My daughter is 16 her boyfriend is 17 he was in a car accident the other day. He is in the hospital right now in icu he broke his neck and we found out today that he is going to more than likely be a quadriplegic for the rest of his life. Of course he is taking it really hard my daughter has been friends with him since forever they live in the same neighborhood as us. At this time my daughter is wanting to stick by him and keep their relationship going. And yes she knows how his life will drastically change. But she doesn’t know how to help him cope and make him understand that she isn’t planning on leaving him. And I know that she’s got to be having a hard time with this also and I need ideas on how to help her also.
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How to help these kids through this? - Mamas Uncut
Wife of a paraplegic who’s been paralyzed for 33 years. He was accidentally shot at 12 years old. Just being there for him will make him feel good. Be supportive. My husband works drives and has raised our 3.5 year old with no help.
Biggest thing is NEVER treat him as if he’s any different. Include him in everything. Make sure he sees she sees beyond the “chair”. He will have a tough road ahead. But he needs for sure therapy to help cope too. If this person needs advice they can always message me.
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I know it’s cliché but they have these bracelets that if you touch one the other lights up even if they’re apart. She could get those for him and they could maybe make a code. 3 taps is I love you. 2 taps is I’m not okay. Etc etc. That way he doesn’t feel so alone and they always know they’re in each other’s hearts?
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You’re daughter is a rare one. Congrats on raising a wonderful human 
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I’m so sorry that they’re having to go through this.
Be there through all the stages of his grief. He will grieve because his future is now very different from what he planned and what it “was supposed to be.” Know when he is angry, it’s not really with you but with the situation although he may take it out on you because he has to test the level of commitment.
Don’t make decisions for him. His body is injured but he has to still feel like he has control over his mind and body to make decisions for himself.
Take care of yourself because you’ll need lots of emotional and physical strength.
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Have her watch the movie 7yards
Her job really isn’t to “help him cope”- it’s simply to stand by him and go through things with him. I suggest counseling for both - separately. You honestly can’t make good life decisions at this age— when it’s going to affect the rest of your life
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If it’s possible, maybe help her find a few individuals with quadriplegia that would be willing to come with her to the hospital to visit or even FaceTime with him to help motivate and empower him? Sometimes it helps when there’s others in your situation that remind you you’re not alone.
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Such a sad story ,prayers to u all.
Stick by their side. Support is what they need. Be strong for both of them is all you can do.
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He needs to grieve. She needs to grieve. She needs to not fuss over him and make it a big deal (unless it’s what he wants). And most importantly, she needs to listen to him and what he wants. If she wants to do something because she thinks it’s helping, but he tells her it’s not, she needs to listen without being upset by it.
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Let her be by his side…if that’s where she feels she needs to be and is where her hearts at… support them…love them through it…maybe find her a support group …but love don’t just stop loving…
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I broke my neck when I was 23 years old and was told the same thing about my recovery but I am able to walk and I’m happily still married to the same man who stuck by my side through it all for 16 years now. The biggest thing is to just treat him normal. Talk to him like you always did and continue to be an open ear for your daughter and listen to her feelings too. I have 2 beautiful daughters and a wonderful group of friends and awesome family that include me in everything and don’t treat me any different. I’m very limited to some things we can do but we all just make it work and they all just treat me as one of the gang.
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That’s a tough one- she just needs to remember to allow him to do the things he can for himself- and to understand if he has anger about his situation. My brother was in an accident that left him quadriplegic- it’s a hard journey- but if he has the will to make the best of it-they can live and happy life together. Hugs to both of them. Just be supportive to her and make sure she can see him and learn more about neck injuries
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May God place His healing hands on this young man 
Keep showing up. He will push back possibly but that’s also because he’s hurting. Keep showing up. Keep loving him. He’ll see the dedication and love from you and he’ll start to believe it eventually.
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Remind her to stay in the day, be supportive and just do what she can.
Wow that’s a lot to handle. This has to be one of the hardest situations to go thru. I couldn’t imagine how devastating this is for the bf’s family…all you can is just give all your love and support…
That is some intense stuff for someone so young! Both of them! She sounds like she is amazing! And tell her all she can do is be there for him. This is a huge life change and he is going to have a hard time coping with it, as anyone would. But it’s all a process for both of them. And they have to go thru it to get to the other side!
Just take it day by day, no reason to do it any other way
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Right now, her heart is telling her that where she wants to be and we all know the heart leads us. Prayers and love sent to all involved.
Since actions speak louder than words, she just needs to prove it. Tell her to just be there for him and support him in any way that she can.
Best wishes for both of them!
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Bless her heart!!! It will take time and rehabilitation but he will be able to adapt and as long as she can support him it will help too! Just make sure she can talk to someone about her feelings and emotions so she can cope too. Sometimes it helps to have a counselor to talk to I knows it’s helped me so much!!!
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Such a long hard road ahead… but she just needs to keep being there for him… even when he doesn’t want it or it’s a hard day for both of them… just be there… I wish them all the success and support.
I think the only thing that is going to help is time. They’re going to go through of a lot of emotions and he will probably push her away a lot. But in the end, If she is there. It’ll all work out. It’s just not going to be easy.
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I strongly recommend you get your daughter into therapy. She’ll need to take care of herself first and foremost if she truly wants to help him. So sad.
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He might push back and shut everyone out, thinking he’s protecting her. She needs to understand that he may need time to himself every once in a while, but make sure to continue to push back so he knows she won’t leave his side.
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I wouldn’t give him promises at this age with everything else he’s going through. I would just be there as much as humanly possible now.
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So sad. But you seem like good people & god will lead you the right way. Praying for all of you 
Too young for a deep relationship. But can a forever friend
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It’s going to be hard and he’ll try to push her away but communication, consistency and staying faithful will eventually show him that she’s not going anywhere.
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My son is a paraplegic from a car accident. I wish he could meet someone as loving as your daughter. It will be rough but sounds like she has a good soul. Prayers for all. God Bless
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I personally know someone who is quadriplegic from this exact thing. She was also 16 or 17. Her mom cares for her and it’s literally around the clock care. Your daughter has no idea at this age what all this comes with. It’s very very hard.
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She should definitely continue to be his friend
Constant communication- all of you. He is going to go through a lot - but if they have a good support system / family/ friends together you can do it. My heart and prayers to you all my friend.
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So sad for a very young couple. Tragic.
He’s going to go through different steps in his own dealing process as she will. Have her join a support group to help herself understand how to help him, from others going through the same thing. Wishing you all the best of luck…
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All she can do is keep showing up. And my friend was a quadriplegic and after 6 months started to have movement and is now what they call an “incomplete quadriplegic” body builds and lives a normal life.
Drs from all around the world literally came to figure out how it happened. It turns out the nerves all found a way to grow and reconnect around her shredded spine. And the rest is history. I will try and find her story here for some hope. 
Vanessa Rogers | Facebook
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The hospital or rehab should have counseling available. He will go thru all the stages of grief and grieving. It can take years.
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All thry can do it’s take it day by day. You’re raising an amazing young lady!!! Most people in that situation would run. Your daughter understands commitment and that’s amazing! I definetly recommend support groups and/or counseling for the both of them. I would also have a talk with your daughter and make sure she understands what she’s committing to. It’s definetly not easy taking care of someone’s every need. I wish you all the best of luck!! 
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Sounds like you have raised one amazing daughter
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This is so sad, they both very young…All the best, stay strong
She is very young and this will absolutely take a toll on her. She can only be there for him as long as he is willing her too. He’s definitely going to push her away and he might actually need time to process. His family can step in but she doesn’t need to go away completely. She can prepare herself on how to help him. His feelings are valid and the fear he has of her leaving is realistic. Unfortunately for him he will need more help than she is able to give. She might need to see a therapist asap if she isn’t already… This is a very traumatic experience, I truly wish them well. I can’t put my words together for what I really want to say this is just so heartbreaking. I hope they can both heal!
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I have no advise. Maybe besides some counseling. But I am going to say you are raising one heck of an amazing young lady. Her heart is incredible. Sending love and prayers for all the days ahead.
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Honest communication today and always. She’s young and may well change her mind; she needs to always be kind, compassionate and honest.
I’m so sorry this is so much for her to deal with ! Prayers:heart:
There are different levels of quads. He might be able to use his arms but not his hands and then there is a lot he can do.
She will have to learn all of his care. Bowel program. How he urinates. Giving a bath, grooming, dressing. Inspecting for bed sores. Transfers bed to wheelchair or chair. Feed and fluids. Drinking plenty of water to prevent bladder infections, eating right to help bowels to move. The list goes on and on.
Time heals all wounds. It will take time and it will take action.
Each and every day that passes with her standing at his side. Is time well spent!
All my love and prayers for her and him and their future!
and kudos to your daughter for wanting to stick by him through such a hard tragic situation. As the days go by, prepare her also for the steps of emotions they will both endure . He may even try to push her away . Tell her to just keep showing him she is there , by her being there day to day. Praying for both of them
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Get her therapy to deal with an emotional needs she has. They are young and it is wonder she wants to still be there for him but she has to go to therapy because most 16/17 yr olds don’t stay together even in prime conditions. They are still growing and maturing. She needs to recognize what she wants and her goals.
As for the boy, I know a man who was paralyzed in a motorcycle accident. Motorized Wheelchair bound for over 10 years. He is walking now but it took over 12 years of therapy and conditioning. Long, slow process.
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She’s so young and circumstances change. Glad she’s there for him now.
Look up rolling with Cole & charisma!! They have videos on YouTube an Facebook!
Sending positive vibes your way
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She’s a good person to stay bye him He needs to know people care
Lots of forgiveness will be needed. It’s hard to be the “caretaker” wife/so to injured/disabled. Therapy as a couple and individual.
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Just support her. THEM!
She’s a good one. Most that young would run away from that relationship and not look back. You have a good daughter. And I agree. She’s gonna need therapy. And to go with him to his appts when he’s out and learn to care for him. She seems willing to do it.
There was a young man from our town named Joel Jackson that was in a car accident and had internal decapitation.
He and his then gf stayed together and have documented many years. Look up their story. He was even on national news from a rehab center in Florida where they were able to have their first dance that they missed at their wedding thanks to ability system.
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The hospital has theripst s
Nothing positive from Dr. Please pray and things may turn out better than what they know .
one day at a time…
Have her watch some of Cole & Charisma videos. Cole is a quadriplegic from a swimming incident that happened when he was younger. He, his, brother, and his parents all talk about the day it happened and his journey through it.
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Seek God for direction.
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Check out roll with cole and charisma on YouTube.
Actions mean more than words, I’d recommend her to show him she’s there for him by being around as much as possible. Be willing to learn to use things like suctions and mouth care, eye care etc. encourage her to learn to help turn him and learn why it’s important (to prevent bed sores etc). Learn to monitor vitals and learn about bowel routines. Etc. this would be the best way to support him with love 
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She’s an amazing soul! She’s going to have alot of emotional moments just as he will. You just have to be there and support then both. Just make sure she knows that if there are things she wants to talk about as what happened is very traumatic your there. If need be there are many people she can talk to. As for him it might take a little while for him to know in his heart that she doesn’t have any thought of leaving. He’s going through so much right now. He probably has alot of situations and thought passing through his mind. He will see when she continues to be there, all she can do for now is reassure.
Just support her and his needs…help when you can.let her know you will be there for her in whatever instances she needs…prayers
My heart goes out to you all
Pray for him with her. Pray for them solo and ask God for wisdom on how to help them. Also, have her Pray with him. God can do a miracle and what an amazing testimony that would be.
It’s unfortunately probably always going to be in the back of his head… and all she can do is unfortunately stick by and prove him wrong by staying, no matter how hard it gets. It’s just a very unfortunate situation for 2 people who are so young. I hope he can get past this feeling and learn to live a different happy life still with her if she decides to stick with him. You have an amazing daughter, and he may be angry remind her it’s not at her, he’s probably angry with himself he can’t do all he wanted to with her the way he imagined. I can’t even imagine how he must feel. Maybe seek a therapist for them both to go to together to help them through this?
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Just support them, and tell her just be there for him, whether he is talking to her or not. Being there is honestly the best thing. Once he accepts what is happening it will get a little easier. Just no giving up.
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Tell her just never give up .
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She should just be there for him as long it is right for her. Starting today, then tomorrow, then maybe next week. Future decisions will come when it is time. I know a couple that early in their young marriage he became a quadriplegic. They still have a lasting loving relationship!
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My cousin was 19 years old when he became a quadriplegic and then he went to college and became an engineer where he worked for Boeing for 25 years, couple years after getting out of college he got married they had children and he was in the Paralympics as a swimmer. Water and snow skiing Bi /Mono skiing is a whole lot of fun for quads and Paras
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This is going to be a huge change for him. I love that she wants to be there for him and she can show that easier than it is to simply say that. However, she needs to have an honest conversation with herself about what she truly wants out of life. To truly think about her goals and her dreams because they are just as important (if not more important) than her boyfriend. It’s tragic what happened to him and again I love that she wants to be there with him. I just hope she doesn’t lose herself in the process. 
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I know it’s a difficult concept to understand at 16 but… Try to explain to her that he needs time to grieve the loss of his life as he knew it. All she can do it be there when he needs a friend and listen when he’s ready to open up.
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This couple is amazing
Sending prayers 
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When I was 16, I was in a car accident where my life forever changed… I have traumatic brain injury . It’s a lot to go through at 16. Be there for them. And just love them. Praying for you
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Just be there for her to listen. Support her and him. Don’t give advice on how hard it’s going to be, that isn’t going to matter to either of them. They will have to grow and learn as each day comes. Just help her help him by being there for the tears and hardships to come.
The only thing that will show him that she’s not leaving is her not leaving. You just support those kids and help them anyway they can. You raised a good child. 
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Your daughter sounds like a sweet girl, they will both likely have really HARD days. All you can do, is be an ear and shoulder when needed and be there for them. Praying for a miracle for this young man
Let God be in control all you can do is love and support whatever she needs
Prayers for healing and strength God bless
She has to show up. Even when he pushes her away & gets cruel. Show up. He may get really cruel & hateful due to his anger. Show him his life isn’t over, even if it feels like it. There’s always studies & assistance to help have a full life, in a different way.
He will need therapy to adjust.
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We’ve been there. They can message us anytime Zac Wolfe Adaptive Outdoorz Brittney Wolfe
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Awe… so sad. What a tragedy. Let nature run its course. I do know a couple that had same situation. The woman was paralyzed, high school sweethearts. They got married and have a kid now. It’s to early to tell the extent of the injuries. Let their love continue and be there for support.
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16 and 17 is still so young and this situation would be difficult even for married adults to process. I pray for a miracle for this young man but maybe in the process your daughter and her boyfriend take it one day at a time. So much will change, so much to process and on top of physical struggles will come emotional ones. Praying for strength, love and guidance for both of these young humans and families involved 
Get her right into counseling.
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She just needs to be open and honest and have a heart to heart conversation.
Please update when you can 
this is so sad and we’re all praying for them!
Therapy is truly the only way for his to manage what’s he’s about to go through . Also I applaud her for not be a fair weathered friend. She herself should also see therapy so she can fully express and learn what all this means in the long run.
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Just let it play out. She’s 16. Be there for her if she needs you. It is traumatic for everyone.
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he needs therapy & so does your daughter. Their relationship won’t be the same, but as long as she still is his friend, that is what counts
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Your daughter sounds like a wonderful lady…Not child…let her follow her heart…May God heal give strength and give support to you all…It’s going to be hard if need therapy do it bc it helps out more than you think.please keep us updated…prayers to you all God Bless
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When I was a little bit younger than her, my ex was in a motorbike accident. I seen it happen. He was in intensive care for a while and had a brain injury along with other injuries. It was really hard. I tried to stick by him I put everything into it but it just didn’t work out, the affects of his brain injury just caused him to be nasty and eventually I couldn’t take it anymore even though I knew it wasn’t his fault. The best thing you can do is just let her know you will be there. Always offer support. I hope it works out for them. Xx
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Perhaps she with his friends or family can help get up a go fund me. Hes gonna need care. Bills and equiptment as well as therapy.
She can show she knows whats in store for the long term.
He will be angry and push her and everyone away as he wont believe people are there.
Time to adjust will help. Time to show what real friendship is all about. And the rest if its meant to be will fall in place. Its not going be easy thou. She has stand her ground against the odds and will need that extra love and support.
Xx
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Get involved with group support, get involved with his Rehab facility when time comes. Talk with others going through or having been through the same thing. Find out what resources will be available to him. SSI, Medicaide, state support, rehab support, home aide devices for all aspects of daily living. Housing that has open roll in shower and other features set up to allow person to roll up to and all around in a home will keep him independent as much as possible. The less dependant on her or others the less emotional issues for him and her. Less guilt for opportunities they may think are lost!
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His adults should be getting him therapy on top of the medical things they will need to learn for his care. For your daughter she needs therapy too to help her figure out her role in this situation. This is going to be hard for everyone involved so prayers/good vibes/whatever y’all need!
She should be a faithful friend but not make lifelong promises at this young age. She is basically still a child.
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I would suggest reaching out to groups online or in person with people dealing with similar circumstances for both your daughter and her boyfriend
First prayers for you all with this difficult time. It will be tough on everyone involved.
Follow and watch this page. It will help her know what’s happening and how to help.
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