was abused as a child and kept it to myself for years. I hope no one hurt her. For behavior You tell her 1 means Stop if you say 2 that is a warning if you say three there is a consequence so she goes in time out for three minutes because she is three. Set a timer. Tell her you love her afterwards but that behavior will not be tolerated. If you still have trouble start taking her toys away one at a time and when she is good she gets a toy back. Good luck. You can also do a chart where she earns stickers for helping mommy around the house. Make a treasure box she can pick one thing from when she has earned so many stickers or candy if you choose that. Just one sucker or dollar tree toys.

My daughter was the same way, she was my 3rd child and I had never had a problem with my other 2. I tried everything until she got to school and started having to be picked up almost everyday. She was diagnosed at 6 with ODD and ADHD, she is 8 now and she’s a lot better. Good luck mama😘

ODD wouldn’t be diagnosed til around 7 years old . Punish her . Around this age all children test boundaries , discipline and ignore the bad behavior when she is yelling and screaming or try some one on one attention she may be acting out for attention , maybe help her when cleaning up

I thimk i would ask the doctor.

When she acts up completely ignore her. Do not look at her when she’s throwing a fit, do not answer any questions… Ignore her completely… Until she calms down and acts right. At first obviously you have to say something like, “I can’t understand you when you are yelling. And im not doing anything for you until you start being nice.” But other than that, ignore her. Show her that her bad attitude won’t get her any attention.
And when she’s acting right make it a point to say things like, “Thank you for asking so kindly.” And, “look at my big girl!” Show her that when she acts right, she will get attention.
I know it sounds far fetched but that’s the only thing that worked for me with my kids.


This is very normal for a 3 yr old. There are hard wired to test ur EVERY boundaries!!! And its actually good for them in the long run developmentally. Yes, this is a very difficult time. Im going thro the same thing. It makes u wonder why u starting thinking it was such a good idea to have kids in the 1st place. But its makes the person who they are BECOMING. And yes some days us moms have days where we handle it better than others, but the love we show them… is what they are gonna remember!!! So be patient. And what helps me is trying to think of things as if IM HIM/HER!!! everything seems urgent and over the top. When u show them that it CAN BE A SIMPLE FIX. As far as a form of punishment… each child and parent is different. So you need to find something that ur child will be uncomfortable with and that YOU AS A MOTHER ARE!!! IT DOESNT MATTER OTHERS SAY!!! THAT CHILD IS YOURS!!! U DONT NEED PERMISSION FROM ANYONE

I swear my kids had the terrible 3’s not 2’s. I’m sure its a combination of that and the new baby. Stay strong and be consistant.

You can not reason with a 3 yr old. Spanking ( not beating) will teach her that such behavior will result in consequences that she will not enjoy. Be consistent and tell her why she is being punished.


She’s 3 and experiencing massive changes. You can’t reason with a toddler. They’re explosive because they don’t understand their feelings .be patient.

We got spanked when we acted like that. No harm in spanking.


I do childcare and see this kind of thing a lot. Always been well behaved and then like a light switch…boom… attitude…threenager! However, since it was so sudden, I would first make sure that there isn’t another reason for it. Did something traumatic happen? Is there another problem. I would speak to her Dr about it and rule those things out. After that…keep on with what you’re doing. Keep trying new forms of discipline until you find the thing that gets her attention… taking things away, early bedtime, no treats, ect…

My daughter is almost 4 & we have the same situation. The new baby is a month old & while she loves him, her attitude when she doesn’t want to do something is extremely challenging. We put her in her room & ignore her because spanking is useless & she hits so I don’t want to encourage it. The lack of attention during that time (she’s very social) & having to stay in one spot, seems to be the best “discipline”. We are also looking at doing a stoplight behavior chart.

My nephew was this way. He was 2 and mean and angry and would smack you in the face. He was staying with my mom at the time and she said she was about to give up on him. Then one morning for whatever reason in stead of fussing at him, she grabbed him and hugged him and kissed him. Everytime he would lash out she would hug him tight and love on him. He stopped fighting and lashing out. He is the sweetest child now at 9 years old. He loves hugs and kisses. Sometimes children just need the extra assurance.


From personal experience, I explained to my children how their behavior made me feel and in turn started treating them the way they were treating us and it helped. Now the only issue we have is a bit of sibling rivalry but the tantrums and hatred were lessened

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Where did she pick it up from?
Everyone will probably tell you its a phase ( which may be true) I never had to deal with stuff like that from my kids. Just make sure you set your rules/boundaries & you stick to it. No letting some things fly sometimes & not others. Make sure the punishments are the same too. She needs to learn that nothing good comes from acting that way toward others.

Put her in time out. If she gets up put her back. 2 min per age. But the time don’t start…until she is sitting in time out. Do not speak to her after place ing her there. Others then You do not like her bad behavior. And because she has broken the house rules… She now need to sit in time out. Even if you have to replace her there a million times… which at first. You just might have too…After a few times she should get the understanding. But after sitting in time out…which can not be the child’s bedroom … & after their time is up…Ask the child if they know why they needed to sit there . Then give them a hug & tell them you love them. But you will not tolerate that type of bad behavior either. Stick to ur rules. It might be hard. I mean really hard. & you might feel like crying …But ur mom…Stay strong.

She’s no longer in her terrible 2s this is get terrorist 3s lol. Try ignoring her until she acts right and praise her for good behavior. Plus Kids can sense when there is a new baby and I have yet to meet a young sibling that didn’t act out at least a little bit with new siblings. She does not have ODD this early. She is just testing your boundaries. Set them and stay firm. Find your proper form of punishment and use that every kid is different

All kids go through a phase were their complete assholes :rofl: just breathe, take it one day at a time and realize their just a kid, they dont yet know how to control their emotions. If you lose your cool, that’s what their going to learn.

What is she hearing at home?

Tear her butt up. She will change that attitude within 5 mins of a spanking. She needs boundaries and it doesnt sound like you have set any.


She is 3 and they are walking attitudes with anger issues so yes you have to prove that you are the boss and just stay firm when the bad behaviour starts but also keep up with the love and her time when she is not angry at the world. And yes if she is throwing things and hitting people a quick sweat to that butt can be a good attention getter.

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You have a three-nager and its not easy but find what will get to her. With my daughter I tried everything then out of desperation I tried making her put her nose in the corner for one minute for every year of life. Three minutes with her nose in the corner really went all over her cause she couldn’t see what was going on in the room. Be consistent if nothing else! The same repercussions for the same infraction no matter your mood, make a list while you are calm and relaxed. I had PMS so bad that I would let her get away with things when I was PMSing really bad cause I feared I would be harder on her cause of my bad mood. Making a list of general things kids do and what the consequence it earns them made my life soooo much easier. I have a very well adjusted, happy and wonderful adult daughter now. She is a joy to have. Even if your daughter has a mood/behavior issue you still have to work hard to help her become a good citizen for her own benefit in life.<3 Just know, it’s always something you seem to go from issue to issue with children, just see it as a goal set and work hard to finish and then on to the next. Good Luck mamma

Who is she around thats influencing her

My one daughter is the same way and she will be 3 in September…ignore the bad behavior and it will get boring to her…I have been doing this and it’s slowly fading away…especially with a new baby she is doing whatever she can and knows if she acts badly she will get attention

She heard shut up somewhere… if my granddaughter refused to pick up, I didn’t get mad or raise my voice, but told her if I picked them up, they’d get put away for the rest of the day or for the whole next day… one time is all it took! No threats, no other punishment(just her knowing she couldn’t/ wouldn’t have them to play with, was enough)!! I can’t stress to you the importance of your behavior. Calm, no yelling. Important for you to be calm when they’re coming unraveled :wink:

Yeah think it’s her age compainioned by the new baby she’s adjusting to having to share you

Even if she has ODD she needs to listen. It’s much better to catch them when they are young and to stay focused and maintain the discipline. Whether or not they have ODD or not. She could just be your run of the mill 3 year old jerk with jealousy issues because there is a new baby in the picture. Whatever happens just be open to it if the teachers have problems with her in kindergarten. Stay strong.

Imagine. A kid hitting you in anger, after being hit in anger for punishment.

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I’m concerned with the “she is the child and will listen to me, I’m the adult you don’t tell me no”… it’s not about trying to control your child. It’s about teaching her to control herself. You shouldn’t strive for turning her into an obedient little robot, but rather an independent, and resilient adult.

Punishments like spanking has not only been proven to be psychologically damaging, but that and other forms of punishment like time outs might get her to behave in the short term, but only because she’s afraid. Your goal should be that she does the right thing because she actually wants to and it makes her feel good.

This is where lots of praise should come in. Acknowledge the good things she does “I see you put your shoes away, you’re being so helpful thank you, etc” there should be way more praise than nagging. When she starts throwing things, deflect the situation by saying “we can’t throw things inside because we might break something, let’s go outside and throw a ball” or “I see you’re upset. I can’t let you throw things, did you want a hug, or scream into this pillow? Let’s get that anger out so we can go back to playing” she won’t pick up her toys “let’s play a game and see how fast we can pick up these toys”. Make things fun for her, hug her when she’s upset and let her know you still love her even though she’s doing things you don’t want her to. Give her lots of choices so that she feels she has a say, even for something as simple as “did you want a banana or an apple for a snack?”, “you need to come clean your mess. Did you want to hop like a bunny back here, or pretend you’re a bird? Mommy will pretend with you too”. As for the attitude, she’s learning those words from somewhere. I’m not implying you are saying it, but if you don’t like certain words then correct it every single time “try another word please. It hurts mommy when you say those things”

It seems you are understanding the underlying issues that may be there, like the fact that there is a new baby, and that you need to make time for her, but I don’t think you have enough empathy for what her developing mind is going through. You need to change your mindset. She’s not plotting against you, she’s just acting on impulse. Her brain is still developing and there are a lot of things that are easy for us to comprehend, but keep in mind, the brain doesn’t stop developing until the age of 25 so your daughter still has a long way to go before she gets to your level of understanding.

Be patient mama. Remember that this is just a phase.

You have to be consistent, don’t let them rule you, you rule them, and you are the grown up and the parents

People often forget, kids have adult sized emotions. When she is being defiant ask her how she is feeling, offer up a few words mad, sad, angry, disappointed, lonely, frustrated. Give her the choice of words then teach her how to deal with them appropriately, and let her know that bad behaviour is not on. Also recognise her signs, so before she starts throwing things so you can diffuse the bomb before it explodes. “Ok honey, please clean up those toys or we won’t be going to the park” give her instructions with consequences. If you need to help her or need to ask more than 3 times, she doesn’t get the park.

Children aged three on average only listen 40% of the time!!!