Is anyone dealing with a defiant 5 year old with authoritative problems? I’m at such a loss and have tried everything to get my son to obey me… would love to hear similar stories/ advice.
Take away stuff till nthey listen
My 7 year old has a very sting attitude and at this point the only thing that works is taking stuff away and sticking too it! He knows if he pushes hard enough to loose his things that he won’t be getting it back anytime soon
Honestly with my 5 yr old I sit down and have a conversation with her bc they r acting like that bc is bothering and they don’t know how to handle their emotions yet after that take stuff away
Watch Super Nanny Jo Frost. You have to stick to the steps and follow through or it will never work. If you don’t follow through with any discipline it will never work. But seriously try Super Nanny Jo Frost. You can YouTube her. She is amazing.
Following cuz same
Read into gentle parenting, authoritative parenting is out with the 90’s
I have an 8yo who will deliberately disobey everything that he’s told. It seems he’s only happy when he’s frustrating adults, interrupting the flow (for instance refusing to do the morning routine so we’re late for school/work). It’s irritating to no end. I’ve found letting him make some decisions & spending 1on1 time with him works best. People say “take things away”, “punish him” but that just makes him more defiant. They do it for control. So give him some control. Not total control.
ABA therapy, I started my son in that and it was the best thing.
Sounds like my now 13 yr old who was diagnosed with ODD. There are programs to help deal and how to parent them in ways that work.
They don’t obey. That’s against their religion at this age.
Until then, talk about why its not appropriate and natural consequences that follow.
Sounds like the beginning stages of ODD, my boys have been diagnosed with it and I have been dealing with it for a few years. The schools literally called me every day. My boys are now on medicine to help them get through school which has helped
its all about consistency. make sure your no means no and find consequences that work for the both of you
Military school
I had the defiant child; the strong-willed. I took away everything, and I mean everything. I communicated the consequences and followed through. I even canceled a birthday party.
All children test boundaries and crave consistency. You need to follow a routine to the point that it feels almost military.
When my daughter was 7 I tried therapy. She was physically lashing out at me. Therapy helped because they knew how to ask the right questions. Not all therapist are created equal though.
My daughter has always been strong-willed… but in the last year I’ve learned that strong-willed is not what we think it is. When children are consistently strong-willed, they’re typically not understanding. At 17 my daughter was diagnosed ASD. Her lack of coping skills wasn’t for the lack of trying to teach her, but actually because she needs a different way of teaching. That strong-willed child needed more patience from me…
I only tell you this because we often label a difficult child in a way that puts blame on them. We blame children for their behaviors though they are a reflection of their environment.
Behavioral therapy worked great for us. My son has oppositional defiance disorder.
I was a kid that was clinically diagnosed as having defiance disorder. But I also had young parents at the time that had never raised a child and demanded that i obey and be up to par on everything. I now have 3 siblings that are raised with far less punishment, threats and so on than I was and they act the same if not worse than I did as a child. I moved out at 17 and have been more successful than a lot of the people I graduated high school with. A child may be defiant. But you should also reflect on your parenting. Their is a reason behind how a child acts. Always a reason.
See a psychologist and listen to their suggestions. A lot of time they recommend parent-child interaction therapy
I’m actually going through this now with my 5 year old, she got into trouble in school and I have her seeing a school counselor and I got her into therapy. At home I’m trying a good timer. Some days are better than others
Check out some parenting classes. Love and logic and conscious discipline. Both are great
a belt always got MY attention !!!
This is a helpful Facebook page
I took my son too see a psychologist. And he recommended two books …ended up my son was in the 1st grade with his brain being in the 7th grade, he was bored for his age and that’s why he has a behavioral disorder. It gets better but they are sassy as can be every day! Lol
Get strict, take tv games away and show him you are in charge. If your having this trouble at five yrs old…what will happen when he is twelve and as tall as you??
Im pretty sure my son had adhd and odd.
I dont know how many times last week I legit had to tell him he is NOT cold blooded and IS a mammal was unreal
Other things too
Just. Blatently ignores me. Its like theres a disconnect in his brain
The behavior could be a multitude of things: has there been any drastic change in his life or trauma; has your partner left or a new one came in; does he seem to have more energy than seems normal for a 5yr. old; does he get easily agitated if his words don’t come out right when he is trying to tell you something; the reason I ask these questions is that I just recently had these same issues with my gr.son and they subsided for a bit when he first started pre-k but came back after Christmas break and started in school as well. I had him evaluated and filled out a questionnaire as did his teachers and he was diagnosed with ADHD/OCD and has been put on a low dose medicine that has worked wonders - he is more calm and can sit and do work but still be the playful little boy he always without getting over excited and out of control - he listens at home better and knows that he is allowed 2 warnings and 3 is the consequence of his own actions bc he does know the difference between right and wrong. Have him tested before it progresses. Good luck.
My son was like that from the age of 2… he was diagnosed with ODD, OCD, Bipolar, and ADHD at age 4. Maybe it’s time to have your child evaluated.
Maybe this will help, idk! But, what does he dislike the most? Make that a punishment and follow thru every. single. time., no matter how tired you get of it. Eventually you will only need to threaten it once and he should listen, bc he knows you’re serious and you’ve proven that you are. I’ve started this with my very strong willed 3 year old and it has helped tremendously. Since he is a little older than my guy, if that doesn’t work I would get a therapist involved and see if they can help at all. Good luck!
The problem lies in wanting mindless obedience. Get a dog for that.
Ignore negative behavior as hard as it is and praise positive!
Hair spray. Extra strength if their attitude matches extra.
Amanda Ellis I’m sure you could give this parent some tips:-). You are amazing with your son.
This is what my mom done and it was very effective, it also worked on my children. I got my butt busted, and so did mine.
Tara McCaig i hv worked with children with al those diagnosis except bipolar, definitely depends on what he is doing how often etc. To parent: I would keep a journal and write everything down, times and behavior and what is setting him off and make appointment with his dr.
Have the pediatrician do an evaluation. My son was diagnosed with ADHD at a young age. More recently, he’s been diagnosed with ODD and BPD.
He’s 5… they’re still learning how to be a human. Total obedience isn’t something one should demand of a child, or any human.
Try checking page Big Little Feelings … kids aren’t easy to raise, but it’s hard for them too.
have him checked for ADDHD AND DIFIANT DISORDER
Behavioral therapy helps so much.
Therapy.
Clear goals for what you expect. Then, stick to it.
When my daughter (she’s 6) won’t listen to save my life I sit her down and talk to her about what I’m asking and why she needs to listen… for example brushing her teeth… I sit her down and show her videos of people who you know haven’t brushed their teeth in years, and how bad it hurts them… I really try to explain to her why I’m asking certain things of her and why they are important for her to listen to them… I never listened when I was younger because noone explained why I should.
Every hyper or child that comes up doesn’t mean you need a doctor and drugging them up always the solution. When I was young there was no such thing…I was far from abused…our parents were the best! However…we got a swat on the a$$ and not often…we learned who the parent was and what was and what wasn’t acceptable behavior. I know…start the back lash…but before you do…notice I said swat…not beat…there is a difference.
I was actually to the point with my 6 yr old that I told him if he kept disobeying I was calling the police and he could sit in jail. Because as adults if we break laws we go to jail. I had taken everything away. It worked and he has straighten out.
Look into ODD and PDA The book The Defiant Child is a good resource and Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) Support Group group and ADHD- ASD-ODD- SPD anxiety support group for parents group.
I or my husband or family will sit with him and explain things when my six year old son is defiant. He gets rewards when he does good things sometimes. He gets reprimanded when wrong or take things away, etc. My son thrives on positive reinforcement though. So I’ve found when he gets into a defiant mode the best way to get him back on track is to set him up for success and praise him.
You have to put your foot down you can be strict without hitting your child. Just find something that they find unpleasant such as taking electronics, print off schoolwork have them do it, time out chair, chores ect. And talk with them about the behavior as well kids understand more than ppl give them credit. Your kid is not your friend. You are raising them to one day be adult. So they might not like it, they might throw a tantrum but stick to your guns an be consistent with correct unwanted behavior. Over time you will notice a difference. If you let it go too long it becomes harder and harder to correct. I know it blows being mean but it’s what ya gotta do.
My daughter was diagnosed at 6yrs with ODD (occupational defiant disorder) she is 14 now and we still have issues with it but with counseling and a lot of prayer she’s not as bad. She always chose me to be defiant towards so we have bumped heads for years. Speak with the pediatrician to have a child tested.
How did your son become defiant. Try doing his favorite things for 1 week. Then ask him how that makes him feel depending on his answer he may need to see a therapist whose speciality is childhood behavioral tendencies to become violent and destructive. There are many types of therapist all who are trained to assist parents how to deal with their children when they become defiant. Good luck and made GOD guide your way to a happier placer with your son.
Better question is what are you trying to get him to obey. If he is neurodivergent you might have pick and choose your battles. Make commands one at a time. Therapy might help being patient with him might hell instead of trying to make him fit into your box put yourself in his shoes.
Try getting him into therapy
Karate classes are amazing to help with that😉Takes a few years because children change as they get older but if you stick with it you will see great results if the teacher is a good one. You will still see progress at his age though
Dr dobsons the string willed child…stick to discipline…or trouble when a teen…
My daughter has an 8 yr old with ODD. I can’t quite remember how that breaks down but essentially it’s defiance against authority figures. He got expelled from school in the first grade for defying the teacher and refusing to work on his lessons. He sometimes defies his parents… a lot of times defies his mother, and taking away electronics often doesn’t help. Spankings as a last resort are often not helpful. Standing him in the corner is often the only effective discipline, and keeping him there is a challenge sometimes. Get your son into therapy as soon as you can. Have him diagnosed. There are treatments for ODD. There’s no cure for it, but it can be treated.
At five my son used to screech and throw the biggest tantrums if he didn’t get his way. With a whole lot of “planned ignoring” and letting him safely have his meltdowns while calmly stating every so often when you are calm well talk about this, it finally started working. Theres been a lot more challenges since but i have found that picking my battles helps tremendously. Or natural consequences. He is almost 11. If he doesn’t want to wear a thick coat when it’s cold and he is cold during recess next time hell take his coat type thing…but it saves me an hour of fighting him to wear one hell end up taking off on the bus anyway type thing.
Maybe Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) my son was diagnosed when he was 6 he’s now 19.
Yes !! and now on pathway for being diagnosed but only just started she’s literally just turned 6 things that will help are giving options don’t demand or ask if u can word things different … so tough thought I feel ur pain …
Have you had him tested for ADHD or ODD?
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Honestly the best advice I ever received was……learn to pick your battles… when you can let go of what society thinks about what you are doing… example my chains loved to dress himself, had I allowed him in public like this I’d be in jail, but at home it really didn’t matter if he wanted shorts, cowboy boots, a winter sweater and an umbrella hat. So we compromised I would allow him to dress as he wished at home.; but when it was school or drs or church then he had to dress the way I wanted. I did allow him some small choices for him to add his flair like full suit with pocket square and everything. He thought about it and a couple hours later agreed. We never really had a lot of problems with dressing appropriate for important things.