How to help an alcoholic?

I just need to rant. My husband HAS to drink every single day. 7 days a week. If he doesn’t have his alcohol he can’t survive and if I say anything he throws a fit or says he’ll just shoot himself if he’s such a bad husband. I am at my wit’s end. I don’t know what I can do anymore. He’s so sweet and considerate, he’s not a mean drunk or anything. But I still don’t like it. He’ll do ok having 2 drinks a night for a while then he’ll go ham and finish a whole 5th in 1 or two nights. I hate it when he’s drunk. He’s sloppy he spits on the floors and walls he slurs and stumbles, he will get up and pee on the floor and not remember the net day, he’ll leave vomit and urine on the toilet that I have to clean up the next day… And he only wants sex when he’s drunk… He will try to be romantic and initiate sex but it turns me off to see him like that, plus he’ll scratch me accidentally trying to rub me, take 10 minutes to put it in, or try to start sex while I’m asleep etc. I tell him no, or try to tell him what to do different but it always ends up with me stopping him. That makes him feel bad about himself and makes the drunk emotional state worse. But I can’t make love to him like that. He has promised to get better so many times. But other times He says since he doesn’t have siezures or get the shakes and sweats that means he’s not an alcoholic and I’m over reacting. He has threatened to leave me because I poured out his alcohol. I said it’s me or the liquor and he said he chooses the liquor. Then expects me to forget it and let him drink the next day. He’s the one who works so he can do what he wants and I feel like I have no say. I am 37 weeks pregnant and we have a 1 year old I care for every day. I can’t go stay somewhere else because I have nowhere else. When he is drunk or when I say something about his drinking he throws it in my face that I depend on him. Honestly don’t want to leave him. I love him he’s a great dad and he’s a great guy when he isn’t drunk and defensive. He has a great job provides everything we want and need, tells me daily how much he loves me and how beautiful I am etc. I just don’t know if I can do anything else to change the drinking. I don’t need the stress. And he doesn’t see the big deal at all. He thinks since he does all the good things he does is gives him the right to do the bad things too and I shouldnt notice the negative. It makes me ungrateful or mean to point out anything I don’t like… I can’t have him admitted to treatment in my state I don’t think I have that right in Kansas. And he won’t get help himself. Idk. I just feel defeated and hopeless and like nothing will ever change and I’m going to slowly grow to be miserable from this and eventually I will have to find a way to make it on my own with 2 kids.


I understand he’s a great guy when not drinking and that you love him but you need to think about your unborn baby and 1 year old. They don’t deserve to see a dad who’s drunk every night (they will realize sooner than later) and what if one night he’s so drunk he picks up the baby and falls or something bad happens. He needs to change his ways and get help (rehab) and if he chooses alcohol then you have all the answers u need… it might be hard raising two kids alone but it’s better than two kids being in that environment!! Peeing and spitting on walls is not an example you want to show your kids I’m sure. Put your foot down mama and don’t allow alcohol in the house. He’s an alcoholic who needs help and if he keeps refusing to get the help he needs than you need to leave. It’s not safe


He’s actually not a good dad or a good guy if he’s choosing liquor over his family. A good dad/guy would do whatever it took to make his family safe, secure, and happy. He’s an alcoholic! It will only get worse. How long will it be before he needs to drink as soon as he wakes up? While at work? Playing with the kid? Driving them to school? It’s a vicious cycle that he’s needs help to break! He needs to stop now before it ruins his life!


He won’t change. Leave honey. I spent 23 years right where you are.


Alcoholic’s don’t realize they are an alcoholic. If you are sloppy drunk, falling over, puking more than once every six months than you are an alcohy. In my eyes, anyone who can’t let a day pass with a drink, even more per day, us addicted. Sadly most don’t want to change and won’t. He won’t until he is ready. They promise change, but never do.


He needs an intervention, he needs help. Alcohol has its grips on him bad, he’s in denial but that’s definitely alcoholism. It’ll eventually destroy his liver and life.


From experience hun, he’s never going to change, I was in the exact same situation, he told me I couldn’t leave him because I wouldn’t be able to make it without him, but I took my 2 boys and left once I was fed up he was drinking a fifth of rum or more a day, when he sweated all you smelled was the alcohol. Six years later I’m doing better than he is all on my own with no help from him what so ever. He may say he will change and do better and he may for a little bit but they always turn back to drinking. I tried to get my ex into rehab to get help so many times and he kept refusing, he has finally stopped drinking after he’s about died 3 times now, his liver is shot and he regrets ever letting the boys see him like that.


How can you say he is a great dad when as you said he is drop dead drunk every night, peeing on the floor, puking all over and you have to clean up his mess???
Is this what you want your kids to see? As they get older and want to have friends come over, how long before they realize their father is an alcoholic and won’t want their friends over because their father is a complete embarrassment.
How about when the kids start getting into daddy’s liquor? If it’s ok for daddy, it must be ok for them.
The abuse will not stop with you and he will eventually turn on the kids as well.
Sad that you decided to have another child with his sorry alcoholic ass.
You need help to get out of this alcoholic situation since he apparently does not have a problem with his drinking and has even told you he prefers alcohol to you. How degrading. Is this what you call LOVE?
Contact AA and see if they can give you any information as to how you can get help. He isn’t interested in getting help but you need to get help for yourself and your children.
Wish you well

Record him when he’s drunk and acting ridiculous then show him the video when he’s sober. He won’t stop unless he wants to, but first he’s going to have to actually acknowledge and admit he has a problem.


Call up your local domestic violence shelter, they might have housing for you and your children. Get out and tell him you love him but you love your kids and yourself and hes a bad role model. He needs to go to treatment and stop drinking or it’s over.


Sounds like my ex husband, except he finally did quit but was then just an asshole cuz he didn’t do treatment just stopped drinking. He never tried to change, I got sick of being the one who put in all the effort and that was that. It’s a shit situation and all I can offer is the fact that what u accept will continue. Period. It sucks- I know. Not having anywhere to go, trapped, dependent and stuck. But u deserve to have a present, sober partner… we all deserve that

Either force the change or leave. Either he will change for the family or won’t. Take money and leave.


If he dossnt want to love himself and be a good example and a conscious and present lover, you no longer have the energy to be around the toxic behaviours. You feel disgusted every day by the biligerance, your not in love when you feel like you cant connect. You love him enough to let him go If this is how he chooses to live his life.

Hes not a good guy if his go to line is killing himself because you said you don’t agree with something he does, hes drinking regularly around your child, choose a liquor over his family, tries fucking while you’re asleep, shoves you depending on him for income in your face, etc. It seems hes not the only one in denial here

You want a healthy relationship and a healthy role model for the children. Go file a parenting plan right away at the local law office and within it require him to go to treatment and get alcohol abuse counseling and parenting classes. If you love him, help give him the incentive to save his own life and stop drinking himself to death. You love him enough to refuse to continue on this way.

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39 years hon. 39 years.

25 years. Took him a while too get abusive and violent but that also got continuously worse.

Pray pray pray!!! Pray for him!! Listen to Joyce Meyers aks Jimmy Evans!! Pray!!! Pray for what you specifically need!

it will get worse, I lived with someone that did the same thing , believe me it will get worse, call AA and they can help you Do it now,

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It’s time for some counseling but definitely pray for him

It’s not good for him to be like that with kids in the house. Your babies done need to see their daddy like that trust me. I have been through it with my dad it wont get better till he realizes he is messing up.

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He’s an alcoholic. He needs rehab, but HE has to admit the problem, before it will help. Best thing for you to do, is love him from a far. If he really wants you and the kids, he will get the help.

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He’s an alcoholic. He needs to get help, but he’ll only get help when he’s ready and when he wants it, who knows how long it’ll take him to get there. It might take the worst or rock bottom, or he might not ever get there. My bf is an alcoholic, he’s sober thank god, it’s a lot of work and supporting them does get hard at times.

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Whitney Capps I disagree, people can change. My husband was an alcoholic. He was similar to post.i have a 6year old and 9month old. I kept asking and asking, he got busted drink driving and lost his licence. By the end I had to put my foot down and said you either stop drinking or were getting a divorce simple. But you have to mean it, he knew I meant it. It will be a hard road either way but for u and your kids sake you have to be brave and do the right thing. We are 7 years happily married and he is 2 years sober.


I’m so sorry that you are going through this. Sounds like you need to start putting money aside and try to get out! You don’t want your children to see their father like this. His drinking will only get worse. Only you can make the decision, good luck!

Not a good example for you children either.

Been there, done that. Take my advice, leave…

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Join alanon. It will help you change your life.


You’ll have to LEAVE to see if he’ll sober up. He won’t stop until you actually leave.

I’m happy for your family, I have seen people change and it is possible but they have to want to change. In my ex husbands case he didn’t want to, i kept leaving him and he’d promise to change and he’d go a week or so without drinking and then I’d give in and come back and within no time he was drinking, but now he is 5 months sober due to all his health issues and scares of almost dying, I’m happy for him and we actually get along now and him and his girlfriend and I will all get together and take the kids out to do something since him getting sober it’s nice we can actually be friends and we might have just been better off that way. I probably shouldn’t have said OP’s husband would never change because like you said people can but they have to want it for themselves too

Do you want your children to think that’s an acceptable way of life. If not, then you’re gonna have to be the change… which from the sounds of it means you’re gonna have to leave him. It’s not easy but it is possible. Find a celebrate recovery group. It’s not just for alcoholics or addicts. It’s for recovering from anything and everything… abuse, bad relationships, addictions, being bullied. It’s a support group.

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Sweetheart the situation will.not change for the better. Only usually and statistics get worse. Been in your shoes. Make a move to better your life and your children’s lives

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These are out of control addiction traits and the stress will get to you . He’s not going to just stop because it’s not a problem to him it’s your problem.So if you want things to be different you are going to have to make it different. This issue will affect all of you so the longer you stay the worse it’s going to get and you all deserve better. Seek out treatment for you guys and talk about how to go about things. He has to admit things need to change.

Take a video and show him when hes sober.


All I have to say is Al-Anon. They will help to make you strong enough…

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I’ll tell you this much. The best thing you can do for an addict refusing change sometimes is to step away. By staying and allowing it, you are not only enabling it but your children will see it and that will be their memories of their dad. I say this with all the love. I grew up in an addicts home. I watched the behaviors, I saw the slow down hill but that’s my earliest memories as a kid and I often wish I’d lived anywhere else. Do the right thing (and the hard thing) and step away. Move back in with your family and give him a solid amount of time to get his shit together while you focus on taking care of your babies. Don’t let him cone back within a month. He needs to make real progress. You can’t force him and staying there will never help things get better. Especially for the children. I seriously wish you the best if luck. It’s a hard situation. :heart:

My husband was like that and I took my two little ones and left and told him I would not come back until he got help and quit. He did because our kids and myself meant more to him the the drinking. :pray:

He hasn’t been sober long enough to have symptoms of withdrawal. He’ll have them I’m sure of it. You’ve come up with every excuse in the book and you are definitely enabling him. Everytime you attempted to draw the line he just walked over it. What are you going to do when the doctors say, “might as well let him drink, there’s nothing we can do for him anymore anyway.” He’ll be dying in a hospital bed of cirrhosis of the liver and then who will provide for you and your kids?

I’d say get rehab or get out.

Sounds like he may have an underlying medical/mental condition that he’s trying to self medicate for. Maybe therapy ? And sorry in advance; I have not read previous comments.

Can you go to therapy without him?

He’s an alcoholic and it will get worse and when he’s telling you he will shoot himself or that you depend on him that is emotional abuse towards you. So is many of the other stuff he says to you. You are obviously very unhappy or you wouldn’t of posted all this on here. Please think about leaving and making s better life for you and your kids. I just watched my daughter stay in a relationship like this for 4 years, she has 2 kids 13 months apart and it was very sad knowing this was happening, it did affect my grandkids and they are so much happier now that she left!

Matt N Tabitha Hodge congrats to you!!!

Sounds like you need a good group to get i,to… There are all kinds of groups out there who can help you… You need to take the first step, don’ t let it be your last…

You already told him to choose. And he strait up told you he chooses the alcohol. I think that’s your answer. He doesn’t want to stop and won’t.


Matt N Tabitha Hodge As an addict in recovery as well, I second this.

I’m in Kansas too and you can have him committed you’re his wife but thing with that is he can just sign himself out but if you take it to a judge (legal aid office can help you in the right direction) and they can order him to seek treatment and honestly in personal experiences most being recently with my brother in law it wont matter if he goes if he dont want to it wont last he has to have the want to or you’re pretty much wasting you’re breath addiction is one of the hardest things to watch someone you love go through it’s sad but truth is honey if he dont wanna quit drinking he wont until something clicks within him and he wants to

Did he drink when you married him? For me my SO drinking wasn’t a problem for me. My marriage was much worse with drugs, women and all that my SO was a piece of cake. He was drinking when I met him. Was not mean at all. He knew when to stop drinking each night tho. Don’t give ultimatums unless you are ready to follow through. He sounds like a sloppy/yuck drunk. How about he cleans up his mess instead of you? An entire fifth is allot of alcohol!! Surprised he hasn’t been hospitalized by now. Blood work might scare him straight?? He works everyday so functioning alcoholic they call it. But maybe just tell his doctor he needs an annual check up with blood work. Dr’s office can send a letter for him to come in.

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I’m completely with you. My husband is fantastic. But he drinks. And he’s not mean, he always comes home, he would never cheat on me. But I don’t like him when he’s drunk. I don’t want my boys around it. I don’t know what to do either. I literally just gone done fighting with him again. I’m at a loss too but I understand exactly where you’re coming from.

I hate when all the Yw answers are to leave. This is a man you obviously love. I don’t know the answer. But I don’t feel like leaving someone is always the answer. That’s still the father of your children who will still have the problem that they will have to deal with. I pray an answer is found somewhere in all the comments that help your family beat this.

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I was once in an abusive relationship when I was younger and I kept making excuses for him. (He loves me, it’s just we argue because I make him upset) that was my favorite line. if it’s one thing I’ve learned it’s people don’t change they only get a little better. You have to be selfish and do what’s best for you and your kids. No matter how many people tell you what to do you won’t listen unless you really make a decision. Doing the same thing gives you the same results, only change gives you a different result. You need CHANGE. You need to put you and your kids first otherwise you will waste your whole life being miserable. God bless you I hope God blesses you with the courage to make the right decision and that you realize just how strong you are. And remember you won’t be the first or the last mom who has gone through a separation and is no longer with the kids father.

Sounds like the first 10 yrs of my 1st marriage. Not. The life for me. Divorced. Stayed single until my children were grow . Sec marriage, married a non drinker or smoker. Much better life.

Joy Scott she doesn’t necessarily need to leave forever, but it’s sure the quickest way to show she means business. Maybe that will help him to make the choice to change. Maybe it won’t. But staying is doing nothing but making her miserable. And eventually she’ll hate him and leave anyway. She doesn’t have many other options here. He’s to the point of starting sex while she sleeps? If they weren’t married everyone would be calling that what it really is…


All of what you said will become your children’s normal. One (or both) may grow to behave this way. One (or both) may tolerate this behavior from their significant other.

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Leave. He chooses the alcohol over you, he told you that. Apply for low income housing and daycare and in the meantime get ahold of family.

Find an AlAnon group, online or up front and personal, and do it soon. Sending prayers and hugs.

Jenni Marshall your allowed to have your opinion. My point is there is no easy answer. And that everyone’s advice is always to leave. It doesn’t fix it. The problem is still there. I was simply hoping that they could fix it and beat it and a family could stay intact. Maybe leaving is the answer I never said it wasn’t or it was.

Life is way to short.

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I was in same situation but didn’t have kids with him but he was not nice when he drank. I was dependent on him but I left him and at that point I relised I had lost everything my storage unit he was paying for he never payed But it left him best thing I done even though I had nothing 4 years on I have a lovely house again and a great life. If u leave him u will be skint probably in temporary accommodation but have your kids and no stress trust me all he dose to u will mess with your head and will get u down. Best thing I done was leave him. From bottom of my heart good luck in what u do

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I understand last night I left my husband of 9 years I moved out of a house we just bought a year ago. It’s hard I can’t even talk to him right now cuz I’ll just go back and things won’t change. Yes he was a drinker when we got married but it was this bad. All I wanted was one day of not drinking or at least until we got home. He told me. He would but we get to his mom’s place and he’s wasted :unamused:. His brother had to do the work on our car cuz he passed out. When he was the only one working he’d make the same excuses I for gave him too many time to count. So I took the kids away from him and he will not see them until he’s sober. They shouldn’t go there this. Mine r 12 and 8. See me upset :sob: Everytime they finally got used to it. I love him with every thing I have but he likes alcohol more. He’s done the quit for 3 months before but then got back in the same routine. It hurts that I left but I’m think of the kids.

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It sounds like he has a drinking problem and he needs to get help and if he chooses to not get said help then best thing for you to do is leave and file for divorce.

I’ve seen first hand what having an alcoholic family member can do my grandpa got liver cancer bc his was so bad and he continued drinking even on his death bed and my moms ex husband who was a mean drunk and once was so drunk he slept through Christmas kids remember stuff like that and it’s hard to shield them from it when it’s a close family member

Aww I feel for her . Have you tried recording him . Maybe seeing his drunken state and behaviour will help him see it from your point of view . Wishing you well :crossed_fingers:t2:

He is a alcoholic … I’m so sorry for you and your kids … he needs to stop drinking and get help… this is a decision he will have to make on his own… please put yourself and your children first … leave him … tell him you cannot live with him if he continues to drink … don’t waste your life …

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He’s an alcoholic and the best thing you can do is stop enabling him and leave or make him leave. Show him you’re serious and give him an intervention! My husband is an alcoholic too. He’s fell off the wagon a few times and then he had an affair last year while drunk. Now we’re getting a divorce. I wish I had put my foot completely down years ago. I’ve already told him he goes back to drinking and I will fight for sole custody of our daughter. He knows I’m serious now. Don’t wait! Don’t be a yo-yo. You have to protect those children and yourself. Emotional abuse is just as bad as physical cause it wears you down mentally and physically. I grew up in an alcoholic family too, so please don’t let your kids grow up that way. It increases their chances of becoming alcoholics too. Get help for you!!!:heart:


Think of the example he will be showing those kids. Its not a life style you want to raise kids in. Been there, done that. It only gets worse. Be brave. I’m sure there is more support for you out there than you realize. Honestly it will be ine of the hardest things you do, but you will make it. I did. I’m so much better off now. Found a man who truly loves me and is there for me and my daughter. Life became so much easier and her memories of her childhood us better for it.

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Have you tried filming him while he’s drunk to show him what he does how he acts around you the peeing on the floor the throwing up all over the toilet show him these things show him how he is he’s thinking he’s one way a camera doesn’t lie show him what he is really like it might make a difference if not you need to talk to some of the women shelter or the social services because do you really want your children growing up seeing this thinking this is how life is you’ve got to seek a way out

Sweetie, reach out to a woman’s shelter. You can not give him ultimatums and then not follow through with the consequences. By allowing this behavior, it shows him he can do whatever. He’s trying to control you with the self harm threats. I really believe you should try a separation or something. You should get away. Give yourself 3 months. At least. You are a strong woman. Have faith in yourself. If you can’t do it for you then do it for your children. They don’t need to grow up thinking this is acceptable behavior. It’s a 50/50 on them growing up and having similar or worse.

It’s easy for u people to just leave leave but she loves this man said he’s a good man so u got to understand it’s very hard for her this is her life she giving up I no it’s hard :broken_heart: ask God for help he surely will help u good luck n God bless

I had a moron like this. He had to have 5 cans every night and drinking constantly over the weekend. He got a silly young girl pregnant behind my back. He’s now her problem.


when he gets drunk and leaves a mess take the kid and go stay in a hotel for a night leave a note somewhere he can find it saying you want him to clean up after his drinking if he cant then he needs to slow down or stop

drinking is one think drinking and making life hard for your partner when you do is not

Hmmmm AA Meetings
And see if he’s depressed
My husband was like that that he has been on antidepressants for almost a year now
Big difference

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My mother was an alcoholic. I’ll never forget how she was when she was drunk. My dad worked out of town all week and was only home on weekends. When I was 9 she was home alone and caused our house to burn from a gas explosion. Fortunately I had just been taken to a neighbor’s house. The neighbor dropped by and saw how frunk she was and took me home with her. You and your babies are in danger whether you realize It or not. Also they will always remember how he was. Get out and get your babies away from him while they’re small. Maybe being left alone will make him get help. If not you have to do what’s best for your children. Life with a drunk is no life at all.


First of all you don’t need a drunk to make it and get out now there are places that will help you if you don’t do it for you do it for your children they don’t need to be around that praying for you

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I meant to add, my mother died in the explosion.

Personal opinion is that if he’s threatening harm on himself he needs to be Baker acted. An officer can do so on scene and he will be taken to the drunk tank/detox center at your nearest facility to be evaluated. Sometimes people who want help are scared and don’t know where to start, and doing this can help. It’s helped my situation but everyone is different

I would record him in his drunken state and show him when he’s sober and YOU lay down the law. You are his wife, you have a voice :smiling_face:

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Leave hes not going to get better I had a dad who was a alcoholic he screamed and beat me all my life you can go to a woman shelter you and your kids don’t deserve to have to live with a drunk good luck sweetie


He needs help, and you need to stop enabling him. You have to draw your line in the sand and say it is rehab, or we are through. He needs to address whatever it is that is tearing him up so bad that he cannot face life sober. Threatening self harm when he doesn’t get his way is emotional.blackmail, and that, my dear is a form of emotional abuse, so yeah, not a healthy relationship.


Come on girl , who’s fooling who here ?? He’s not sweet if he’s spitting everywhere and threatening to shoot himself because you don’t like his drinking . HE’S A BULLY !!! He only wants sex when he’s drunk ! I would’nt be letting him anywhere near me !! It’s time to admit this marriage is never going further than all the way downhill and into the sewer ! Do yourself and your kids a massive favour and show him the door !! Is this what your kids need to remember from their childhood - a drunken father . He’s not a good husband or father !!


You’re already miserable dear…lets try the child’s point of view…I was that child…my dad was binge drinker…he would go off the rail. And be gone for weeks at a time…laying drunk all round town…I used to cry because I thought he had died.there were 5 of us little girls…we lived on food stamps and help from our neighbors in small town…we all have terrible daddy issues…but mostly I resent MY MOM because she never left…she let us live crying and believing this time he may not cone home…it was a terrible childhood…please do something proactive for your child…


Candye Olney all sounds familiar to me…everybody taps about how they would love to go back to their childhood and start over…not me…I barely survived mine…

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If you don’t want to leave him and he doesn’t want to get help, what are you actually asking? He is an alcoholic and this is a toxic relationship. You are scared of the unknown which I understand but you have 2 choices; leave or stay. You have to make that decision.

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At the end, you said it all. If there’s nothing you can do and you aren’t okay with his behaviour, you’re gonna have to figure out how to make it with out him.

If he chooses liquor over you - you need to walk away and make him think about what he said. A real man would get help and keep his family together or at least try.

Personally I feel like if he’s not drinking a whole fifth every night he’s doing good. If he’s not violent, where’s the harm?

I grew up in a bar though and I’ve seen men hiding from their women so they could drink and drive home drunk. Idk I’d rather my man drink at home if he just had to drink.
Less danger and I can make sure he’s okay…

No . Sweetheart there r places to help.Get out. I do feel bad for you. I have been there. Trust me ,for your children’s future, get out.

He is a danger to you and your children and himself. What happens if you go into labor after he starts drinking for the day? He can’t be a support during your labor and your oldest child won’t be safe with him while you’re in the hospital. You need a partner. You’re a prisoner because you can’t leave your children with him. Get him out of your house. Next time he gets that drunk call the ambulance, ship him to the hospital and don’t let him come home.

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My husband used to drink every day too and has prescription meds. Honestly one day I left work early cause he left me a really scary voicemail, I came home, he was passed out, and the stove was on. The next morning he didn’t remember anything, not even calling me. I told him he needed to stop or I was leaving. It did take him a little bit to figure it out, but he did. Your husband needs help. Maybe leaving is the answer, maybe it isn’t. Maybe taking a firm action and having a trial separation will kick him into gear. Baby girl, you gotta take care of you and your babies. Good luck, love.

First off he’s a alcoholic an you need to get him help before he hurts himself or you. Get out before something bad happens that you can’t reverse. Good luck

Emotional abuse… financial abuse… control… u need to leave. If he won’t change for his kids he never will…


Sister , he’s an alcoholic , plain and simple . No matter how much you pray or plead or beg, he won’t change until he is ready .
I’ll share some photos in a few of my 53 year old father , on a vent , dieing from years of alcohol abuse that destroyed his liver . He was 1.5 years sober when he passed but the damage had already been done.

If you have children , do you want them to see this behavior as normal

My sister divorced after being married to a man 22 years. She is a hard worker her insurance had to pay for him to get a new liver because of all his drinking. He was cheating on her while she was at work. They have one child together. Because of all the Doctor bills from the liver transplant she lost her house and had to start over with an e apartment by herself. She also had to pay alimony to her husband because he wasn’t working. She was glad she divorced she is married again with a house new car and someone who treats her special. It takes time to pack and make brave choice to make a new plan for your future. He may be dead if you don’t speak up. I
Wouldn’t clean up after him let him lay in it until he sees what he is doing. Make him clean it up.


He is an alcoholic. He’s not going to get better only worse. He needs treatment . You are enabling him. Every day you stay, every drink he takes that you allow is enabling him. You have children to think about. If you don’t leave you are just as bad as him.

He won’t change unless he hits rock bottom… That’s it. When he loses everything. He’s gonna get a DUI and everything is gonna go down hill from there.

He already said he chooses the alcohol over you. And based on your story extremely abusive on top of it. Get yourself and your kids out.

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He’s an alcoholic, dear. You have to get yourself out of there. He isn’t going to get better if you stay. He has to get help. If you don’t want to do it for yourself, you have to do it for your kiddos. Growing up watching that behavior (and watching you allow this behavior) normalizes it. If you have a daughter, would you want this type of relationship for her? Want her to expect that this is how she should expect to be treated? There are places out there that can help you find a place for you and your children. And who knows - Maybe leaving is the wake up call he needs. Good luck! Thoughts and prayers are with you. TAKE BACK YOUR LIFE!!!

It’s time for u to move on. You can’t change him he has to want to. Sorry for the life u have.

Girl this is my story… I had to first go to Al-Anon meetings, only so I can LEARN how to deal with his crap…then I got to the point where I GOT SICK And TIRED and moved out. That’s when he ended up cheating on me … cuz all his friends would come party and bring others . So I say until YOU get sick and tired of his crap ain’t nothing gonna change .all his threats about harming himself is just a manipulation game. he knows that if he says it you’re not going to leave him, cuz without you he has nothing. misery loves company, he’s miserable in his own body and until he gets help there’s nothing anybody can do about it. he has to want to change.if you want you can message me and I can talk to you anytime you want I’m here I’ve been in your shoes I know what it’s like. IT SUCKS… Don’t enable him if he pukes or pisses MAKE him clean it up…it might cuz a fight but that’s ok. Stand your ground…you have kids and they don’t need to be around this or they will grow up to be like him

That is alcoholism. Plain and simple. Please, find a way to get it through his head. My father “has” to drink as well. He hides in the basement every single night for 2-3 hours drinking after working and on weekends. It created a strain on my parents marriage (28 years of this) and also strained his relationship with my brother and me. If you’re comfortable with it, suggest couples counseling? If not, maybe you could look into AA meetings to see how to handle things because they are going to get worse.

Get him out, or leave with your child! Remember verbal abuse hurts just as much a physical. Don’t let your kids learn that it’s acceptable to treat their wives like this. They will thank you one day!!