I’ve been wanting to leave my fiance. But we have a son together and i have no job , no home and no car bc he will keep the car he bought me. He works all the time but I stay at home and do everything , cook ,clean ,wash his clothes , take care of the baby. I don’t complain either bc he works all day but he just makes me feel so bad about myself and makes me feel bad Because I don’t bring in money but I have no one to watch our son because he says it’s my responsibility to find a sitter and when I do he says he doesn’t want his son going to a stranger so I told him to watch him and he won’t. I don’t know how else to work if he won’t watch him. I don’t have money to pay a sitter so with him not wanting him to go to a stranger he wouldn’t pay for the sitter. He says I’m lazy and I’m never going to be anything . I just don’t know what to do
You staying home, caring for your son and keeping the house is not your job, but it does save you guys a ton of money without paying a dayhome or daycare. I feel like a horrible wife all the time cause my husband works long hours, works away 2-4 weeks at a time. Its lonely. It sucks but it’s good for our ba n account if I stay home with our kids (we have 3 kids). Find yourself a hobby! Find a friend who can watch your son sometimes and go do something for YOU! I’m going through this after a move across the country where I dont know no one. No friends and none of my family is here. If you need to talk, feel free to message me
Ugh this sounds confusing. He wants you to work but won’t help with your mutual child? Does he realize it’s his kid too? This guys sounds dumb
Is there a housing assistance available to you? There shud be womens shelters that can help assist you. That is physiological abuse and can lead to anxiety and depression if it hasnt already. Please find help. I know u may feel trapped but u do have options
Try finding a job you can do from home!? Or find a job somewhere that you can take your son with you: a daycare center? YMCA? So you can earn money, gain some Independence and maybe find a way to move on from what sounds like an abusive relationship! Best of luck to you girl❤️
Go stay with friend or family. Screw him, he’ll never change, I promise you that
I feel you, I found a job opposite to his schedule like he works from 8 to 5 and I work from 6pm to 3am… I still cook clean and take care of my son, I leave food for them to have dinner he cleans up, washes the dishes, showers my baby and puts him to bed but he never made me feel bad about my self not working, I decided to work after almost 3 yrs staying home and I dont have to pay anybody to watch him
You should speak to a divorce lawyer. You can usually speak to one for free. You have more options than you think you do. If you and your husband split up, he just can’t take the car or anything else because he works and you don’t. I was in your situation a few years ago and you do have options. Talk to a lawyer, and maybe get in touch with a women’s organization that helps battered women. It’s sounds like your husband is verbally abusive, and these organizations for abused women can help you get your life on track if your marriage ends.
This is abuse and control, have you considered a shelter for moms and babies? They should help you with a lot. Good luck!
I would leave. Is the car in your name? I hope so, cause then he cannot keep it. Doesn’t matter who bought it, it’s the name on the title that matters. Call government assistance & see what you need to do for housing. Get your own place that way. Sign up for food stamps, state insurance, & cash assistance. Anything you are eligible for sign up for. Then you can get your son in daycare (also can get help) and start building a life. You can get away from him. He is trying to make it seem like you are stuck, you are not! Make moves!
I’ve been the stay at home mom and now the single mom too. If your really not happy find a job and a siter and leave. But i honestly loved being a stay at home mom. Yes its a lot of work and your job never ends but that’s also part of being a mom not just a stay at home one
Ask family to help, you need out of there…hes not treating you right and making you take care of both y’all responsibilities. He sounds like a real loser, making you feel that way.
I’m going through the same exact thing at the moment its not easy but let me tell you something a mothers job as a stay at home mom is more physical than any other job out there plus there is more rewards and benefits of being the mommy who stays home. Maybe have a firm sit down convo between the two of you and let him know EXACTLY how you feel and what’s going your dealing with than if he still doesn’t want to change anything leave his sorry ass for not being there for you and your child like he should be.
A man that wants to marry you has said you will never be anything. Red flag.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. Your feelings are valid. You deserve a life and whatever it is that you need to feel fulfilled. I would reach out on facebook and to family if possible about needing a car, job and sitter. Or maybe you can stay with somebody you trust until you find a car
I work at YMCA and can take my kid to work with me. Some other gyms will let you as well. Look for something like that.
If car is in your name you can take it. Find a shelter or start babysitting at hime and stash money from that so you can get your place.
Get out. They have shelters for battered woman that will help you get on your feet. Job, sitter, a place to live. He sounds like douche bag. I’d make sure that title to the car was in my name. It was a gift to you. You can do with it as you please. Get the title and find your way to the DMV.
It’s not about your baby, it’s about him being a frightened, probably depressed, emotionally unstable individual who is looking for somebody to control. Get out NOW. Your baby deserves more than an abused, always apologizing “fiancee” for a mother 10 years from now. You got your precious child from a piece of crap, so it’s up to you to do two parents’ job to care for him. Get to work, starting with a new home, new job, new attitude. It doesn’t take a college degree, nursing homes are always hiring.
Major control freak warning bells here!!! He is not a healthy choice, get out and away from that situation as soon as possible. If all you are to him is a designated babysitter and the car he “bought for you?” instead of the “family car?” Evacuate girl… it’s over before it even got started.
Find family to stay with or a friend and get your ass out of there. Staying because of your son isn’t doing your son a favor. Trust me, I have been there.
Leave. Just leave, because it’s not going to get any better.
1st off and I know this isn’t the point but it isn’t just your responsibility to find a sitter. If he wants a say in who the Baby is left with, tell him to get off his ass and help you find one. 2nd Leave his dumb ass this is mental and emotional abuse. Do you have family or friends you can stay with til you can get ion your feet.
He’s emotionally and verbally abusing you. If that’s what you’re interested in staying with then make it work… but if you are dead set on reasons go for child support for the child & daycare and get a job!
Save up money and hide it well. I knew someone like that. They are only interested in themselves? You don-t count for nothing right. Well just keep up what you have to do a save your money. Then you can catch a bus to someplace, anywhere. Then when you get the call the abuse hot line and tell them your story. But be careful they might have to call “him”. Would your mom give you money to save. Save your self before he gets the hammer out. Yeah. He will kill you if you go against him. Just be careful. Your marriage is one sided. Get it
It’s because he doesn’t want you to leave. He’s set you up to be trapped.
Leave him and let him figure out a sitter. Dick.
Do you not have family from either side that you can have watch the baby?
If the car is is in your name or even both of your names for that matter you can take. He sounds controlling like he’s intentionally trying to keep you down to keep his power over you if you have family available leave and go stay with them. I understand how scary the unknown can be i did this 6 year’s ago and it was the best decision I ever made in the end
Sounds controlling! Get out now before your child becomes that way.
Seems controlling of the situation n manipulating you n making you feel bad ;”( I’d go to relative r friends n do what’s positive for you n child !!
You can move in with family to have have someone watch him while you go find a job there’s also employed Florida that can help you with getting a job and you wouldn’t have to deal with your guy anymore or c him and also don’t let him talk to you like that and remember your doing everything right for yourself and your son not for him anymore
I went through same thing. Get back into school and save your money. My ex was abusive and made me stay home.
That’s a sign of abuse mama. Get yourself out of there. Do you have a United way in your area? If you do you can call them and they can direct you to a shelter. These shelters are amazing at helping you get on your feet.
Move back in with family if you can. For the next year it will be a huge struggle. But eventually you will be free. Hang in there.
The truth is he’s not going to change that attitude. He’s not going to start respecting you now. Maybe when you leave he will do anything to prove he loves you. Don’t listen to it. This is abusive behaviors and it gets worse. I had to force myself to leave my ex while still madly in love with him. You have to think about what does your child see when he’s being disrespectful to you.
Its not about baby when ur life is being berbally abused…work an opposite shift.get on assistance and move out.i know they help with homes. Cars food and cash.also schools and pay for daycare if u find a small job
All he is doing is grooming you to feel no self worth. Then he’ll get you down enough about yourself you’ll start believing that you can’t be without him. That’s verbal abuse at its finest. Remember the woman prior to meeting him? Get back to her. Love yourself enough to know this isn’t what you deserve.
Is there anyone in your family you can take you and your child to? I personally would contact a local womans shelter if no family. That’s what I did with two babies and started my life from there. It wad hard at first, but worth it. That man is mentally messing with you. Needs to stop!
I’m in the exact same boat with 3 kids and married to him for 13 years. My biggest problem is he moved us 1000 miles away from any family and I have no support to leave. Every day is hell. Get out while you can he will never change, you deserve so much more. I wish you the best of luck
GET OUT! I knew someone like this and the woman is now very successful and happy. The hardest part is leaving tho but u got this.
Leave ASAP before the unthinkable happens
It is an abuse mama. Contact a woman’s shelter. I know shelters seem scary or more for homeless people but they will get you in a home and help find a job and transportation. Dont tell him you called them or your leaving him. He might take the next step and start smacking you or your child. Get out now before its too late
Leave his ass away you can always get help
You get a job opposite shift of him and you walk out the door. He will watch the baby I promise… he won’t have a choice
Move in with family or apply for housing or maybe a women’s shelter. Once u find a job apple for child care help, also food stamps.
You not lazy and you already are something your a mother to your baby. That is the most important job in the world. There’s nothing stopping u going back to college or whatever it is u want to do but don’t ever let him tell u your lazy there is nothing lazy about being a full time mum. Even more so when u do his washing n stuff too. I got my hair dressing qualification last year I did that with a 5 year old and pregnant with spd most of the year. It was hard but I did it. Now I’m set for life and can when I choose go back to work and begin my career. U can do it n don’t ever let anyone tell u any different xxx
Sara, it is her fiance. Would it be different for a lawyer? What about ‘Legal Zoom’ ? It is free.
Do you not have friends or family that can help you till you got on your feet?? Also you are working the hardest job in the world by taking care of your son and your home. You can’t put a price on that !! If you have no friends or family that can let you stay with them till you get on your feet apply for assistance and once your on your feet get off of it and live a happy life as you deserve! And for the love of life don’t marry him !!! Sell the ring and hide the money your going to need it!!
Find a way to get out of there NOW! After managing the household with all the tasks you say you are responsible for and caring for a child who belongs to BOTH of you without help from him, ON TOP OF him telling you YOU are the lazy one, let me just say, he lacks, among other things, empathy and respect for you. That is not love. You will always feel bad about yourself with this guy; and I’ll bet he wants it this way.
Stephanie you are a gem!! Wonderful idea for her!!
Start working from home I see so many moms getting up an actually doing something about it
I was in your situation. I was with a man who controlled all the money didn’t want me to work but at same time made me feel bad about being at home. It’s called abuse. Financial and emotional. Get out as soon as you can. Mine turned physical also he cheated on me. Long story short I went back to school got a job and he was arrested for abuse and I never went back. Get out now before it gets worse. Good luck
There literally hundreds of Stay at home jobs you just gotta be willing to do it an work for it if you want a change
You need to get the hell out that’s what we call mental and maybe some verbal abuse you can still seek the abuse shelters for this do you have family that you could stay with but if not I would seek out a shelter they can help with a lot of things
He’s being manipulative and abusive, it’s time for you to go. You and your baby deserve better. Stay with family or friends if you have to, go to a shelter, etc.
That’s abuse btw… seek help from a women’s shelter… look for work in the meantime. Ask if any family or friends nearby can help the first few weeks at new job and u pay them once u get paid. If not… just move… this is what cash aid and welfare is for… for people who need it to get on their feet… they offer cash aid… housing assistance, and job training… even subsidized or free childcare while you complete a work program. Was a teen single mom… used it to get on my feet… now financially independent with my children and husband. U can do this… dont be discouraged… be prepared to struggle but dont let it get you down. Come up with a game plan… budget extremely tight to stash some money if you can. Seek out therapy or help… there are resources.
Ive been there but married! I got out last year. If you stick your mind to it, you will be able to do it.
Is your name on the car?
Thats his way of control.
You need to get out. There are red flags everywhere. This is emotional abuse. Do you have a family member or friend you could stay with until you’re able to get back on your feet? You can reach out to a women’s shelter.
He is controlling you. It will get worse if you stay. Get out while you can, please.
Pack up as much as you can and go to a member of your family. If not possible contact a victim hostel and they will take you in and keep you safe. Mental abuse which you are on the receiving end of is abuse. Get out before it escalates xx
Contact a womens shelter for domestic violence. They will.help you gwt out and help you be successful.
Get a job when he is home you leave
What an asshole narcissist you have there. Go ahead and get out now. You might think it will be too hard but when you see how much happier you are within a month, you’ll never look back
You believe i God ?
Do you have even a lil faith that he loves you and will see you through ?
Then pray , ask what to do ?
Mak a plan walk out on faith even if that means going to a shelter.
Find one to fit your needs.
Now your baby’s young so you may not be able to go to work reaway.
But it a start, prau, claim victory over this situation.
To trll the truth …
You are not married so your free to do whatever you want.
Build uour hopeson things enternal and God is eternal.
You can see if you qualify for state paid daycare. That is how I work and my daughter is in it
Leave while you can and go stay with family if you can
That sounds like my father. I would get out now! He’s trying to make you feel trapped. He doesn’t want you to leave because he needs you so he can make himself feel better about himself when he belittles you. He’ll be all alone when you leave. I’m a stay at home mother and my fiancé would never say those words to me, he comes home and he helps me and he gives me compliments and thanks me for doing his laundry and cleaning the house. If we ever broke up he said I could keep the house and the dogs and the car. He wouldn’t hurt our babies or I like that. That is how your supposed to be treated. Is there any family by you that would help? If not I’m sorry ): I would go to a family shelter call dshs ask for help tell them your in danger. They will help you. Prayers
If the car is in your name take it and leave…he can’t take it back
Try Sykes. It’s a work from home job
Try Sykes. It’s a work from home job
How about a day care worker where you can take your child with you?
Never feel bad. The job of a Mom is a thankless one, but one that is just as or more important than the job of any high paid professional in any line of work. And, not many men could handle it.
To start getting out of that cycle and gain independence having your own income even a little bit at first will help. To earn money even doing surveys online can bring in something and you don’t need a lot of time.
You should leave. Or have a serious talk with him about you leaving. Do uou have any family who can help babysit?
Man has to make up his mind
And you definitely should leave
See if your family will help and start from there
Good luck mama
This baby you have was made by the both of you . Just because he works doesnt mean hes not responsible to help take care of him . 25 years of domestic violence for me . Believe me . If your already doing it on your own … you dont need him . There is always help. I had smadhed in face and injuries that will never heal . I walked . Took my two children and my dog . Nothing else . I felt so empowered . Your living without luv . Its you that allows him to keep going . Its his problem . Dont teach your son the same thing . Teach him to respect women . You are his teacher . Stay luvey .