Honestly if yall want to make it work go to couples therapy. I personally would leave bc I think you would always have trust issues after. Marriage is hard but cheating isnt ok no matter how hard it gets. And when you have kids it’s another ball game.
If you have kids all they want is happy parents separate or together.
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Living together, dating others wont be a happy time for anyone. Its not a healthy dynamoc because you are trying to stay with a cheater.
And im guessin he didnt tell you outright…
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Do you understand or did he convince u
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You’d hurt your kids even more doing it that way. Splitting up doesn’t mean a broken home. Staying and having that toxicity, does mean you’re broken. Which ends up hurting the kids worse.
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I suggest couples therapy. Space. Inner healing. Past trauma/ mistakes
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You can successfully co-parent and be divorced.
Don’t call it an open marriage, open marriages are for strong couples with full understanding and trust in each other, not an excuse to cheat. His affair is destroying you already, why put yourself in a worse situation.
You can if both parties are willing, stay in the same home, but separate everything: rooms, accounts etc. (divorced of course.) But you can not be angry when he steps out to date or vise versa. You will live as friends, and nothing more. But this also takes strong trust and very very clear boundaries set in place. Do not play wife to a man you are divorced too.
Keep in mind that he destroyed his home, he broke his family. You did absolutely nothing wrong here, and you do not owe him a thing. He’s did this, not you.
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Divorce. Cohabitation is fully possible if y’all can be civil with each other and both actually put in work for the house and the kids. And not put all the work on just one person.
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If you can’t get past the affair (and you shouldn’t need too) I wouldn’t consider an open marriage.
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I would definitely leave the relationship if my guy cheated. But i wouldn’t mind cohabitation as long as we set ground rules. Own rooms, not bringing dates into the house (esp sex), and setting financial boundaries.
Oh yeah, and if you haven’t already, I’d go to therapy to help you deal with the situation
No. That would be even more confusing for the kids. Get rid of that cheating slob.
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You owe him nothing in my opinion, he lost it when he stepped out your marriage, surely
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If you’re struggling with the affair I highly doubt that an open marriage would work.
Look, don’t stay together for the kids. Especially if it’s already been rocky/y’all fight/argue, kids need to see their parents in healthy happy relationships. What they see modeled is what they will believe is normal.
Y’all can still do things together but not be together. You don’t deserve to be with a man who cheats just because you have kids together.
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Girl stop. What makes you think if you are that deeply hurt by the affair, that an open marriage would work for you?You’re only going to confuse your kids and hurt them in the long run, along with hurting yourself. Leave that man to his lies and cheating. You can co parent while divorced. Go find a man that’s going to love and respect you, and be a good example to your kids of how a man should treat a woman.
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Please take care of YOU!
that would be a good thing all the way around
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Hasn’t been working for me
Move on… Why would you want an open marriage if you can’t get past the affair? Bringing more partners in the picture surely isn’t gonna fix it and not to mention the confusion to your children.
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My man and his baby mom did this for 10 years before we got together. They dated other people. He paid the bills. She cooked and cleaned he helped. He lived in the mother n law quarters behind their house they rented. He moved away when he had a more serious gf once.
We have been together 3.5 years and now they live in two different towns the kids are 15 and 21 now so they know that mom and dad tried but wasn’t working. He still helps her pay some of her bills and they talk when need be about the 15 yr old son.
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Your first question to yourself should be- do YOU want an open marriage?
You cannot stay in a marriage just because you have children. There will be an adjustment period for everyone but ultimately your children would rather see you both happy and apart than miserable/fighting while together. If you agree or purpose an open marriage simply to keep your family together, so your husband can sleep with whomever he wants, you’re going to find yourself resentful and unhappy.
There is zero reason to cheat, doesn’t matter the state of your relationship/marriage. Don’t make excuses for his behavior or try to justify it or blame yourself. However, it is your decision and your decision alone to stay with him after an affair. But if you can’t move past it, then your best outcome is to separate, for everyone’s happiness.
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That is the ideal version of co parenting still allowing your kids to have that family dynamic i have heard of people still living together in like a duplex style house an parenting together would it be easy? No can it be achieved? Probably but man it would take alot of work. Do i think i could do that? No i do not
You won’t be able to do an open marriage trust me. If you’re this hurt and crushed by his affair then you won’t be handle an open marriage whatsoever.
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What you’re looking for isn’t an open marriage. It’s dependable co parenting. Depending on each other to help your children thrive. It’s doable but you have to ask yourself the questions like “what if he goes on a date but falls for someone and wants to live with them?” You’re better off separating in the house for the time being and slowly breaking it down to your children before making the move or working on each other and maybe starting fresh or atleast making an agreement that you’ll still have family vacations maybe you’ll all go away for Christmas so you’re still together for the memories and moments that matter.
I’m sorry this happened. You and your children deserve better.
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If you feel this way now then you can not have a happy and successful open relationship. There will be no trust a d he will end up leaving you. Do yourself a favor and leave now. It will get easier and learn to co parent.
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You are damaging your kids by forcing them to live in a broken home.
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You can co parent and not be together. Don’t stay together for the kids you’ll teach your kids unhealthy relationship patterns
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Couples therapy that’s all u can really do.
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I promise your kids will thrive a lot more seeing you divorced, actually happy, and being treated the way you deserve! Do not stay in a miserable and doomed marriage because you “don’t want to break up the family for the kids”
Do you want your kids to see you miserable with someone you don’t trust at all? Do you want them to always be able to feel your anxiety and distrust?
Do you want to model this relationship as “normal” for them?
I’d like to assume the answer to all those is NO!
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Yea open marriage as in you can sleep with other people to but is that gonna be okay when it comes to you. Or is he gonna be in a open marriage while your faithful
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You’ll NEVER trust him again when he leaves you’ll always wonder if he’s cheating it’s no way to live… My ex husband cheated and I tried but the trust was gone… Today we are great friends we have 3 children and I’m thankful we ended our marriage and are in a great place now we both are remarried and we all get along great
My husband and I are going to marriage counseling. Not due to cheating or anything just due to the fact that it’s hard working on us while all he caters to is his family’s needs before our own family’s needs. Then of course my mental health doesn’t help. So we are going to help ourselves become better for one another. You might want to ask yourself though, do I want this marriage now? Does he? Ask those questions and then ask if he is willing to do marriage counseling.
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Your husband is a dog there’s no reason to cheat on your spouse. Even if you didn’t fuck him in months it still isn’t an excuse. Marriage is sacred. If he wanted something different he should’ve just left the marriage or not get married at all. I’m sure he isn’t perfect I bet if you went and sucked the neighbors dick because your husband forgot your anniversary you’ll be all kinds of itches and ores (sorry just got out of fb jail for using the words). Do an open marriage because you want it not because you’re scared of being alone y’all can co parent and not be together.
My husband and I have discussed this and I’d 
his 
if he chested!! 
As for an open marriage, I do know a couple who have a successful open marriage but it wasn’t developed out of cheating, that won’t work as you would need alot of trust to have a successful open marriage and he’s already broken yours… Try marriage counciling to see if the trust can be rebuilt and your marriage saved.
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It is possible to move on from cheating if both people are willing to move past it. Idt I’d suggest coparenting in the hoke while dating. What happens if one of u meets someone, the relationship advances, and you guys want to live together? That’s a lot of changes for the kids. Since this is where your mind is, I’d definitely file for divorce. Maybe you guys can try to live close by, and not bother with support and court visitation. You can just work it out together and follow the lead of the kids. You could even still share a bank account, specifically for the kids. You can still do holidays together and family vacations and if you guys have new relationships then step parents come along too. Sometimes divorce isn’t detrimental to kids. It’s absolutely possible that it’s better for kids because they experience all the love without all the fights.
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You don’t stay together for the kids, that’s a mistake. The kids get hurt in the end because their parents don’t show live to each other. Kids learn from that which is not good for them.
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You can do that as co-parents if both parties are willing. I would not stay in the relationship for your kids. They will be able to tell youre unhappy and they will think its normal to stay in a relationship without happiness
Find yourself a good individual therapist and resolve your codependency, then reassess your situation from an emotionally healthy perspective
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Open relationships don’t work if the relationship is already rocky and unstable. I speak from experience. This isn’t what you’re looking for.
Don’t stay with someone simply for children. Then your kids grow up in a house with unhappy parents and think that’s normal.
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No, open marriages are built on trust and boundaries. That’s entirely different.
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You don’t get past it. I suggest marriage counseling its not for everyone but it’s worth a shot. Also join cheated on and staying fb page lots of people there who experienced similar things
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You move on without the relationship
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Huge difference between co-parenting and what you’re suggesting. My ex and I co-parent, we are on good enough terms that attending holidays, dinners, and sporting events isn’t an issue. My husband and him get along better than the ex and I do. But we have moved on. There is distance. If you are in the same house, PLAYING house, neither of you can. Don’t do that to your kids.
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An open marriage won’t work after someone cheats. You’re only going to hurt worse. If he wants an open relationship, then leave. He basically just wants to continue cheating on you with your permission, but still get the perks of coming home to a wife and kids. Don’t do it. None of us can tell you to stay or divorce him. That’s a decision that only you can make based off of the relationship that you had before the cheating. If you think that your marriage is worth trying to save (and he’s remorseful), then try. Weigh the pros of cons of both and whichever makes more sense, choose that one.
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The open relationship will not work. It will only hurt you even more. He was already living like he was in an open marriage so it will be easy for him. It will bring you more pain knowing he is still doing the same thing. Two wrongs don’t make a right. Try counseling, but the insecurities and pain will always be there. You have to decide if you want to live like that.
Staying in an unhappy marriage isnt always good for the kids! Your teaching them its ok to stay with someone who betrayed you & makes you unhappy.
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I had so much resentment being raised in a house where they should have got divorced when I was a kid. Sounds like the house hold was toxic prior to this. Making the “family memories” seems like it is more for you than the kids. Just cut your losses and move on and co parent.
A happy home is better than walking on egg shells.
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My thought is why did it happen? What caused the cheating to happen?
And you can only figure out how to get past it. Most women just divorce the guy…
I couldn’t get past infidelity, I kicked him the curb
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I think what’s best for your kids is for you to move on. (I grew up in a household who tried to do what you’re thinking) it honestly is harder on the kids. You don’t want that for your kids as an example of what a good solid relationship is (I’m assuming) so I wouldn’t live w your husband and try to pretend like it’s ok and then go on dates w others. I think your kids will respect you more for moving on to someone who will give you what you need and want in a healthy way instead of “trying to make it work for the kids” it just never turns out the way parents hope. I think you can still do all those things you want but in time and w work. As parents what we think is best for our kids is sometimes just not and pretending to be happy for those few memories just to have them isn’t worth it imo
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That is 1000000% not the reason to explore an open relationship. Any non-monogamy is built on trust. If you can’t trust him, non-monogamy will not work.
If you can’t move past this, move on. It’s healthier for everyone.
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Regardless of how rocky a relationship gets, there is no excuse for cheating. You’re worth more than that.
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We separated when our kids were 3 & 2. We continued sharing meals/holidays/special occasions until they were adults. Making memories but in a different way. We probably still would but I relocated 400 miles away. We were still taking holidays as a family until Covid happened.
You have to find a relationship that meets everyone’s needs, that may not be within a marriage.
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Just because you had a rocky marriage is no excuses or understanding on why. Youjust don’t do it. You can try to repair your marriage but it will take lots of time and effort from the both of you. Your trust is broken. You can co-parent but and open relationship will not work and crush you even more than you are now. I wish you the best of luck and keep your head up. Don’t give any excuses or reasoning or understanding on someone cheating on you.
How would you explain it to your child that daddy’s going on a date .what if he wants to introduce that girl to his kids …why should he have the benefits of a clean house , laundry done hot home cooked meals and have no repercussions from cheating .don’t make sense to me .
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Real question is who wants to leave who?
You don’t have to be a family to be in your get’s life. Some women think you have to be together to be a parent. Nope wrong!
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Sounds like you may not want to leave? And if that’s the case he will know he can do whatever he wants knowing you won’t leave. I’d be careful with that.
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Co parent first treat him as a best friend. The hurt will subside
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Please don’t do this 
From experience it’s so much worse as a child to know that the family was “faking it” all along than to be separate and happy x
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If you don’t leave, he’ll just cheat again. He’ll see it as “oh, im in the clear so maybe I’ll be in the clear again if I do it one more time”
It’s a never ending cycle.
There’s no excuse for cheating, I don’t care how “rocky” a relationship is. There will never be trust again. You might think you’ll be able to trust but you’ll always wonder where they are at, what they’re doing, who they’re calling/texting.
Don’t do it to yourself. You deserve better.
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Speaking from experience I don’t think it’s something you ever get over. You can try to put it behind you but I think it’s always there and in the end causes more pain to your children living in that environment when there is resentment etc. But ultimately do what’s right for you and if you give it a go and it doesn’t work, like me, you can hold your head high and tell your children you tried. Xx
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In my experience, we went to counseling. We’ve now been seeing the same counselor for over 2 years. We also installed life360, which is a tracking app. Made things much easier trustwise. But if he’s not willing to do any of that, just throw the whole man in the garbage.
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I don’t roll that way…his eather mine …or the highway…
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Being still married and living under the same roof but dating other people is going to confuse your kids terribly. It will show them that it’s ok to be with more than one person and be married. It would be better if you were separated or divorced. Your kids would understand that way better. As far as going past infidelity? I went through that. Was trying to work it out. I was thinking about his affairs every day to the point where I started hating him. I had to divorce him to keep my sanity. But do what you think is right for you.
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I would separate and just figure out how to still be friends so you can share the experiences as a family.
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You understand why? I hope your understanding is that he did it because he’s a 
and that’s the ONLY reason. Move on - kids would rather be from a broken home than live in one. You deserve better and so do they.
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It will be way harder on your kids for you to stay and be in a miserable open marriage where your husband just goes and does what he wants then for you to co parent separately . It will cause resentment and issues and not a happy environment.
And also, you deserve better. You deserve to be loved and appreciated and not cheated on and gas lighted.
You can still go on family vacations and co parent together without being “together”.
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I think you might need to start thinking about your children before the dating. It’s just not fair to them because this situation is a bit toxic.
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I see more than $ 110 an hour working from home. I never thought I could do that, but my best friend made over $ 18201 a month and convinced me to give it a try. The possibilities are endless.
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I disagree with the many, if you decide you can tolerate a platonic in order to keep the family together why not, as long as its a civil and healthy environment for your children where they feel loved and supported they will thrive, but they will sense your unhappiness if you continue to mourn your relationships former intimacy
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You aren’t taking the Family Life Away that’s what your husband did
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I see more than $ 110 an hour working from home. I never thought I could do that, but my best friend made over $ 17945 a month and convinced me to give it a try. The possibilities are endless.
Details HERE… https://Dollargarage88.surge.sh
Just because y’all’s marriage was rocky gave him no right to cheat. It isn’t your fault, it’s his!
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Most people in this situation waste the best years (dating years) of their lives thinking they’ll be able to get over and never will. It’ll always be in the back of your mind… probably. Then they end up trying to date and find someone later in life which is so much harder. Millions of people co-parent. Millions!! Make it easy, keep it out of courts if he’s going to co-parent the right way and go out and enjoy your life. I’m not even commenting on an open marriage because I don’t see how there’s any way that would be better than separating.
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Counseling and therapy. It will help… EVEN IF you do divorce. Really
I see more than $ 110 an hour working from home. I never thought I could do that, but my best friend made over $ 18966 a month and convinced me to give it a try. The possibilities are endless.
Details HERE… https://Dollargarage109.surge.sh
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Sounds like you both are unhappy…I personally am a giver, help people out, loan people items etc. but I sure as hell wouldn’t loan out my spouse and live under the same roof!!
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There will be no family warmth and connection there and your kids will feel that
I see more than $ 110 an hour working from home. I never thought I could do that, but my best friend made over $ 20633 a month and convinced me to give it a try. The possibilities are endless.
Details HERE… https://Dollargarage146.surge.sh
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I know a couple who lives in the same house but is divorced. One lives on the third floor, the kids on the second, and the other parent in the basement. Their attorney was very skeptical from the beginning and “knew” it wouldn’t work. And for most couples, it wouldn’t. These two are extremely mature and took nothing personally. They chose their kids over their own pain. It has worked for them. Their attorney is pleasantly stunned.
But this took extensive discussions, planning (legal and otherwise), and follow-up discussions. They regularly talk about their children and their arrangement. It’s not for everyone; it’s not for most people. But it works for them and their 3 children.
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He would be shown the door. Not something I’d get over or would be able to deal with.
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So you understand why it happened? 
Theres absolutely no excuse to why he pulled out his willy wonka to jump in bed with another biittch Lol but please im dying to hear the excuse from you seens you understand why and please don’t tell me it’s because he works long hours LMAO 
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Moving on after infidelity is extremely hard. Not impossible, but difficult. It is different for everyone; everyone handles moving on differently. You may also think you’ve moved past it and then one morning you’ll wake up and it’s like it just happened, or someone will mention something that reminds you of the infidelity or the pain itself and it starts all over. That same suckerpunch feeling starts all over again. Eventually, it will fade; when it varies for everyone, though. There is not a set time frame for how long something will affect you. If you want to fix your marriage, you have to let it go, and he will have to put it a lot of work. Opening your marriage is not going to repair the damage; if anything, it will likely cause more. So if you want to make it work, out in the effort, or get a divorce, Don’t add more issues to it.
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Me and my kids dad get on better now that we aren’t together. We still do alot of things together and have a great co parenting relationship. In fact he is the only person I know that will drop.and run to help me or my partner or any of our kids.
You can’t have an open marriage with a cheater. Open marriage takes trust, honesty and good communication. He needs to get into therapy and be willing to figure out why he chose to cheat over working on or ending this relationship first. You need to get into therapy to start working through what happened and if your want this to actually be your life. or are you just scared to go through a divorce and all that entails. Do you really think you can accept your husband going on dates and sleeping with other people?!?
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Don’t make excuses for him. He cheated and that is never ok. It sounds like you are trying to accommodate his bad behavior. Once a cheater always a cheater.
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My ex husband and I learned to coparent and do things with and without the kids but we were not good together in a relationship.
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I would leave or kick him out.
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An open marriage means he can see and have sex with another woman, if you felt hurt with him doing it before you’re going to feel the same way in an open marriage. If you want to get over it, have sex with someone else too, call it even, and never bring it up again. I’m confused about this “cohabitate/ co-parenting butstill go on dates etc?” do you mean live in different houses but go out on dates together still? If so, you’re going to drive yourself crazy wondering if he has some girl over. If you want it to work stay at home with him and get some couple therapy.
Did he cheat from lack of sex or fighting? Lack of sex is easy to fix, the fighting means there’s some underlying issue that needs to be addressed.
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l get paid over $110 per hour working from home. l never thought I’d be able to do it but my buddy makes over $21365 a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The possibility with this is endless.
Details HERE… https://Dollargarage210.surge.sh
Just split and lead separate lives!
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It’s only an open marriage if you both agree on it and you both see other people if not then it’s cheating and nothing else, it’s better for kids to see parents apart and happy then have them grow up in a toxic environment like that, they will only learn to be ok with such disgusting behavior
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You don’t you leave along with any dignity and self respect you have left for yourself
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My husband cheated on me, was planning a life with her and then I found out about it and all hell broke loose. I decided to try counseling to save my 27 year marriage but I have not forgotten. He is now battling stage 4 cancer 
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In most cases, once a cheater, always a cheater. Is that the example you want set for your children?
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l get paid over $110 per hour working from home. l never thought I’d be able to do it but my buddy makes over $16315 a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The possibility with this is endless.
Details HERE… https://Dollargarage228.surge.sh
l get paid over $110 per hour working from home. l never thought I’d be able to do it but my buddy makes over $12883 a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The possibility with this is endless.
Details HERE… https://Dollargarage249.surge.sh
I tried to move past the cheating but I couldn’t. It hurt too much. The feeling of love and trust was gone.
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My dad and his wife still live together (although he’s on the road a lot for his job) and they aren’t actually together. Just raising their kids together. They get along great
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So did you cheat too since things were Rocky, No excuse for cheating,No one has a open marriage, someone always gets hurt.Get to counceling then decide if you can forgive, a cheater is not easy to live with and it will affect your kids
Rocky relationship is no excuse to cheat. Counseling might help. If you can’t get past the hurts and If he wants an open marriage. Just leave….leave with whatever dignity and self respect you have left for yourself.
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