Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How to help my autistic daughter understand why her dad isn't around?
When they’re old enough to ask that question, be honest with them. Tell them the truth gently. And reassure them it has nothing to do with them, it is NOT their fault in no way shape or form
Look into her eyes n if she keeps moving around control her with kind words and with the truth…
Tell the truth. That doesn’t mean you have to be mean. But trust me. I can’t stand when parents lie to their children about the other parent. They find out eventually or they know something is up. And no I’m not talking about silly little grievances. I’m talking about major stuff
Tell her the truth. It’s honestly as simple as that
The truth. Some parents aren’t made for parenting. It doesn’t mean she is unworthy of his love; he just couldn’t be who she needed him to be. Not everyone is cut out for that responsibility.
My dad was in and out of my life; sometimes I wish he had chose to stay away. I had to learn that he cared, but didn’t know how to provide, and in the hardest way possible. Some people choose to stay entirely detached. Unfortunately that leaves a child with just as many questions and only one guardian to turn to for answers. You are doing amazing. Reaching out like this is the bravest thing a mother can do, and you are doing right by her just taking this step!
What would you tell a 9 year old without Autism? The truth … plain and simple . When you speak the truth , there is nothing to remember… made up stories change over time , The truth remains the same 
i would tell her he is not capable of of caring for anyone but himself . and that is the way some people just are and that it isn’t anyone fault it is just the way his brain is wired . and that its not her fault it is just how he was created to be . and that you did not know he would be like that when u met him . and I would tell her the only one that will suffer is him . because he is missing out on her .
I told my daughter when her father was dealing with addiction and trying to make a life with his gf, after she was old enough to ask the same questions (around 4 or 5) that sometimes mommy or daddy can be sick in their brain. When that happens then it’s best they aren’t around so that no one gets hurt, or hurt feelings. That’s what is happening to daddy now, he’s not okay in his head and he needs to try to work on that himself or with his doctor so that he can get better and be a good daddy to you. If he doesn’t ever get better then he won’t be here to treat anyone else badly because of his illness but if he does come back then he’ll be the best daddy he can be for you. You only deserve the best, and daddy can’t come around us until he’s going to be his best.
Just sit some where nice quite tell her the truth what happened but mommy and daddy love you both no matter what happens we will always love you x
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How to help my autistic daughter understand why her dad isn't around?
I tell my boys
Mommy and daddy yelled to much so we are better apart . But that doesn’t mean you are loved less . We both love you but in our own way . You did nothing wrong .
I think you should be honest. Depending on her level of understanding, you should be honest with her as much as you can without giving her too many “adult” details. If she is asking you this question, she will most likely ask other family members, and eventually she will find out the truth. Better to hear it from you. Let her know that her dad loves her very much even if he is not in the picture. After telling her the truth you can also add something like “your love was so much for him, he was overwhelmed and knew you deserved better than what he could have given you”.
I had a situation similar with my boys and their biological. He hasn’t had a substantial relationship w them for over 10 yrs and they are 14 and 16 yrs old. I was completely honest w them without the “adult” details. Now they are older and when they ask I’m honest and give them my side of the story and let them know if they want his side of the story they are welcome to contact him. They do not want to speak with him. But the doors are open for them to feel free to do so.
In short, be honest as much as you can depending on her level of understanding.
(Hopes this helps) 
Just don’t lie, little to know is better when younger and when mature enough then go into details. And for real spare details because I know some of us ain’t bitter like that.
This situation is pretty common these days. Over a million kids in this country have no clue who their father is. Just tell her the truth. I’m sure she’s not the only kid at school without a dad.
You need to tell her the truth but in a way she will understand.
I just told my daughter that her dad wasn’t ready to be a daddy but that it’s okay cause she has a mommy that loves her enough for everyone in the world
Tell her you’re one of a billion types of families that could be. Some have dad’s, some don’t. Some have grandparents or just a dad, etc…
Autistic or not you keep it simple.
I found it was best to tell them the truth
There is a really good Daniel tiger episide about different types of family’s. I would watch it with her if you can then explain by focusing more on the positives and the people she does have, like grandma, grandpa, aunts , cousins, close friends, etc rather than who she doesn’t. “Some families have a mom and dad, ours has mom, grandma, aunt Jill heck even include your pets…etc…. Sending you lots of love 
Only you know the right words for her. My advice is definitely not to lie about anything, but it keep simple. When she’s older you will be able to go into more detail if you need to. What you said seems fine to me, he chose not to be a dad, you chose to be a mom.
Be truthful and blunt about it. Remember, she’s autistic. Also, don’t try to turn her against him.
I never lied to my daughter about why her father wasn’t around.
Honestly I think what you were thinking of saying is beautiful and I do believe it’s truthful as well. He did make this choice and this is life path. You stated it simple too the point why reassuring her she is loved and not badmouthing dad. Keep your head up amazing momma!!! Not easy being a single parent and answering the tough questions…
I just told mine simply that " he wasnt ready to be a dad" around 13 when she started asking. She certainly wasnt ready to know the gritty details. Mine also has a traumatic brain injury and she processed it her way. Often they understand in some capacity that it wasnt about her or you, that he made the decision for himself etc.
Tell her the truth age appropriate.
My father never stuck around. Was abusive with my mother and pushed her through a screen door when she was pregnant with me. My mom left him after that… all I got from him was a bday card when I was 3. He took care of other women’s kids before he did his own.
My mom made multiple attempts. And always told us kids the truth age appropriate every time…
Once we got old enough to understand, my mom explained better.
And I thank my mom for always being there and telling the truth.
Reassure her that it had nothing to do with her. Some people aren’t meant to be parents because of a lack of maturity and responsibility. However you explain it impress upon her that his behavior is his own and not her fault
She’ll see everything soon enough. Just keep being MOM. SHE WON’T FORGET WHO WAS THERE THROUGH IT ALL. Well wishes and strength
You can tell her in an age appropriate way. Be truthful. As she grows up and starts to understand more you can add to that. Be prepared for her at some point to want to find and meet him.
Autism usually in my experience means logic in your position I would just say every family is different some have dads and mums some have mums or just dads there is no reason for it just everybody is different if she needs more than that to make sense in her own mind I would say sometimes there is no reason for how families are set up but know I love you and that’s all any one needs someone to love them no matter what and she has you honestly with things like this I think our own anxiety can exasperate the situation from personal experience our own feelings are not that of our kids it’s natural to feel hurt for your child but in reality they don’t know what they haven’t had she is most likely asking questions because she has seen different family set ups and it has nothing to do with personal feelings
I’ve told my daughter (14 years old and diagnosed at 3 years old) the truth.
But… I do not say anything negative about her father.
I’ve explained to her how everyone is different and everyone makes different choices too.
I gave her father every ability to visit/see our daughter and after a few years he stopped visiting/calling and has completely disappeared all together.
My daughter doesn’t really ask anymore because she has a wonderful stepfather(daddy) & she loves him dearly.
Sounds like a truthful comment. There is no reason to get into grown folk details with a child.
Tell her the truth, but what ever she says tell her decide what she wants to do.
Never lie nor water down the truth to your child(ren). I was lied to as well as were my siblings about me & who my birth Dad really is. And when my Mom finally told me the truth, she never told my siblings. I was lied to for 27 years. Wasn’t confirmed until after 27+ more. Now I don’t know whether to believe that my Mom was really my birth Mom too. My entire life was based on a lie. No child deserves having to deal with the fact his or her own parent(s) (and in my case, also grandparents) lied. A single lie can erase all the trust & makes one wonder how many other lies was I told.
My daughters were in the same position and I explained it by saying “being a parent is the hardest role in the world, some people can do it and some people really struggle. Daddy decided it was too tough for him so rather than upset you by doing a bad job he left it to me to get all the cuddles etc”
Just tell her the truth
Without saying
You dad doesn’t want to see u
I was wholeheartedly honest with my young man, as I will be with his little sister. Its heartbreaking to see them like that, and he questions will keep coming. My boy asked me about his dad continously for 2 years. His dad seen him up til he was 1. Then I found out he was on drugs, so I told him he was no longer welcome at my house to be around him if he was on drugs. He brought tjem into my home 
He had the choice his son or the drugs. He chose the drugs but made me out to be the bad one. Then he came back and seen him twice before his 4th birthday, then vanished again, my son asked me to video call him, text him, ring his phone I did all of his, he would cry most days, he’s very emotional and has anxiety. It got to the point where I just said, I’m really sorry baby, I honestly don’t know why your daddy won’t come and see you. You are such a beautiful, kind, caring boy and I’m really sorry your dad won’t come to see you. Just know that I am here, I’m quite happy to be mum and dad, and have all your lovely cuddles and kisses and spend all our time together. It’s your dad who is missing out and just know I love you with every part of me. Every time he asked, tnis is what I would say. He’s 6 now and very clever, takes everything in and in any situation that arises and someone says dad or a friends dad takes his friend to school he just randomly turns around and says, I’m not bothered about my dad anymore, he can’t make the effort to come and see me, he’s not a a real daddy. It hurts me to hear him say that and know he’s thinking that way, it has been more so, since I got pregnant with his baby sister, and her dad walked away when I was 5 months pregnant, he keeps saying to me its OK mummy she has me and her other big brothers we will do the daddy things with her. I will help her cos I know what it’s like not having a daddy. My older 3 boys dad is in thier lives, and he has asked about calling him dad too, as he makes effort with my youngest, takes him out aswel as out own boys ect… I have always said you only have 2 parents, but I also said, if you feel like that’s what you should do or you want to do, then that’s up to you babe. I’ve left that his choice. He still hasn’t called him dad, but he knows he can if he wants to and he knows my older boys dad would be more than fine with that. I will do anything to keep my kids happy and I don’t believe in lying to them, as I want my kids to be honest and open with me, they deserve that respect back aswel. Sorry gone on abit, but as a single parent it is a touchy subject because it affects and hurts our babies 
but we can do it, it is painful, but just try and console them, be there for them, love them. I still message his dad, like I did when we were in a car crash to let him know what’s going on, not for his sake but for my sons. So that he knows I am trying for him. It’s not an easy situation to be in heartbreaking all round. Hope this helps. Honesty is the best way x
Id say what your thinking is good. Just keep it honest and simple without badmouthing her Dad. Even though he’s not in her life right now …you never know what the future will bring
No just be honest. My situation was the same and I’ve always been 100% honest with my son and he appreciated it xx
I did not have the same situation. But my daughter was adopted and my adoption worker told me to be honest with her about bio mom. When it came time that she was asking questions I explained to her that her bio mom (tummy mommy) just was not able to raise her so she trusted me to raise her for her. Never said bad things about her to my daughter. In her baby book i have her bio moms picture and her name and that I was blessed to be chosen to be her mom. My daughter does not have autism but she has several developmental disabilities due to bio moms choices while pregnant. But she does not know that. She asked questions every now and again about her tummy mommy. Again i know its not the same situation. But my point is to be as gentle as possible but honest with your daughter as you can.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How to help my autistic daughter understand why her dad isn't around?
I told my daughter some times kids just have mommies and some times they just have daddies. It doesn’t mean she’s any less loved and she has plenty of figures in her life (grandpas, uncles, cousins,etc) they if she ever needs dad advice or anything she can always go to them. Luckily I found an amazing bf who is her dad now and she loves him very much. Idk how your daughter would take that but it seemed to work for mine.
Be age appropriate but honest.
Tell her the truth in a way her brain can process… it was his choice to abandon her. God bless your beautiful girl
Maybe try to find a book about kids with only a mommy to help explain it to her
The truth. Her Dad has chosen to not be her dad. AND IT IS NOT HER FAULT.
Tell her that all families look different. Not all families have both parents and some have extras with step parents. Most libraries have children’s books about different types of families. Or even Amazon…?
I told my son that their are all different kind of families some only have dads some live with family/grandparents some live with their mom and some don’t even live with their family but I love him more than any mom and dad could love a kid
So my ASD son is 8 and he has never met his ‘dad’ as the idiot wasnt interested in being a dad! Anyway a few months ago me and my son were talking about families etc and it came up about dads ect and i just said ‘the person that helped me make you was someone i used to know but he wasnt ready to be a daddy so i told him that was fine and that i would give you enough love for both of us. So thats exactly what i did’ and honestly my sons reaction was ‘ok im tired can i go to bed?’ And we havent spoken about it since lol
I was always honest with my kids. I told them that he made different choices than I did and that I didn’t know why he made the choices that he did. I didn’t even know where he was until I found out that he passed away.
I’m not ready for this 
my daughter hasn’t seen her dad ever and thinks she just doesn’t have one. She’s 3 1/2 (autistic) and has a half sister who’s 6 and her dad has her every other week. I’m not ready for her to understand everyone has 2 parents but I just want to tell her I made her myself 
Try to explain it the best you can to where she can understand it.
You know your daughter best. Do not lie, but do not give the entire truth. It’s not easy being a little girl without a father…remind her that you’re there, no matter what. She will process it better as she ages… it’s just right now it’s hard. It’s the age she’s at.
If she and he haven’t seen each other since she was 4 weeks old she does not know that man and he does not that little girl…
He sounds like a winner 
I like what the person above said about finding a book
Try a making a social story about different types of families. I did this with my son who is autistic. It took about 2 weeks of doing the social story but he caught on. It difficult for our children because they’re already ‘different’ and not having their father in the picture makes it even more difficult to be ‘normal’
Shes autistic. Not dumb. Be honest.
Deaf Lord do NOT tell your child her father just abandoned her. 
You can be honest. He chose to not be daddy. Reiterate it’s not her fault but trust me, whether ppl believe it or not, she’ll think that at times. Just answer her questions and remind her she’s loved and wanted.
I was lucky enough that my husband stepped in for my son before he could remember anything. He is PDD-NOS. At first I chose to just not say anything about my ex because he was never around and I knew he’d never be. We called my hubby “dad” and left it at that. My son did eventually figure it out because his last name is different than ours. But kids are more resilient than you think. I feared that it would break his pure spirit knowing that there was someone out there that didn’t love him. But he was so so smart. He told me that if this guy hadn’t bothered with him then he shouldn’t bother either. He was 12 when he figured it out on his own. Be truthful. If asked specific details answer truthful without spite. Just tell the truth. My son has a strong relationship with my husband now. They like to talk shop about computers and have built a few together. He is 16 now.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How to help my autistic daughter understand why her dad isn't around?
I would let her know that he wasn’t ready to have a family. He didn’t leave because of her, he wasn’t ready for all it entailed.
Tell her as much of the truth that she can handle at this age. My daughter for a while wanted her dad and I to get back together. I don’t know when or if I will ever tell her that he attacked me while pregnant with her and that it’s a lot for me to talk to him just about her after that ordeal. She bows tella people my dad has issues he needs to work on separate and apart from me and my mother zz
Just tell her every family is different, some families have 2 parents and others have 1, this can happen when someone isn’t ready to be a parent
When people are sick, we may not see them for a long time. Daddy is sick right now. You are a good girl.
If you pray, maybe say a prayer together for him.
Children deserve to know a few things:
(1) they had nothing to do with causing the problem
(2) they are loved
(3) it is OK to feel sad, angry, any feeling about the situation. Feelings tell us how to protect ourselves
(4) their job is to be a child. They are not responsible for making it better.
No fantasies. Real but gentle. Child therapist would be very helpful.
Be honest autistic kids understand better then you think. I have 2 of them they understand logic better. Put it any other way it may confuse her more
It’s probably the best to explain in a straight forward way , I grew up without my biological father and due to how things were explained I grew up with loooots of misunderstandings and was worried about my mother a lot .
Maybe something a long the lines of " being a parent is a big responsibility , he wasn’t ready to be a parent . I feel so lucky that I get to be your parent , I love you so much! There are all kinds of different families , some have two parents , sone have one parent . They’re all special and wonderful in their own way "
Be truthful!!! She will under stand moor then you thank she can they are smart.
Go to a child therapist, you’re going to need help with this one.
This makes me so sad and so very angry! I’m so sorry your daughter is going through this and for you also. It’s heartbreaking, l don’t have any advise on what to say best wishes though 
Just be honest. Shes old enough for you to explain it to her but do it at her age level. And make sure she knows it wasn’t her fault that he left because kids sometimes feel guilty and that it is their fault when the other parent isn’t around.
Tell her the truth in a age appropriate manner. She will sense a lie! And her knowing as much of the truth as possible will help her find peace with him not being around.
Be truthful with her, but in a kids way, and when she because a teenager and she ask because she will probably again then be fully honest. Coming from someone who has been searching for her birth father for ten years it’s sucks that my mother didn’t tell me the truth.
Be honest tell her the truth her father don’t want her and that’s fine she is loved and wanted by you
I told my daughter. (Not autistic)
That when I found out she was growing in my tummy I was ready to be a mommy but he wasn’t ready to be a daddy so went away, and maybe 1 day he will be ready but until then I loved her enough for both of us.
Don’t burden her with the details, “Daddy’s sick” etc. Just tell her Mommy and Daddy couldn’t get along and he went away. Leave it at that.
Tell her the truth in a 9 year old way of understanding. Remind her that a daddy doesn’t mean happy family. Remind her it isn’t about what she doesn’t have it’s important what she does have!
Autistic children are very intelligent and they can sense when some one is lying to them. Tell the truth with the help of a therapist. Talk to therapist your self and let the dr know what is going on first. The dr can guide you. Take care
You should have put into place a male replacement who she would bond with…grandfather,
uncle,Sunday School teacher,etc
I’m autistic. Tell her daddy grew big really really fast where people can see but wasn’t done growing up inside his head. And he had to leave to grow up inside. Because when your little, you can’t do all the stuff that big people do. If he gets big enough, then he will come back. Lots of people look big but they are just little inside still. And some stay little inside their heads, forever. And she knows, how much time it takes to get herself bigger. So she knows he can’t help other people get big at the same time he is. And think about it, if there was another person there, when she gets caught doing something she isn’t supposed to, well she only gets in trouble once. And there’s only one parent to catch her or instrucy her to do chores and homework and remember bed time. Could she imagine if she had two big people telling her all the time all the time what to do? That’s how come kids with one parent are the luckiest kids everywhere.
Be honest after 9yrs she knows. U r doing a great job. Power to the females.
I would tell her that her daddy loves her but he doesn’t know how to love himself. He is lost and we need to pray that he can find his way through life and become the man God wants him to be. Then pray for her and pray for her daddy.
I tell my precious grandson who is now 6 and hasn’t seen his dad in 2 years that his daddy is too sick to go anywhere but he loves him- he’s asking more now
I told my son that his dad ran away because he was afraid to Dad. Thatit wasn’t his fault.
That was nice of you to give your daughters dad plenty of chances …why not have an open book n just say come visit when your ready …
Guess your gonna have to tell your daughter dad’s moved on and doing other things he will come visit when he’s ready to see us
Single mom here. My daughter is 11 now and he left when she was 8 mos and that was it. I tell her it had nothing to do with her and he and I are better apart. I don’t ruin him for her but I do tell the truth. So there is no question. Be honest, be mature and tell her you are grateful she is here with you. It’s his issue in life, not hers. She did everything correct.
Never lie becasue it will always have her questioning, wondering about him and herself.
I don’t think I can give good advise as I don’t know your daughter. I have 2 sons on the spectrum. Some of these post I really disagree with. I would consult a child psychologist.
I would tell her he was weighed in the balance and found wanting. From the Bible
Great comment simple for her to accept prayers
Tell her that he was a piece of shit.
I.like what you said.
How about “ I don’t know sweetie “
I sugar coated the hell out of the truth. “Son, your dad loves you but mommy is the one that has the means to take care of you.” And “when mommy found out she was going to have you I had to grow up really fast so I could give you the best life possible, but your dad didn’t grow up with me and never learned how to take care of other people.” Like I said I sugar coat the hell out of it because It sounds way less harsh than “your dad loves you but is addicted to drugs and blames all of his problems on other people and incapable of taking any responsibility that would be required of being a decent person, so being a parent is so far out of anything he will ever be able to do”
PRAY on it blessing and Healings for you and your daughter AMEN
Teresa Steppy maybe you could help