So many flags here. She’s her own little person. There are likely other triggers here too…. Was she hungry or tired? Was there another way you could explain to her why she couldn’t have the book? A flat no to a four year can be hard for them to process. They don’t have the outside knowledge to justify the answers. They have no concept of time and money.
Also she isn’t do these thing TO you. She’s not intentionally trying to manipulate you or attack you. Likely she felt attacked when you were removing her from the store and was reacting in a defensive manner. It sounds like more of a perspective problem in the long run.
It is common for young children to say things like “I hate you” to their main care givers. It isn’t really a protest of true hatred but a pushing of boundaries. They NEED (really emphasize NEED) you to be the calm to their chaos. They need you to be unmoved with firm boundaries. “I won’t let you hit me”. “I hear you but I still love you”. By staying calm and helping them move from this chaotic reaction back to a calm state you are teaching them long term coping skills for their emotions. Talk them through it. Sometimes THEY DONT even understand why they’re feeling a way that causes them to act out. Ask the questions and HELP them instead of using your adult experiences to assume they’re being bratty, hateful or manipulative on purpose.
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I threw a cup of water on my kid one time…shocked him out of the tantrum…but I am old school…I tended to try and ignore them…as best as I could…
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All I know is that age is when you are the parent
Because as they grow up it’s not any better.
So right now do what you can to let the child know .
What’s right you are in charge as they are in school .
It’s harder
Do the same thing along with her.it works
Ehhhh… sorry I probably would have whopped her on the butt… 
Independent 4&5s (what I call them) can be hard. This age is where they have all these emotions come into play and don’t know how to handle it. Tell her it’s okay to angry that you said no and you know it makes her sad and angry. But when mom says no it means no and it’s not okay to act like this when you tell her no. I had to teach mine to take a deep breath. Consistency is key. I’m soooo sorry that happened to you. I just when through this. Praying for you momma! You can do this!
When my son was 3 he acted out as he wanted a toy. Told him wasn’t a toy day. He planted his feet and started crying at the top of his lungs. Literally dragged him to the car while he was screaming at the top of his lungs. I spanked him and told him today wasn’t a toy day. Next time we went to Walmart he asked if this was a toy day and said no and he acted fine. Sometimes a whipping is the only way. The only other time i whipped him he laughed. So then we did time out and he hated getting his play time taken away. You are the adult find out what works for her. Discipline is love
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My son was 3 mabye 4 he wanted to ride this dinosaur ride at Walmart. I let him but then he didn’t want to get off the dinosaur. I let him ride it again but he still didn’t want to. He kicked and screamed and did everything he could to get back on but I picked him up and carried him like a sack of potatoes to the car and I spanked him. I told him he every time he asks like that in a store I will take him to the bathroom for a talk and he will be spanked. I never had that issue ever again. He is 8 now and is always well behaved in a store. He is my youngest of 3 boys and they each had one incident like this. Spank them while it is happening and it will stop. Take them to the car or bathroom for privacy if you want but do it before leaving the store.
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You scoop that little shite up, you take them out, and you do one of two things. You calm them down and talk it out, or you punish them and enforce the rules. Depends on the child and the day.
You dont allow the behavior and you dont let them win.
You’re going to have embarrassments. Kids have off days. Pick your battles.
I carry a wooden spoon 
lol 
all I have to do is pull it out and my kids will straighten up bc they don’t won’t a butt whipping
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My four year old will become so angry and throw his own form of tantrum. He doesn’t hit people or anything but will throw stuff and hit his bed or something (no public stuff yet) What I found that actually worked with him (and my three year old when she had her first meltdown) was trying to talk to them and when they didn’t listen I scooped them up, took them outside and told them to let it out, scream and get their anger out and let me know when they’re done so we can talk. It usually comes as a shock because you’re telling them to do what they know they shouldn’t be doing After, we have a talk about how they could have handled that and how they are allowed to be angry and let people know they’re angry but they are NOT allowed to throw stuff and act like that. That was not okay. It’s always a work in progress mama! Kids are learning how to handle their emotions, you’re just the easiest and closest target to express it right now.
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Tantrums nerd to be addressed the first time they do it. My daughter was 2. After seeing another child have a tantrum she tried it. I picked her up, took her to her room, put her on her bed and very sternly told her that is not the way we act. There are better ways to get attention and when she can act nicely she can come out of her room. About 15 min later she came out, said sorry mommy and never did it again. She is now 43 and has no emotional problems from the way I handled her tantrum and she remembers it happening.
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I had a situation with my child at the store once, I didn’t take him to the store with me for at least 6 months after . When he went again, he would say that’s nice Mom but I don’t want it. If bad behaviour is tolerated and rewarded it will escalate. Every child needs guidance and to be taught respect . Good job Mama
When mine were toddles We start the trip with the rules.
No screaming, crying, or throwing fit, stay with mom or go in the basket.
We also get them involved. Give them a list with a couple of items. Pics for littles. Let them get their snaks or favorite food so they thisnk they are getting what they want.
Even get their own little basket.
Mine loved those. Keep them engaged.
When a fit happens, they always do, they get one warning then they get taken out to the car.
It had to happen a few time but they leaened real quick, I was serious and would walk out of anywear, no matter what.
We also started giving each a few dollors of change when we went into the store, they earned it by completing chores, yes even @ 3.
Any time they act up take a coin.
They can spend what they have left.
After seeing sibling being good and keeping more of their money, little sister steped up her game! Lol
I do not ignore bad behavior.
I may not confromlnt it in the middle of a fit But we always talk about it.
My oldest did better sitting in a time out chair watching what they were missing but my youngest hated being away form everyone and I would put her in her room.
Yell, scream, hit the punching bag, inflatable, from walmart.
Get that anger and frustration out, after your done we will talk about how to handle those big emotions.
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You did exactly the right thing! Stand your ground and don’t cave in. Follow through with everything you say you’re going to do.
She is at the age of watching and learning behaviors, especially from other kids. Praise her when she is good. When other kids are acting out remind her that is not how we get the things we want. Keep removing her from the situation when she acts out. When she is done having her outbursts then talk with her about it and hold her.
She will learn but every kid does this and at every age level. Teenage years are killers! Hang in there momma, it’s heart breaking but it’s a teaching lesson and part of being amazing parents. Also take turns daddy has to remove her too so it’s not always momma being the enforcer.
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It sounds like she had some emotions she wasn’t sure how to deal with. When my 4yo gets like this I try to sit her down and let her talk/cry it out then we cuddle and she takes a nap.
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Ok 3 scenarios depending on your parenting
- Spanking (maybe not hard but enough to make the point that your not having it) no I’m not saying hurt them I know a lot of people are very against this. I spanked my daughter when needed.
- Have one with her… show her what it looks like and make a point of embarrassing her like she did with you. My nephew had 1 in a store and my sister dropped right to the ground and had a full tantrum with him. He about died watching her… never again literally the best kid in the store now.
- The min it starts stop everything and leave. Let the tantrum happen then have the conversation of why she thought that acting like that was ok and if she really thought you would buy her something for acting that way.
She would no longer be allowed to go on shopping trips till she is able to act accordingly
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It might have happened one time, but my children knew what would happen if they did it the second time. Hearing that a child attacked the mother is no one’s fault but the mother’s. She isn’t correcting the child.
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A firm hand
on the bottom will get their attention My dad use to tell us he would give us something to cry about. We knew what this ment and wanted no part of it.
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Nothing to be embarrassed about. Most people laugh when they see this cuz they have all been through it. You did the right thing by removing her from the situation. Ignore her & don’t react to her AT ALL!!! When she gets home, set her butt in timeout for 5min. If she gets up, start her time over. Explain that you will continue to do so, until she can quiet down & apologize for her behavior. Stick to your guns even if it takes 2hrs. BEFORE you go to the store again, remind her of her apologies to you & how important it is to keep her word. Let her know, that any behavior like last time, will NOT be tolerated!!!
I had one tantrum each from both my children.
They got turned over my knee and their bottom soundly smacked. They never had another
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My 4 yr old went through this, she was so bad in a store I had to abandon my cart and drag her out. I didn’t let her go to the store for a while, when I took her again she straightened her little butt up.
The problem is today people are afraid to discipline their children. Give her a good couple of seats and she’ll stop that.
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One good pap to the butt is all she needed and a nap. No baby should act like that towards anyone in public. It’s sad and it’s embarrassing.
Lol it’s her age she’s getting sassy. She act like you? No offense intended
Spank the ass.Wont hurt and she is big enough to know better.
My children never did this so Idk what IDE do! But im sure they would of known not to do it again, yours sounds really violent for a 4 year old, the attacking you like that is awful!
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The only kids ive seen blatantly and grossly disrespect and act up like that are kids that don’t get spanked 
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Does she take any daily meds. Singular has cause this to happen to other wise sweet kids.
I don’t know if this will be helpful but my son throws things when she angry and sometimes even tries to harm himself (hitting his head or pulling on his hair) - I personally plopped him in front of Daniel Tigers Neighborhood - its a cartoon that show him how to regulate his emotions and has really catchy songs on how to deal with them.
My personal fave and one I can personally attest works for my child is “when you get so mad that you want to ROAR - take a deep breath and count to four”
I can stop his tantrum in 20 seconds by doing this and even bystanders have admired how fast he stops the tantrum.
It’s worth a try.
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Please don’t smack your child while telling her hitting is bad. People, and just to clarify children are in fact people too, don’t deserve to be hit. Most toddler tantrums stem from being over tired, hungry, so on. Start developing her emotional regulation (lots of resources online for this) and reasoning skills. She needs to learn how to cope with disappointment.
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I used to let my grandchildren have the first thing they wanted. I would say ‘you can hold that for now.’
Then, before the checkout, I would say something like ‘let’s see if we can remember where we got that.’ I would make a game out of it. Stretch it out. And eventually say ‘Let’s put that back for someone who is prepared to buy it.’ Sometimes we would even tidy up the shelf.
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Grand child tried it a couple times going to the car second time she realized it doesn’t work.
What worked when my 2 older ones were little and acted up/ threw tantrums in the store. I took them back to the car and told them we will not go back in until they calm down and explained we do not act like that in public. If they felt mad, upset etc they should explain that instead of acting out, that we do not reward bad behavior. When they calmed down we tried again and that usually always worked
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My oldest throw a tantrum when she was 2or 3 cause I told her no kicking and pulling her own hair i was so embarrassed I couldn’t spank her ( to many people watching)I couldn’t walk away from her ( she was to cute) so I sat down on the floor with her and started to cry ( faking) she stop and wanted me to stop right away I was already embarrassed sooo she never did it again in public at least she will be 35 this year she still remembers that to…lol
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Just cuz they have tantrum don’t make them austic
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Ask her what happened to make her mood change. Listen to her explain how it made her feel then explain why she didn’t get what she wanted and how acting that way isn’t appropriate.
Ask her why that book was so important. Try to understand her, then you’ll know better how to diffuse the situation. If she has never acted that way before, the book must have been very important to her.
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Has anything traumatic happened to her? Has she been through any huge life changes recently? If it continues, I would really consider taking her to a therapist. Big behaviors come from big feelings, and if this is not like her, there may be something that’s tormenting her that she doesn’t know how to put into words.
We’ve all been there. Next time, leave her with you or daddy while the other does the shopping. Tell her that it is because of her behavior last time. Whoever stays home gets to lecture her and remind her of her behavior, and that mommy deserves an apology. Let her know that she can go shopping again when you trust her to behave. This is what I do. My youngest are now almost 7 and 9, and we are currently working on, “if you ask for anything that we don’t need at home, you aren’t coming with next time.” Only exception is gift shopping, when they can express their wants while shopping for siblings. My teenagers are way past this by now, and ask for things like underwear and butter, when we shop, which are necessities. If she reminds that you need to get a necessary item on the next trip, praise her for it. “Thank you so much for reminding me to get milk, you are so helpful.” Explain the difference!
Go home, empty her room apart from her bed and clothes and once she starts acting right she slowly gets things back! That’s what my mum use to do! No treats or things you consider a treat etc, no screen time etc! Might sound harsh but when I was younger I was an absolute a hole mum says and when she done this I’d behave:woman_facepalming:t4: just a thought x you got this mumma
There is no point trying to reason with her when she has gotten her self that worked up. Once she has calmed down explain how what she did was wrong to help her understand why you said No in the first place and how her reaction was not going to get her what she wants.
4 year olds a desperately wanting to push boundaries and gain independence and it’s embarrassing and sometimes soul destroying as a parent when they are doing this but all you can do is not give in to the tantrums and keep talking to her so she understands.
I have been through exactly the same with my daughter who is now 7 and I have learnt that you they get there in the end.
Small children rarely mean the things they say and do in anger xx
My son did this at home one day so I started doing the same thing and he stopped and just stared at me never did it again.
Drastic changes in behavior can be an indicator of sexual abuse.
Don’t feel bad that your child is having a meltdown. If this is not typical behavior then she might have just been having an emotional day. I work with this age group. You just have to be firm, calm, and let them know that when they are done acting out then you can talk about what they want. Sometimes they just need to vent. The hitting and stuff is where the firm comes in. I suggest finding a voice tone that is still calm but authoritative. Say things like I realize you are upset but you may not hurt others. It is okay to be mad/upset but it is not okay to hurt people. When she has calmed down maybe you can talk about ways to earn what she wants. Age appropriate chores around the house are excellent ways to help kids understand there are other ways to get what they want. This puts the choice on them as to what they can and cannot get.
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My oldest daughter use to be that way she 18 now still has attitude I just wouldn’t take her anywhere
Kids feel big emotions and theybare allowed to. We as adults still feel big emotions. Tantrums are normal. Removing them from the situation and putting them into a spot where they can calm down and regulate helps. Dont be embarrassed. They need our calm. Once she is calmed down explain why she couldnt have a book and help her find healthy ways to cope. Maybe next time instead lf saying no as that can be a trigger word say maybe next time but not today we have things to do… with my son if i find a way to say ir differently it helps.
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Reading these comments is why we have the issues we have in today’s society. Lack of parenting…
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Well some of these young people don’t believe in spanking I had my share when I was growing up it made me a better person. If one of my girls had done that thy would get a good whopping . That is what is wrong with kids nowhere the parents let them get by with anything believe me in I have grandkids that is like that if you don’t get her attitude now it will get worse.
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Take her to a quiet, safe spot. Remove objects she can throw. Let her have her moment and let her know when she’s done you’re there to listen to her. Always redirect abusive behaviour - being violent is not okay - screaming and physically tantruming is normal and her little body’s way of getting out those feelings and emotions she doesn’t know how to express. You can be in control and not abusive at the same time. Demonstrating you are not in control will not help you in any way (i.e. getting just as upset as her or matching or topping her aggression). Kids need to feel safe to express themselves especially that young. Remind her you have big emotions too sometimes and sometimes you’d like to scream to get it out. I’m not saying let her walk all over you, you can be in control and be firm, set limits and above all keep her safe. Lastly, talk to her when she’s calm. Like really open up some conversations with her and LISTEN. she will tell you all sorts of things and you will learn a lot about how her little mind is working and thinking. Keep an open dialogue with her so that next time she’s ready for a meltdown she may opt for using some words to help her express what she’s feeling. Kids that age are actually so perceptive and very capable of deep thoughts. Adults tend to try and shut that down in effort to “be the boss” and then kids learn to seek their attention from and confide in others as they get older. Also, I guarantee every mom and most dads who saw you that day were being less judgemental and more thinking “been there, done that. “
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3 and 4 years old do this. Maybe she was tired, overwhelmed, not feeling well? Don’t be embarrassed, every parent has had to take their kids out of a store in a tantrum. I would just sit down and explain that she is not allowed to hurt you. Pulling hair, scratching, kicking all those thing are not allowed and then explain what every consequences she will have from doing it again. Stay firm in those consequences and she will knock it off. It took two times with my first daughter and she knew to never do it again. My now three year old is another story 
Take all of her shit away,be stupid and I’ll be stupid ,my kid hits me and they better start looking for some one who has mercy
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What she needs is a belt! I’m sorry but I believe in not sparing he rod. I didn’t say best her but just use it to show authority
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Sounds like less of a tantrum and more like a sensory meltdown. Despite what people think a 4 year still can’t properly express their feelings. It’s counterproductive to hit/spank/smack/pop a kid for hitting you. They hit you, you say don’t hit while hitting them? How does that make sense? It just shows them that you indeed can hit, but only if you’re bigger and mad. A child should not fear or cower from their parent.
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The BIBLE says "don’t spare the rod and spoil the child. IT Will save their lives and keep you from shame
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I have a 3 almost 4 year old boy. And he does this sometimes in the store. I usually get down to his level and whisper because he can’t hear me over his crying so he stops or calms down. Then I say something like I don’t have the money right now or maybe sometime in a few days we can get that toy you want. Or I say let’s go home and eat some ice cream and play in the pool and then he stops
All children have moments in public, mo need to be embarrassed. Pick that child up in a tight grip and leave store period. As far as hitting you, in a private area, car, home disciple the child. You are the parent and at age 4 manners are to follow, unless child has a mental or physical issue. One good answer was to leave child at home till older with babysitter, family
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I would sit her down when she’s calm and ok and talk it over with her. Ask her why and did she get the book? Tell her that one day when you’re out and she doesn’t ask for a book, you might buy her one. Let her know that the behaviour was not now you get things and that she won’t get anything if she ever behaves like it again. Get your husband to tell her that we don’t hit, kick or be nasty to anyone, especially her mum. Have you usually given in, I see so many parents just give in so that they don’t have a fight on their hands 
You give her to much leeway smack that ass
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My daughter threw a fit like this once too. I spanked her butt one good time in front of everyone at the store and told her she was absolutely done with her fit. She’s never thrown one like that again. 
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My grandson was doing this his mom told me. She didnt know what to do but doesnt spank. He came to my house and had a tantrum. I pick him up slapped his but so he felt it and put him in a bedroom. He hasnt done it since. They are after attention. Dont give them it.
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I’d never take that kid to Wal-Mart again!
Or… just about anyplace else.
When they throw a tantrum in public, remove them immediately from situation. Take to care, buckle her in her seat. Now, explain calmly why she is not going back into any store until she can behave herself. Never reward a tantrum with attention or toy, candy etc.
Pop her butt! She will be just as embarrassed trust me. And don’t just threaten it actually follow through.
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How does your 4 year old know about running away?and scratching,it doesn’t sound like a first time to me she’s heard that from someone and had to learn it from somewhere
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I’d have busted her butt in front of everyone.
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I have a 4 year old too. It’s hard sometimes. Was she overtired? Stressed about something? I would take her home and put her in a safe spot to calm down. After i would have a conversation with her.
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What she needs is a good little ass whoopin. Or just ignore her. She will change for the better lol
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You did the best thing. You removed her as best you could from a situation. When my kids start hitting or being flying spaghetti monsters, I throw them over my shoulder and carry them by their feet. They can punch, but that’s hard to do when I’m walking.
As they scream, repeat to them what they’re screaming about. “You hate me.” “You want to run away.” Etc. To show you understand what they’re saying. And if they just repeat themselves in circles just let your child scream it out. Just like we need to vent sometimes, your child needs to vent too.
Is it embarrassing to parent your child at times? Absolutely. Did you do your best? Absolutely. Show yourself some compassion, because screaming toddlers are little terrorists at times. Even the best of us get overwhelmed and frustrated with our kids. We love our children too much to let them behave like that. A bad parent would have been indifferent to such behavior. You’re a good mom. Keep your chin up! You’ve got this.
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Take her in the bathroom and paddle that ass
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First thing is everyone has bad days,but that doesn’t give them the right to be mean or disrespectful to other people. Taking her out of the store without the bookwas the right thing to do.Stick to your guns mama because if she runs you now imagine how she will run you when she is 14.We can’t start discipline at 14 we have to start young
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Oh Lord, just talk to her before going to the store. Explain what you are buying and not to ask for anything. Any tantrums and we will exit the store immediately!! Then actually do it, no empty threats.
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Where’s her father and why isn’t he backing you up? Next time have her set the rules before going out and have EVERYONE backing it up.
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You cried bc you were embarrassed!!! You didn’t cry bc your child is exhibiting all the signs of unhappiness, frustration, anxiety, and anger in an improper way??? You hit the nail on the head lady… you are focused on YOU and YOUR image and your daughter is now old enuf to tell you about yourself… there’s definately something you are doing or NOT doing to cause this amount of anger and frustration to where your 4 year old is actually trying to harm you and wants to run away and where did she learn the words “I hate you”!!! This isn’t about the book lady… WAKE UP!!! Poor child. I will pray for her, she needs help here. I hope you get some parenting classes or something… I can’t even get over what you wrote… “I cried all the way home bc I was so embarrassed”… instead of comforting your child and talking to her all the way home to find out what the issue is you turned into all about you… gross.
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When. You’re child is acting like that because you wouldn’t give them something smacking them isn’t gonna help. They are upset, possibly spoiled. Maybe if she watches something in YouTube which i know alot of people who just put there kids infront of a screen then will pick it up from there. And they can be any age. She’s picking up that from someone figure out who or what and stop it immediately. As for when you’re in the store remove right away and don’t bring her back in
Whatever you do, do not give in and reward the bad behavior. Make sure she knows you are the adult and in charge.
When I did the same thing as a child my mom left me in the middle of the grocery aisle to throw my fit and carried on shopping. I’m not sure how long I continued doing that but giving in to them is not the answer. Youre a parent first over a “friend”. They are kids, they will act out, key is to not give in and be persistent.
Nancy Hawkins your a c#@t please dont ever have children we dont need more people like u in the world
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You did the right thing removing her mama! And you aren’t alone 
damn kids i should have stuck with a cat. Id say it gets better but thats a lie i now have an asshat teenager 
