Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How to work through holidays with my ex who doesn't show
If its his visitation time, I believe he can get them at any point during that time, ukess your court order states differently.
Technically, maybe. I’m not a lawyer, however I’m in a similar unpredictable situation. I’m at the point where I decide if it’s worth a contempt motion. Weigh the options. Worst he can do is go file a motion of contempt. Then it’ll have to be accepted or denied. Following that you’ll have a court date and they may have him make up the time but they won’t throw you i jail right now because of covid. So it’s ultimately up to you.
I think our court orders are different here in England, if I were you I’d make plans with the kids but bare in mind that there is a order in place for the kids… Just incase he does bother x
Does it say anywhere in the divorce decree/ parenting agreement that if either parent are late for the scheduled pickup time, their parenting time is forfeited?
In my court papers if he’s more than 15 mins late for pick up he forfeits his whole visit. It does change to 30 mins late if he lives more than an hr away from me. But the point being if he doesn’t get them at pick up time he forfeits his whole visit. I’m in Ohio
I think there may be rules about that. I would definitely follow up with your lawyer. I know in some cases if nothing was done or said by a certain time the visitation was forfeited.
I would seek legal advice from someone like a lawyer or if they have counsel members available through your courthouse. Here where I live there is legal advice hotlines too. I would not base any decisions like this off of Facebook just because different places have different guidelines and it also depends on your specific court order.
Couldn’t you file something on him for not following the court order and seeing the kids when he is supposed to?
It depends on the state but from how ours was we only had to allow 30 mins after and if no call no show we didn’t have to allow the visitation to happen.
We always had it if the other party doesn’t come pick up the child at their ordered time then we would wait atleast 30min if they still didn’t show then they revoked their time
If he’s making NO contact and hasn’t seen them since April you need to file abandonment and take those visitation rights away. Its been 7 months!
Where I am in Australia if the children are not picked up at the time they are meant to be and another time has not been discussed and agreed on then the other parent does not get that visitation time.
I wouldn’t even answer the phone.
How old are kids if old enough up to them
Ask the courts. It’s not your job to hunt him down
Let him know through third party, this is the deadline. No reasons or excuses necessary. Are you coming home his week?
Most of the time it’s written in the plan. If it’s not I’d schedule with mediation to get it written. If you specify that he does not come for his scheduled pick up then he’s forfeiting his visit. Make sure to document it.
Depends on what the divorce decree says AND/OR custody paperwork says on visitation rights.
My personal opinion on this is:
If he can’t adhere to the dates he is supposed to be getting visitation with the kids and didn’t contact you (third party) to tell you beforehand then he doesn’t get them at all for that visitation period. The kids need stability so not knowing what/when/where they are going to dad’s is only hurting them whether it be emotionally or mentally.
Communication is KEY in Co-parenting NO MATTER what has gone on between the 2 parents. Kids are NOT to be used as pawns or or taken by the other parent out of spite. It’s not fair for them.
Nope! If doesn’t show up within I believe 30 minutes (per my court order in Texas) that’s it. He doesn’t have any rights to try and get the child/children another day. And yes the same rules adhere to any visitation schedules in place.
Mine says if hes 30 min late and no contact then he forfeits. I would believe no contact to make arrangements to pick them up I would go ahead with your plans. Always keep notes on any contact or lack of. To cover yourself.
Court orders are clear, if its their weekend they get the kids. Although my parents hated each other and added on a time to pick up by, if the other didnt come a certain time (i believe it was 6pm) then which ever parent we were already with kept us that weekend/holiday.
But if you dont have a time dictated to pick up by and if he wants to have them, its his time.
My parents fought about this for years.
Normally there is a 30 minute early or late time window and if they are later than the 30 minutes they forfeit their time. If he hasn’t seen them since April I wouldn’t just hand them over. He could stop by and see them (at a different location with someone you trust) and maybe get them another time.
My ex hasn’t spoken to my son since 1996. My hubby’s ex was such a POS, my step sons cried if they had to go for set visitation. In SC, once they get a certain age, they can request not to go. All the boys had to do was write a letter explaining they did not want to go with her. These letters were filed with our lawyer and copies were forwarded to hers. You might want to check into this. The children should have a say…js
Put the shoe on the other foot. You have no idea what is going on in his life. If you were late to show up would you still like to see your kids? The problem is between you both not him and his kids nor the kids and grandparents. Be reasonable now so it can’t come back and bite you later
Reach out to your lawyer and keep everything documented whether he communicated or not. I personally wouldn’t let him have thr kids at all if he hasn’t made any kind of contact in that big amount of time. If he’s not making any effort, why should you have to reach out? But do everything in your power by the book so you don’t get penalized for it.
File abandonment with your courts
You Prob need to contact your lawyer or read your divorce decree. Mine has to let me know 48 HR ahead of time
I would just say I was available during that time that the papers ordered, when I didn’t hear from him, we made other plans, if he tries to get them during that time, youre “out of town” since he was a no show
On the fathers weekend that he gets the kids he can get them anytime on that weekend. If you keep the kids from going with him then you will be in contempt of court and may have to go to jail. That’s Oklahoma law.
Go back to court and report him.
I would call your lawyer not aske people on here that bad advice will get u trouble, plus until it changes follow court order
I would document EVERYTHING and file abandonment charges. It’s been 7 months now. I think after 6 months you can file them.
No. And it should say in your court order how late he can be.
Follow Court Order. That’s what it’s for.
Should Say in your court order. I’m in Michigan, mine says after 15 minutes late, it’s forfeited, 30minutes to be nice. Unless notified 48hrs in advance.
We have an interim parenting plan with NO holiday or vacation schedule. My ex is to have my son for 6hrs a week but he never communicated before school started how we should work Vistations as my son started kindergarten and 9am to 3pm did not work anymore. I reach out for 315pm to 915pm on Fridays when we aren’t traveling. In 5yrs he’s never had my son on holidays either the day before or the day after. If my ex doesn’t communicate about his visitation 48hrs prior it’s a no go! He’s been missing so many since February that at this point no word means he’s not doing it and I do not message him. He’s gone a month or so already 2 times this year alone with NO communication and no visitation. I’m 99.9% responsible for my son I cannot and will not be responsible for my ex as well!!
Go see your Lawyer & get it sorted " doesn’t sound like he wants to see them :
So just curious what good iz the court order if your not going to follow it. Does no good if both parents can’t be held accountable for the court order. It should say how late he can be or how much notice he has to give. Just cuz you don’t want to doesn’t mean the kids don’t want to see their father. It will only bite you in the ass later. I can’t stand my patents for keeping me Eay from my biological. It’s not hurting you it’s only hurting the kids
If he’s gone more than 6 months with no attempt at contact you can see about terminating his roghys depending on the state.
Document it all. Every time he cancels or is late. You’ll need it.
But I’d look into terminating his rights at this point.
He has breached the order. It’s his problem. Not your s. He sounds like a problem 
Yes you do. Unfortunately the courts set the schedule and if has to be followed by the both of you. If he hasn’t picked them up since April the courts should have been notified every time he missed pick up. You could have gone back to court and got yourself more time because he’s obviously not Interested in seeing them.
If he hasn’t seen them since April, I’d think it all goes out the window somewhat, but hit up your lawyer asap about it. Only advice I’d listen to is legal advice
Trust me he’s doing drugs n it’s time to shed that light with the courts n shedding that light would help ur kids dad just saying
Depending on where y’all live, 6+ months with no contact is considered abandonment and you technically could take him to court and get his rights signed over.
Definitely contact your lawyer as each case is different and you may still have to let him see them if it’s within the allotted time frame, but I would definitely be documenting each time he was supposed to see his kids yet never showed up. After so much time or after so many instances, I would be taking him back to court for full custody because it’s not fair for the kids to continuously get their hopes up just to be let down. You tried to let him stay apart of their lives and he choose himself over them for months. Save your kids from the heartache and yourself from having to explain to your kids that they’re still loved despite their father choosing not to spend time with them and make sure they understand it’s not their fault. In the end you will be happy that you don’t have to allow your kids to keep getting let down and they will learn to appreciate all of the love and care you give them.
Id let him explain his reasons to the court. After 6 months id be fighting to remove his visitation rights totally. He cant continue to ignore his children and claim hes a parent
No. He should have a clearly stated 15 minute late deadline. Mine was stated in the papers.
Unfortunately yes you do. If it’s court ordered. I would file a modification adding if he doesn’t show or communicate after 6pm he forgets his visitation
No you do not. The court does not expect those kids to sit and wonder. Until he resumes his visits then plan your life around the fact that he is a deadbeat.
In my divorce papers it says that if the receiving parent doesn’t show up for their visitation by a certain time (unless otherwise discussed between parties), the parent with the kids can go on about their day and that parent has lost their visitation time until the next visit
Unless you have holiday clauses in the agreement then I would say no (but I’m not a lawyer) I’m sorry you and your children are going through this.
How do you have protective order and he has scheduled time with his children? Its one or the other and something is missing.
my ex did this to me, after a while he didn’t’ take them, Also I asked in court, if he couldn’t get them for the weekend by this time, to please call me up, which of course he didn’t. So it was no big deal. Then yrs later, he got the great GF, who was wonderful to my kids, her daughter age was between my 2 kids ages. They all got along great. So she is the one who picked them up, she is the one, that did things with them & I had no problems with that, if i had to work a holiday, I called her up & she took them 
Damn shame he screwed that relationship up too. But when they were younger & he didn’t show by a certain time, I never told them anything thing. I didn’t want them to be hurt if he didn’t show up, I just turned the lights off, they went to bed at their normal time, & if he did show up, which he never did, I wouldn’t have answered the door 
Join the Facebook group One Mom’s Battle. Try asking your question in that group.
I would go back and get full custody and just do 1 weekend a month for him…since it sounds he could care less by not showing up to when he’s supposed to get them now
My question is, with an EPO against him, are you not concerned about the welfare of your kids. I’m not trying to be ugly but if you need an order for you, are they safe?
“Hasn’t seen them since April”
All id need to know right there.
Go about thanksgiving and Christmas the way YOU want to with your kids.
He can drag you to court and complain you didn’t cooperate and you can say you didn’t want your kids holidays messed with over a “man” who hasn’t shown his face for 7 months.
My ex hasn’t shown his face in 2 years dec 5. No contact, no cards on holidays or bdays, nothing… I have full custody and a dvo as well. He’s allowed to reach out to anyone or have his mom do so, to communicate and arrange a visit. and he can have those visits at a visitation center… and if he even tried at this point I would laugh at him.
When I was going thru this my lawyer advised me that I had to wait 30 minutes on the day of pickup for him to arrive. Once that timeframe had gone by then my kids and I were able to do whatever we wanted for the rest of the weekend. Mine didn’t show up for a year and a half. When we had our final trial the courts decided that he would not get anything for access.
He hasn’t had contact in 7 months. Go on with your lives as if he doesn’t exist. File for a parenting time modification stating he hasn’t had contact & you want the legal right to make plans with your children. If he’s like my ex he’ll show up in court blame you. Hell whine that he needs his kids etc. Be calm with the judge. Tell him/her youre not trying to take the kids from him. You just want to be able to make plans & with him being inconsistent you can’t. Whatever gets worked out put in it that if hes 20 minutes late he forfeits that visit. 3 forfeits he loses visits by default. Meet in a public place with a witness. That way he can’t claim to have come & you weren’t there. You can take a picture of your kids there at that time, show a receipt etc. Keep a journal of when he does or doesn’t show up. Once the 3 visits are missed stop going to your drop off location. The ball is in his court then to take you to court & explain why he defaulted.
My question is this… What have you been doing to keep him away since April? Many times, men will forego a relationship with their children because the mother is just way too toxic and controlling to deal with any longer. 2 sides to every story.
Ive been through this…No you dont have to let him have your kids… He no called no showed and according to your court order, he failed to do what was in the order… Make sure you document, and even have the 3rd party document… Most visitation (not sure how you do yours) if they dont call or dont show 3 visits in a row, visits are canceled until further notice, usually the next month they can try again, or until further court action… Double check your custody/visitation paperwork… Document every single thing… Have witnesses document… Do not BEND for him!!! What ever you do, DO NOT CAVE IN. If you do, this looks bad on you, and can result in courts overturning orders… Be safe momma 
PM me for any reason ok 
im here for you
If he does not contact by 6pm then the kids will be with you. In parenting guidelines it states if the parent is not available for their visit them the other parents has the right to keep the children. Also your children do not have to go to his family’s holidays on your parenting time. It has to be in his parenting time. Those are all facts!!
I would say go about your plans and do not let him ruin it for the children. If he tries to get them tell him he forfeited his time and he can have his next scheduled visit.
get full custody, you are too nice to someone who use to hit you 
Visitation has to go thru a 3rd party and if those arrangements aren’t made then I would say go on about your time but I would ask your lawyer
If he didnt show up at said time and its in court papers you can put him in contempt. I have had to do this unfortunately. Pm with any questions if you would like.
That would be something you ask your mediator or the courts… Not Facebook, we didn’t make the schedule for you guys.
If the court has ordered specific pick up/drop off times, and he doesn’t show, I wouldn’t stress it. Go on with your own plans with the kids. If he’s supposed to get them on Friday at 6pm and you hear nothing, then Saturday at noon he wants to come get them, I wouldn’t allow it, unless there was prior communication and arrangements made. I would document the missed visits and go back to court for a modification. If he was that worried about his kids, he would show up for them, no matter what. There is never a valid excuse when you’re a parent.
Depends what your court papers say. If they don’t specify that he forfeits his time if he doesn’t show, then yes he can
You had me until you said you’d hate for him to reunite with his kids just because the holidays. If that’s what it takes for him to step up & not put sour holiday memories in your kids’ head then good! With that being said, if your custody order says HE is supposed to pick them up & doesn’t show then NO, YOU are not required to get them to him. Now, if his family would still like to see them on what would be his weekend, then they don’t deserve to be punished. It would show maturity on your part to allow the kids to still see their extended family.
You need legal advice from a attorney not a million different options on social media. Making the wrong decisions could jeopardize your court order. 
In my order if I do not have a reasonable explanation to why they are at the least 30mins late then they forfeit visitation.
My advice. Grow up. Raise your kids. Goin to fb. For advice. Lol. You may be the problem
That’s something I would address with the courts if it isn’t stipulated in the court documents. They should include all whatifs that might arise to eliminate these kind of issues. Talk to your lawyer.