How to help my son at bedtime?

My son whose 3 hates bed time, and when I say hate I mean HATES! He will bang on his door with his fists, get on the floor and kick the door, if anything is in his room he will throw it at his door. He does not want to go to sleep or if he wakes up he will do it. Nothing is ever wrong with him besides him not wanting to go to sleep. I’ve tried talking with his doctors they only say to medicate him which is something we don’t agree with. My husband was medicated at age 3 for his behavior problems and my son is just like he was. He gets a movie at bed time, a snack, and water all things his occupational therapist said to do, we have a strict bed time routine nothing changes because if they did it would overwhelm him. I’m at a loss of what to do
8 Likes

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How to help my son at bedtime?

Do you close his Door when you put him in his room? Hes probably scared to death. I would never put a small child in a room alone and close the Door, hes too small for that. Put your sons bed in your room until he gets use to sleeping alone which is what my psychologist suggested for us to do.

2 Likes

A book or two together (snuggle time), limit screen time well before bedtime, that’s what worked for my family. Also lots of activity during the day to help feel tired at night, and a regular daily wake up time.

4 Likes

Make a routine and stick to it. Don’t use his bedroom for discipline it makes it worse. Do a simple to follow routine like snack, bath,books(2-3 small books),bedtime kisses and bed. That way he knows what’s going to happen every night and what order it happens in.

Start bedtime routine before he is overly tired. Cut out the movie, grab a book and read to him. Then sit beside him, lay with him, until he goes to sleep. Pat his back. Rub his head whatever he likes. Love on him. Until hes asleep.

Have you tried baby gate his door and not close it? It might be he is scared to be enclosed

1 Like

Tell him he doesn’t have to go to sleep but he has to stay in his room. Bath and a protein snack snuggle with him and leave his door open

1 Like

Give him one drop of liquid melatonin during bath time…make sure he’s already eaten bc it works pretty quickly​:hugs::white_check_mark::raised_hands:t5:
and still do all the things you said above as far as the nightly routine.
When I say one drop I mean squeeze the dropper, give him one full dropper.
You don’t have to use it every single night but it is all natural👍🏾
I’ve never tried gummies I’ve always just bought the children’s liquid form.

What was your husband diagnosed with at that age to need medication? Have you talk to a behavioral specialist or a therapist?

Is this the only behavioral issue? It could be seperation anxiety. He could be terrified of being alone. Why is your husband against medication? Did he have side effects? Or is he just mad that he couldn’t misbehave as badly as he wanted? You need to get your son to phyc. If you don’t it’s going to get worse. I’m not saying medicate. I don’t believe drugs solve all. He definitely needs therapy. His behavior is going to break you emotionally.

My son acted line bed time was boiling him in oil . My daughter went right to bed but my son just hated it . So I let him do quite things like a vary quite movie , puzzles and books . He was vary good and never got into stuff , he was happy with our comprise and stayed in bed with his books and puzzles and the movie would replay , he also could use the remote vary well . It worked for us . He is now 32 lol . He out grew the bed time thing by age 6 .

When my son wasn’t sleeping well I switched the movie to youtube meditation or sleep music. That way he still got the light from the tv and noise but it’s way less distracting than watching a movie.

1 Like

Try to pinpoint what the problem is and then its so much easier to find a solution. For example, is it separation anxiety, could it be a fear of the dark? There’s many reasons he could be having this issue.

1 Like

My son was the same way and because he never wanted to go to sleep, it caused him to stay up late and only get a few good hours of sleep a night. Getting that little sleep is so bad for their development. We started giving him a melatonin gummy 30 mons before we wanted him to go to bed and it worked amazing. He gets a full night’s sleep, we are happier and getting more rest and he wakes up in a great mood and stays that way all day. I even noticed that he listens better and had learned at a rapid pace. The sleep he is getting is just a huge improvement all the way around. Its all natural, try it, you will be so happy and no more drama for little baby.

2 Likes

My 2 year old has ADHD and anxiety problems bad when is bedtime. We tried everything and every time was bedtime she will start to sweat and just get her energy to the maximum level. She will spend 3-4 hours straight raising hell so she could not go to sleep. We found the Vic’s gummies with melatonin and that has been my bestie since then. My daughter gets about 12 hours of sleep without waking up all night and wakes up in a good mood always. I asked her pediatrician before I started with the gummies and she told me if it works than she can be on those. Rather that have prescriptions I love the gummies!

I would try reading to him instead of TV before bed. He’s mind and body need to relax and unwind. TV keeps the mind active and stimulated. TV, or any device, should be stopped/off at least an hour before bed time.

1 Like

How does he soothe himself? Rub his head? Twirl his hair? Binkie? Paci? Bottle? Soft blanket? I lay down with my littles and put them to sleep and move them to their beds. Sometimes they need love and connection and it helps them rest. I co-slept with my eldest until she was 7, but I couldn’t do that anymore. We sleep better in our own beds. Bedtime is fluid depending on the day, some days they’re more tired and others they are less tired so bedtime is usually 8-9:30pm. Sometimes a fan helps as background white noise and sometimes a song. Always after a warm bath and lotion massage a full belly and a few sips of water in a cool dark room snuggled with mama.

2 Likes

Medicating and melatonin are two different things

2 Likes

Melatonin and Mr teals it’s 3-1 shampoo and bubble bath and body wash it also has melatonin in it

Melatonin is prescription only in the uk as its classed as a medication and not a health supplement
You already have a strict bedtime routine so maybe you need to change some things on that.
Instead of TV have a quiet reading time lying beside him in his bed .
If bedtime is his only behaviour problem its probably persistence. If he also has problems during the day then its time to visit the dr for proper diagnosis…Im not a great believer in medication but it has its place and you can’t properly medicate someone till you know the diagnosis

1 Like

Melatonin for kids gummies. It’s not meds as we all have it just sometimes some people need a little extra to help them sleep. It is completely safe and not dependent

1 Like

I’m sorry you don’t agree with “medicating” because your husband was but melatonin will work. It doesn’t have to be every day. Your kid needs sleep and you have a way to help him get some. I never slept as a kid and now I have RAGING insomnia with annual sleep studies and I take 50mg melatonin to get 4 hours of sleep every night. Give him some melatonin for a few days and reset his sleeping patterns.

1 Like

I mean melatonin isn’t really medication. It’s a chemical that our bodies produce for sleep. I understand not wanting to go that route, truly. I have a son that ADHD and it’s helped him sleep great and it doesn’t have to be taken Every Day, just when he is having trouble. I was on the fence about it for a long time. His sleep was effecting his school performance and behavior. Best of luck Momma

1 Like

This isn’t even necessarily about you and your frustration, kids need sleep.
If you’ve tried all of the suggestions from your child’s ot and are still having problems it’s time to listen to your child’s doctor.
Giving your child melatonin to help them sleep isn’t the same as drugging your kid up to turn them into a zombie.

Based on the fact that your child is in occupational therapy I’m going to guess that there’s a diagnosis or suspected diagnosis in there (sensory processing disorder, autism, ADHD ECT). And you need to really understand that any of those three diagnosis can make sleep incredibly difficult which creates a very nasty cycle for your child.
My kids both have ADHD. Oldest also has autism. Youngest has SPD.
I have ADHD as well.
Sleep has ALWAYS been a struggle for me…So maybe I’m more sympathetic.
I’m 30 years old and take a Benadryl every night to be able to sleep…and even then it doesn’t guarantee I’ll sleep past 4 hours.

I didn’t want my kids to deal with insomnia the way that I’ve had to. And I definitely didn’t want them to grow up and feel as though they needed to self medicate the way that I have in the past either.

At 8. My oldest is on prescription meds to help him sleep (his sleep issues are severe) as well as ADHD meds in the daytime. He’s still my child. Honestly he’s more of “my” child on his meds than off of them. My 4 year old. my youngest gets 1mg of melatonin OR Benadryl (if his allergies are bothering him) to sleep. No daytime meds. Occasionally we’ll give him a splash of coffee which helps a ton (his ADHD is more mild like mine)
When they sleep well their behaviors during the day are much more manageable.
Same for me. If I sleep well then the daytime feels easier. It’s easier to do things that need to be done and manage myself.

3 Likes

So, I also do not agree with the use of medication, I tried for 3 yrs to get my daughter on a schedule and she acted this same way. We did bath with lavender, teeth, lay down, spray her pillow with her “magic sleep spray” (this works, deep sleep pillow spray )and read a book, and after 2 yrs of me not wanting to use any medication including melatonin, we started using it. For about a month. Long enough to establish her actual bedtime, then stopped it and she’s been going to sleep at her bedtime ever since. Melatonin only helps them fall asleep tho, not stay asleep. Also not recommended for extended use.

1 Like

All stimulating activities need to be off Atleast 1 hour before bed , TV off , lights dimmed and everyone whispering and talking softly. Maybe a non exciting bedtime story etc , you can definitely try melatonin. Eating before bed is also a way of keeping the body awake and could be keeping the brain from wanting to relax. Food should be done Atleast an hour before bed. Keep going on a routine.

3 Likes

Cut the movie and start reading or have “family time” where you guys talk about your days and what you’ll do tomorrow. As for the kicking, just pick him up and put him back in his bed every time. Eventually he will get sick of you putting him back there and he will just stay there.

1 Like

Play music or a story that he has to listen to, not watch.

No tv before bed that’s crazy an OT would recommend that.
Tv before then it must snd then a story with you then bed. As above melatonin it takes about 14 days to kick in people say

1 Like

My kids play hard all day but even more right before bed then once they are in bed they get to watch TV but never make it threw a whole show. What time is his bed time?

1 Like

All these suggestions are great. Also having him on a consistent schedule during the day will help. Same wake up/nap time. If a kid doesn’t get that nap during the day, I feel it can cause a lot of issues at bedtime. I would hold off on medication this young. Definitely no TV at night before bed. Bath & quality time Will help please don’t shut the door on him and let him cry it out and figure it out himself. That is causing more harm then good to his lil brain. When My son was younger he would fall asleep within 10 mins as long as we talked and snuggled before bed. Best of luck to you all.

This is what happens when people dont discipline their children

2 Likes

I agree no tv before bed. My daughter who is 5 will be wired if she watches TV and will try to stay up all night. We read books, play a bit, sing a goodnight song and she goes to bed.

I agree with no movie before bed time. Mine also has a fit to go to bed if she was watching something. If she was just playing with her toys or reading a story then there is no fit for bed time. Reducing her exposure to movies or any type of TV really helped with her behaviour in general as well.

If you don’t already do it, getting him ready about a hour before actual bed time can help go from fully active to calm. Bath, getting PJs on and calm things to help relax, helped my kids but they didn’t react to bedtime so bad as your child. Hope your can find a way to better help him relax at bedtime.

Maybe not use the word sleep? Maybe the word rest? My now 5 yr old hated bedtime I would tell him he didn’t NEED to go to sleep but needed to rest so that other people could sleep lol it worked pretty good

Climb in with him so he’s calm. then when he’s close to falling asleep give him a kiss and say good night. Maybe don’t close the door all the way. Let some light come in so he doesn’t feel trapped. Good luck! (My daughter was like this but would just cry and leave the room)

Why don’t you just try some Melatonin? It is all natural and will help him to relax enough to fall asleep quickly and stay asleep. My help you both!

3 Likes

I think it’s a 3 year old thing. My daughter is doing the SAME thing and she’s been a great sleeper up until about 4 months ago. It’s miserable :sleepy: I feel for you

We had to cut out any and all screen time before bed as it over stimulates my kids. 3 of my 4 kids also take melatonin to help them sleep. They get a glass of milk to take the medicine with, we read a story and they go to bed.

Maybe he’s just not tired

I always notice my daughter goes to bed easier if there isn’t tv right before bed. I’m not great at doing it 100% of the time but the best nights are the ones that I turn the tv off about 45 minutes or more before bedtime.

I also would always just place her back in bed when she would get out of bed. It took about two weeks and she rarely gets out of bed now

Have you spoken to a doctor about this. He can be having trouble when he is asleep. Maybe a sleep study wouldn’t be a bad idea but I’m not a doctor.