Always tell the truth no matter how hard. Explain how much she is loved and how none of this was her fault. Explain like you said family doesn’t always mean blood. Sending you love and hope that all works out ok in the end.
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I was in the EXACT same position. When my son was 8 his “dad” (not biological but raised him) and I were split up for roughly 2 years and he wanted to tell our son the truth, so we did. It came up because my son is pasty white and the man he calls dad is tan so my son was questioning it. My son took it very well and still has visitation and calls him dad. He now knows who his real dad is but has not met him. I wasnt ready to tell my son yet but in the end it worked out. I just made sure to tell my son that no matter what his “dad” and I love him dearly and just because he is not blood related does not mean that their bond is any less.
I don’t think you’re be a bad mom or anything like that you did what you felt was right. To me though being honest from the get go might have been a little better. There’s no doubt you love her but that means telling her the truth the longer it waits the more she will feel betrayed and lied to…that can break a trust that she might not ever get over.
“Truth is the only safe ground to stand on”, but it can be difficult so put her shoes on the wrong feet and have her walk around for awhile then explain that her bio dad couldnt be her dad because it felt like that to him then put them on the right feet and explain how when its right in your heart it fits like shoes on the right feet, worked for us
Yes ,talk to her. Just make sure you reassure her that she is loved and wanted. I had to do this very recently with my 8 year old.
We are now working on the hurt and unwanted feelings she has.
I am here to support her through the emotions . Let them get their feeling out now .that way we can be there for them to help and give lots and lots of love.
I told my daughter and it made her even more thankful for him
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You say “just because she isn’t related to her dad by blood doesn’t mean it’s not her dad” but that’s EXACTLY what it means… He’s NOT her dad and he’s getting sick of keeping up the charade and his new wife is getting sick of him playing dad to a kid that isn’t his. Be ready for him to cut ties or start to put some distance between all of you once she is told the truth. Tell the kid the truth. She needs to know that man is not her father before he walks away as well and having them both not want her can cause abandonment problems so be ready to have her see a child therapist to work through the lie and the abandonment.
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My mom told me I was adopted by my “dad” when I was 11, I felt so devastated. And told me that it wasn’t her job to tell me how my real father was, that it was my job to gain that opinion on my own. I felt it still put a bitter taste in my mouth. Unfortunately my son is now in a similar situation, I told him before he went into kindergarten especially because he has a different last name, and I wanted him to hear it from me. But I didn’t want him to think I’m talking badly about him. I told him that his bio dad, is on a adventure cooking in different places and fulfilling his dreams. And that it’s better that he stay with me and live his life with me. And not that his dad didn’t want him. And he asks me where he’s cooking now sometimes and I tell him and he thinks it’s cool. I don’t think it’s my job to tell him how his dad doesn’t want him, he’ll figure it out when he’s an adult
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Tell her the whole truth it’s not pretty but just tell
Her the truth
Tell her. I found out the day my dad died that he wasn’t my dad. It nearly destroyed me. Tell her.
I would tell her the truth because it sounds like she already knows something is up and will probably hear it somewhere else. I also think you need to be careful. It sounds like his wife is pushing this in hopes their relationship ends. Maybe she will even push him to end it.
Please tell her the truth. She will resent you if she finds out from someone else.
Yes tell her the truth, she’s gonna find out sooner or later. And if you don’t tell her before she finds out, she’s going to resent you. The damage has already been done when you told her that her biological grandparents were not related to her, but there’s no changing it. She will be more thankful that you told her when she’s young than waiting until she’s older. You’d be surprised how much kids can comprehend at that age. Just know that it’s possible that she may lash out at first, but over time she’ll come to find that there are still people in her life that love her.
Since she is asking it is time to tell her the truth. I went through the same with my son. My husband has raised him and his bio dad has never been imvolved. I debated about telling him for awhile but when he started asking questions I knew it was time.
She is 8 years old. She should be protected but she deserves honesty. If you dont make a big deal out of it, she wont either. Tell her you want to clear up any questions she might have about the people in her life. Let her ask. Be truthful but dont elaborate and keep the door open for later conversations, trust me, they will happen. Stop feeling guilty or pressured, let it unfold naturally with your daughter, others not raising her, kindly mind your own business.
I just had this conversation with my older two back in June of 2020. It hurt me more than them. I told them that their dad wasnt their blood dad. That their bio “dad” decided to stop being one when I left him. I also told them why I left but not in detail. I said your bio dad wAsnt nice to mommy. So we had to go before he wasn’t nice to you. And in return, he hasn’t seen them in 10 years now. My husband now is their dad. And they know that. They’ve never stopped looking at him differently because they know who’s been there. Mine were 10 and 12. Just be gentle. I told them when they are 18 they can find him if he doesn’t reach out before then. And yes it’s better to hear from you than anyone else. Best of luck to you❤️
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Tell her the truth. Tell her that her biological father was not mature enough to want to be a father (don’t say sperm donor), but his mother and father wanted her in their lives and love her. She is lucky to have them, plus your husband’s family and your family. Some children have no grandparents - - .
I’m in a similar situation with my son, but his bio dad has never wanted anything to do with us, and my ex (my daughters dad has been there since my oldest was born) my oldest doesn’t know that’s not his bio dad and I’m dreading when he starts asking questions when he’s older. For now, though he’s happy and loved by everyone and that’s all that matters to us.
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Just tell her the truth? Better to know now instead of waiting. Can always have a more in depth conversation when shes older and understands more. But she still needs to know the truth. Being lied to is the worst
Possibly get together with “dad” and grandparents, have a sit down conversation so all can be present to not only answer questions, but also so no one can say they were left out or this/that was said.
I would also tell your ex that his wife should not be present as this doesn’t pertain to her directly
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Tell her the truth if she’s asking. My mother told me when I was around 7 that I was a twin and my sister died as a.baby.
Also around that time my own bio father left us and moved out of state.
It might hurt for a little while… but always speaking the truth is better than lies.
My kids bio father kicked us out and no has stopped contact. I told my 7 and 6 year old the truth… they chose themselves how they felt about him.
My oldest son sperm donor left when I was a month pregnant. I told my son the truth from beginning. It hurts but he appreciated me being honest about it. The child will be upset at first but all u can do is be there and comfort them
The older she is thr harder itll be
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Tell her now!
The older she is the harder it will be for her.
I learned this the hard way
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Honesty is the best policy. You will do more harm lying to her than telling her the truth. You’re also putting bio dads family in a bad position because they can’t be honest with her either. She’s going to feel like everyone is lying to her. The sooner you tell her the truth, the sooner she can wrap her head around it and deal with the emotions and questions. Her dad chose to not be a responsible parent. But his decision does NOT mean his parents should suffer by not having a relationship with her. They didn’t do anything wrong to deserve that, and neither did your daughter. I would sit down with bio dad’s parents and your daughter and have that conversation. And tell her, if she has questions or if she’s struggling coming to terms with it, she is always welcome to talk to any or all of you about it, and that you’re all there for her for anything she needs. It’s OK to be confused and it’s OK to be hurt, because that’s not an easy conversation to have or situation to understand, but at the end of the day, those of you who are there, are there because you love her and that’s what truly matters. We can’t change bio dad’s mind or his decisions, but what we can be, is honest in the conversation, and emphasize being thankful for those who see and value the relationship they have and continue to choose to have with her in spite of it. 
We’ve always explained to my son that he has two dad’s. His first dad gave him his blood and genes and is no longer around but still loves him (he passed away). And his second dad may not have given him his blood and genes but loves him very much and is thankful he is in his life. Maybe do something along these lines in your own words. Make it safe considering how old the child is. He doesn’t need to know every detail.
Good luck
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You need to tell her the truth. If she’s old enough to ask about it she’s old enough to know. My kids call my fiance dad. Their bio father hasn’t seen them since my youngest was 2 months and he will be 7 next year. They started asking a few years ago (before me and my fiance got together) why they didnt have a dad like everybody else. I sit them down and explained to them that their dad chose other choices and wanted to live a different life than having them. They don’t know who he is. He doesn’t remember their birthdays or anything. My fiance came in the picture fell in love with them and been there for them since day one. You need to tell her before she gets any older or before somebody else tells her.
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Get dad and u to sit down with her so u don’t have to do it alone and so then he can explain also that he was there not spent doner.
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Tell her the truth my oldest is 7 and me and her dad have always been honest about her father
Never lie to a child. She is old enough to know the truth. It causes mistrust and lots of hurt feelings if she were to find out from someone else. Everyone deserves to know the truth about their parents
I know this situation so well I found out my step dad wasn’t my dad at around 10 years old didn’t make a difference to me he was my dad my bio father was never there I knew his sister growing up but that’s it I think you and the dad need to have this convo with her together because she will need to hear it from you both and she will have questions and need reassurance from her dad but its better coming from you two then someone else you can inbox me anytime
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The Christian lady is exactly why I am not religious
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Just tell her. Kids are extremely smart and adapt easily. Just tell her the truth and answer all questions with 100% honesty. You are risking the trust she has for you and that’s almost impossible to get back onceit’s gone. She will probably ask you about it a lot as she gets older as she will be able to understand and process it more always answer honestly cause if you lie at all and someone else tells her my different she wont trust you anymore.
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Always best to be honest from the time they start knowing what’s what, when they ask questions answer them be honest farout just tell her what she needs to know, the question is why you hiding everything from her
Yes tell her! You don’t want her to just find out.
My parents lied to me. Im like an elephant i never forgot. I have for given to a certain degree. But i tell you what! I will never hold secrets on my daughter never have, never will.
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So I have advice from the opposite side. I have a man who i consider my father. We aren’t related in any way. He also has other kids who I grew up with in my early childhood who I still consider my siblings to this day. Honestly it didn’t hurt when I found out he wasn’t my dad and I was much younger than your daughter is now. It actually made me love him even more bc he chose to be my dad and love me when my actual father abandoned me. I think you should be honest with her and just tell her that he chose to love her blood related or not. I hope this helps 
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I think is is a little too young to fully understand completely, But if the man whom she calls dad she loves her, just let it go. Now as for the sperm man, just tell her she has a wonderful set of grandparents from someone who is not around anymore. Explain to her she is loved by all of these people, when she gets older, than explain, that those grandparents are from a person whom you had a relationship before she was born. You had her & he wasn’t man enough to be a real dad at the time, but his parents love her forever. I never told my kids their father (my ex husband) abused me horrible. He was their father & they needed to see just what kind of man he was. And they did. They needed to form their own opinion about him
You need to be honest. She’s already taken the first step to figuring it out herself anyway! My mom brought me to see my grandma every Halloween, and just called her her friend, but my pictures were all over her wall. I’m 31 years old and I’m still angry with all the lies surrounding my father’s side. You need to be honest, especially if you want a close healthy relationship with your daughter.
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I was the same but I was told by police that my dad wasn’t my dad. Just explain to her that she has another father which is DNA only BUT her dad will always be her dad, he loves her very much and he raised her.
I honestly wasn’t phased when I was told (about 10 I think). I had the relationship with my ‘dad’ and that was enough.
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“Family comes in all different ways, sizes, and colors. Taking on the big responsibility to raise a child requires maturity and communication. When your dad and I separated, he chose to not take on that responsibility. And that’s ok. You have a great Dad who has taken that responsibility and is mature.” That’s what I told my daughter when she started asking questions. Straight to the point, no bashing, and honest.
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Tell her she is very loved. She had 2 dads. 1 bio dad, 1 I love you so much dad
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Similar situation for myself growing up. My mum left my bio dad when I was 3 months old because he was abusive, I grew up with my step dad raising me. My mum told me when I was 8 that who I thought was my dad was actually my step dad and that my bio dad was someone else. I didn’t think much of it at the time, too young to really understand. It was in my teens that it really kind of hit me, and I asked for more details. Mum never stopped him or his family from seeing me, they chose not to on their own. I reached out to my bio dad when I was 14 and he shot me down completely, then when I turned 16 he stalked me at my workplace for a while (I only knew it was him because my aunty pointed him out to me). My boss ended up banning him from the store because it was taking a mental toll on me.
My advice, let her know. Support her decisions and stand by for the emotional onslaught that will follow when it sinks in. My mum tried to stop me from communicating with him, causing so many arguments and hurt. I had to work it out for myself what kind of man he was.
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I’ve watched my adopted brother go through this as well as my own stepson. My biggest regret - not being 100% truthful with my stepson from the beginning. Both my brother and stepson found out from other people - and that hurt them both. I urge you to come clean before the decision is taken out of your hands and you lose her trust. She will obviously deal with abandonment issues whenever you tell her, and honestly, it’s better to hear age appropriate truths when younger than to all of a sudden have your world shattered around you as you get older.
Well she’s going to find out at one stage so I would start it now while she is young. Slowly introduce it into the conversation before someone else does it for you.
I can understand not having the conversation before, but in my opinion if she is asking questions about how she is related to people I would tell her the truth. I’m not saying you have to go into extensive details about abuse from bio dad, but wanting to know the relations to other people is obviously weighing on her mind. I would maybe talk to “dad” and his new wife and see if you can all sit down and have a convo together with her… or if the new wife doesn’t want to be involved in the convo then just you and dad so she can be told from him on the spot “I’ll always look at you and love you as my own baby and would love to still be your dad if that is what you want”. There may be an awkward period there, but kids are smart and she will see who has been there for her you know. But the explanation of “we can love people and have relationships even if they aren’t related” seems to be directed more for dad who has been there because they’re not actually blood related while her grandparents are actually her bio relation. Honesty seems to always work the best… even if there is some upset in my opinion it ends better when there aren’t lies involved.
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She is old enough to understand. Maybe don’t tell her about the abuse, just say that her “dad” was/is a bad man. Explain the abuse part when she is older.
Honesty is key, no matter what age. My oldest was hospitalized by her dad at 2 months and she was 3 yrs old when she started asking about him and I told her everything. Because of this, she understands why she can’t have a relationship with him and doesn’t desire to. Says she forgives him, but he will never be in her life. It hurt to tell her, but if you wait then you might be labeled the bad guy. Tell your daughter EVERYTHING
Truth is best. She deserves it
Seek professional help!! Best thing to do
You don’t want someone else telling her the truth. I know this from experience. My son found out from someone else. Was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with. We were going to tell him when he was 16. This lady took it upon herself to tell him when he was 10. Thinking it was her right to do so. He was angry for a very long time at me and I don’t blame him. His “real” dad was a piece of shit though and I didn’t want him to know him until he was older if he chose so. That way he could make an adult decision. He also signed off rights when he was very little. I wish I would have been the one to tell him not someone else…
I was always honest with my daughter. Now that she’s an adult, im really glad because health issues have come up in her biological family.
Now that she is questioning things she is figuring it out so you need to sit her down and be truthful about it.
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Don’t wait any longer. Keeping things from children never actually helps anything. I think the biggest thing to focus on is why it’s just coming up now. Be transparent with her about your own trauma. I bet she can handle it and both of you will walk away feeling better.
Sorry but between Dad’s I can’t keep up with this conversation…I can’t tell who is who or who your with now.
Tell her.
I had to find out for myself as a child and it took me a long time to trust either of my parents again. I was 15 and had repeatedly asked after having overheard conversations about myself.
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If you believe she is ready to know then tell her. You are her mum and this is up to you, I don’t believe you have done anything wrong. You do what works for your family.
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She needs to know the sooner the better. You tell her what she can understand and add as needed. The way it is, she’ll most likely find out the truth and know you’ve lied to her. My feeling is always tell the truth right from the start. It’s much less damaging.
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The only thing I can really say is it’s not “if” she finds out. It’s “when”
My birth mother tried to bury something, and when it finally came out it destroyed any chance of any relationship ever being repaired/ formed.
If it were me, I’d want to know.
Blood doesn’t make family.
Tell her before someone else does! I had a friend who found out in school that his “dad” wasn’t his biological father and it messed him up for years. He was like 12yo and it was during recess (also found out 2 cousins were actually his half-brothers) and he ended up going to hus best friend’s house after school and refusing to go home for several days. The families were close friends and his parents knew where he was and that he was safe.
It affected his relationship with the man who raised him for the rest of that man’s life. (He died in an accident when we were in our 30’s)
do not lie … as I am sure she already knows and is just checking the story out.
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I think you should tell her I mean yes it will hurt but its better coming from you than finding out by someone else
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Seems like you’ve spun yourself a web of problems by trying to wait till she’s old enough rather than just telling her the truth from the start & it not being a big deal. The sooner you tell her the full truth the better! No more half truths, give it to her straight & let her decide how she feels about it.
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I have an 8 year old boy in this same exact situation besides that the man he calls dad is still with me he has recently started asking questions so me and my husband have decided we need to take a day together to sit down and talk to him about it. maybe you and dad (not sperm donor) can both sit down and talk to her about it that way she can be reassured that dad loves her even though she doesn’t belong to him. also she may be a little upset at first but she will love you for being honest with her later. my son knows we just haven’t sat down and talked about it and our relationship with him has not changed.
Be honest with her. I went through the same thing as a child and trust me, be honest with her
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I honestly don’t think you’ve done anything wrong. I probably would have done the same thing as you. Family is family. It doesn’t always mean blood. That’s her dad he loves her and raised her and is continuing to raise her. Those are her grandparents. They love her and are continuing to love her. Shared blood is really kinda irrelevant in this situation. And I personally think most of these comments aren’t giving children enough credit. She’s at an age where I think she’ll understand what you explains to her. It really shouldn’t change anything.
It is time. She needs to hear this from you asap. Approach it carefully and lovingly just as you shared with us but keep it simple. Answer all of her questions honestly and tenderly. Start with the fact that you loved her daddy but he turned out to not be very nice to mom. Then you met “Joe” who loved both of you very much and wanted her to call him dad. Incorporate where her real grandpa and grandma come into the picture. Take it slow. Let her absorb all you are telling her. You’ll get thru this. Be strong.
Simplify. Some kids are lucky and have an extra grandpa. Your birth daddy and I were not able to get along so we don’t see each other or even talk. About him, you have no answers. He saw you once but not again. It’s not her fault. Some grown ups are ready to be parents…
Just give her only the answers she asks. She is old enough for the teuth
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If she’s old enough to ask, she’s old enough for the truth
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Honestly, she’s probably asking questions because she already knows…
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who is bringing it up. sounds like nonbio dad wants or being pushed to want release from her. should’ve never lied to her in the first place honesty goes a long way even with babies. tell her that being a dad is more than blood it’s about responsibility. the dad that helped create her wasn’t responsible enough for her or mommy. didn’t know how to care for them properly. the dad she grew up with is the dad that was ready to live her
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You should have told her sooner. She would have understood from an early age… now she will be upset because of the deceit
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My now husband adopted my son at age 2. My son never met his bio dad. He went to stay part of the summer with my parents. On night while looking at old photo he saw the old wedding picture of me and his big dad. When hecask who that was my mother told. She wasn’t being mean she was just trying to answer the questions. I had to leave the next day to go down and pick him up and explain it all to him. Hecwas 7 yes old. At that time I told him all the truth i told him if he wanted to met bio dad i would find him and arrange it. He did not stateing my husband hid adopted dad was the only one he needed or loved. My son is 37 and to this day still does not want to meet bio dad
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You do need to tell her before someone else does my own daughter used to ask questions about her dad because he was never around I just answered the best I could although I tried to make sure she didn’t hate him as I knew there would come a time when she would meet him which she did & I went with her to support her & she had a relationship with him for a while until he crossed a line & now she doesn’t bother with him where as my gran kept this kind of thing from my cousin but my cousin was told by others & she hated my gran for a long time because she kept it from her & even lied about it when it came up, you just have to hope when you have the talk & explain why you didn’t tell her earlier she understands
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It’ll be easier for her now than when she’s older and can hold resentment longer.
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Bring blood related doesn’t make you family, loving the people and being there for you makes them family. Explain that to her first, then tell her about her biological father, do not call him a sperm donator in front of her, that just makes you look bitter. She’ll come to that conclusion on her own. Then explain that her “dad” is the one who raised her, loved her and will always be there for her. The grandparents are her biological fathers parents and they love her and will always be there for her. And that’s what makes everyone family. Sure you can choose family too because they are there for you
Some children are more emotionally mature than others of the same age. Is your daughter overly sensitive or is she a go with the flow kind of kid? Chances are if she’s asking you she’s probably overheard her “step mother” and her dad talking. If I were you I would sit down with both him and her and explain it in her language. Then open up a question and answer discussion. Only the 2 of you and your daughter leave the new wife out of it. Just as you needed closure so should she have that. You may have to talk to the school guidance counselor or social worker to help her through any feelings she might have about it.
You broke your daughters trust !!! Should have never lied to her. You need to tell her asap! Explain a Dad is the one who is there and loves you always and a father just helped to make you.
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Be open & honest with your child… don’t tell her a lie. She’s asking for the truth.
I had to tell my 5year old where dad was cause she asked…
Different situation tho. He went to jail
Take it from someone who found out from a doctor when I was 13, that hurts a lot more. The conversation will be painful and hard but the truth could eventually slip up from someone else and that will hurt even more. I was mad at my dad (the guy who raised me from birth) for years. I was mad at my mom too but it wasnt as disappointing from her because we were never close and she disappointed me all the time anyways.
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Consider who’s involved, her biological paternal family & dad’s new wife who won’t mind her own business, I bet she knows & wants confirmation from you. That’s why she keeps asking. I’d sit her down & tell her that her dad isn’t the man that helped raise her but is still her dad. He CHOSE to raise her despite not being legally or morally obligated to. That makes her special. Focus on the positive. A man that isn’t her bio father once loved you enough to parent your child & despite it not working out he continues that relationship with her. The problem is the wife. It sounds like he wasn’t worried about her knowing until she came along. She is looking for a way to get rid of your daughter. She’s jealous. He has to deal with her. Hopefully he’ll see her for who she is & not let her ruin their relationship.
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truth…neaver lie to kids
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She is old enough to know. Tell her the truth. You can even draw it out on paper for her if she needs it. Keep your answers short and watch her as she absorbs the information. No distractions or interruptions. Don’t let your fears flow over onto her.
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My eldest was raised from birth by a man who isn’t his biological dad. He was even there at my sons birth. We told him about his bio dad who had never laid eyes on him when he was 15 . It went really well. Happy for you to message me if you want to chat. It’s alot to write on your post. For my family the choice to raise my son till 15 not knowing his dad wasn’t his bio dad ended up being the best thing we had ever done and what came after telling him was a growth experience for us all and we grew even closer.
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Tell her the truth. She deserves to know.
You need to sit her down and tell her the truth. She is going to hate you for not tell her if you don’t do it soon. And you need to always be honest to your children no matter what because you are now teaching them to lie to you. Put yourself in her shoes how would you feel if she was lying to you. Mamma you got this go tell her the truth and may God give you the right words to say. Prayers for you and your family.
Have you and him sit down and tell her the truth. Then just answer any thing she asks the both of you.
You should have told her from the jump. I knew from the age 2 that my step dad at the time wasn’t my biological father, but to me he was my father. I never saw my real dad and mom always made sure to never speak illy about him and answered questions whenever I asked. The older she gets the more she may resent you for not telling her.
Sounds like she already has an idea that something is going on. Explain that her bio dad did not want you-not her- and chose to live his life without you in it. Let her know that her grandparents fell in love with her and couldn’t do without her. Also let her know that her real Dad is a man who loves her without doubt or reservations. She needs to know before someone uses the situation to hurt her. You don’t have to go into gory details, just what she can handle at this age. It isn’t going to be easy, but you can do this. Best wishes to you and your little girl.
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You should have never lied to begin with. My parents were truthful with me and I never held any resentment. If they would have waited I would have hated them
My mom was always honest about my biological father not being in the picture and why. It was easier to grow up with knowing that.
I think you should tell her before she finds out from someone else. Good luck
Never lie because the truth will out and then the one person in her life who she thought she could trust is a liar.kids don’t care why you lied just that you did and if you can tell one lie how many more have you told in her eyes.To have that conversation is always difficult but to try and explain lies is always harder.
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Coming from a woman who was in your daughter’s shoes…when I found out at 12 that my dad wasn’t my biological father I was angry at first and it stemmed from fear. Idk why but that scared me. I was hurt I was lied to, so be prepared for that as mom. Because my birth mother didn’t tell me, my dad & step mother did. They had to, because I was living with them and they feared my birth mother was going to take us (my brother included) and they were right. Now I was confused. As I grew older I grew more respect from my dad. Because like her dad, he raised me and treated me as his own before I even took my first breath. He was and will always be my dad. I love him always. Now I do wonder who my other half of my family is…I really don’t want to know them, but I’d like to know of any medical conditions that run in the family. But I will never know. B mom says he’s dead but I think it’s a lie. I think she really doesn’t know because she was a hoe.
Unless he went through the legal process to adopt her and become legal father she should have been told the truth from the beginning. And lying about her family wasnjust plain wrong. Lying is NEVER the right answer. Tell her the truth. You basically taught her that its ok.
Now is the time to be honest…
In my opinion you probably shouldn’t have lied to start with but I understand why you did…we all do things crazy to protect our kids
Her real dad may be a dead beat but she deserves to at least know of him and know that the guy she been calling dad really isn’t… maybe use the term step dad or just his name if you want it less confusing…
I would be getting “dad” to talk to her to and just reassure her that he’s not going anywhere ect… and that he still loves her ect…
But in all honesty the guy she calls dad probably won’t continue playing daddy forever… this could lead your child to have abandonment issues or even separation anxiety…
Potentially as she gets older she might feel neglected…as her real dad didn’t want her and now the dad she thought was her dad has a new family and will start having kids of his own…n well I really hope this doesn’t happen but it will just be what happened with real daddy all over again just without the abuse maybe and your daughter being older…but to her everyone has walked out…be careful who you let in… and definitely wouldn’t be telling ya daughter that anyone else is her dad or even step dad…you will just confuse her…
The situation you are in is tough don’t hate yourself or be too hard…it will all work out!!
Never lie to your children, always be forthcoming. You are the one they rely on and if they find out you’ve been lying their entire life they will resent you. Kids will surprise you with what they can handle at an early age if given the opportunity. Let them learn for themselves and make good decisions in life based on how you’ve raised them.
Get… Guess what! She’s older. It will never be like your thought it works be. Just make sure you do it to her level of understanding. And what you’re experiencing is fear. I’d say you’re pretty secure that they man she knows as daddy isn’t going anywhere. So… Native the fear she’ll want something she doesn’t even know existed… Or that she’ll want to meet him and experience the rejection first hand. She is a person… If he doesn’t want to see her… She’ll ask why. She’ll internalize feelings and it could completely screw her up (not likely). Teach her compassion… "bio dad couldn’t be a daddy because he he didn’t get enough love as a child. So the idea of being a parent and failing is something he didn’t want to do to her. And as luck would have it, there was a daddy who was ready… He just needed a daughter. "