It sounds like he has an addiction. Is he in denial? Could you video him and show him when he is sober and tell/talk with him that he needs to get treatment or your out?
He needs help. Your children do NOT need to grow up with that kind of role model. Please, make him get help. Don’t reward this behaviour by staying with him. If you love him, leave him. If you love your children, DEFINITELY leave him.
You really need to leave.
Debbie Lint he is not being a good man now. He is being abusive.
I was the kid in this situation. My dad got help but only after my mom left him. Was it hard? Yes. But it was the only way.
Seizures and shakes happen when you stop alcohol use, they are withdrawal symptoms. If he’s still drinking that wouldn’t necessarily happen.
He needs a detox facility where he can safely detox from alcohol and then a rehab stay to help with his addiction. After that he will need to seek therapy to maintain his sobriety.
YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HIM. All you can do is your best and it sounds like that’s what you’re doing. Don’t love him to death honey love him to life
I feel so sad for you especially you being that far along in you pregnancy. You should be getting pampered and loved not cleaning vomit and stressing over him. You should really leave him he obviously doesn’t care for you and your kids. I bet once he thinks he has lost you he will stop his drinking and go look for you. that’s when you tell him and control to tell him that if he does not stop drinking you wont go back. He thinks he is in control because he knows you have no where to go. But men are weak he will stop. I agree he is an alcoholic. Wish you well. My question is how on earth does he wake up to work every day if he gets that drunk?
Rock bottom. Thats the only thing that could MAYBE change him. But be prepared. Because bottom of the barrel isnt just getting a DUI, or accidently hurting you or one of the kids in most cases. Those are usually shrugged off with them saying, “oh i was in a bad mood i just wont drink when I’m in that state of mind.” BecUse they will. Sometimes it takes multiple DUIs, losing that wonderful paying job, and serving jail time a few times. If he doesnt want help, then you may want to prepare yourself for the road ahead. It’s a long hard road, but if he’s worth it and you stick by him, things could be better. But it most likely means getting a job be ause once rock bottom hits, he wont be able to care for you financially and enotionally until he truly rewires his brain which takes a while.
Start planning it now, you have to move on. It’ll take time but like you said you’re going to be miserable. And from the post you already seem miserable.
Dawn Chic DO NOT VIDEO! I was married to an alcoholic and i tried this method because i resd it online and it ONLY makes them extremely violent. Even the nicest of guys. If you do record him, NEVER SHOW HIM!ALOT of advice i had to get from police. Record for safety purposes but NEVER SHOW THEM
Your life sounds similar to mine. Except my husband verbally abused me and was very mean when he was drunk. It took me 41 years to get the courage to leave. One thing I’ve learned for sure is you can never change a man. They have to love you enough to change. Guess mine didn’t love me enough. He regrets it now. He didn’t know what he had until he lost it. I’m now in a new relationship. I don’t regret leaving at all.
I was just like you once…same exact situation.
Here’s what you have to do, not easy but doable:
• Find a friend, reach out for aide (everybody else does) and get those babies in to daycare.
• Get a job (a good job). It may take you some time but keep at it. Build up on your skills.
• Find your own place and Leave.
Or keep trying to make him a better person by choosing a few days out of the week to get smashed versus every single night. Negotiations - don’t forget he’s invested in to this relationship too. Doesn’t sound like a monster beside the time he’s drinking.
Best of luck to you.
Sorry for you dilemma
You’ll have to leave if you don’t like it. (Not being mean being real)
When dealing with any addiction, including alcohol THEY have to choose it for themselves. Seems like he has chosen.
If your really done and can’t deal you’ll have to make a choice too. Yourself or others. it’s not selfish to choose yourself. Much love
I stayed with my sons father for 10 years with his problem, I even paid for him to go to rehab multiple times. He took me and my sons love for granted all that time. I left him two years ago and I’m in a new relationship and I can see the difference. My son doesn’t even ask to see his father. It affects your kids more than you realize even if they love each other.
With an alcoholic or addict its not that they don’t love their spouse or children, its that they don’t love themselves enough.
Dealing with an addict is hard. My dad was an alcoholic. However, when drunk he was his best self. He was amazing and nmwas never abusive or hateful. I liked him better when he was drinking. But I knew he was slowly killing himself that’s the part that I hated. Try talking to him when hes sober. Get him to agree to counseling. Dont say its because of the drinking. Tell him you feel you could just use the extra help. If hes constantly feeling attacked about it he’ll want to drink more. Save some money and rent a motel for few days and make him think you left. It may give him time to think.
Go to Al-Anon. It’s an alcoholics anonymous group for the partners of the alcoholic. It will help.
First off if ya married and have kids if you leave him he’s still financially responsible for yah. And why would you want your children to see something like that? To think being like that is ok! That my dear is the definition of mental abuse as well as child endangerment. What happens if you decide to go lay down and he’s si drunk he decided to pick up the baby? Fu k that he’d be gone!
Keep reading what you wrote…
That is called alcoholism. Don’t clean up after him, that is enabling. This isn’t your problem, it is his. If there is an Al-Anon group near you, GO. It is for families/spouses of alcoholics. Even if he won’t go to the AA meetings, it will help you. You do not want to bring up your children like that!!
Gét rid of his ass he needs help
He’s an alcoholic and he needs help. Probably need to find him a sponsor and have him go to AA meetings. Maybe even get him into therapy if he’s talking about killing himself. If he doesn’t get better I would get out because that’s not the life your kids should grow up in.
I hope your children dont see this behavior and think it is okay.
He needs serious help or you need to leave
Sounds like his names Nathan lol … Lol is this about Nathan P …
Let him choose the alcohol, get help from the county!!! You don’t deserve this treatment. He’s not being nice and sweet and considerate when he pisses and spits on the floor!!! Leave him, tell him to sober up if he wants a chance with you!!!
Go back and read your story only make believe it’s someone’s else story. I stay in a relationship like that for 25 years we did counseling therapist sent us to AA I went with him to first meeting he walked in and said I’m not staying there are nothing but drunks here. I looked at him and politely told him ur a drunk also he left. We remained togather 5more years until I left. The truth was he kept telling me he loved me put it wasn’t love. I was shelter food on the table struggled to pay bills. When I finally left after a couple of months I realized he wasn’t going to ever change. Fast forward 10 years after living alone, I have remarried a wonderful man who waits on me hand and foot. I ask myself now why did I stay so long thinking he was going to change wasting the best years of my life. I have been happily married over 5 years.
I lived with the very same thing for 40 years. I sill have a special place in my heart for him BUT… I wasted MANY years and hurt my 2 kids by staying in that situation. They will ONLY change when they are ready. Some never are. I am now in a much happier relationship. I hope you find it inside to do whats best for you and your kids. Remember, they dont have a choice when young…Only you can make their lives better. Praying all goes well with you.
I-n-t-e-r-v-e-n-t-i-o-n!! He’s an alcoholic who needs treatment before he loses you and your kids. Re-read what you wrote 100x if you need to cause girlfriend, just no Your child needs a better role model and if your husband can’t be one, it’s time to step up. You know the right answer here.
I would start searching for a way to leave. Nobody deserves to be stuck like that. You and your kids suffer from this. If you know you are not willing to leave him then plan fun things with the kids when it’s daddy’s drunk time because maybe when he is starting to drink but is all alone he will start to realize it’s not what he wants and instead of drinking he just might start tagging along with you and the kids. It’s better to just move on but some women just wont.
You should try going to an Al-anon group
If he flat out told you that he picked the alcohol over you that’s personally answer enough for me. I’d kick him out or move out until he got some help. Addiction is a lifelong thing so he’ll probably always struggle with it but he can learn to control it. He’s setting and example to your kids right now that it’s okay to be dependent on a substance and emotionally manipulate someone whom loves them.
He needs help there are shelter out there that will help think about your kids get out
Leave with your kids. It isn’t fair for them to see that.
Is there a possibility that he is gay?
Tiana Moreno You are excusing him now…
If he says it’s the alcohol over you, you already have your answer. Time to let him go!
I’m dealing with the exact same thing love… If you ever wanna talk just inbox me… It would be nice to talk to someone else who is dealing with the same issue as I am… Only difference is I’m not pregnant but we do have a 22 month old daughter so I can see your pretty much me!!
He does not have the shakes and sweats because he has NOT gone through 24 hrs of being sober
He is an alcoholic. Contact al-anon it is for families of addicts and alcoholics it will help you cope with being with him and maybe give you some resources to get out or help him.
Stage a intervention and if he still refuses then you need to get yourself out of there. If you can’t do it right now then get ready, take a little extra money out when you go grocery shopping or any shopping and put it back for you and the kids. After the baby is born get a job and get out. That is no environment for your kids. You leaving might just be the wake up cal he needs, if that doesn’t wake him up then nothing will. You need to d right by your babies. I hope he wakes I and gets help hang on there.
You need to walk away. Go to a women’s shelter if you have to. They will help you get on your feet. He has made it quite clear he doesn’t want to change. He knows what he is doing when he throws up and you have to clean it up. He just doesn’t care. Been their and did that
You have got to get out now. He will either keep drinking or decide that you really are more important than liquor. I have been there and understand completely. Don’t wait and expect things to turn around. It won’t until he has no other option. Good luck and put you and the kids first.
If you have relatives out of state, go there and don’t expect to go back. Alcohol is a cruel mistress and doesn’t stop easy or quickly. One sad sorry week sober will mean nothing. He has given you a choice, and you chose to live with it or leave. That’s the choice you must make.