Okay this isnmy first post. I’m not really sure what to do or say. I’ve been battling with depression for a long time now. I have lived in denial with it for year and just recently have I accepted the fact that I have a problem. I have a problem getting up. I have a problem keeping my house clean, paying bills, taking care of everyday life. I over eat. I have a short temper. I have extraordinary mood swings especially around my menstrual cycle. They dye down during the month but I still have them. My mood swings I can make the most irrational decisions. Self destructive decisions, mentally and physically. I have had substance abuse but it has never gotten out of hand and I am currently clean since January. I have never really “liked” being high so I’m not so worried about that but I don’t want to consider the idea of relapse just for the idea of not feeling anything. My emotions are overwhelming and on days it’s so bad I can’t function. Its hard for me to talk about it or even consider that I have a problem because it seems invisible and makes me just feel even crazier. I’ve lost several great jobs lately just from the overwhelming dread alone of the thought of getting through the work day. If I feel like people are talking about me even if they aren’t something comes over me and I can’t function. I have days where I’m so upset about something and I know it’s so small and nothing to be upset about but I can’t help by cry anyway and 5 minutes later I’m fine. I have talked to one dr about it and all they did was give me prozac. It seems to work okay. Before I would distract my mind trying to worry about everyone else and fix everyone but me like I’m going 90 to nothing. Other days I’m so hazy I can’t think straight and often inbetween i have memory lapse i will be driving and forget where on going and it’s been getting worse. I’ll be at work doing one thing then I’ll do something else real fast and completely forget what I was doing before. I’ve made multiple dr appointments but talked myself out of it thinking it was all in my head. I’m going to try to make another one Monday. I’m not sure what I expect out of this post but I want to feel better. I want to be better…
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You absolutely need to talk with your doctor about all this! You sound very much like me a few years ago. I finally have in and talked very openly with my doctor and agreed to try some anxiety medicine, as long as it was non habit forming. Let me tell you! It has made all the difference in the world! I’m not going to tell you my life is perfect now by any means, but it is soooo much better! Good luck and hugs! Please, for your own happiness… Talk to a doctor! Life is too short to love it miserably.
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