One thing that bothers me is you saying you get why it happened. A marriage is a marriage between two people, not more. If he was unhappy, it should have been talked about before making a decision that could ultimately ruin lives. On the other hand, you can always try to work things out. Things can be changed if both work hard at it, but the reminder that it wasn’t enough will always be there. It’s your decision (:
2 Likes
Honey, you’re better off to get out on your own. Do it graciously and thoughtfully, but make a clean break of it. If you cohabitate, the children will be confused if you try to see someone new. Live a short distance from one another, in the same school district so as to facilitate joint custody, if that is your goal. But you need to stop this now.
Its only an open marriage if you have both had deep talks about said subject it’s agreed on by both. Not one sneaking off sleeping around that is 100% a cheater
1 Like
Just because you had a rocky marriage does not give anyone the excuse to cheat.
I would just co-parent and move on. The damage is done in my opinion. If you stay it will just hurt a lot more & you will constantly question his every move. It’s not worth it for your sanity.
1 Like
I think you’re afraid to leave because you don’t know what is out there for you. Cheating is not the worst thing a spouse can do to you, but it’s the one talked about the most where the woman is put down for staying. Not long ago, women were chastised for choosing divorce in terms of infidelity. Now, women are shamed for staying and looked upon as weak. This is not true. A woman is strong weather she stays or goes, and I believe it’s more difficult to stay because you feel like a fool. You have to be firm on your decision. Look deep inside yourself and ask yourself if this is a deal breaker. For me personally it is considering the type of history I’ve had. Only you know if your marriage is salvageable. Only you know if your husband is a good provider, father, lover, compassionate person. Look at him as a whole, is he a good person? if overall you believe this is the last straw, then walk away, but you need to reword your thinking, it is not you ending a marriage and putting a stop to vacations and the family unit, it was his decision to risk and potentially destroy his family, not you. There are many steps prior to divorce, one of them being separation. Separate, get away from him and clear your head. I left my husband for 5 years. He did not cheat but like I said, there are other worse things. It took me 5 years to heal, to get myself together. I weighed my options and he tried nonstop for 5 years to prove he was trustworthy. Are things perfect now? Of course not. But I was able to go out into the world by myself and see that I could do it on my own. And he saw it too. Don’t stay out of fear. You have strength in you. Leave the kids with him for the weekend and go stay at a family members house. Let both of you see what it is like without the other. You might surprise yourself. Good luck to you.
7 Likes
If you can’t get past it, how are you going to co-live with him? Especially if he’s going out and your going out; at some point one of you is going to want completely out and move on. Open marriage works (sorta)for the wealthy or people who don’t want to split their assets or aren’t jealous, or embarrassed. Decide what you want and plain, things that broken and are glued back together always have a crack
1 Like
Does he wanna work this out and change? Do you want to see other people? How would he react if you cheated? Their still seems to be a double standard that men can do whatever they want and we cant and they get mad when we do what they do. If he’s not willing to change or is gonna get upset when you start seeing other people it wont work
1 Like
You said you want to stay together for the kids. But how will they learn what a happy marriage filled with love is, if you aren’t affectionate with each other, if they feel tension in the home, and even dating other people? Children learn what they see and I feel like it could definitely set them up for failure in their own relationships later. Exit gracefully, tell them it has nothing to do with them, and move on and find happiness. With time, they’ll see a strong and happy mom. You all deserve that!!
2 Likes
That is not an open marriage. It sounds like you want it to work still and that’s what matters. Hold him accountable though. Marriage counseling and make sure you see the effort and work “want” to be put it in on his side and not him just appeasing you. You might want to also work on being so willing to accept blame for his transgressions. Just a suggestion.
You guys in these comments are not reading this lady correctly, SHE IS NOT EXCUSING HIS CHEATING??? And I have no clue how y’all think she is considering she specifically said that it wasn’t right at all that he did that, she is simply stating that she understands the events that lead to it, she understands why the relationship would make someone want to do such a thing, which is beyond normal and called idk being self aware, she is NOT excusing his behaviour or saying that it’s an excuse for him, she literally specifically acknowledged that it still wasn’t at all okay of him regardless of the circumstances of their rocky relationship, you people need to calm down, y’all are probably making her feel like sh*t for no reason
1 Like
How do you explain to your kids when other kids repeat what they hear about you or your husband being seen out on “dates”? Your kids will not take that very well.
Regardless of your history it’s not en excuse to cheat. So don’t even allow that thinking. I personally would move out and co parent that way. You are both going to move on and you don’t need to watch every detail of that.
I would definitely leave him because if he’s cheated once already he’ll do it again so save yourself the heartache again and just move on that’s not an open marriage either
1 Like