How to safely lose weight?

I had my daughter 17 months ago and I put on a lot of weight. Me and my partners relationship has taken a toll. He tells me that he loves me and is attracted to me but that he is to scared to get me pregnant. I am using protection, so I’m confused. Don’t judge but I checked his phone and he’s watching porn not only through the internet but Facebook too. I’m so upset :pensive: am I just being self conscious? Need a outside opinion because I struggle with eating disorders and really don’t want to do that to myself again but I feel like I don’t have a choice.

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I don’t think there is anything wrong with someone watching porn. It is normal to see someone and find them attractive. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you or doesn’t find you attractive. Ultimately I would talk to him about it.

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Starving yourself, binging, or anything like that will only harm you more. If you’re wanting to try and shed some weight, there’s nothing wrong with that. But go about it in a healthy way. Diet and exercise. If you’re still having trouble, talk to your Dr. May have a hormonal issue postpartum.

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It’s natural to feel self conscious after having a baby, if you really feel like you want to lose weight for YOU to feel better about yourself do it the healthy way. Also watching porn is natural and you shouldn’t feel bad about yourself because he likes to watch it. He’s a man, that’s what they do.

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My husband watches porn almost everyday. From the start I told him I would rather him watch porn then sleep around

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It’s porn…calm down :roll_eyes:

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Not to get off track here but how can you watch porn through FB, lol? I’m tech savy and still confused on this one. Then again I’ve never thought to look into it😂

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Watching porn is normal, do we like that our men do it no but I also understand that even in a healthy relationship I can’t meet all his needs at every given moment of every day.

Lol much rather have him watch porn then sleep around

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Seriously talk to him about the porn you found him watching I had to bring it up to my fiancée because I knew he was watching it but then found out he was watching it so much but didn’t want to have sex with me and it took a big toll on our relationship too but we talked about it and things that were going on and it really helped our relationship! Communication is key! Talk about it!

I don’t care what everyone else says, if it makes YOU uncomfortable then talk to him. If it makes YOU want to do harmful things, talk to him. Do not be bullied into thinking it’s all acceptable if it’s not for YOU. Tell him how it makes you feel. If you want to work on your weight do it the healthy way. But regardless, do not ever compare yourself to these women. Let them be them and you do you booboo. Talk to him.

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I’d rather em watch porn and take care of that itch themselves than go find someone else to do it with.

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Porn is normal, but if it gets to the point that he’s choosing it over you that’s a problem. I don’t mean once or twice, I mean repeatedly…and when I say I understand it’s bc I really do!

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Problem with porn is they think sex should be that way in real life after they watch it for so long then they get bored with their own sex life…sorry boys not every woman is a freak like that

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We both don’t watch porn in my marriage. That’s something we both wanted off limits. But I personally don’t give a fuck what anyone thinks, I wouldn’t be ok with anyone I’m with watching porn and that’s my choice. You don’t have to be ok with it.

No porn is disgusting and is a lot of the main reasons relationships don’t last

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Op Adds

This isn’t my first child it’s my 6th!! (First with him) I’m completely ok with porn always have been. I enjoy it myself. My problem is the fact that he would rather turn to that than me. Have talked to him and all he says is he doesn’t want to risk getting me pregnant again.

He’s addicted to porn…he must get rid of his phone…and be banned from computer use…and. e ready for him to relapse…

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Honey, you are as beautiful to him, as you was before. You, lost confidence. Men look at porn/ pictures, so what!? I still have baby weight 3 years later lol. The first year I was very self conscious. Now, I know I am beautiful in this body, yes I work on it, but I quit putting so much “weight” on it, pun intended! Show him confidence, get dressed in your sexy wear, get kinky! Believe me, when you don’t worry about it so much, you can open yourself up more to youe partner, which benefits both of you :wink:

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Marriage counseling to find a happy solution for both of you. So glad online porn wasn’t available while I was growing up and not that prolific or accepted when I was married.

Then tell him to use a condom or go on protection yourself.

Porn is a preference issue. I love it and watch with my boyfriend. I know he watches when we can’t get together for a stretch of time. But he doesn’t prefer porn to me. We have a very adventurous sex life and are super close because we’re open with each other without JUDGEMENT or shame. Keep shaming your men, ladies, and you’re just creating a large divide that’s NOT going to end well.

My ex husband was watching porn regularly and after a year of no sex, I asked for a divorce. All this to say the porn isn’t the problem. You would probably benefit from talking to a therapist to help you with your feelings and formulate some phrases to start a conversation with your husband. He’s your husband- you love the good and bad in him. You should be able to tell him anything. Talk to him but don’t shame or blame him. That serves no one.

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I, personally, have no issue with porn. Hell I watch it too. Talk to him though. Maybe start yoga or something. I am doing DDP Yoga with my husband. We like it!

Your not his hor , dump him and find a man with principles . One who will lay his life down for his family…or just accept this is the best your capable of…your life doesn’t have to be a sad mess

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I’m sorry you’re feeling this way but never let a man make you feel like you’re not good enough because you are!
Don’t hurt yourself with the eating disorder all over again.

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Loose weight the right way. Why do you find that an eating disorder is your only option? Maybe you both would benefit from therapy

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Do not take offense. I personally went through this after I had my daughter. I was terrified to get pregnant again so I would avoid sex. Like just the overwhelming thought of having another baby was enough to stop my sex drive. I was on bc and took it perfectly. Eventually he will relax and things will go back to normal. Maybe you can reassure him you are not trying to have a baby so he knows you are on the same page.

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Maybe watch the porn he watches and try some new stuff in bed.

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Never let anyone make you feel like you aren’t good enough, you are. You carried life inside you. If you want to lose weight then do it for you. If he loves you it should be unconditional.

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You can have sex everyday and men will still watch porn and masturbate. Seriously. Him watching porn has nothing to do with you, at all.

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Wow terrible advice!!!

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Your just as beautiful to him now then you was 2 years ago, He probably thinks your more beautiful now then ever! You carried his child, for 9 months & haven birth. You own that mom bod, Don’t be a shame of it!
Guys just like watching porn. To learn new ideas, & what not… My bf watches porn, I have watch it with him before but I honestly don’t get it, like who enjoys watching someone else have sex?! I didn’t get into it. But to each are own… I don’t mind that he watches it… Have you talked to him about how you feel? And did you bring mention the porn? I would be upset if my bf hid it from me, It’s not a big deal, but if your gonna keep something like that from me, then like what else are you not telling me? I wouldn’t be mad at him for watching but pissed that he felt the need to hid it from me… Talk to him about it, enjoy in with him, watch it with him… it may spice up your Relationship & gain your confidence back… Don’t be a Shame of your body, Talk to your doctor get a diet plan worked out for yourself stick with it, start walking & Exercising when you can… That will help you feel better too… Good luck girl!

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Some of these comments are blowing my mind she clearly said that she had no problem with porn and that their relationship had changed because she gained weight. If he has to watch porn rather than have sex with her then there’s clearly a problem. Try giving her advice not shaming her.

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I’m sorry but no. The porn is not the problem, it’s his gross attitude! Leave!

Jumping on here to say, no, not ALL men watch porn. Some are respectful enough not to. Personally, I would confront him. But that’s because I’m a confrontation person :woman_shrugging:t2: I don’t take anyone’s shit. And you shouldn’t either! Having a baby is the hardest thing to go through when it comes to our bodies! You literally GREW AND NOURISHED another human for 9 months! Of course you won’t go back to exactly how you looked before. He should know that, and he should respect that.

Its your 6th baby thats probably why he doesn’t want to get pregnant. People watch porn. I always felt self conscious after i had a baby too.

Talk with him!!! I personally see nothing worng with porn unless your catch him in a porn video and your not the he’s fucking :person_shrugging: I get insecure when I catch a porn sight on my husband phone but I always ask him about it

Lose weight by cutting carbs, sodium and sugar. High protein, high omega, and only green vegetables (no brussel sprouts, or coloured veges.) Lose a lot that way.

Personally, my husband doesn’t watch it, but I wouldn’t care if he did. Our sex life is AMAZEBALLS regardless.
As someone who went from 108lbs when I got pregnant to 167lbs when I had my son, I get it. I don’t think porn is the issue. You being self conscience is. Momma, nobody can love you the way you deserve until you love yourself. Therapy is a great idea for you. Involve him too. The best way to get through this is to TALK to each other and be honest. If you went from having fun in bedroom to being shy and uncomfortable, he may not feel like he’s doing job.
Sex therapy is also an idea.
You can work through this but you have to do the work. :green_heart:

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I dont have an issue with porn. My hubby has a high sex drive. We have sex 1-2 times a day and he still masturbates another 4 or 5 times. I cant keep up with that. I tell him that I dont have a problem with it as long as it doesnt cut into our sex life.

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Try actually loving yourself regardless of what ANYBODY thinks. To hell with ANYBODY who doesn’t love you for you! I have struggled with eating disorders off and on for 20 years and I could care less what anybody thinks of me now because I have learned self acceptance.

I am going to give you a bit of tough love here. First of all, why do you need your partner to validate you? If he is not treating you right, then sit down and address it directly with him. Going through his phone is only going to make your mind go to the worst case scenario first. If you’ve got a problem with his behavior address it. Be direct. If you cannot do these things then the two of you will not ever make it. Communication is key. As far as the porn thing goes, it’s not right that he doesn’t but that doesn’t necessarily mean he’s cheating.

You have a right to feel however you want to feel about him watching porn, especially in place of having sex with you, and he should care how you feel. If you’re cool with it, awesome. If you’re not, then he needs to respect that. In my opinion, if a man is “too scared to get you pregnant” to have sex, there are options… he’s just getting off elsewhere, when he should be getting off with you. If he wasn’t getting off, he would find a way to be intimate with you (condoms, pull out, iud, handjob even)

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He needs to know what your feelin’ and thinkin’…then you can ask him about some issues ,that you are bothered with…so you two can solve the problem…

Honey talk to acounselor. Dont let that disorder. Get control. Itcan. Destroy you. Prayers for you

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He needs to be doing those things with you … if anything it needs to be locked up if you got small children such as magazines and stuff like that or it doesn’t need to be happening at all when you got small children… depending on the person but I will admit when you get older such as like myself 43 that stuff isn’t your enemy no more it actually helps the process…:wink:

Please remember to take care of yourself. You have a lo to take care of. That needs to be your first priority. Always remember who’s watching your lo. Be a good role model. Eat healthy workout. Go for walks. Dont abuse yourself. A man watching porn isn’t necessarily a sign that something is wrong. Talk to your partner. Discuss your concerns. Again please take good care of your self.

If you want to lose weight you know how to do it eat healthier and exercise. It sounds like you are the one mostly worried about it.

The question is whether the porn is affecting your sex life. It may be, or he may be honest in saying that he’s terrified of having another child. Either way, you need to discuss his fears because the current situation isn’t working. It isn’t uncommon for men in American culture to struggle with seeing their wives both as mothers and as sexual beings. Find a couples counselor who can help you two navigate this new phase of life.

Porn is the problem too. Personally I dont think theres any room for it in relationships. I dont think its okay getting off on watching someone else have sex when youre in a commited relationship.

Try spicing up the sex in the room.maybe he’s board :thinking:? If her that scared about knocking you up talk about getting the 5 yr birth control implant maybe.

I didn’t know Facebook has porn what the fuck