If you have kids together itâll be harder to leave the state. Whatâs the reason you keep going back? Being single & supporting yourself / your kids should give you confidence. Being independent should help. Set boundaries with him, only talk when itâs about the kids. When he drops them off donât have him come in, & do the same when you drop them off. Itâs hard when someone wonât let you go, but do whatever boundaries you can to show him youâre serious. If he still continues to do things then take it to court & see if the judge can help mediate
If itâs bad your unhappy leave. People will say itâs harder when have kids yes but it will only get better once the hard part over. Iv done it two times. And sometimes you just have too. But itâs also how strong you can be. And know your self worth and whatâs right for everyone.
No communication for a while and then when you do make it strickly about the children⌠The only thing that worked for me. Then when I finally found my happiness and peace within myself I refused to ever imagine going to that place with him.
Just keep dot pointing all the disgusting things he did to you that made you feel like you are worthless and how U let yourself want what he offers will disappear⌠you realise you deserve better and it becomes easier
No one can give you a simple do this or do that answer only you have the power to leave, your clearly aware its a unhealthy toxic situation. Think of your children.
A restraining order, and make sure you enforce it. Go to court and get child support. If you do things that way,he will have to leave you alone.
I returned to my husband 3 times before I left properly. Its hard when you love someone but sometimes its good for them too. He sorted himself out. Stopped drinking ( the cause of the violence ) and we got back together after 3 years apart .
We had a child so saw each other regularly. Yes I still loved him and it was hardâŚbut it taught him lessons. Probably saved his lifeâŚand made me a stronger person who dealt with his shit very differently when we got back together.
Make plans and leave.
Therapy! Find a good counselor, and go, as often as you need to at first! I once felt this way with my childrenâs father, like no matter what he did, I forgave it because I âneededâ him. But you DONT! Therapy with a licensed therapist opened my eyes to what was really going on, and opened my eyes to how I was allowing it. Iâve gained a whole new level of power and control over my life. We did end up getting back together, and things were great for months. Now weâre in a different situation thatâs testing our strength together, but, I know that I still donât have to settle. I have it in me too walk away and move on with my life, no matter how much I love him! Find the therapist. You will be so thankful you did! 
The Holistic Psychologist. Nicole Delapera.
âHow to do the workâ Book and Podcast
Please find her work, you wonât regret
Be brave, find yourself again
I went through this myself ! Itâs hard; but you need domestic violence counselling and he needs help too ! But you need to do whatâs best for you and your kids stay strong mama; your not alone!
I left when my life was on the lineâŚ10 yrs of physical,emotional,and mental abuseâŚI did the same thing me and my kids left,spent time away from each other,got back together 2 or 3 timesâŚafter me and the kids finally left for good the truth abt his alcoholism and drug abuse and his own mental health became knownâŚif u can leave the state,do itâŚget awayâŚu already c the hold he has over u,and u kno its toxic,ur already half way there,U CAN GET AWAY!!!..
It took my x husband knocking me out and kicking our 9 month old son for me to finally leave after 7 1/2 years. Things got progressively worse and worse everytime I went back. YOU ARE NOT A BAD PERSON FOR LEAVING! You arenât giving up on him. If you really love him you need to leave and stop enabling him. Itâs going to be hard but the longer you stay away the more you will heal
Sit and write down every single time heâs ever hurt you. Once you fully grasp how toxic and unacceptable the things heâs done to you are, youâll feel so many negative feelings that you will never want to put yourself through it again . Itâs amazing how unattractive a person is once when you remove the rose colored glasses. Hope you find your freedom once and for all 
Learn your self worth.
It sounds like you have a case of âloving the devil you know instead of the angel youâve never metâ. You still love him, but you have got to love yourself first. For your sake, but more for your kidsâ sake. It wonât be easy, but when you feel yourself missing himâŚfill your soul with love and worth. You deserve better, you are worth it. Do things that make you feel good. Focus on your children. Believe that you are worthy of love and respect and youâll accept nothing less. This is the only way to move on.
It took me 3 years to stop running back 
all I can say is ⌠time⌠you will eventually seek better for yourself and now that Iâm on my own with 2 kids I couldnât be happier and it definitely reflects in my kids 
Itâs your job to protect your children. They donât deserve to live in a dangerous unstable situation. Leave for them.
For me, it took involving the police and a restraining order so he couldnât manipulate me back. I know itâs hard but itâs so worth it for you and your kids
U will keep running back until you properly had enough. Might be now might be another 6 years all depends on u
Therapy will help immensely
Wanting my children to live in a stable home and the PEACE that came with being on my own became enough for me to divorce their father after 7 years. Put you and your kids first. Talk to a professional. Good luck.
For me I had to know I was ready and I had enough. Once I left I never went back.
Write down everything he has ever done. Write at the end of it that eventually he will kill you. Read the whole thing anytime you feel like you want to go back.
My ex hubby is closet gay, he still wants to stay there a while longer. Things I went through in my marriage, no woman should go through. Physical violence, especially during pregnancy & after while Iâm holding her in my arms, then itâs the psychological, emotional, verbal & financial abuse, marital vaginal & anal rape, infidelity with 5 different women & countless men, put me out of the house at odd hours of the morning, I sometimes woke up with a carving knife against my temple & death threats, assaulted me for my own salary, manipulative to his own family, doesnât support his child, he tells his family lies about me AND last but not least, my current hubby & I saw him digging in dirtbins for food, after we found out from his street living buddies that heâs a gay male prostitute, selling his body to support his habit.
My current hubby didnât tell me he loves me, he was patient, waited, watched me go through the hurt & cared enough to show me that he loves me. He let me fall apart, be angry & hurt but he didnât just leave, he stayed & we healed each other. We put our broken pieces together & they fit perfectly.
The thing is, nobody can force you to do it. You have to be brave enough, strong enough & brazen enough to make the conscious decision to be yourself again, to live, love & laugh. You are killing yourself staying in that relationship. You are intelligent and beautiful, you are enough, you are alive, so live 
Youâre putting your kids through a lot of emotional turmoil. They need and deserve stability outside of a toxic unhealthy atmosphere. They also deserve to see relationships that are good examples for their future. Your kids should be your motivation.
Seek counseling. If heâs an addict and abusive and youâre repeatedly putting them in harms way, youâre gambling with the chance losing your children.
Iâve been there, and once I left, I never looked back. You have the strength to leave, you just need to make the choice.
Move to another state
I was in an abusive and toxic relationship on and off from the time I was 15 to 21⌠little by little my disgust for him grew. We moved away together when I was 20, the day we moved, I knew it wouldnât last. I told him, when we break up and I move home, this is it! I will never come back to you. A year later, thatâs exactly what happened. He tried to get me back, he came to my hometown and stalked me for a day and then pulled his car right up to me. I told him, you need to leave right now or I will call the police, we are done, leave me alone! Itâs been 9 years! Life has been amazing for me! Iâm in an almost 8 year relationship and we have a child together! There is life behind this relationship, you just canât see it right now!
No contact worked 4 me but we had no kids.
I had an issue like this. Just like it. I was about to move me and my 3 kids right back in with him. But this was 7 years ago. He was on drug court though. And he violated for one too many times and the day before I was to move me and our kids back in with him (I was with him for 10 years and had been broken up for 6 months) the very day before he got arrested through drug court and was sent away for 8 months. Thats what it took to break away from that toxic terrible abusive relationship. Him going to jail. I found someone else and ended up getting pregnant by complete accident and surprise and that man and are still together today over 6 years later. My ex got out after 8 months to me being pregnant by another man and he STILL tried talking me into getting an abortion or else he would never be with me again. He was terrible. He ended up stealing my car and stealing guns and going right back to prison after he was out for 3 weeks. He did 4 more years for that and I havenât looked back. I wish he would be a dad to our 3 kids but his mentality is that if him and I are not together he doesnât need to be in his kids lives. Its sad but were all better off. My kids are all better off. Iâm better off. But if he didnât go to jail I wonder how Terrible my life would be today. I often think about that. I know I wouldnât be where I am and where I am has taken me years to climb to. Sometimes its too hard to leave for good. I know. But once you do youâll question why you stayed so long. You should move. Its the only way obviously. Unless he gets arrested too. Lol
Seek help, Counseling services and go to Al-Anon meetings.
Your not in love with him.
Iâm now going through this too itâs farkin hard and they crawl back in with I miss you and I wish you didnât do this and all the crap
I did this for years with my ex. I knew it was a bad relationship. I was never happy with him. But he made me feel, idk insignificant without him. Iâm not sure thatâs the word. The constant emotional abuse made me feel like it me not him. Anyway the last time I left him I I was in a bad place emotionally. I ended up getting counseling through a DV agency. I didnât believe I was in a DV situation. A friend convinced me to try it. Itâs the best thing I ever done. With the counselorâs help I learned the control he had over me & that I wasnât wrong like he was training me brain to believe. He still tries to control my emotions years later. I donât let him. Heâs gone as far as have others bully me & my kids. I just learned that he & all his accomplices need to hurt me to feel like they have power. I wonât give it to them. I live my life knowing Iâm more successful & loved than he ever will be.
Moving out of state was big help emotionally. I have grown so much in the past 2 years that I hadnât in the 4 years since I got rid of him before. I recommend it. But if you share children keep record of his abuse. Texts, recorded calls etc. Because when you go to court either to move or just for visitation he will manipulate the judge into believing itâs all you. I was lucky enough to get a judge who saw through him. I was released of his control that the law allows men to take. You can too.
Until youâre all the way done, you will go back.
How much is enough? He obviously doesnât respect you or love or what are you running back for? Heâs not changing. There wonât be an âOh, I better shape upâ moment for him until he hits rock bottom. He doesnât have to bc you wonât let go.
Remind yourself heâs using you. He will continue to do so until youâve had enough and value yourself.
That could be now or 5yeats from now. But, until youâre ready fo stop tolerating bs, you wonât.
You have to learn to love yourself enough that you wont put up with anything less than perfect. Also your kids will model their relationships after how they sees yours. Change is scary but we dont get any where standing still. <3
I left at night with 3 kids and went to a womans shelter its been 8 years and im finally free
My children. I had a vail over my eyes that my children needed him because I was a daddyâs girl and I wanted my kids to have that too.
He wanted me and not my kids. Thatâs all he wanted. If he wasnât in my pants he treated my kids and I like garbage.
That how I did it. Now Iâm in therapy and now Iâm truly done with him and never been happier.
Just know youâre setting your kids up to allow themselves to be treated just that way.
Wonder if you were too.
Break that fking cycle now so your kids and theirs know their worth!!! Know yours 
You have to constantly remind yourself why you left.
Al-anon helped me tremendously.
If you wonât do it for yourself, do it for your kids. Tell yourself what kind of relationship would you want for your kids.
You gotta start dating other men so they can show you what a good relationship can be like
Probably not the best advice, but I canât move on unless Iâm dating other people. Even if itâs just for fun and no intentions to get in another relationship, it shows me there are good people out there and I can move on and take my time.
Iâve been where you are
He went to prison for abusing me and I still stayed. I couldnât leave. It felt IMPOSSIBLE
I belonged to him
You do WHATEVER you need to do to leave/stay away forever
I started dating an older man to occupy my time. That was 6 years ago and now weâre getting married. You have to open yourself up for someone that will make you happy.
I look back at my life and it makes me sick. He was abusive, manipulative, an addict. He chooses to stay out of our daughters life. He signed his rights away to my fiancĂŠ so he can adopt her. We can talk civil now that I donât expect anything from him.
So the answer. When it comes down to it, you just leave. It sounds simple, and itâs hard at first, but it gets easier. Going back is just opening the wound over and over. It gets harder to try to heal that wound every time you go back.
So it sounds like youâve already left. Just stay away. Do whatever it takes. For you and your babies. I promise, I prooomiseeee it gets to a point where you think âwtf was I doing?!?â
Iâm so happy.
You will be too
Think of your children. They donât need to see this and think itâs ok.
Seek help. Oh wait⌠youâre already doing that on social media. Live your life! Find your passion.
Good news is its obviously not love making you relapse, its addiction, and I personally think addiction is easier to cure because its clinical rather than ethereal, you must as a parent protect your kids from your dangerous addictions, good luck
Take it from someone who was raised by a narcissist. I prayed to god my mother would leave him she never did she still with my father till this day. My father broke my heart before any man could. I wish my mom would have realized how much damage she cost us by staying with him. I am a adult now with so many emotional problems. Please take your kids far away from him they will thank you later.
I battle this demon every single day. I left my husband 5 months ago and every night I want to text him or call him. I still love him but I know deep down heâs bad for me. He emotionally and physically abused me but itâs like thatâs what u knew for 11 years so itâs a normal feeling to me. Itâs like not being yelled at and called names is weird and I feel more anxiety about not getting treated like shit?? My therapist says this is normal. We were so used to being treated so bad that we grew immune to their behavior. Thatâs whatâs so messed up about it. We know itâs bad for us but we want it. We yearn for it because itâs in us still. We just need to break it. 
We deserve more and we are queens and this to shall passâ:smiling_face_with_three_hearts:
sending love your way
You need to stop doing this to your kids!
It is HARD. to leave and stay away from an abusive person. Its hard to think about the bad days when there are good days. But I PROMISE you, once you leave and stay gone, you will be soooo much happier! I left a horrible relationship a few months ago and I am soo much happier!! I also had a child with him and I never deal with him because he rarely asks about her. I know itâs difficult but its something you gotta force yourself to do. If you donât, things will not change. Especially if he learns that you will never truly leave.
All of the above is easier said than done. I was in an extremely toxic relationship for years, he had to almost kill me and he succeeded in killing our unborn child. So it literally took our childâs death and me basically on my deathbed, saved by the grace of God, to finally leave. Iâm not saying it will take this for you, just my experience. I would get away from him and come back to him and his manipulative ways like a stupid puppy. It was incredibly sad. Think of it like this, life or death situation. Survival mode. Survive this!!
Focus on yourself and your kids first. Always. Occupy your time with activities with your kids. Over time it will get easier. Always remind yourself why your done with him. For your kids. They want a happy mom
The only thing to do with a narcissist is grey rock. Google it and find out. It will also allow you to see him in his absolute best performances. Heâll cycle through every manipulative tool in his toolbox. Grey rock every single one and watch how fast he cycles through them.
For crying out loud as the saying goes, it doesnât take a rocket scientist to figure this one out. If anything tell him he must commit to a rehab program. I would not subject my children to anyone with problems like this dude has. Please for the love of Pete, begone this guy.
Before you try to leave again, contact your local domestic violence agency. They will help develop a safety plan for you to leave and help you get a restraining order. And contact an attorney ASAP
Stop! Stop going back! Itâs not going to get betterâŚ. You need you & your kids more than an abusive addict. Been there. Thank God he gave me the strength to leave!
Cut him off 100%. Get a restraining order if need be and get a referral for counseling from your local battered womenâs organization. And yes, leave the state first.
Go to a womenâs shelter and do the work. Counseling and the whole nine yards. Move far away and make everyday about Your kids and You getting better. Your prince will come after the kids are settled . Itâs Family time.No Dad is better than a bad Dad. Much love and good luck honey ,you got this .
I went back and forth with my ex-husband a million times. Iâd get the courage to either throw him out or leave myself, a short amount of time would pass and there would be some reason for us to speak (we have a daughter together, but she was never the reason for us to speak because then not now does he have anything to do with her). One thing would lead to another, he has changed, he misses his family blah blah blah. I would fall for it and either come back or take him back⌠everything would be perfect for a week or two. One time we even made it a whole month with things being amazing⌠then, repeat the entire process. I had finally had enough, and I reached out to my friend. She was familiar with how he was because she was one of the people he alienated during our relationship and marriage. When I talked to her, she said me and the kids could stay with her, if we wanted to. I packed up, put my stuff in storage, took what we needed and left. I moved in with her, her husband and their two kids. So it was 3 adults and 6 kids in her 4 bedroom house. It was cramped and hectic but it was what I needed. I realized I didnât miss my husband, I missed the body next to me⌠someone to watch TV with or talk to. By having her, it occupied my mind and my time. Within 3 months, I had saved enough money to get a new place. That was almost 6 years ago. Now Iâm remarried, happy, healthy and stable. I havenât looked back.
If you have kids, if you stay u are telling your kids its exceptable behaviour and its ok⌠And it isnt. Its that simple⌠However l get it, so absolutely get counselling and understand its going to take time⌠Put motivational quotes around the house. Have a close girlfriend stay, stay strong⌠Its ok to be heartbroken BUT DONâT GO BACK⌠Goodluck
Honestly you have to break your own heart. Leave, block him in every way shape or form. Give yourself space. Stay outta places he goes and donât let yourself even speak to him. File for custody of your kids and start building a life. Itâs hard Iâm not gonna lie. My ex was the same way and he knew how to get me to come back. I had to fight my own feelings and make sure I had no contact for awhile. In time you process everything and the love fades. Youâll find happiness in your own life without that whole ordeal. If you need an ear hit me up hun. Best of luck
You wonât leave until youâve had enough. I got out of a toxic relationship a year ago and I remember the day I left, I loved this man with all my being but that day it broke me. I remember the hurt I felt forcing myself to let go completely and know that I deserved better. You will know when youâve had enough. Youâll know when youâve chosen yourself. Itâs you, no amount of words or advice someone gives you will make you stop, itâs got to be you.
This sounds identical to my story. My now ex husband is the exact same. We were high school sweethearts together 15 years, 3 beautiful children. I would leave and then eventually return after months or a year. But everytime I did, I got stronger and stronger. Eventually he took his addiction to an unexcusable level and I divorced in 2019. It was a very tough decision on my heart but i had to do what was best for me and my kids. Hopefully you gave a good support system, I did, and it helped so much. Never an easy decision but from my experience he wonât change my ex husband and I are on good terms now. However, it has become normal that when heâs sober we see him, heâs an amazing involved father, then he ghosts us and disappears for months qt a time while on a bender. Thatâs our life but we take the good times as we can. Praying for you and your babies and Iâm always here to talk if you need someone with a similar story!
A narcissist isnât going to give up their supply until they feel like it. I was married to one for 17 yrs. Therapy is an absolute must. Donât waste another second of your life on him. Education for yourself on what narcissists behaviors are and what they do, when they do it, their strategies etc that will open your eyes to see the process youâre a part of and perhaps that will be the switch your brain needs to finally choose yourself. Relationship with a narc is a life sentence of misery.
Think of Ur kids U r teaching them itâs ok behaviour, it all comes down to mind n will power, I only got out 12 months ago, I tell ya I feel free now
My kids r normal happy kids now too
Think about your kids and the destruction it has caused them and is causing them and will cause them in the future to relive. Its a cycle that you want to destroy now before it destroys your entire foundation. Take it from a mom whoâs foundation is destroyed and kids lost to your abuser. Its the most horrific display of a cursed nightmare burned into you as your life. Take it from someone who was abused and couldnât leave and allowed false fear of the extreme abuse and hold to make me disillusioned that he was more stronger than what I should have done repeated cop calling every time I should have turned around. I thought I was protecting my kids but he had so much power that it didnât matter how many times we got away here he always came regardless. And even worse my entire family was narcissistic just as well⌠thats why he perfectly fit with my family and how I became such easy pray and then my children.They are masterminds and its a dangerous, dangerous motherfking world wind. You lose everything you HAVE EVER LOVED. I PROMISE YOU THAT. I wish I would have been utterly informed instead of learning on my own. It ruined so many lives a moment too late. Due to the fact that i had life long been surrounded by narcissists growning up love deficit and thrown out in to the world naive and unloved it was a quick disaster⌠thats how they play you so easily⌠you arenât use to love and thats what they play you on they show you all the love in the world until the moment they hsve you wrapped then its a living gd nightmare. No gd lie sis. Runnnnnn
Its called a psycho therapist. Im currently liking ross rosenburg somewhat the best I have come across so far. On YouTube. Go to his actual channel. Heâs got tons of videos
Not only save yourself but above all save your kids and be thankful you are only 6 yrs in. Imagine 20. And if he has been physical and its only been once expect many more once you get too out of line. Thatâs their way of you not speaking up and standing your ground bc they will best you and yours into the ground. Thats how they put the fear of God in you and break you down simultaneously from anything you ever once were. And your babies. Its seriously dangerous and horrifically psychological and the very worst abuse of all. Gaslighting manipulating making you question yourself your reality and who you truly are vs how they will engrain you to forever see yourself. Its some brain damaging shit sis
get your finances together, get a home sorted for you and your children and never look back. That kind of toxic never changes x
Itâs a cycle of abuse. The physical abuse will progressively get worse. If you donât find a way to get yourself completely out you or your children will eventually end up hurt or dead. No one can do this for you. You have to do it on your own. You need to get some type of counseling for domestic violence to open your eyes beyond the manipulation. You need to realize that you are not crazy and you are more than enough without him. I know itâs hard but you can do this
My therapist made me not have contact with him for 30 days no matter what. It worked.
Pack your shit and dont look back. He was an alcoholic and he was verbal and mentally abusive. I packed my stuff when he was gone for work and never looked back, deleted his number and everything. I know itâs not thay easy but once you realize your worth and realize you and your kids deserve better, youâll leave. Youâll leave when youâve had enough. And who cares if you hurt him!
You have to be done, only you can make the decision to be done,
Think of what youâre demonstrating to youâre children what youâre showing them to accept or become, want better for yourself and themâŚ
Easier said than done but youâve got this x
Join a group with others in your same situation for advice support friendship and for therapeutic reasons. Join for the sake of your children who deserve a better healthier situation. You will then learn you are someone of value and purpose on your own. You donât need another person to have self worth and live life on your terms. You need to learn why you are co-dependent and how to break the cycle and feel the happiness that will follow. Alleviate your torment now. Start now. You only have this one lifeâŚlive and love it now!
The fact the your babies are seeing everything and are being raised to think that stuff like that is acceptable is enough for meâŚ
This situation is not all about YOU! You will continue to get what YOU allow! Iâm not so sure he has power over because you definitely know what you are doing. Bottom line YOU are putting your children through hell that they dont deserve. YOU can do something about it! Itâs not a game⌠if you have a son he is learning everyday by example how to treat a womanâŚif you have a daughter you are setting her up for physical and emotional abuse by your example of excepting this lifestyle! Get it together or he may end up with custody. Stay awayâŚget help through whatever means you can! NobodyâŚno relationshipâŚno sex is worth the damage to you kids.
You have to quit him cold turkey. Abusive relationships form an addiction in your brain. You literally have to mentally withdrawal from this person which you canât do if you still have contact. Go to court, get a custody agreement, and donât talk to him unless itâs in court. You deserve a genuine love. As someone whose been there, you need to leave. You will find better. It took me a long time but I left my abuser and now I have a man who treats me and my daughters fantastically.
You need to grow up put your kids first and stop being selfish you know whatâs right you said it ypurself
Trauma bonded. Please educate yourself. The more knowledge you know & with counseling you can finally get away for good.
Therapy and think about what your kids are seeing.
It gets worse especially with kids, you do not want your kids to look at that and think itâs normal. Itâs okay to love someone so completely that it feels like it consumes you, itâs not okay to use that âloveâ as an excuse to be shitty to others or take abuse, love is not abuse, love is not manipulative, and even if he is an addict that is not an excuse for him to behave the way he does. Loving someone doesnât mean staying for the bad toxic behavior, thatâs not what in sickness and in health means, loving someone is knowing you will not do things to spite them but know you have to do things to better you. Good luck!
âTo all the girls who are in a hurry to have a boyfriend or get married, a piece of Biblical advice: " Ruth patiently waited for her mate Boaz.â While you are waiting on YOUR Boaz, donât settle for any of his relatives; Broke-az, Po-az, Lyin-az, Cheating-az, Dumb-az, Drunk-az, Cheap-az, Lockedup-az, , Goodfornothing-az, Lazy-az, and especially his third cousin Beatinyo-az. Wait on your Boaz and make sure he respects YoazâŚ"
A little lighthearted advice. But seriouslyâŚYou need to leave, you donât deserve that and itâs damaging your kids. AND seriously damaging you. Get out. If you need help getting out, and sounds like you are going to, both physically and mentally, call this number: 800-656-4673. Itâs the RAIIN hotline. You can call that number from anywhere in the country and they will help you. You need to leave. It wonât be an easy road but you will make it and be so much better of. Show your babies how truly strong you are. Donât wait. Call that number.
I might tick people off but you need some blunt truth. Yea your brainwashed and abused but obviously your not stupid. You just want to act that way and make excuses for your behavior now. Your keeping your kids in an unhealthy environment because you âloveâ this man. At this point you are responsible for what they endure because you obviously have not had enough. You donât want to do what it takes to take care of your kids by yourself without any man around. Itâs hard but there are resources for women who really want to escape abuse situations. You can continue to be a victim or you can get help and be a successful survivor and be an example to your kids of the type of person they should avoid and learn the strength they really need to stay out of situation you are in. Iâve been there and the longer you take the harder your making things. Itâs going to end up you losing your life or your kids because of it.