My partner has turned into an alcoholic. He has always been a drinker but ever since covid and whatever else that’s happening in the world, he’s drinking 10+ beers a day to then 3+ bottles of wine and he gets himself so drunk he’s sick and passes out. This isn’t a one off thing, it’s every night, we have no sex life, he’s just drunk all the time, asleep half the day etc to wake up to start drinking again. the only thing he is still doing is working, but working from home whilst drinking. I’ve tried speaking to him daily, tried hiding the alcohol, tried so many things and I’m not sure if there is something I should be doing to help him or if I should give up…… he refuses professional help, not just from me but friends also. I’ve not been in this position before and I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do. Please help xx
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How to help an alcoholic? - Mamas Uncut
Next time she leaves drunk , call the cops and tell them where she’s headed .
talk to your parents or guardian, this is a serious adult issue and your gf mom needs help asap
She has to self admit first, got to get past the denial stage in order to move forward.
Follow her when she’s out driving and call the police on her. Getting arrested might be what she needs.
You can suggest 12 step meetings? Most cities offers them through church’s or outreach programs, for free. Honestly, you can’t help someone who doesn’t see an issue or want help. Regardless of what the situation is. Praying everything works out for you and yours.
Yes to all the above but remember the person also has to want the help. Unfortunately some have to hit rock bottom first. Wishing your family the best in this situation it’s not easy
I have lost most of my family to drugs and alcohol. I learned very fast that you can’t help them unless they want to help themselves.
She don’t want help you can’t do anything but call cops whe she drives drunk. Don’t let her kill anyone because of her actions
Unfortunately y’all can’t do anything. Unless she leaves drunk then call the cops, but she has to want help.
My dad has always said, “You can lead a horse to water, but can’t force it to drink it”
So very true, sadly.
You literally can’t help someone who doesn’t want to change. Trust me until she comes to the place of being done it’s no use. I would call the cops about the drunk driving before she kills someone or herself though most definitely. Get her plates and call when she leaves
People can only help themselves…
You can’t help anyone who doesn’t want to be helped, period. Addicts have to want to stop being an addict on their own, or they will never stop. That doesn’t mean enable her, as in give her money, drive her to get alcohol, etc. Don’t do that. Love her, from a distance if you need too. Suggest getting help, but you can’t force her too. She has to want it.
Honestly, alcoholics won’t get help until they’re ready for help. Even when they’re ready, sometimes the disease it too far progressed.
Pressuring her to get help or saying how worried y’all are, won’t make a difference, unfortunately.
I’ve experienced it first hand and it’s not easy. Just be there for her and when she’s ready, hopefully she’ll ask for help.
Unless she wants to be helped there’s not really alot you can do, other than possibly an intervention
Not much you can do. Watched my mom drink my whole life til she drank herself to death. She was an amazingly kind hardworking woman but she was broken. Didn’t matter how many jobs she lost. How many DUIs she got. How many relationships she lost. Sobriety is their choice.
I know from experience that addicts can’t get the help needed until they are ready and make that decision for themselves, maybe an intervention with a licensed therapist and her loved ones, the therapist can help you try to reach her by the support she will feel.
Good advice- no one can stop a drinker- just call the police about the driving
The first step is her admitting to herself she has a problem. Until that happens, there’s nothing you can do
My dad killed himself recently from being such an alcoholic. You can only report her drinking and driving. In the end if she doesn’t want help she won’t change. My dad losing his license didn’t even help. It’s rough but in the end i realized that me walking away for my own peace was the only way.
You can’t help someone who #1 Refuses to admit they have a problem and #2 Refuses to help themselves. She needs professional help . I would pour it out every chance I got and take her keys. A intervention with a group of her closest family and friends may help too. 
Unfortunately, I grew up with an alcoholic father same situation. I have taken his alcohol and dumped it down the sink I have wrote AA numbers on the bottle. Nothing worked. And he has six of us. We have all tried. Unfortunately they can only help themselves. If they’re not ready and willing it does not matter what you or anyone else says they are going to continue to do what they do. I’m very sorry that you guys are going through this. The best advice that I could give you is distance yourself. It may hurt you but in the end you won’t feel the pressure from what it is that she is doing.
Honestly, you could call in a dispatch on her car and believe that she is drinking and driving.
But you cannot do anything until she views it a problem. Not everyone wants help.
Can you get to go to AA???
Gather family and friends and let them all tell her how she has impacted your lives negatively! Let her know you will not help her in any way unless she gets the help that SHE NEEDS ! Let her know how much you love her and want no parts of her poisoning and killing herself . My prayers are with you all 
You can’t help an alcoholic unless they want to help themselves sadly. My biologically dad was an abusive alcoholic and even after having me, he wouldn’t quit no matter what
She will stop when shes ready. There is really nothing you can do unfortunately.
Sadly you can’t help someone that doesn’t want help…usually a negative life changing event has to happen for them to realize what they are doing to themselves and the loved one around them… my advice is to distance yallselfs and love from a distance
If she leaves and you know she is driving while drinking call the police and report her talking to her won’t help
Go to Al-Anon. It’s for friends and family of alcoholics. There are myriad meetings every day at all times of day virtually and there are meetings in person also. Best wishes.
if aint gonna help there self alomst dont count on the excepting help from someone or going to seek help especially when hiding the alcohol . they may or may realize it till they or someone else gets hurt.
You can’t help her if she doesn’t want to be helped.
If she’s drinking and driving, just call the police. When she gets caught, she won’t be able to lie to herself about the problem and you will be keeping an unknown number of others safe. She will be forced to get help.
it is true can not make them get help or stop however can use tough love. Let them know if drinking and driving going call police so no one gets hurt. after this they police will make her get help but even then if dont want it will not last have pray she see’s the light and learns something that might save her life. for the 100’s i had the privilage of helping CHRIST made the differance. They usually have to hit bottom first. don’t enable.
Sit her down tell her all the ways it’s affecting everyone else and ask her if she wants help. If the answer is no, then there is nothing you can do.
If she does want help, there are a few things y’all can do to help if she doesn’t want to go to rehab. First y’all can help her cut back (it’s literally life threatening for her to just quit cold turkey all at once) help her clean out her stashes and get it all in one place and y’all keep hold of it, then make a list or calendar or whatever of when she normally drinks and see if there are any triggers you can help her avoid. Then with that list you can slowly start eliminating one time of day she usually drinks. I’d say one per week is acceptable. Since y’all have her stash, she has to come to you to get it, don’t let her drive or she will get it herself. If she really wants help and y’all really want to help her these are just a few things that you can start with. You can message me if you need to and I can help with a few more things to do.
Best advice is they aren’t gonna start until they are ready to stop I have way to many alcoholics in my family and only 1 of them put the bottle down and wanted to get clean
Call the cops and report her for drinking and driving.
You can’t stop an alcoholic, but my advice is call the police if you know she is drinking and driving, every single time….she is putting other lives in danger and that’s bullshit.
I know someone who tried to help someone like this and she kept doing it even after doctors told her numerous times she needed to quit. But she didn’t listen. It’s sad and hopefully you’ll get her the help she needs.
Report her when she leaves to drive.
She won’t do it until she’s ready but you can help her be ready by setting boundaries and giving her an ultimatum tell her you guys love her but if she doesn’t get help then you will be forced to go no contact and tell her you will not help her in any way unless she gets help…she has to hit rock bottom before she can start going up help her realize what she is doing is not only hurting her but you guys as well and for your guys sake ( mentally and emotionally ) you can’t and won’t allow her habit to effect you guys no longer and if she can’t make that step then sadly you’ll have to let her go until she’s ready …it will be hard but you can’t be always stressing out about her you guys have a life to to live and its not fair to you guys and just reminder her you’ll be her support as long as she’s getting help best of luck
If she is drinking and driving she needs to be arrested. Immediately. So if you see her do it. Call the police. She could kill someone.
You can have her committed. She may be angry but you will save her life. I had to do that a few years ago and that gentleman has thanked me many times. You prove your love and she will thank you in the end. Find her a facility first so that when they come and get her she has a place to recover
Unpopular opinion: Don’t call the cops on her. Getting her in trouble with the law won’t help. Take her keys when she’s drinking to stop her from driving whenever possible. People only get help when they’re ready, not before.
You can’t help her until she wants help. I know it’s not what you want to hear but sometimes people need to hit rock bottom before seeing it for themselves.
I have a little over a year sober 3-01-21. I sounded like the person you’re describing. Probably worse. I decided to go to a treatment center in Florida. I was there 16 days and haven’t drank since. I got sober 2 weeks before my 38th birthday. I did it for myself, my children, my mother, and my boyfriend… I knew it was going to kill me, or I’d kill somebody else in an accident… when she’s had enough pain and suffering she’ll seek help
Have an intervention with her. And find a quality rehab program. Reach out to ACPD and ask for advice. I was in the same position with my mom last year. I reached out to ACPD and got her help. She will have to be willing. There’s nothing you can do if she doesn’t want help. My mom now has 1 year clean. Best of luck
Call when she leaves to drive or call adult services on her and tell them she is an alcoholic, what she is doing and that you want a well check on her and have them investigate it.
Ask her “why”.
Ask her why she wants to destroy her body with alcohol.
Chances are, she’s dealing with something too painful to face alone, so she hides from her pain in the bottle.
She won’t stop unless something compels her to WANT to stop.
Let her know you’re there for her when she’s ready to get help … but you can not, and will not, enable her. Let her know that her illness is going to cost her the loss of her family if she doesn’t get help.
Let her know that you will notify the police if she gets behind the wheel drunk. And that you won’t bail her out of jail or help her with the thousands of dollars it takes to pay attorneys fees and fines, etc. … but you will help her go to AA, and help her in recovery.
My brother in law was an alcoholic and a drug addict. We didn’t allow alcohol or drugs in our home. When my sister & brother in law came to visit our home, I told him he was more than welcome, but his alcohol & drugs weren’t. He respected that, and never brought it in my home … but he would sit in their car and drink. I told him I didn’t want him around my kids if he was drunk or high, so he would stay away from them.
He never changed. He never attempted to get help. He was a broken man his whole life. Sometimes you can’t help people. Sometimes all you can do is save yourself. It’s heartbreaking, but you have to decide if you are going to sink or swim emotionally, and you will sink if you don’t let go.
She’s an adult, and she has to make her own choices about how she wants to live her life. You are adults, and you need to make your own choices about how you will live your lives … and whether you’re willing to live with her illness & all it’s affect on your lives. You can’t change her behavior, but you can change your own behavior.
Good luck, my friend.
She’s gotta make that choice I’m afraid. You can try a intervention. Ask other realtives to help there.
If you have control over the situation of her drinking and driving, take it! She may not care about her life but she could take someone else’s.Take her keys, and call the law if the situation gets out of control. She is an addict, you can’t do anything for her, until she wants to do it for herself. You can do things to prevent her from hurting others. Sometimes the best thing you can do, is just walk away. If she is affecting your life, then maybe just move on with your life and cut all ties with her. Family can be toxic and you can still love and care for them, just from a distance.
There is nothing you can do. She has to want to change for herself. She won’t do it for anyone else. Unfortunately for many alcoholics, their rock bottom is 6ft under. All you can do is make clear boundaries and stick to them.
She’s gotta realize there’s a problem first off then go from there but you can’t help just make suggestions
Recovering addict here🙋♀️ she will have to hit rock bottom. She won’t change until she is ready. When you know she is drinking call the cops, maybe that will be her rock bottom
She has to hit
“ rock bottom “
You need to go to Alanon - support for those who are exposed to an alcoholic
good luck
My husband got sober & stayed that way for 26 yrs
Unfortunately, having 2 alcoholic parents myself, there’s nothing you can do to get them to sober up. They have to want to. Most of the time it’s not until they’ve hit rock bottom that they want to change. Both of my parents have nearly died, on multiple different occasions and have both been told that if they don’t quit, they will die and not even that has stopped them. Unfortunately, neither of them seem to want to even have a relationship with their grandson, my son, so that was the breaking point with me. My mental state has been 100x better since cutting ties.
You cannot force her to go into rehab/recovery. She HAS to do it when she is ready. But cannot consider doing it on her own if she drinks that much. Withdrawal can be deadly. Seriously! Deadly! The only thing you can do is not enable her! Don’t buy it for her, drink with her, or anything that enables her. Calling the police on her when she drives is a solution. (It won’t make her quit drinking, just find more sneaky ways to drive.) It may save her life and someone else’s! But what other issues would it cause if she lost her license? (and she doesn’t deserve a license!) Maybe her job? Would it escalate the problem? Realize you CANNOT rationalize with an irrational person. Anyone seriously under the influence of alcohol is not rational! You and your friend have choices. Consider finding a local Al anon group. Depending on your friend’s age, move out. Leave the situation! But be sure to find a group that can help you find tools to cope with it. Al anon or Alateen meetings/groups are made of families and friends of alcoholics. You and your friend will find support and educational tools there! Google it for one near you. 
I couldnt convince the alcoholic in my life to clean up. Tried so hard to be supportive, he was just hiding/drinking. I gave up/kicked him out. Worth mentioning he didnt drive anywhere
Look into Alanon meetings. (It’s a form of AA but its for the loved ones of alcoholics)
Pray for her daily!
She is sick, “confronting” her isn’t going to help.
There is no cure for alcoholism, or anything you can do if she doesn’t want to stop drinking. Have you asked her if she thinks she has a problem? If the answer is yes, maybe she’s open to getting sober. Which will require a lot of work and support!
Good luck!
report her for drink and driving
Nothing! You can do nothing. The only thing you can do is support and encourage your friend not to enable her Mother. I was lucky. I woke up one morning and all of a sudden I felt dizzy and squeamish. I had not had a drink that morning. I was frightened and had my wife take me to ER. Test were performed. A nurse or Doctor came in and gave me dexterity tests. She sat and talked with me for awhile and then said, “Your blood test told us you are legally intoxicated. I gave you a field sobriety test in this bed and you passed. I have carried on an intelligent conversation with you without any indication that you are intoxicated. But the fact still remains that you are. The good news is that you can handle it. The bad news is you can handle it.” and she continued, “The question is; what are you going to do about it?” So maybe her daughter can bring her Mother to that question? It worked for me.
By the way. I have never meat your girlfriends Mother, but I know her very well.
Unless she’s ready to quit. Their’s nothing you can do to help her.
Quit doing anything that enables her. If you’re dependent on anything from her cut it off and dont enable her. She will have to make the decision for herself.
Rehab or Jail of course I’m afraid Jail is looking more like it if she’s drinking and driving…she could kill someone or herself and needs to think of the repercussions…maybe an intervention or taking her to a victims impact panel that has speakers sharing their story’s about how drunk drivers changed their lives…my dad was hit by a drunk in 84 while he was on a motorcycle and it messed up the whole right side of his body…he is the reason I will never drink and drive and I’ve been known to call in on people who do when I used to work in the drive thru of places cause I have 0 tolerance for that bullshit…
Until she hits rock bottom, there’s not anything you or your girlfriend can do. No amount of pleading, begging, etc, will work. She has to hit rock bottom and decide she wants sobriety, but you also have to let her do that away from your relationship. She has to lose EVERYTHING to hit rock bottom at the bare minimum.
If she’s drinking and driving and I knew I would report her every time I seen it she’s risking herself and everyone around her. She will only stop when she’s ready.
Join Al- anon. You can’t force her decision. It has to come from her.
14 years recovered here… She has to WANT help and WANT to quit. Can’t make her… Maybe she will hit rock bottom and realize it and get help…
I don’t have any advice because I’m dealing with the same thing with my mom. I live 500 miles away from her. She refuses help and denies drinking that much. My mom is also on pills and because of that, she has neuropathy in her legs and hands and can’t walk any longer and has trouble holding onto things (she told me her doctor said that’s what is wrong with her). My own kids told her that they didn’t want anything to do with her unless she was sober and to not call them until she is. My mom hasn’t called me or my kids since May 23, 2021. I do however talk to my younger sister that lives next to her on a regular basis and she keeps me updated on how my mom is doing. I refuse to talk to someone I can’t understand. The only time my little sister physically sees my mom is when she takes her to the doctor’s because she doesn’t want her baby around my mom. I personally don’t blame her. But as for your girlfriend’s mom, she has to decide when she’s ready unfortunately.
I quit being available for her and no longer do anything until she’s sober and stick to it. And tell her until you are sober I can’t do anything for you If she asks. I had to do that with a landlord of mine and he respected it.
She has to literally hit rock bottom
Hopefully it won’t be through a drink driving accident
She needs to want help before anyone can help her
I would suggest contacting AA
They maybe able to get her the help
One other option (just in my opinion)
Every time you see her behind the wheel
Call the police and inform them
She is drink driving
And has an alcohol addiction
Also you fear for her safety and for others people’s safety
Nothing. She has to hit rock bottom. It took a DUI and losing my daughter to help me realize how I was impacting my family.
Please leave some alcohol papers papers about getting help around the house or in the car so she can read them and that will give her a hint that she needs to get help that use love her and I only looking out for her and give leave the ones with hotlines too the people were drinking problems they are for free free help
Shes not gonna stop until she’s ready. In the meantime, any time you know that she is driving drunk I would def report it
There is legitimately NOTHING you can do help.
They have to help themselves….
They live in denial even with cold hard proof, or use the drinking to justify their actions. If they say something hurtful…”you can’t listen to me, I was drunk”
There’s nothing you can do. They have to want it themselves and make it happen on their own. 29yrs old and this is literally my mom and I only problem preventing us from having an actual good bond rather than being fine and randomly getting a shitty text running her mouth. I’ve confronted her many times, as has my grandma (her mom). Its literally so bad that I was in the ICU on life support over the summer with a (obviously VERY lethal amount) .421 blood alc level and her and my grandma got told by multiple docs they weren’t very hopeful that I was going to make it out alive. Shocker the day I got taken off life support and moved out of ICU she was back home that night drunk. Grandpa spent December in the ICU and they were more concerned of his possible withdrawals from alc killing him than his pneumonia and she still does the same thing every single night. I’ve begged her and begged her to slow down before she drinks herself to death. So have my grandparents. Literally cannot do a single thing to help them until they finally want the change for themself. I wish you guys the best with this🙏🏽 it’s not easy to sit back and watch whatsoever but it’s all we can really do sadly.
She needs to hit rock bottom and only she knows what that is
You cant do anything unless she wants to and then there are various places that will help her…support for your friend is the only thing u can do
You can’t help an alcoholic if they don’t want the help. They have to want it. Also if she’s drinking as much as you say, she can’t exactly just stop or her liver will go into shock. She needs to stop gradually. If you know she’s drinking and driving why aren’t any of you taking her keys away from her?
Cant help someone that doesnt want help. Even thou this is sad you just cant unless they want the help.
I would talk to an officer and tell him your fears of her drinking and driving and give them the make and model of her car with license plate number. And maybe they can stop her and get her help by the courts forcing her to get help. This may save the lives of the innocent and herself. Think if it was your child or another child she hits and you could of prevented it by saying something so the police could be aware of the situation. Getting arrested just might be the scare she needs.
I had to get alochol poisoning to see what I was doing to my family. 2 year sober. In therapy and family therapy. She’s in my thoughts.
If you know she’s drinking and driving and you can’t stop it, please tell someone who can. She’s going to kill someone.
No matter how bad the both of u want her to stop she’s not going to until she’s ready or hit rock bottom.
Call the cops every time you know she’s drinking and driving and NEVER give ger money or do things for her… unless it’s taking her to rehab. Easier said then done.
Don’t know where my sister is. Have seen her on corners. She wants nothing to do with family. It hurts terribly. I’ve tried to help. She refuses. I cry. I’ve lost a sister, brother and mom recently. I would love to have her back.
I’m so sorry for you and your partner’s pain. I know it far too well as I have many family members that are addicts, and my twin sister is a severe alcoholic drug addict.
Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do. It took me so many years to accept I cannot save my twin sister. I cannot help her until SHE wants to be helped.
All you can do is be there if she decides she does want help. Don’t ever send her money. Only pay for things she actually needs but give her the actual items. I always order my sister food or send her care packages of essentials. I used to send her money all the time until I realized she was just using it for more drugs.
Good luck, I hope her mother finds pease and gets help. 
They have to want to. Or nothing will work.
You can try everything you can think of, and some might help or awhile, but she has to hit her rock bottom to change.
Let her drink u can not do anything about it she is grown u have a choice to not speak to her but it’s her right as an adult u said mother in-law not a child remember that as u move along with ur advice
Hit up an Alanon meeting it helps alot and gives her useful tools to deal with feeling helpless.
Sadly coming from somebody who has an alcoholic parent and multiple alcoholic family members- you can’t force them to stop or see the problem like you wish you could. Obviously you can respectfully explain why you feel the way you do and express your concern for their well being but you sadly can’t magically force them to stop or get help if they don’t want to. I eventually had to walk away from everyone in my family who was continuing to risk their life and others by their behavior because it was hindering my mental health too much.
I was basically in the same situation with my mom. She would always drink all hours of the day whenever she was home and it eventually gave her heart disease and eventually it caused her to pass away just last December. She didn’t even go back to work and I was the only one that worked in the house. She wouldn’t even get things fixed that needed to be fixed around the house or even buy food if I couldn’t. Nothing I did would convince her otherwise to stop and she would get physically violent if something didn’t go her way and all she would do was yell if she didn’t get her way as well. It was to the point that I got me and my girls out of the house because I didn’t want them around that. This went on for years. I have severe PTSD from it as well. My dad always told me that you can’t help someone that doesn’t want to be helped and you never win with an alcoholic.
Suggest she get therapy for whatever is causing her to drink now or that got her started. Happy people don’t drink to excess.
Join Al-Anon (or Alateen if you’re younger) to help you cope and learn what is useful and what is not when dealing with her.
Once she is ready to make a change—which might be never, if you can afford it, maybe contribute to whatever she needs. Maybe yoga, meditation, Tai chi or breath work classes to keep her calm & so she can practice whenever she has a craving. Know that she’s likely to relapse several times; encourage her to get back on the wagon.
Please understand this is not your fault, there’s not much you can do until she wants to change herself. I’m so sorry. Make sure she knows how to use Uber, Lyft, taxis, buses or whatever is available where she lives.
You can’t help them till they are willing to help themselves I know I fought all the time wirh my friend who drank everyday and he wouldn’t listen well now he’s got very bad health problems and the veins became so weak inside his throat he started vomiting up blood and for months had to go have bands put in his throat and his stomach now he’s in kidney failure and so happen when he got so sick it scared him and hasn’t drank in over a year his liver has healed itself but he’s going next week to have a shunt put in to start dialysis and he only 43 years old
My mama was an alcoholic and a mean one at that. Thought she was a billy badass and the incredible hulk. She died in 2011 of cirrhosis of the liver because she was an alcoholic. It’s a slow painful death. Do whatever you can to get her to stop before it’s too late. We tried for years with everything in us but nothing would get her to stop. Do whatever it takes.
You can’t help someone who doesn’t want to help themselves
Annonymously call the cops when you know when she’s driving drunk. Keep doing it.