It’s hard when you love someone and want them to get help but they won’t. I went through this. I had to start putting me first. As someone with a ginormous heart this was really really hard. He wouldn’t admit he had a problem. I spent years trying to help but things turned abusive and I had to leave for me. You can leave a relationship a love and support someone from a distance. You can still a big support in his life while also putting yourself first. Have you considered therapy for yourself? Big hugs to you mama.
You can’t help him if he won’t help himself. Meanwhile, you & the rest of your family will drown, trying to keep him afloat.
The best thing you can do is take care of yourself & the kids. If that means leaving and starting over without him, then that’s what you have to do. It doesn’t mean you don’t love him. It doesn’t mean you can’t be supportive of him when he decides to make the effort to help himself. It means that you are doing what’s best for you and the kids, since he is unable to … while he’s in denial about his addiction.
He has to want the help. You can’t make anyone change unfortunately. He has to hit his bottom, which may be you leaving for a while. Good luck 
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Maybe you don’t need to leave him leave him, but tell him y’all can’t live together until he gets real help for himself and no one else. That way you can keep your relationship, still be there for him, and you get a fuckin break.
I will tell you though that if this doesn’t work out it doesn’t look good for your relationship, because the only other next step you have is actually leaving and making his drinking cost him something big. I hope it doesn’t come to that.
I am sorry, my husband drank a lot when we first got married, he would say I can quit anytime and he did for a year or so, then back at it again. I tried and tried, blamed myself, which was stupid because he drank when I MET HIM. Jesus was the only one who could make him quit. We went to a revival one night that his friend was preaching at and Jesus got ahold of him and he left his drinking problem on the alter. I Never touched a drink after that. Praise God.
You can make him do anything he isn’t ready to do. I’m an ex addict. I had to lose everything in order to decide what I wanted. Once I knew. I did it. I have been clean off drugs since Nov of 1997. Do what is best for you and your children. And he’s going to try to make you feel bad about it. Don’t listen. That’s the addiction talking. Hopefully he’ll get help so your lives are better.
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Go to Al-Anon. It’s for friends and families of alcoholics and other addicts. There are in-person and virtual meetings at all days and times.
I also recommend therapy for you. Since he’s unwilling, you need to take care of yourself and the kids.
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He needs to go to a inpatient rehab program that specializes in addicts with mental health issues.
Some states allow family members of addictd to file a petition to the court and see a judge who will determine if this person has lost the ability to make the right choices for his health and if he has issues with consumption.
I live in the state of Florida and it’s called a marchmin act. Similar to baker act but like I said it’s for drug and alcohol use and not strictly mental health issues like a baker act.
It’d about 40 dollars for the paperwork you need to fill out from the court house.
If you need me to walk you threw it a little more specifically feel free to message me. I’ve been on both sides of the process so I know exactly what to expect from not only you’re end but his aswell.
I’m a diagnosed alcoholic (binge drinking) not currently in active addiction, have been doing well for almost 2 years. My drinking destroyed all of my relationships with friends, family, and my husband. It destroyed my mental health as well and had me in and out of psych wards. I had to hit rock bottom and stay there for nearly a year before I was willing to stop.
It doesn’t matter what you or anyone else say or do, he will not quit until he’s hit a point that he is truly ready for the change.
Everyone tried everything they could to help me. It didn’t matter. I didn’t want to change and they couldn’t change my mind. Alcohol numbed the pain that I wasn’t ready to face.
I wish I had advice on helping him, but as someone that’s been there…it really is unfortunately out of your control. I hope things get better soon.
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You have to move on for yourself and your sanity!!! He’s not going to change
This is so sad, not only for him, but for you and your children. My father never drank alcohol until he got out of the war. He was a medic in Korea. God knows what he saw and experienced. My father was also a binge drinker. He could stay sober for a year and then one day he would fall off the wagon and roll his truck and be like Mr. Hyle. He was Dr. Jekyll when he was sober. So many vets started using drugs and/or alcohol to mask what they were exposed to. The alcohol is the only thing that helps him not think about what he saw when he was over there. It is true you cannot force someone to get help. That is where the dilemma lies. He would need help getting off the alcohol and therapy at the same time. Alcohol abuse is one of the hardest addictions to overcome, but people do it every day. This is what you need to understand. You cannot fix him. He has to want to get better and until he does, you do not have to stay in a toxic environment because it will destroy you. If you haven’t watched the show Intervention, then you need to watch it. It teaches you all about the disease and how it affects the whole family. You are not abandoning him. If he doesn’t choose to get help, he is doing that to himself. Give it to God and pray for him every day. God Bless you and your family. My father was an alcoholic and I have three sons who are all addicts but after years and years of addiction, they are all sober now. Recovery does happen.
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Been there delt with one it wasn’t pleasant did alot of lieing and other things he was bad my personalty changed because of him to protect myself even in other relationships. Don’t get me wrong there was good in our relationship and then was bad.
You can’t someone who doesn’t want to be helped.
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Get him on a good Vitamin B complex - often their boy craves quick sugars = alcohol OR B Complex - seriously!
It will be far less offensive to him and you can take it too!
He has to be the one to want help and sometimes that doesn’t happen until we have things that meant the most to us. Try going to some Alanon meetings. They are for people who live with alcoholics. I hope you find support there. you are in a tough spot.
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You have to leave, he has to change for himself, not for you
I have this problem before. He is a very good husband and a father to our children. He never hurt anyone, or say something mean to us when he’s drunk. He is just quiet and go to sleep. It bothers me, because I feel like sleeping next to an empty alcohol bottle. LOL. When he is not drinking, he still smells alcohol through his skin. Every time I talk to him about his drinking alcohol, he would educate me about the counts of alcohol in his drink, which I don’t care about how many percentage of alcohol in his drink. We always end up arguing about it, which I don’t like doing. I gave up talking to him about it. I let him do what he want whenever he want. But silently, I’m asking God’s help to intervene his drinking, because besides that is not good for him, is not good for our family. I don’t want our kids to grow up remembering their dad’s drinking, and maybe follow their dad’s footsteps. Then one night he was drinking, I know it wasn’t much. But he got very sick all night because of it. He lost sleeps over it. 3 nights later, he was drinking again. He got sick again. The next day he was so quiet. The next time he drinks, he was in the bathroom almost the whole night puking. That morning, he poured his alcohol in the toilet and was saying never again. That was 32 years ago. Since then, maybe he drink one can of beer a year when we have Family get together. None of our 6 children become an alcoholic. 2 of them only drink when we have family get together, but they don’t drink much to miss the fun. I don’t know how most of you guys feel about prayers and asking God for help. But to me and my family, depending God to take care of every impossible, is a big thing.
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You can’t help someone that doesn’t want help. My dad is to promise to “get better” every time he was drunk when I was little and even in my teens. I haven’t seen him now since I was 18. I’m in my 30’s. His wife will pop up once in a while and tell me how much “better” he’s doing then turn around and complain how terrible he is the next day. 
Your spouse doesn’t want help and seems to be manipulative as well (lying to the therapists and such). Cut your losses. Do what you need to do for YOUR health.
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He has to help himself first
Get a video camera with voice recorder, and tape one of his episodes, Both dtages.
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You can’t help him until he wants it.
I think you need to seperate and make it clear, he either gets it together or he can kiss his family goodbye.
His service is not an excuse. Remind him what we all learn at basic “Excuses are tools of the weak”.
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If you want to help him with his trauma from his hitch in the sandbox do it, but if you allow him to be anywhere near your children or you when he drinks then you are agreeing to disastrous dysfunction
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Unfortunately all you can do is leave him until he is ready! And be prepared for the fact that he might never be ready
I’m 8 years sober and my partner knows if I ever relapse that she is to leave me immediately!! Until I am back in rehab and sober again
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I’m a recovering alcoholic 27 years and also bipolar who suffers with ptsd and severe depression and a survivor of domestic violence.
This is what I know. Sometimes you have to walk away from the alcoholic and start over. Sometimes you along with them have to lose everything to have anything. If his drinking is effecting your mental health it is time for you to get help. You can not make him quit drinking no matter how hard you try. Only he can make himself quit and he hasn’t hit his bottom yet.
Get out for you and your childrens sake and go to a domestic violence shelter if you need to. You can start over. I did and it’s the best decision in my and my childrens life I ever did.
Also, they have Al-anon meetings that you can go to. Call the helpline and see where your closest meeting is and go.
I’ve done AA, NA, Al-anon and all three changed my life for the better. But the biggest thing was I wanted to change my life! I was sick and tired of being sick and tired.
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He needs help seriously before he hurt you the kids or himself praying he does that right thing n gets help God Bless 
As someone who has an addiction myself (alcoholism is an addiction) he will not change unless he is at ROCK BOTTOM. You would do him a favor by leaving and letting him deal with his consequences. I know it sounds easier than it is, but I promise I’m telling you the absolute truth here. Good luck
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You’ve got to believe that you are important enough to walk away from what is wrecking your mental and physical health if you want to be a responsible parent to your children.
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Get therapy for your family
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Veterans can. Get help at the veterans hospital
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Leave for your kids.
Please, as a child who had to live with an abusive alcoholic, leave.
You can’t live for your kids, yourself, and your husband.
Been in your shoes. If you need to talk message me.
You can’t help someone if they don’t want the help
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You cant help him if he doesnt want it. For the sake of your mental health you need therapy. Draw your line in the sand, if he makes no effort leave with your kids and work on you. He has to hit bottom and even then he might not change. Dont know how old your kids are but its damaging their mental health too.
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Leave there’s nothing you can do for someone that doesn’t want to help themselves honestly get out before its to late
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