How to talk to my daughter about this?

So i have a 8 year old daughter. The man she knows as dad is not her biological dad. He has raised her from birth and still actively sees her to this day. Her sperm donor was very abusive and i left him when i was 4 months pregnant after a hospital stay and almost loosing her. He decided he did not want her when she was 5 months old ( the first visit he ever had with her) she still sees his parents regularly tho. My daughter had started asking how she is related to her grandparents on his side. I have simply just said we can love people and have relationships with them even if we are not related. ( i have alot of family i call family even tho biologically they are not related to me, i compare it to that) so my ex re married (the one she calls dad) and it has come up time and time again about telling her the truth. Im torn. I dont want her to find out from someone else or over hear a conversation and find out that way. I dont want her to think her "dad" will love her anyless either. I have always said i wouldn't tell her until shes older and we can have a more indepth conversation about it, yet the topic keeps coming up. Do i tell her and simply say sperm donor wasn't ready to be a dad? Do i wait a bit longer to tell her? Sperm donor has had no contact with me in 7 years, hes not blocked from anything and i stay in communication with his family so they all can see updates on my daughter ect. He just does not want anything todo with her. I feel like absolute crap for lieing about it and saying shes not related to her grandparents and cousins when in fact she is. I also dont want to completely break her heart when she finds out her dad doesn't infact share her blood. A quick back story on "dad". There was a big argument with his new wife insisting my daughter was old enough and needed to know the truth. Shes very Christian and her new husband telling everyone he has a kid i guess she needed it to be known my daughter wasn't his. So she could properly explain the situation to the church. I said i dont care just dont have that conversation around my daughter. The argument ended and she told everyone but kept my daughter out of it. Her "dad" also thinks she should know the truth as well at some point. Im mainly torn because i dont want to hurt her. I also dont want her to find out from someone else and lash out on me for not being honest. She has come home from her dads several times asking randomly how shes related to her grandparents ( sperm donor parents) im also deep down afraid this would put a even bigger strain on her and her dads relationship. Just because she isnt related to her dad by blood doesn't mean he isnt her dad....... does anyone have any advice or similar situations? I know it's alot im just really torn. I was not going to bring it up at all, but i have had people keep telling me i need to tell her and i just wanted some other momas opinions/ advice. Thank you
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I feel like that’s a personal choice if you think she’s ready for that. That’s a hard topic, but I think itd be good to tell her as she appropriate as you can… because you’re right. I think it’ll be better to hear it from you, then someone else. I wouldn’t tell her he didn’t want to be in her life, I would tell her that something happened where he left, & then you met the man she knows as dad. I would try to make it a point to make sure she knows that it doesn’t matter that he isn’t her “real dad” because that is her dad… it’s the man who raised her, loved her, cared for her, provided for her. It’s not about who gave you life essentially but the one who stepped up. That’s a hard situation, and I hope giving my opinion helped in some way.

If she’s asking questions, she might already know. My daughter did that same around 10. Because people talk too damn much and don’t respect the situation like we do! Her “dad” and I are still together but she knows he isn’t her bio dad now. Just tell her the truth, with you and dad only. Take her to her favorite place. Let her know he CHOOSES to be her dad and that is even more special. Let her know in age appropriate words that her donor wasn’t lucky enough to be in her life because you have to protect her from his poor life choices.