Thats a tough one for sure. But if you can live without her for awhile…idk if you are 19 or 42…but you can always call the cops and report her when she leaves…she will get a dui and be in jail awhile…might be a wake up call. But thats your decision…
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I have lived with a hard core alcoholic for the last 43 years. Let me tell you, I have Done everything I can. I can’t list them because they are Many. The only thing I do now is just pray.
How can you help someone who doesn’t want help? One who denies that they have a problem.
Once an alcoholic always an alcoholic. He’s been near death 3 times. This last time I really believed that would wake him up. Sadly, no.
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Call cops when you know that is drinking and driving
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They have to won’t to quit nobody can stop them
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You cannot do anything. The alcoholic has to want to change and put the work in.
Alcoholism is a terrible disease. A terrible addiction. They can’t get better unless they want to get better. Nagging is not going to do any good and may make it worse. The driving and drinking really worries me. That needs to stop before she gets killed or kills someone. Jail time would definitely help her get sober, for awhile anyway. You need to tell her you’re going to report her before it’s too late. Salvation Army has a terrific rehab program in Pasadena. Doesn’t cost a cent and they give them work to earn their too and board. It’s on Waverly Drive. Diane was head of intake. It works if they work it.
She is addicted……period. Will never quit until she dies. Unless there is an intervention and professional help. Advice from a long line of A’s.
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Call the police when she’s driving drunk. For the safety of her and others.
She will not get sober until she is ready.
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Come from two alcoholic families. If they don’t want to change/get help u cxant do anything. Stop enabling (if u are). My uncle (by marriage) was drinking an driving an picked my cousins up from school drunk (1990s) and thankfully another parent noticed an knew he was a mean drunk so he followed my uncle a few miles til he stopped for more booze an called 911 gave details, description oif drunk, the car, the plate, kids and his car info saying this where they are would stall best he could but would continue to follow. Uncle ended up leaving but the cops where minutes behind and busted him…saved my cousins (born in 92 and 93). He never drove drunk with the kids again at least. But still denies a problem. I struggled with it from 15-20yrs old an a voice inside me one night as I was wanting to die walking thru a snow storm did I realize I had a real problem. I’m now 29 and 9 years sober. Nobody bothered to step in, don’t think I would of listened if they had…that little voice inside me…I found out I was 3 wks pregnant when I quit…
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I was married to one we ended up divorced 30yrs later he is still a drunk.
You can not help someone if they don’t want help, it doesn’t work then. They have to want the help. I would definitely report it if you know she is leaving the house drunk to drive though.
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Pray they hit their bottom. Do not enable them.
You can’t help someone who don’t want help. If she gets enough dui’s the police, I’m actually not sure how this works, or someone will put like a breathalyzer in their vehicle to even start it. Or at least that’s what happened to someone I know🤷♀️
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Drinking and driving kills. My brother has been gone 15 yrs. He was about 500 ft from home when he wrecked. My daughter was with him. She wasn’t hurt very bad which was a miracle. A 47yr old man drinking and driving with a teenager. As a mother I have to say my brother was a drunk. I could say alot more but I’ll leave it at that. Call the cops on the woman.
She will not be helped until she wants to be helped. She has to come to the realization that what she is doing is not ok and she has to want to get sober. Even calling the cops on her won’t make her stop drinking.
Step back. Help her get sober if she asks. That’s about all you can do.
She has to want to quit or it is useless to even try
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Find answers in Alanon to help you. It is a program for the family members of alcoholics. She has to hit her bottom. You can pray for her and not enable her. Alanon is the answer for you.
Next time she gets in the car after drinking. Report it.
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I left a relationship because I gave him the choice it’s either the booze or me since I couldn’t handle him anymore. He didn’t just get drunk, he’d get completely plastered every single day and he was an emotional, clingy drunk. After a year I couldn’t do it anymore
She has to be ready. Unfortunately, pushing the subject does more harm than good. Interventions also do more harm than good a majority of the time, as well.
You may need to distance yourselves from her, and let her come to you when she needs help.
Pray she hits rock bottom and comes out better💓
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Not a lot you can do. I have agonised over one of my daughters for years now and offered everything. She won’t allow anyone to help her. She was a smart, hardworking woman and now can’t even hold a job because she goes to work trashed.
I have virtually raised her two youngest boys after raising a large family myself. I provided everything for her family not really realising for many years that she was an alcoholic. Now I try not to think of her as it just upsets me all over again.
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Tough love tactic, call the police, inform them about potential drunk driver refuses help or intervention, follow her car, see the result…wake up call is ugly and dangerous!!!
All u can do is talk to her. No one and nothing can force an addict to quit except the addict. They have to want to do it themselfs.
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Dad was alcoholic for 25 yrs. Only stopped once I had kids. He fell ill in hospital. I went of nut to him to choose between beer or his family. He was 71 at time, been clean 3 yrs
You cannot help someone unless they want help.
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You can only help them if they want to be helped
She wont get sober until she is ready… i would try al-anon or therapy for yourselves 
Mind your own business, nothing will make her quit until she wants help
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Theres not to much you can do besides talking to her.She will not stop until she is ready.Sadly…
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Al-anon for you, next time you physically see her in her car or ANY car get description of car (example: dark blue 4 door Ford Taurus about 2014 right headlight broken heading south on Broadway. Has been drinking at a friends house, want this anonymous due to relationship. She is flat out plastered. ). Call State highway patrol and local cops they’ll need reinforcements. A DUI will slow her down, $ spent, jail time, Have NOONE post bond for her. And all the classes she must go thru plus special insurance here in OH it’s for 3 years plus loss of driving -even to work (if blows anything close to legal limit). She will lose touch with enablers and those “friends”. Don’t condone it, stop it! I finally did it to my ex husband before filing for divorce. Both my children were driving those same country roads. I’ll be damned if he’d hit them. He was a 24/7 drunk. And from al-anon I learned that I was just as bad as an enabler letting him leave, drink, by buying and having in the house- the whiskey and beer chasers, etc. don’t be her enabler. What If she hit YOU for that measly drink she just HAD to have. Your life and others is SO much more important. Drinking can come and go and most of all, stay at home!
Let her go… detatch, love her from a distance…
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Sadly the only thing you can do is draw boundaries that prevent you from participating in enabling her alcoholism. Consequences change people.
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I have been clean 20 years its true until you want it no oñe can help you having my first gra d child sorted me out i knew if i didnt stop drinking i wouldnt get to see her i dont even think about a dfink now she will have to do it herself
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There’s nothing you can do until she’s ready unfortunately
As everyone has said you can’t help her until she wants help. Choose the extent of interaction you want with her but anything that may come across as confrontation will only make her more secretive. This is not your problem to fix . It needs to start with her making a choice to change.
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You can’t help someone who doesn’t want to help themselves. So try showing her what to live for and the damage she is doing to herself. It will take a long time, but hopefully she will realise sooner rather than later
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Tough love is all you can really do. Love her, but do absolutely nothing that enables her. Even if that means allowing her to be homeless. It takes someone like that hitting rock bottom to realize they have a problem. I would also call the police and report her when you know for a fact she’s driving drunk. Give make and model of car along with her location. Do it anonymously. In all honesty, you can not help someone that doesn’t want to help themselves. Most likely the best you can do is cut her out of your lives and love her from afar.
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Nothing. She’s the only one that can fix it.
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This is tough. She will only really get help if she wants to.
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Call the police if she’s drinking and driving. I might get hate for it but idc, she’s literally putting everyone’s life at risk every time she does it. Other than that she needs to want to get sober or it will never happen.
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This is coming from an alcoholic- someone will not get sober no matter how much you beg them, reason with them, nothing- until they are truly ready… I suggest going to Al-non meetings to help you understand addiction better. Read up on it. Love from a distance- tough love as my mom said. You can’t be there to catch her every time she falls or she’ll never learn to walk… good luck & I’ll be praying for her & your family 
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Who ever the OG poster is
DM me and I will talk to you.
Only someone who truly gets it will be able to explain it
“You can’t help who doesn’t want help”
Is not what always works.
Doesn’t even have to be the original poster
I’ll talk to anyone who’s struggling with alcoholism
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Take yourself and your girlfriend go an alanon meeting… it will help you understand.
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You cannot stop her drinking if she doesn’t want to. But you can and should, report her for drinking and driving.
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Remove her from your house
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You cannot change someone else. She isn’t willing to change and nothing you do will affect that until she is ready.
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She’s an adult, she’ll do what she wants. She won’t stop til she’s ready or dead.
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Sadly, you cannot help someone that isn’t willing to help themselves. She has to want it and be “ready and willing”
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unfortunately, since she is an adult & she is an alcoholic she will not get any help until she wants to, which might not be ever, or she gets into a bad accident & serious injuries or kills someone & she will then be force to stop, And last, she dies because of drinking in one way or another 
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The only thing I can tell you is that unless she realizes she has a problem and is willing to fix it it is not going to happen. I am a recovering alcoholic, I have been sober for maybe 3 months, it took me over two years to wean myself off of drinking a 5th of whiskey a day. She has to want to be betterand healthy. I am one of the few that did not require rehab, I did it on my own. I’ll pray God intervenes.
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Oh Donna special thoughts, just such a tough deal for you….Your tenacity is unbelievable , you’ve reached out to sooooo many folk… Bless 
Until she wants help there is nothing you can do but limit your exposure to her. I know that’s a hard pill to swallow but as the mother of 2 recovering addicts and the ex-wife of one active addict, until the addict wants help nothing you do will change them.
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Next time she drinks and drives notify to police. She needs a fucking wake up call before she kills little Tommy down the rd. Shit, I’d go as far as to send her videos of families who are forever torn because of a drunk driver.
My mom and her bf are the same exact way with the alcohol… they drink a 24 case of beer a day plus whatever liquor they have its sick
Until she’s ready to stop drinking, she’s not going to stop drinking. Unfortunately the person caught up in the addiction has to be the one ready to be done. Just speaking from experience. I’m not an alcoholic but I am an addict in recovery. Nothing family said helped. Jail didn’t help. Knowing I was disappointing my son and spouse didn’t help. Rehab didn’t help. Because I wasn’t ready to be done unfortunately. Thankfully two years in prison and a lot of talking with God, And deciding for myself but I was done, finally pulled me out of that hole. Good luck and best wishes.
You can’t help her if she don’t want the help
I attend alanon 3 days a week. No one can make her stop drinking, you didn’t cause her to drink and you cannot make her stop. The only thing you can control is yourrself. I highly suggest you and your girlfriend attend Alanon, it will help you a lot!!!
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Next time she leaves the house in the car call the cops. Sometimes people in denial need a good hard look at themselves and they don’t do it until they hit rock bottom
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You can’t control what she does but you can control how you respond to what she does. It may be difficult cutting contact with her but I would consider doing that until she gets help. I would let her know you both love and support her, you’ll help in any way you can if she agrees to get help- but that you can’t continue a relationship w her until she makes that step.
You can’t only she can for me it took being close to death becouse of my drinking I was this woman I didn’t care.all I wanted was that drink and my choice was vodka . no hangover nice hot buzz.controled drink in my way drink morning noon night ended in hospital.so…with that being said only she can do it .
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Can’t help someone who doesn’t want it
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She needs to hit bottom and be ready for help! When that happens I recommend AA 90 meetings in 90 days.
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If you’ve tried to get her help and she doesn’t want it… Next time you know she’s driving drunk, call the police. Unfortunately, it’s drastic but it’s also better then her killing someone.
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Can’t help someone that doesn’t want to be helped
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Been thru this my whole life with family and, best we can do is love them from afar, until they’re ready to stop, can’t force them, show them love but with some distance
AA works, but only when she is willing to accept that her life has become unmanageable…AlAnon for you and girlfriend recommended
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An alcoholic will not stop drinking until ( if ever ) THEY decide to. I have been close with several alcoholics in my life and there is always a reason why they drink let it be a coping mechanism or an addiction. You can try to talk to her about it but until she feels she needs to make a change or feels she can live without alcohol nothing will change. I am very sorry.
Show your concerns, express your feelings. However, until SHE is ready to stop, your opinion isn’t going to matter much to her.
Start going to Alanon Family Group Meetings. They will help you live by the 12 principles of AA and that alone will help. Learn to pray too, living or having a relationship with a substance abuse user is too much for anyone. Get help, get support.
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Intervention. Is that show still a thing? They have helped so many people.
Unfortunately, sobriety isn’t something you can force them into. It usually requires a rock bottom scenario to get them to want to seek help and change. You can start attending meetings or seek counseling. It’s heartbreaking watching a loved one struggle with addiction.
Addiction is something the addicted has to over come themselves. Sadly if they aren’t ready, relapse will more than likely happen after any amount of rehabs, counselings, and meetings. My mom struggled with drinking for years of my life. Even after a year of sobriety several times, she still feel right back. The last few years she’s cut back so much before her unexpected passing last year (unrelated to the drinking) Just be there for her. Love her, pray for her. They do recover
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An alcoholic will not stop drinking because it bothers you and just by this post I can assume and you know what they say about assuming lol that you are pretty young so first life lesson you cannot fix someone unless they want to fix their situation in a situation especially an alcoholic or a drug addict the only thing you can do. The next time that she is drinking and driving you need to call the police on her that’s basically all you can do but it might save a life
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I know this is not what you want to hear, but you can’t help people who don’t want to help themselves or see an issue with the way they are living. I hope she will realize it and heal whatever she is trying to hard to not face by her drinking. It is a defined disorder in the DSM-5 look up alcohol use disorder and find resources to give her in an attempt to help her. I would let her know it is serious and if something doesn’t change contact may have to be cut off until she realizes it for herself and utilizes the resources you gave her.
Sending you so much love. It is a tough spot to be in. You can either accept that’s the ways she is right now and allow the toxicness of the situation to impact your relationship, or you can set healthy boundaries and support her getting help with her addiction.
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You can’t help her unless she wants it. If she is going out driving drunk and you know where she is going, call the police to get her off the road.
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It’s called tough love you can’t help someone that does not want help
Praying God intervene
Let her know that bottom is WHENEVER you put down the shovel and stop digging. I suggest either the NA basic text or the AA big book … NA has a really great free pamphlet called “am I an addict”
If she reads that it might help her conclude she has a problem. By the way for anyone who is confused alcohol is considered a drug so NA applies.
I know for me when I read the basic text…I finally realized there’s a solution out there for people like me.
Today I am 13 years and one week clean. We do recover
When it comes to family members, It’s really difficult. I suggest Alanon or naranon for the family. IT HELPS.
Also it’s important to pick a line and stick with it. repeat it often. Addicts do have occasional moments of clarity. Moments where they can actually hear truth. But if that moment lands during a time when you’ve gotten frustrated and all you can say is f*** y** you’re a piece of s***. That’s all they’ll remember. Trying to manage their addiction and manipulate them into feeling one way or another about anything is a good way to get yourself frustrated enough to treat them like that. It’s essential that you set a healthy boundary for yourself. A healthy boundary that you can repeat to your loved one might be… “I love you but I don’t love your behaviors, and I can’t participate in your life unless you’re on the road to getting help.”
you may choose a different boundary. but pick it and adhere to it. good luck and sending prayers a
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Absolutely nothing but love her and be there in a supportive way …I’ve been a practicing alcoholic for 40+years…yes you read that right …in and out of detox ,counciling ect…hit rock bottom a few times …sobered up for a bit then crept back at er…all you can do is sit back and love her and when she hits bottom help her find the help that she needs …but she won’t even consider sobering up until her life starts to fall apart first …I sorry there is no single method …but have honest dialogue with her before she gets too into her cups …if you talk to her when she buzzed she will be affended and shut down on you …you need lots of compassion and patience…no easy task …
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There’s not much you can do other than turn her in for drunk driving. Or maybe inform her work she’s coming to work intoxicated. Or both.
If you know she’s driving drunk, yet you do nothing about it, and she kills someone, she’s not the only one to blame. Most times, alcoholics like this will not wake up until they got rock bottom. Hi, I’m Shan, I’m an alcoholic. People don’t realize what alcoholism is until they go to the tables of an AA meeting.
Try seeking help through a local Alcoholic’s Anonymous.
You can only offer support and if she knows where to go for help…detox and an inpatient program and doesn’t want to…I’m sorry but she will have to concede…you guys can get support for yourselves though. Alanon is a support program for loved ones of alcoholics…I’ve heard many say its helped. My mother was able to save my life because of what she learned…and I was just 13…
And I know others whose children have died from it and were able to keep living without crashing and burning because of the support of others who are part of the group…I have gone myself…for my kids
You can’t help, an alcoholic has to want to get help. It’s hard I live with my ex like this. He almost died 2x. Unfortunately all you can do is be there for them but it’s hard to watch
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You can’t. Sorry. But until she wants to stop you can’t make her. You can’t convince her.
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Unfortunately you can’t help her if she doesn’t want the help and is unwilling to get help.
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If she doesn’t want help you can’t force to get it. You should be calling on her for drinking and driving. What if she was to hit someone when she is under the influence?
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Next time you know she is drinking and driving call the police and report her.
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My dad was far worse than this and ended up passing away fr complications from alcohol and the crap it does to your body…this is far beyond what you can do by yourself…you need to check her in a rehab. Nothing you do or say or threaten or bribe will help. This disease is in full control right now so don’t take it personally… REHAB! Don’t let her try to stop cold turkey without being in detox or with someone in the medical field bc alcohol withdrawal will and can cause seizures and cause death. If she drinks as much as u say and drinks liquor and stuff you definitely need to put her in detox. But rehab is the best/safest way for her body to withdraw then rehab for her staying off and learning steps to stay sober.
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There’s no helping them.
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Have her baker acted
she is a danger to everyone report her
You can’t help an alcoholic, they have to want to help themselves.
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Give her phone numbers from AA to call or some other organization that can help, make sure those numbers are taped down by her phone. You can get some information leaflets that might help. Again, make sure they are seen. You cannot make someone pick up the phone or read the leafllet but you have provided an access for the first step. She must make the call; not you trying to get someone sober. It really has nothing to do with anyone else. It is her fight with God and it can be won. The safety thing is another subject all together. I would think removing the keys would be a start.
She is a danger to innocent families ! As soon as she walks out thar door to drive, call the police before she kills someone !
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Unfortunately all u can do for an addict is wait for them to want to be sober and pray that day comes. If u confront her she will probably become defensive and that will probably lead to even more drinking, if u call the cops for her driving then she may get a chance to become sober and realize her problem but if it is her first offense she won’t see anything but fines and a slap on the wrist probably wouldn’t even get probation, u can’t force her to go to rehab she has to want to go. U can try calling addiction services in ur area see if an addiction councilor would be willing to talk to her to help her see the problem
Until she admits she is an alcoholic and wants help theres not anything you can do but love her.
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She’s an adult and unfortunately you can’t force her hand. What you can do, however, is give consequences. No improvement, then no (insert something she’d hate to have taken against her will)
Give the police a call when she gets in the car.
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An addict will only change if and when they want to. No amount of outside pressure can make her change. You can plan an intervention, force her into rehab. But only her wanting to change will make her change.
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You can’t help someone like that until they are ready to ask for help.
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so true nothing you can do til she wants the help she has to help herself (recovering alcoholic 30 years) she has to hit rock bottom
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The only way like Angy Marie And JoAnn said they have to want to… My friend I was renting from drank alone and drank a lot. I keep urging him gently to try out Some meetings with AA. He went to about a dozen and did not like how it was so God related. I couldn’t push him into believing in God as I do but one day he just decided I am going to stop and that is that. I really didn’t believe him but I think the people in the area that were awful drinkers and came out at night fighting in the street made him stop! The problem is he went from drinking to smoking weed, something pretty common… So he isn’t 100 percent and is abusing that also… It is up to him to stop this too, I am tired of trying to help…