I need advice urgently, please… I have a 6 year old who will be 7 this year. His been getting out of hand in school hitting kids and coming home and lying to us playing the victim. We have tried punishment’s such a taking away toys, TV privileges, electronics, junk food and even time outs. I am at my wit’s end on how to deal with his behaviour and lies. He is highly intelligent and very manipulative in situations. My husband and I are on the same page with this and we just don’t know what to do anymore. Please help with any advice do we get him to see a physiologist or what can we do.
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Yes get him into therapy. Children are not inherently “manipulative” there is something going on in that little mind. You sound like fabulous parents letting it be ok to see a psychologist. I think that’s necessary. There must be a "reason " he is acting out and a psychologist may give u tools to deal with this. Hold firm in not tolerating him being the bully and with consequences like you mentioned. Talk to gim and clearly express this isn’t something that will be tolerated moving forward. Maybe he even has adhd or something a psychologist can assess that like causes certain behaviors that come out in different ways? Thinking of you!
Therapy for sure. I was a really troubled and angry child and acted out. Therapy helped a lot, but just one on one. When my parents were in there I just said what they wanted to hear. Once I got what I needed then my behavior changed. Maybe put him in sports or something recreational? My daughter is 2 so I can’t relate as a mom yet but from a child standpoint that’s my best advice. Good luck. 
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My daughter was the exact same way therapy helped a lot but she was diagnosed with adhd add dmd and odd she was on medicine for a while until she graduated the program she is 12 now and doing much better. Maybe try a councilor there are some who don’t put kids on medicine but try other tactics best of luck to you and your family
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I wish I knew some advice to give. I’d write to Supernanny 
Take him to school and have him apologize in front of everyone to the kids he was hitting.
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Maybe you should get counseling. Kids arent Just born that way it has everything to do with how he has been raised.
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Years ago, I’d get calls from the school saying things… I talked to my child …well, tried. Child just wanted “friends”
When I asked what “happened Before” the incident, I was told they did not know!
Finally, I made arrangements so I could attend school Daily to find out what was going on there!
Found out my child was Not starting anything and was being bullied!
Made the school staff realize that it is necessary to find out more!!!
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is their a boot camp for kids this age?
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Maybe he is first a victim…might want to see what’s going on in school…maybe bullying?
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Therapy for the child and a behavioral health assessment from the Dr. to make sure there isn’t anything being missed like ADHD, or possibly being on the spectrum. Also as a parent who has a child that has parts of them like this I have found attending therapy has helped for me too just to be more understanding of what my child is dealing with plus it’s nice to have someone to talk to about how hard it is to have a child with big emotions.
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Ask why he’s so mad ? Give unconditional love 
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Stick to and stand on ur punishment. Make them hate punishment but also embrace the truth even when it sucks.
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It probably has less to do with punishment and more to do with the fact that he has a need he doesn’t know how to communicate. Behaviors come from unmet needs. If he was never taught how to effectively understand why he feels some way/ how to effectively ask for help, he could be acting out. It happens and it’s hard. But come from a place of understanding and love and maybe he will open up and be honest and feel comfortable to ask for what he really needs. It could be he feels he’s not being heard or seen so he acts out to get attention. Maybe he is insecure in the home and he takes it out on his peers at school. We do everything we can as parents so don’t beat yourself up about it… try therapy and let him talk one on one and let him truly express himself even if it comes off as disrespectful. Children need to know at the end of the day, we are on their sides and just want the best for them 
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Ask about taking him to visit a delinquent home or a visit to a funeral home. Always works. Tell and show what happens when you did bad.
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I had a similar issue with my second born and found that she was in fact the victim and the school for some reason was not coming to her aid with bullies. She also tested gifted but was bright. I agree therapy but also look into the school incidents more.
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Why do parents go straight to punishing? Don’t be so quick to punish him, have you tried to sit him down and actually talk to him? It seems to me he’s trying to get attention. Maybe look into what’s going on at school a little more, it might be his only way to express how he’s feeling, maybe he doesn’t know how to tell you something else is going on at school! It’s probably more than what the school is telling you. Approach it a different way instead of punishing him. You might be punishing him for something that he’s going through at school and doesn’t know how to tell you or express it to you, and he’s getting more angry because all you keep doing is punishing him, so it’s getting worse. Poor kid he’s only 6, in his eyes, at that age any kind of attention, good or bad, is attention. Perhaps he feels neglected by you and your husband? Has anything changed at home? Children act out for a reason! So like I said don’t be so quick to punish him.
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100% see a child psychiatrist. Honest guess is that either something big happened in your guys life that triggered this or he’s looking for attention and is channeling it wrong.
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I would definitely seek some kind of counseling for him, school is extremely hard for kids these days. With trying to make friends, bullies, stress and all kinds of factors. Maybe it’s something he can’t really explain. He’s still semi young and learning emotions and feelings. I would just sit and talk with him as much as you can, maybe each spend a little one on one time and go for a drive walk along the beach and just kinda let him know that if there is anything he needs to share that you’re there. It could also just be a faze and doing what you’re doing now will teach him it just takes some time. Hang in there momma you’re doing the best you can don’t give up though.
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Instead of punishment try rewarding good behavior. Example: If he makes it through a week without getting into trouble at school then he gets a reward. I don’t know your financial situation but it could be as simple as staying up late and watching Netflix, eating popcorn or making cookies. Make sure you and hubby are involved. If he goes two weeks another reward. Maybe set a longer term goal after two weeks that a month would earn him a new toy or cupcakes for his class, etc. With my grandson the reward system work so much better than punishment. If he gets into trouble then remind him on the weekend that he would be staying up late or getting a new toy, etc.
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Make sure that he isn’t acting out because of something that is bothering him. It isn’t always the child.
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I know he’s young, but what about a scared straight program? If he’s intelligent he might get it and be scared to end up in jail/prison!!
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How long have you tried with taking away his things? Like a few days and then you give in? Or weeks?
You also need to try and talk to him. Maybe there’s something going on there. Sometimes (esp w boys) they don’t want to share stuff… like maybe something is happening in school. Try to maybe take him out on a mommy son date and see how that goes. See what’s going on
Couceling. Therapists know how to talk/communicate to get to bottom of it if you cant yourself. My son, me both see therapists. I feel like the pandemic prob set some kids back with being socialized
when my daughter was little and we had a problem with her we made a sq 12x12x12x12 and she had to stand in it until she could tell us why she was standing in the sq. she couldn’t touch anything or lay down it worked in the end
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Take him to counseling
Have him sit at the dinner table and hand write apology letters to his teachers, pupils, and anyone else he disrespects during the day.
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Take out every thing in his room but leave just the mattress and his sheet, blanket and a pillow
Until he can change his way
Then every time he does the right thing
Put something back in his room
When he acts out remove another item
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What the heck is wrong with some of you people? This momma is trying to solve a problem, not create more.
OP, I can’t tag any groups but search for Raising spirited children and the like.
Also, do you have any family members that act the same way? Could be hereditary.
Best wishes momma!
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Try encouraging the good behavior instead of punishing the bad. Give him plenty of hugs and praises for having a good day. Set up a reward system instead of a punishment one. Parenting is hard but so is being a kid punished vs praised.
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Threaten him with boot camp r make him watch scared straight for children r teenagers
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My daughter is manipulative as well. I let her know it’s not going to work and I just don’t cave. I will listen to what she says and we talk about it. She still doesn’t always get her way. Yes she still gets consequences for her actions
Counselling and communicate and take about what is happening. Maybe his hitting after having people say things to him or his the only one being caught hitting.
We stood on our knees holding books
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I made my son write letters to the kids he bullied and to their parents… then I took everything away even his clothes the only thing he had in his room was his bed a blanket and a pillow and it stayed that was for a looonnngggg Time….
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A good old fashion smack on the bum
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I wouldn’t just take someone’s word over my child. Who is to say the other kid isn’t sneaky and hitting him first. Even at that age kids can be very deceptive. If he is telling you the other person started it and you are still blaming him and ignoring him then he will continue the same path. I would dig a little more into the situation and try to get to the bottom of it.
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My son was like this until I talked to his pediatrician. He had some kind of imbalance. She prescribed him pills to help balance him out and ever since he is a different kid! We still have our bad days but nothing like it was.
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Manipulative … a baby …. My god he’s just being a child
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Y’all in these comments seriously think this is normal? At 6 years old I knew better than to ever lay a finger on anyone.
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If they are acting he is probably being bullied maybe believe your kid
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Take a positive parenting course for yourself!! That’s what I’m doing and it’s eye opening! A lot of our kids behavior we are actually contributing to without realizing it!
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We actually had this problem with my 5 year old at school within the last few months. He was feeding off of the other kids because they were also doing it. We did the same thing you did, you just have to stick with it momma. I know it’s hard. He wasn’t aloud snacks (except for school because they give them 2-3 a day) but at home breakfast lunch and dinner and then an hour after dinner bed time. No tv. He was aloud to read books until he fell asleep. It’s hard but it worked after a month
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He might have autism.
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Also I would ask if the teacher can video. My sons school uses an app to communicate with parents and she sent a video of the behavior going on when she asked the kids to stand up against the wall while they cleaned or see something up I don’t really remember. It was a few boys that she constantly had problems with (my son included) but seeing things from beginning to end helped notice that my son is more of a follower because he wants his friends to like him
Definitely have him talk to someone. You want to find out what is causing his upset expression you can solve the behavior. Hang in there mamma.
Therapy and psychological evaluation!! I’ve been there momma. Stay strong
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I can see which mom will make excuses to the end for their kids and which ones wont smh ain’t no way. Trying to act like this is normal behavior even the mom knows this ain’t normal behavior I cannot even imagine what the hell y’all kids do
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Try to be more loving, there’s probably an internal situation that is going on inside your child that they aren’t speaking of. Spend positive time with them and become closer. While talking to them about the consequences, set them and be firm.
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Praise him for even the smallest things he does right. Does he have anything he really likes? My son loves trains so for a while I did a train time out box. When he did something wrong he had to put a train in, when he did something good he got to take one out. My son also went to behavioral therapy for a while and that really helped a lot. Good luck!
How much red dye does your kid have in a day?! My son was the same way, eliminated red dye from his food and drink intake and WOW!
Seriously Red Dye is HORRIBLE for anyone!
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Get him therapy. They can help him identify his feelings and show him how to work through them in a healthy way.
You need to take him to a therapist.
I’ve been there as well. Behaviour is communication so something may be going on that he’s struggling with and he’s struggling to explain that. Counselling, boundaries, consistency and listening to him have worked well for us.
Is this the only thing he lies about? Are you 100% sure he’s lying? Teachers will lie to parents about bullies if the bully’s parent is difficult to deal with. He could be hitting this child in retaliation. Make sure he’s being the bully before you punish. You already have punished him therefore you’ve taught him you don’t believe him. Hell be more angry & aggressive now. This happened with my oldest. I believe my kids now.
Treat him like a prisoner and make his room a cell. Bland boring food, not allowed out at all except to use the bathroom. We had all the and issues and after two weeks of this, his behaviour changed drastically.
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School counselor. Then they recommend him to a therapist.
Do all of those punishments at once stay consistent and make it last a while kids understand consistently and make good habits
Dad might be still n Tralee after 2
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Try an in home behaviorist who can give you tools on what to do. They also can observe at school and attend meetings.
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Therapy and removal of all privleges until behavior improves. Seriously. Books in the room, only coming out for bathroom and meals. Once he can acknowledge his behavior (in an age appropriate way of course) stuff can go forward from there. You can recognize it before him obviously, so call it out immediately so he knows what your talking about.
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I seriously do not believe that a 6 year old has the capability to manipulate.
There is something bigger going on here.
Mom of 4. 13,13,10,6.
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Therapy asap. As well as be consistent
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How do you know he’s lying
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What makes you think he’s lying? And I don’t think a child at that age should be labelled and treated that way! How would you feel being rejected at school, then coming home and being rejected and punished. I would put him in therapy or have him see a psychologist. I assume there is more to the picture.
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First try therapy as a family. Then let him go by himself. Make sure he talks to a man he likes
In my experience it is better to reward / earn instead of take away.
When my kids were that young we had different methods.
For my son, we had a book and every day that he had good behavior, we put a sticker in the book. Each week started new. At the end of the week, if it was filled with all stickers, he got to pick a reward. Could be ice cream, something from the dollar store, whatever.
It gave them a goal to work for and look forward to.
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My daughter had bad behavioral issues as well. She has ADHD. I just asked her why she was acting that way and eventually she told me it’s because she’s tired. So we moved bedtime to an hour earlier and haven’t had NEARLY as many issues since(they’re still kiddos) just ask him. Maybe he’ll give you something you can work with💖
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Sit him down and ask him why he does it. Take all sugar and junk food out of his diet and make sure he’s getting enough sleep at night. Give him melatonin if you have to. Reach out to his teachers and make sure he’s not being bullied and get the school counselor involved too.
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I’d go to his school and have him answer me in front of the teachers. So everyone can be there to tell their side. At home when he said something I would question it and tell him that even though I still love him, he has lost my trust and is going to take ALOT to gain it back because he has lied so many times he’s like the boy that cried wolf now. For a few weeks I’d reward honesty and have his lies have consequences.
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Try spanking him on serious offenses.
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Therapy now, could be odd/adhd
A therapist would be a good first step toward finding out why he’s acting out this way.
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Maybe have him checked out by a behavioral psychologist? Some sort of evaluation. ?
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He’s reached an age that he would most likely be appalled to have his mother come to school and sit next to him and follow every step he takes during the school day; and if he misbehaves, takes him home. If he’s treated in the manner in which he behaves; immature, untrustworthy and troublesome maybe he will change his behavior. You can’t spank or withhold most kids into good behavior, but you can be there to redirect them and explain your expectations, one on one, when the teacher has 20 other students to be responsible for.
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Instead of taking his things away did you try going out with him for lunch and asking him what’s going on in school? If anyone is bothering him? If anybody is bullying him? Somethings happening in his life and he’s not telling you.
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How about a good ole fashioned ass whoopin? Its amazing at the way it changes a kid when they realize there’s a serious consequence. 
Does he have a really good, healthy diet? (Or a lot of sugar/carbs?)
Therapy- do your research though. Many now days play into the victim mentality and you don’t want that fed into any further. Work with your doctor as well and possibly look into a nutritionist- it could be his body processing foods differently making it hard for him to control emotions etc. This doesn’t mean switching to all organic and vegan etc. It just means maybe his body needs different nutrients than what it is currently getting. My kids behave much better when they have their fruits and veggies with every meal and aren’t snacking on junk all day also a solid early bedtime routine. My boys are 8 and 9 and go to bed at 730 no questions asked.
Start a communication book with the teacher.
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If you feel something is going on and you need help you absolutely get a therapist. It’s in everyone’s beat interest.
Maybe challenge his brain some more. Have him sit down and read or do extra school work. Could always ground him to sitting at the kitchen table.
There’s something going on in his little head he can’t process fully cause his little baby brain isn’t developed enough yet. I’d get him into some talk therapy for starters. Getting to the root of the issue will have much better results than trying to punish him into good behavior.
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Therapy, ask you child’s pcp for a referral. I did behavior management therapy with my oldest, he went from completely unmanageable struggling to be in a classroom to a very respectful teen getting good grades.
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Children who are 6, 7, 8 years old don’t know they’re being manipulative. I watched this child therapist speak about children manipulation, and they don’t know they’re doing that, due to the frontal cortex not being fully developed, etc. So, there’s probably another reason for why he’s doing that. See what’s going on at school, if he’s being bullied, if he has friends, if his teachers treat him wrong, etc etc etc. I would just speak with the teacher to see what’s going on at school and go from there.
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I wish ppl would stop asking the internet for help and go talk to an actual professional who specializes in this stuff.
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I was having similar issues with my five year old so I talked to his teacher and she started sending Houma daily report card folder where we graded his behavior with smiley faces and just the fact that me and her were in Daily communication has helped so much. It’s been two weeks since he brought home a red face which is for bad behavior
Definitely a psychologist for an evaluation, and therapy going forward.
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Get him in counseling ASAP.
Seek mental health services asap. This is not typical. This will escalate and get very serious as it progresses. #beenthere
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Is he bored in class? Does he know the work too well? Sometimes kids will act out because they’re bored and the work is too easy but it comes off as restlessness, aggression ect. Is he like this at home? Start daily communication with the teacher through a notebook. Try to get to the bottom of why he is acting out. He may not be lying in his mind he may be perceiving things differently.
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Speak with the school counselor. From there they will likely recommend a mental health counselor. My children’s school has one that meets with kids at school during school hours, my son has bad anxiety and he meets with both the school counselor and mental health counselor and it helps!
Therapy!!! I just had to put my 11 year old in Therapy. Sometimes we need help❤
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Is he like this at home with you guys? Have you seen him in other situations other than school where he displays this behavior. As much as it could just be him, he could be being bullied and doesn’t know how else to deal with it. I would definitely talk to your child, the pediatrician, school counselors, his teachers, a therapist and get to the bottom of what is going on.
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Psychological evaluation.
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Often a bully is being bullied - sorry … at home.
Kids lie out of fear …
Do not punish him; sit down with a good snack that he loves and start asking questions: “how are things going…?” etc. Don’t bring up any of the above offenses. You might be surprised, and saddened, at what is possibly REALLY going on in his life that is bringing this all on … Don’t rule out sexual abuse … and sorry, but don’t rule out Dad.
Years ago this was almost the same scenario in my home … and I could not figure out because I would have never dreamt 
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Definitely have him see a psychologist!
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First, I would make an appt. with your child’s pediatrician and discuss what is being observed by you all and the school regarding your child’s behavior. Have a complete check up for your child to rule out health issues.
The doctor may ask for behavior and academic evaluations from you and the school.
Counseling may be suggested to help you all and your child work through some issues.
If medication is needed, it may be prescribed, after a
thorough evaluation. Many times behavior problems stem from learning issues, ADD, and ADHD issues. All of this needs to be evaluated and determined. Please try hard to look for some things you can praise your child for !!!
Success breeds success!!! Hoping you find answers and get the help you and your child needs to be successful!
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I would do counseling could be a way he is getting out feelings that he is having…