You need to tell her and do it now, otherwise she’s going to hear it from someone else! Just explain it as simply as you can, then let her ask more questions when she’s ready.
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It’s a tangled web. I’d tell her now. She deserves to know and kids understand love and family better than most. She might be upset but I’d imagine she’d be more upset when she’s older.
Seems she suspects something if she keeps asking. It may be time to sit down with her and answer her questions as honestly as possible.
Chances are if she is asking about then she already knows a little. She is just wanting you to confirm what she knows already. At that age they are smarter then you think. Start with what makes a dad. Especially when they don’t have to be. As she gets older she will understand more and more. I honestly think it help form a stronger bond with dad this way. Knowing he doesn’t have to be dad but choices to be. That’s a real father.
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You and her dad need to talk to her
My husband is not my oldest Biological dad but he’s been his dad sense he was 10 months old (he’s now almost 6)
His biological dad has been no contact sense his 3rd birthday (besides one weekend visit I was forced to send him to and then he went no contact again)
I’ve kept the same number and don’t have him blocked…. He blocked me and changed his number 
My sons biological family has followed in his sperm donors footsteps and is also non contact so we haven’t had to explain that yet but as soon as he’s old enough to ask us we plan on telling him the truth…. I think us voicing the truth even when it’s hard helps them to learn to voice the truth even when it’s hard….
My husband is also Dad to my best friends son…. Has been sense he was 5 months old…. His bio dad is also non contact along with his family…. That’s my son as well no questions asked…. People ask that’s my son!! But when he gets old enough to ask we will tell him
I think Dad needs to sit down and have a talk with his new wife…. There should be no “She’s not really his” going on…. She’s either his daughter or she’s not and he needs to decide right now which way he wants it to be
I’m adopted…. Was adopted at 15 and it would devastate me if my dad allowed his girlfriends to do that….
I know this is anonymous but if you want to reach out and talk PLEASE do so!!
Kids are smart, and if she’s asking then it’s time to have that talk with her. Just sit her down and start by letting her know that both you and her “dad” love her very much, and nothing will change that. Then just tell her that being a dad means more than just being related. It means loving her, caring for her, being there for her, etc. See how she responds and then slowly explain to her how her “dad” is still her dad even though she’s not biologically related. Let her know that that even though she may not be his by blood, he still chose to be her dad and love her unconditionally because he truly is her dad.
My daughter is 7, and she started picking up on things a couple years ago when her biological father dips in and out. We’ve had many talks about how this makes her feel and why. I’ve also started taking her to a counselor to help with her anger and anxiety due to her sperm donor being so in and out of her life. She understands as much as she can and when she starts asking questions, I do my best to answer them as kindly and as well as possible at a 7yo level. I never talk negatively about her spent donor though! That’s the biggest thing! He’s a pos father, but I’ve always talked about him in a positive way to my daughter so that she can figure out who he is without my persuading her a certain way. I’ve always allowed her to make her own opinions about her father. Like I said, kids are smart, and your daughter will be okay. It may be a hard conversation to have, but it needs to be done, and as long as she knows that her “dad” stepping in, loving her, and raising her means that he loves her even more because he does it out of love for her, not because he has to. I think that’s the most important thing to emphasize for her.
You need to tell her now. You don’t have to give her many details (that can wait, until she’s a little older to understand). I was this child and found out from other family members and honestly was so hurt. Had some resentment (not gonna lie). Was so hurt for the fact that everyone around me knew, EXCEPT me! The longer you wait, the harder it will be. You need to let her make the decision to know and if she wants a relationship with bio dad. If he wants nothing to do with her still, I’d still take him to court for child support. He made his bed too, he needs to own up to his responsibilities, too. Not just be a sperm donor.
Tell her sooner then later. Tell her “dad” stepped up to raise her. You should have been honest from the start. Explain it all including who her grand parents are. Explain that her dad ( bio) was very mean n you were afraid he’d hurt her…you left to protect her. Good luck
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Tell her now. Before someone else does. She may be upset for a moment. But she will be more upset if it comes from someone else and not you.
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You need to tell her. Its going to be hard but it is so much better to tell her now than farther down the road.
I told my son at age 5 about his donor. I’d never lie or keep it from my child as I don’t want him to resent me. I think you just need to be honest. There’s no easy way. Just explain it in a way she will understand and answer all her questions she has.
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Children are resilient. You need to tell her sooner rather than later
That not hurting her ship has sailed. You’re going to hurt her when you tell her. Better to do it now while she’s young rather than wait until she’s older and she finds out on her own. This is why you don’t lie to your kids about this stuff in the first place. 
Shewww, I feel like your situation could change at any given moment with everyone but the child knowing.
Does this man have any other children? Will he have more in the future?
Will he continue the relationship with your daughter indefinitely?
I know 8 sounds young but kids today seem to know more than past generations.
Social media, maybe. Idk. I have 2 daughters. 15 and 12. Their biological Dad was around the first 2 years and when I divorced, he was obsolete. 6 years ago he died.
I’ve been with a different man for 10 years and I guess you could call him a step dad. But he has his own biological daughter and there is a huge difference in the way he is with his own compared to my children. By no means is he bad or mean to my kids. It’s just different. And he’s been there for 10 years.
My best advice is…
Tell her. Answer all her questions. You don’t have to go in depth with all the details… It will all eventually come out but not in just one conversation. You’ll have many conversations with her about it all in the future. I assure you. Because in the end… it’s you and your daughter! And she will in many ways be your best friend!
Make sure the dad she knows to be dad is there for this conversation
If her ( dad) your ex is still doing visits ect an a part of her life I would ask maybe that he tell her because he can say hey honey I’m not your dad in a gentle way reassure her that he still loves her that’s the most important part really that she know he’s still going to be their for her if he isn’t well your just going to have to bite the bullet we make mistakes as parents not saying it’s your fault at all we try to protect our children and some time end up making things harder all around this is one of those situations no matter how you do this it will be hard but I promise you if she still feels loved by her (dad) and you and hopefully step mom she will just fine
I have been in your daughter shoes. My dad raised me from 3 months old and my parents wanted to wait til I was at least 13 to tell me but I was 9 instead. It is a little hard to understand especially that young because I had so many questions (who is he, where does he live, etc.) and then I actually ended up finding him 11 years later when I was 20 and that was 3.5 years ago and I have only met him twice and haven’t spoke to him in a year and 5 months even have brothers on his side that were at first absolutely excited since they had known about me from birth and they have also stopped contact and the brothers stopped before he did. To be honest I could’ve totally lived without ever knowing about him
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Just be honest. Explain to her that though “dad” may not share dna, he has been there for her all her life and chose to be her dad because he loves her. Bio dad decided he wasn’t ready for that part and kindly let another man who was take on the role. Don’t bad mouth him she might meet him and can make her own opinions one day xxx
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Let her know she has a daddy who loves and raised her and a dad that help make her. Good luck but you should have let her know before she began asking
You need to tell her now. I didn’t tell my daughter till she was 14 when I was going through a divorce my husband had adopted her at age 3 been in her life since she was 1 1/2. It Devastated her cause everyone knew including her younger brothers. Her paternal father gave up his rights . Teenage years are hard enough without adding this to it . I regret telling her that late.
I wouldn’t say negative things about her bio dad. He’s part of her and she’s so young. Yes, you’ll have to somehow explain about him not seeing her, but she will still be involved with his family. I speak from experience 
It sounds like maybe she’s already had hints thrown at her. Maybe she knows and is seeing if you will tell her the truth yourself. I’d say have the conversation, she may be mad but she will be more upset the longer you wait
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I would explain to her now before you dig a bigger whole for yourself and have to create even more lies for your stories to add up. Children are very smart and they know how to ask the right questions. I feel like being honest with her now will create less hardships and more trust for you guys later on. And this inst because of people telling you do to this. But this is because she’s at an age we’re she can comprehend what your saying. As for your ex husbands wife, that’s not really her place to spill the beans and tell you when the right times for your child. I feel like it should not be you only poaching it to her, but your ex husband should to be there. I feel like the wife as issues in herself that she needs to fix as you don’t have to be blood to be a parent.
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A dad is someone who is around, who cares
I would say he is still your dad but another man helped make you and these are his parents
I lied to you because I didn’t want you to think your dad wasn’t your dad but now you’re old enough to understand this I feel you should know these are your grandparents too. Isn’t that wonderful having 3 lots of grandparents!
If she asks about her bio dad I would give her facts avoid language such as dad or father etc and just refer to him as the man who helped make her
Coming from someone who found out at that age. It’ll absolutely break her.
She’s too young.
I was lied to about my biological father and my sisters step mother told me when I was 11 without anyone’s knowledge…. Needless to say I didn’t trust anyone after that point Bc my whole life I was lied to…. Be honest and tell the truth Bc she might hate you for not telling her…. Js.
If she is old enough to grasp the complex of simple things then tell her the truth, without completely bashing the bio dad. Tell her that her “real” dad was a mean man and hurt mommy, and he almost hurt you too so I “ran away” and he knows about you and everything but just not in the best place in the world to be a dad, he has some personal problems he wants to handle before he can be your daddy… You need to tell her now, because in the long run she can grow to resent or even hate you for keeping something so big away from her for so long. Just sit her down and honestly answer her questions the best way possible
And second off the dad that she knows, his wife has NO BUSINESS whatsoever to tell ANYONE at all about any situation that doesn’t concern her or her family!! She may be married to her father but she has NO right on Gods green earth to say ANYTHING to ANYONE “big Christian” or not it’s not her kid, her problem nor her business to speak on any situation that concerns YOUR CHILD!!! And if dad had a problem with it or wanted anyone to know HE WOULD have said something! That part pissed me off to my core!!! She has no right and no business to speak on you, your child, and her father’s situation and honestly she deserves to have EVERY single tooth in her head knocked down her throat for telling the world about something that absolutely NOTHING NOTHING to do with her, why does her family or the church need to know every single thing that is going on??? They don’t!!! She could have been a normal and decent person and just said something AFTER THE DAD SAID SOMETHING!!! And could have kept it sweet and simple! Her bio dad was abusive and ex stepped up and is the father she needs!! Stupid trick!
Tell her the truth my daughter was exact same situation with my granddaughter and she is nine and knows and she is ok whith it just be honest and answer questions as needed
I would tell her . I never knew I was adopted until I came across my baby book and noticed it . I was hurt deeply . Not because I was adopted my step dad has always been there . But because they didn’t tell me . I was 9 at the time . I would tell her . But let her know she’s deeply loved from you all and her sperm donor doesn’t know what he’s missing out on . As for the grandparents let her call them what they truly are .
When she ask, tell her the truth. When she is old enough to ask, she is old enough for the truth.
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If she’s asking questions… she’s ready to hear your explanation… this way you can also answer her additional questions (there will be many…) just don’t bad mouth the sperm donor… good luck with everything 
Tell the truth. And make sure she knows that abandonment is because of the 
parent. Not bc of her in any way.
I too had to have this conversation with my daughter. The man she had always called dad on her own and who had been in her life since she was just 1 years old was not her biological dad. I waited and waited and waited. He asked to adopt her numerous times since her biological dad never wanted anything to do with her but I put it off. Finally at 13 years old we did it but it was truly one of the hardest conger I had to have. I didn’t know if telling her early was best, I didn’t know if waiting till she was old enough to fully comprehend and absorb the information was best, I didn’t want her to hate me or think I lied to her… I didn’t want her to think she wasn’t good enough for her dad to stay or be in her life… I didn’t want her to blame herself… I had every emotion, nerve, concern and worry you could think of. I took her to dinner alone one night (which I recommend the alone thing just not a public place as there will be a lot of emotions) but I brought her to dinner and said I need to tell you something very important. I explained to her how things happened when I became pregnant with her and when I had her… I never talked poorly about her bio dad (even though I absolutely could have) but I told her that everything happens for a reason and that for whatever reason God felt it necessary to remove a man from her life and place another in his place. And that for whatever reason the one man wasn’t able to love her, this man was, this man without hesitation came into her life and lived her unconditionally, protected her and gave her a place to call home and that he would never leave her. And that she mattered so much to him since day one he has always considered her his and would love to give her his last name too. She cried and went through many emotions and feelings which every one she was entitled to feel and express … we went to court a few short weeks later and he adopted her. She looked the judge in the eyes when she asked “why do you want this man to adopt you?” And her reply was everything 
she simply replied “because he’s my dad… he’s the only man I know and the only man I have ever loved and loved me back… he’s always been there and he’s always stayed”
Sorry for the earful… but Either way I guess there’s no truly right or wrong time… every child will take it their own way… every child will react differently and every child will feel and express themselves differently
My daughter is 17 now and has never asked about her bio dad once… never looked him up, no desire to know anything about him. I was truly surprised and have always told her I’m here to answer any questions she may have but she doesn’t even care he exists. To her he made his choice the day he walked away so she continues to make him live with that choice by being an amazing frigging kid who’s about to graduate with her associates degree in high school 
Wishing you the best of luck! I know it’s going to make you nervous and scared but truly telling her was the biggest relief off my shoulders 
and she knows the truth now so that’s what matters
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I think you &you’re ex need to have the conversation with her
I understand as a mother you have to make hard decisions to attempt to protect you’re child,it appears to be to the point where it could cause more harm than good,dont let you’re child find this out from others,unfortunately it will be difficult but you must be honest for the sake of you’re child
I was in your daughters position, I wasn’t told until 21 and it was very very hard for me to come to terms with, alot of emotions, betrayal, dishonesty, broken trust. Best of luck mum x
I found out at 8years old that my Dad had adopted me. My family felt I needed to know I was adopted in case someone said something to me. I met my biological Dad at that time. I found out I had 2 sisters and 1 brother. I love them but my adopted Dad was and will always be Dad to me. They are both in heaven now. I don’t think your ex’s wife should worry about what other people think. Your daughter is blessed to have her Dad as she knows him. You and your Ex need to have a private conversation with your daughter. He needs to keep being Dad to her. Speaking from experience. 
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I would tell her now. Ask the one she has known as dad to be there too. Together u guys can talk through it with her. Leave the new wife out of it for now.
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I understand 100% why you felt the need to protect her, but it’s also okay to be honest, transparent, and not lie to her. I would explain to her why you did that, and that it doesn’t change at all about him being her dad. He is still her dad, it doesn’t matter if she isn’t biologically his. Later on she will be more confused or build resentment if you keep these things from her. Being open & making sure she still feels loved is what’s best. At that age they understand more than you know, and she will understand why you made the choice you did for her. I’d be trying my best to end the confusion now.
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Hm, I don’t think anyone should lie to their kids. I think you should let them know the truth from the beginning, no matter what it is. In fact, when they’re young, they’re actually more resilient and you can explain as they grow, but they should always know the truth. If you wait too long, it hurts more. I knew I was adopted at age 3 and I have zero feelings toward it until I asked more questions once I got older. So yea, tell her now.
My 8 year old knows she has a bio dad and her dad isn’t hers bio dad but been in her life since 1 1/2. She knows literally same situation and she knows. You keep lying it’s gonna make it worse bc when I was 8 I would have understood. But not why you wouldn’t have told me.
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I would tell her before someone else does. Try to explain it without Being negative. Just say something like sometimes people aren’t ready to be parents and others are. 8 year Olds are pretty smart. She might surprise you. If she hears it from someone else they may say something terrible and she won’t know what to think then.
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Tell her the truth. You have to tell her.
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That’s why from day one I was honest with mine. I don’t like lies and they always hurt In The end no matter how you aproach it. Best of luck to you and the child.
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You need to be honest about everything. She’s 8. She’s going to have big emotions about the whole situation and you need to let her. As far as the biological dad I wouldn’t say more than that’s what he is and that’s how they’re related
Honesty is always the best policy
Sending Positive vibes
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I have a similar situation and an almost 8 year old. Not once has she asked me how she’s related to her grandma if anything this sounds like someone is putting things in her head. Because when we spoke to a children’s therapist they said at this age she’s not ready.
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My eldest was around 3 when I first told her because she asked. I explained that her real “dad” made some bad decisions and wasn’t ready to be a dad to her. We have very limited contact and he’s not allowed to see her. However my partner has raised her since she was 2 and is her dad no matter what happens with our relationship (we’re still together). Besides I had to explain to her that she has 7 other step siblings so I always told her the truth. In the long run its better you don’t need to say details just say he made decisions that were ok for him and not for your kiddo. Eventually when they are older they’ll ask and if they choose to get involved with said parent. Then help and don’t force it. Hope it helps!
If she’s asking questions, tell her the truth. I too was abandoned by my bio-dad before I was born. My father that raised me from birth has always been my “dad”. Don’t wait much longer as she may resent you and have trust issues
You should have family therapy, and have a professional help her with the feelings that come up. She should have a school guidance counselor in school that needs to work with her too, After you tell her and everyone can make a plan on how she can go forward with the information. Sometimes parents can’t be the only support in big changes and will make the world of a difference.
I feel your pain momma. I am in that situation, although right now my son is only 2. I left his abusive dad when he was 2 months. I have a protection order against him for us both and sole rights and responsibilities. I have said when asked what I will say when the time comes, I simply say I will tell my son the truth. You don’t have to give the full details, I plan to say that his bio dad was abusive to us both (he abused me while pregnant as well) and that I couldn’t allow us to live in that environment any longer. My ex has a history of abuse with his two other sons mothers also. Any way you explain it, it’s going to hurt to some extent, but be honest. I wish you both love, peace and best wishes hun.
You’re in a hard situation mama. Sending hugs to you and your daughter. I know you only want to protect her but why does the new wife have to tell everyone he isn’t really her dad. I get her knowing maybe but did he adopt her or just step in as dad? Ok so she would need to know but everyone else she associates with should only see it as they have a daughter they love which is an added bonus. I think you and dad should have that conversation together and explain how much you both love her and nothing has to change. When she’s older if she wants more in depth answers you can have that conversation with her then but just say some parents can’t be parents and family isn’t always blood.
I knew about my sperm donor by that age. Either way u get heart broken realizing u were not wanted. But the one that’s always been dad does care for her. Maybe the two of u should sit her down and talk to her. That way she knows she’s still loved by him even without being his. That he chose to have her in his life. U don’t have to get into full details of the relationship with her sperm donor with her. When my son asked questions I answered honestly but not with full details. As he got older he asked more and more questions. I always told him he’s welcome to contact his fathers family and visit them any time. That way he always knew I left all lines for communication open.
My philosophy has always been that if they’re old enough to ask about something, they’re old enough to hear an age appropriate answer.
I have a 9 year old autistic son, he knows that his bio dad wasn’t ready to be a dad and the man he calls a dad is extra special because he chose to be his dad.
That’s how I would explain it, she doesn’t need to know about the abuse or any of that. And honestly, it may be better to tell her now than to continue withholding the truth until she’s say a teen. Its much like with adopted kids. Kids who find out when they’re younger tend to handle it much easier than those who don’t find out until they’re older because then it really gives them an identity crisis.
Whether you tell her now or in a few years, she may be hurt but telling her now reduces the time that you’re lying and will help give you time to repair any hurt she feels.
You’ll have to decide if you’re going to have dad there with you so he can reassure her that he has chosen to love her and will be there for her no matter what, even if they arent related, or if having him there will cause her to lash out at him.
Be prepared for any emotional response she has, it’s valid. Her world view is going to change, and she’s going to need support through it. Don’t do it until she won’t have school for a few days so she has time to process on her own, but don’t also do it over like Christmas break. I’d recommend one of the upcoming weekends.
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I told my daughter when she was 10. There’s the father that made her, and the Daddy that raised her. Her daddy fell in love with her from the moment he met her and wanted nothing more than to be her dad. We’ve since separated and she still sees him and he will always be her dad. Step dads that step up are vital to our kids
It may be the hardest the conversation you have to have with her but in the long run she needs to know since she is asking questions. Just be honest, tell her that her biological father was not ready to be a dad, that however his family loves her very much and wanted to be in her life, that they shouldn’t miss out on an amazing child because someone else chose that for them, also make sure that she knows the man she has been calling dad and raising her loves her so much so that he chose to be her dad. He chose to be in her life. Giving sperm doesn’t make someone a dad. It makes them a father. A dad is the person that actually raises a child. He sounds like a great man and I am sure an incredible father. Just be sure that she knows he chose to be her dad, that he loves her and blood doesn’t change anything.
I’m in the same situation. But my son knew from the beginning of everything. I met the guy I’m with my son was 5. He’s 8 now, will be 9. He knows he has no real dad. But my bf is his dad. The dad he knew. My son has never met his real dad. One day I’m hoping he will though. He a smart smart child. I never keep anything from him. You should tell your child. One day it may slip from someone else. You don’t need that. So I would tell her. Good luck mama. Do what’s best for her.
Why do you feel the need to tell a 8 yr old child this?
You can’t wait till she’s a little more mature+able to handle her emotions,I know you want to be honest but please if you decide to do this be sure she’s emotionally mature enough to handle this news.
You don’t really know how she’ll handle it,not everyone handles being told something like this the same.
Be prepared to be able to tell her everything about her biological father+his family because she might ask+want to see them now.
You never can tell??
Don’t wait until she’s older because that will make her be mad at you
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I think you and her dad should sit down and tell her together. No one else but you two need to be in this conversation.
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I would seek a family counselor for advise & also to give you an appropriate way to go about telling your daughter in a way that will help her cope & grow from it. You could also tell her with your ex as well as the counselor there to help navigate the conversation. One thing I would never do is say anything negative like her bio dad did not want or love her. I would say he had personal issues & couldn’t give her what she needed emotionally or physically so he stepped aside so someone like her dad could step in & give her all the love he deserved. This way she doesn’t grow up feeling abandoned or unwanted but instead realizes it is her bio dad who has the problems not her. It is so important that she feels loved by everyone.
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She’s old enough you need to tell her
My daughter has her daddy (the man who raised her) and her father. Recently her father came back from being in another province for 2 years, he right out left one day and never told anyone a friend had to. But he just came back and tried to act like nothing has happened and is mad she calls another man who’s been my best friend for years, daddy. He keeps telling me he wants her to know, now my daughter is only four but it isn’t much different.the father hasn’t earned the right to be called dad or be treated like one.
I would ask the real dad’s PARENTS how THEY feel about her knowing? She may have a bad reaction towards her real dad and not u and lash out at his parents for letting him leave her. I know I did as a kid. Ask them what they think and have a long convo with them on the whole topic, her age, everyone telling u to tell her ect, talk to just ur ex without this new wife and tell him u raised her u obviously love her do not let your new wife ruin your relationship just because she’s Christian and doesn’t want people thinking u have a kid without her. She can tell the church the truth all she wants. SHE has NO RIGHT to tell u when and what to tell your child anyhing!! If the bio dad’s parents agree she’s to young or they don’t want her to know him bcuz he’s a dick then u do what u and your family think is best if anyone in the family is rude about it or friends ect then tell them it’s not their child not their place to tell her anything.Tell her on your own time not anyone elses. I know my daughter’s father isn’t gonna stay around /be involved so I’m not planning on telling her who her real dad is there’s no reason to break her heart over a min who will never want to meet her
Talk to your daughter like she’s an adult. Don’t beat around the bush. Be honest with her. Whether we like it or not, children are really perceptive, but they are also very understanding. Just keep reassuring her that her dad loves her, that you love her, and you will answer any of her questions truthfully, but some answers she might want to wait on until she’s older.
Simple explanation works best.
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First off ‘Dads’ wifey knew about her before they married I’m sure so she needs to get her insecurities in check!! I’m Christian too and NEVER felt the need to deny a child period. If ‘Dad’ really feels he’s Dad…he shouldn’t be pushing anything now it should just be life goes on…plenty of real dads are remarried and it’s just life!!!
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You need to tell her before the step mom does. Step mom sounds jealous that your ex still treats your daughter like his own after you two split up and is not biological his. You and “dad” need to both sit down and explain to her how just because they don’t share blood doesn’t mean he loves her any less. And nothing changes just because if that, he has been there for her all her life and chose to be her dad because he loves her. Bio dad decided he wasn’t ready to be a dad , so her “dad” stepped up and took on that role. And also explain that that is how she is related to her grandparents and cousins. And dont forget to reassure her that everyone loves her and she is lucky to have so much family.
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Just give her a one line answer if she has questions give her simple answer… Just keep it simple. We often give more then they need.
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Since I went through this with my oldest. I waited until he was old enough to understand. I explained everything to him about his sperm donor, and his “dad”. He never once resented me or his dad for it. I told him a year ago when he was 12. He had over heard it from my family that he had a sperm donor. Once I told him everything, I didn’t leave anything out. He has a better relationship with his dad now, which is my husband. He only had one thing to say, which was “a man that doesn’t want his child is no man at all”. His sperm donor hasn’t laid eyes on him ever, and my son doesn’t want to find him. I gave him the option to find him if he wanted to and he told me he didn’t want to that he has a dad that loves him blood or not.
Always tell the truth no matter what. Lies hurt worse. Kids will grow up thinking it is okay to lie and twist stories instead of having integrity and honesty.
I would just explain that you walked away from bio dad while still pregnant for many reasons but this man stepped up to take care of you like his own and still wants you in his life and loves you very much and that’s why he has raised you… but it is important for her to know the truth she doesn’t need details just the truth
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Tell her the truth, her dad wasn’t ready to b a dad, so her" daddy" took over, that he loves her and it was time she knows and that her biological dad those r his parents and they love her and were ready to b grandparents
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1st the new wife has no say in the situation and doesn’t seem very “Christian” at all. Why does it matter to her and why does she feel like she needed to tell a whole church.
2nd i feel like both you and Daddy need to sit down with her. (Without new wife. Cuz its not her business.) And tell her the story about how even though he didn’t make her he loved her so much he wanted to be her dad. It doesn’t have to be negative. Hugs momma. You got this.
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I found out I was adopted by my dad when I was 13 thanks to my moms ignorant asshole of an ex. He kept antagonizing me that my mom had a secret but he couldn’t tell me. Obviously being 13 I wanted to know what it was. We was sitting down at the dinner table and he said you really want to know? I said yes. He told me I couldn’t tell my mom that he told me ( I said ok just to get him to tell me ). He’s like what do you think it is? I said , I don’t know, is my mom my mom? He said yeah. I said is my dad my dad? And he was silent. And I asked him again if my dad was my dad. And he said no he’s not and I bursted into tears. Then he had the dignity to show me my sperm donor. After my mom got home after work I snuck into their room while her ex wasn’t looking or around and I told her everything. She told me and the other kids to go upstairs and next thing we know they’re fighting and what not and my mom calls my dad to come get us. My dad wanted to kill my moms ex. My mom has 3 kids. My oldest brother and I are from the same sperm donor. My youngest brother is from our dad. He adopted me when I was 6 months old and my older brother was 1 1/2 years old. My mom and dad was so mad that he told us , they wanted to wait till we were both 18. I’m still mad as hell to this day that my moms ex took it into his own hands and decided to antagonize us about it and tell us. We never got along with her ex so that didn’t help any either. I would just explain to your daughter that her sperm donor is not in the picture but her daddy now is her real dad and things just happen in life for a reason.
Does her " dad" who took on role still want her to b a part of his life, both of u should tell her
I doubt her questioning you after going over to dads is random. And new Wife says she needs it to be known her new husband has a kid, that isn’t really his? For what!? I don’t think her intentions are good at all…
But i do think you and her Dad need to sit her down and have a talk to her, you need to get it off your chest to stop yourself from worrying about her hearing it from someone else…
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Tell her before someone else does
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Shouldn’t have lied to her in the first place.
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Honestly I don’t think she’s old enough. I would wait till she’s a teenager.
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I didn’t find out that my dad wasn’t biological until I was 13 years old. I was mad at first but I figured my parents knew what was good for me. They didn’t want to tell me earlier because they didn’t want to ruin the relationship me and my dad have. But didn’t want to wait to long in fear I would hate them both.
I am going to need to have a similar conversation with my daughter.
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Age appropriate truths. If she ask try to be honest, but tell her only what she needs to know. She will know one day anyways and you don’t want her to feel like you lied or kept something from her. Sit down with her and tell her.
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She should’ve known the truth from the start…
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It is past time to tell her. You should have always said the truth. Any one can be a farther it takes someone special to be a dad. Also you can tell her that her real father is not a good person who hurt you physically and that “dad” choose to be her dad out of love. Tell her there are some things you will tell her when she is older and keep the details until you think she is ready for knowing her father almost killed her before she was born.
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I would tell her. My 3 year old is adopted, he knows I’m not the one who birthed him, but I am his mama. Just explain that her daddy stepped up when her birth father wasn’t ready, and he’s been there since. My son still sees his birth fathers parents, but he doesn’t want anything to do w him, as well as his birth mom (my sister). She might be upset, but it’s better to do it sooner than later.
Soo sad 
gona be hard but do it wen your ready not beign prushered on doing it , wish u best of luck xoxo
Ok ladies im in a somewhat similar situation buy its our daughter together as we adopt her at birth she is go-to be 12 in May and has started to notice things like how her sister looks like me and her dad and she looks like her older sister who is not my bio child but I have raised with my husband of 20 years little backstop is my husband’s oldest daughters aunt was on baby number 7 and only had custody of 1 wich is 2 years older than my angel girl and they didn’t want her simply put more on him the bio dad so we agreed to adopt I cut the cord on her and we stayed in hospital with her she came home with us 2 days later and has been with me since she knows a lot of her bio family as her sisters family wich really her sister is her cousin but she has never seen bio dad or mom by their choice not ours anyway now she has asked me a couple times if she was adopted and I just laugh and blow it off but iam honestly torn if I tell her now or do I wait until she is 18 we thought her bio mom was going to die last year she was on death bed hospice was called in and all well she recovered but is still in bad health and her liver is failing due to drugs and alcohol well I was going to tell her then and take her to Florida to meet her so that she couldn’t say that I never let her meet her if she did die I didn’t want that and I don’t want that my biggest fear is I tell her and she doesn’t want me as her mommy anymore then what I’m so torn on what I should do and some of you have given this op some great advice so ladies any for me im drowning over here in my own thoughts and what if that im making myself sick literally any advice for a struggling mama
I think the way u explained it right now would be a good way to explain it to her. Maybe ur ex would be able to be there as well so he can share his feelings on being her dad. Any man can be a father. It takes someone special to be a dad.
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The jig is up mom…she already knows somethings up. Its not easy but it has to happen your fear is her sanity. She probably feels not crazy but yes confused and needs clarity. You may not get everything out in one shot but you have to start somewhere and overtime the conversion will become less awkward. We say we want others to be truthful to us if they love us…well you love her be truthful lead by example. You’ve been doing great raising so far keep going keep being that badass mom for her.
When I was 8 my dad sat me down and explained to me that he wasn’t my bio dad it was really hard for him and honestly if it wasn’t for his wife at the time he probably would of never told me the truth. My mom passed away when I was 5 so I couldn’t ask her who my real dad is and no one in the family seems to know or doesn’t want to really share that info so I don’t push it too much. I have a dad he’s a hell of a man for stepping up and raising me just like his own and continuing to do so after my mom was no longer with us.
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Unfortunately we had to have that talk with my 8 year old step son. He asked questions about bio mom and hasn’t asked about her since. He gave me the biggest hug and cried and said thank you mommy for taking care of me even though I didn’t come from your belly.
My husband just sat down with him and told him what he needed to know as to why she isn’t with him
Tell her the truth. Do it with her “Dad”.
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So my daughter is 9, and sees her bio dad maybe once a year. The man I am with has been with me since she was 2. She sometimes calls him daddy and sometimes mike. While my daughter doesn’t really understand how baby’s are made, she knows her bio dad helped make her but my husband is who helps raise her. He calls my daughter Our daughter and she ALWAYS introduces him as her daddy. I truly believe it’s all on how the conversation starts, I wouldn’t explain sperm and all that stuff but like you said you don’t want her finding out from someone else so I would tell her something in the effect of that the person who loves you and raised you is your dad and while it might not be blood related love is all that matters.
You need to tell her the truth asap
She doesn’t need any details about your relationship with her bio dad but she does need to know that she has one
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I dealt with this situation, in a way. The only difference is the bio dad was in the picture. My husband (who I have two older kids with) were separated, I got pregnant with my now 11 year old daughter. The relationship was abusive/toxic…so I moved back home. My husband and I never got back together we just decided to live/raise our kids together. My husband is legally her father on her birth certificate, he has raised her since birth. He is her Dad. Her bio dad has been in and out of the picture (jail, drugs, etc) but never denied her. His parents have ALWAYS been involved since she was born. Bio dad and I get along fine now and have for years now. She always just hung out with him and called him by his name, but had a special connection with him. When was about 9 years old one day she out of the blue said “If Meemaw and Poppa are my grandparents and Meemaw is Jay’s Mom then how am I relayed to Jay?”…I just simply said Jay is your biological father but when you were born he was having a hard time in life and struggling a bit himself so he asked Daddy to take care of you so you were safe and had everything you needed. She just looked at me and said “Oh Okay, so I actually have 2 dad’s? Do (my older son and dtr) know that I have 2 dad’s and they only have 1?”…And that was really all that was said, and life has proceeded as normal. She still sees, calls and communicates with him, but if someone refers to her “Dad” she assumes they are talking about her Dad that is raising her. I’ve actually heard her explain to people that if they are talking about Jay when they say “your dad” to please call him Jay so she knows who they are referring to. She is 11 years old now and nothing has changed with the relationships.
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He’s only doing that to appease his wife. If she pushes, he’s going to do it because that’s his wife. While I do think she’s to young, people are already talking about it. If that lady would’ve never came into the picture, none of this would’ve happened. That was before her, she’s majorly over stepping. Only reason he now wants to tell her, that he’s not her dad, is to make wife happy… hopefully he doesn’t back out now…
But honestly when to tell her is your decision.
You dug yourself a hole at this point. She should have been told the truth from the beginning. I have 2 teens whose dad walked away from them when I divorced him. They were toddlers and have no memory of it but I never hid it from them. A child’s biological family is part of who they are–part of their story, and no one has a right to lie to them about it. You need to tell her the truth now because at this age she’s going to wonder why you lied and there isn’t a good answer to that.
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Tell her the truth since she’s asking. It’s best to come from you
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My 6 year old understands that his papa is my step dad. His dad’s mom husband is his dad’s step dad. He understands that…
Sometimes another man steps up to be the dad the kid never could have. Sometimes that bio-father family sticks around for the kid.
If she’s asking questions as her what she thinks about it. Does she think it’s ok to call other people family when they ain’t blood? Let her be the one to decide her answer.
You think you are doing the right thing by keeping it a secret but you are causing so much harm. Lying to your child about something so serious is not okay. My sister and I found out our dad was not her biological child when she was 19 years old. Everyone knew but us. She holds so much resentment and literally doesn’t really talk to our dad anymore. (The man that raised her) she has so many trust issues. Tell her NOW
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Don’t wait !!! you’ll regret it if you don’t she already knows something is up
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Tell her the truth wtf? You’re doing her a disservice by not and it’s cruel and she has the right to know. Just explain her bio dad couldn’t handle being a dad but that the dad she knows loved her so much he wanted to be her dad
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