How would you guys feel about your bio father not being in your life until now? I’m 26 and have 2 kids and now all of a sudden he wants to message me and try to be in my life. He’s messaged me a couple years ago too wanting to meet for breakfast (he lives out of state) and I’m like yeah idk about that cause idk him it would be weird and awkward and I was pregnant with my 1st at that time. He signed his rights off when I was 3 and moved out of state after that for a girl he met online and has been in that state since. I don’t talk to any of his other family nor do they even reach out but at this point I need to protect my kids as well.
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I would to hear his side of the story, all my kids are grown and I admit I’ve made loads of mistakes, just starting to know my kids again. I’m far from perfect
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Tough one. Personally before making this decision, I’d want to lay everything on the table and go from there. You don’t owe him anything but maybe you need to say your piece or ask your questions so you can decide with all the information at hand what you’d like to do moving forward
Depends, have you just been told what he did or do you know that he actually did it ? Sone things can be said through sone pretty nasty situations. Personally I’d like to know why he has changed his mind and if he is genuine in his actions I’d let him in my life if he wasn’t a drama. But completely up to how you feel about it and your own situation
Follow your heart. If your not feeling it tell him. He’s the one who chose to leave.
It’s your choice, but i would want to hear his side. We all change and we have all done things we would never do if we had the chance to do them over. He is the man who gave you life even if he didn’t stay but he did return. I’m thankful with all of my bad choices in life God gave me a second chance. Pray about it and let God lead you. 
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I mean I’d hear his side but it would be very guarded.
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You need to do what your heart says
Pass - he knew you existed 23 yrs ago and chose not to be a part of your life. Again it sounds like it’s on his terms- now he’s reaching out. That’s a hard no if I were you.
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Just remember their are always 2 side to the story. The truth is somewhere between the two. I didnt meet my dad until 3 years ago. She told me he all kinds of things. Come to find out . He didn’t even know I existed.
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No. He literally signed his rights over and walked away. Everyone is saying hear his side, but what side? This is obviously not a case of one parent keeping the child from the other as it often can be. The man willingly signed his rights to you away. He made a choice to basically throw you away without a thought, so why does he want you now? I’d be thinking he wants/needs something from you and I wouldn’t be having it. Honestly though, parents do this everyday and come back years later and they are able to create a relationship, so it’s really up to you and what you want to do, you can’t make your decision based on what a group of strangers would do. If you feel you want to try and hear him out, it’s okay to do that.
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As a child in a similar situation, give it a try. You’re grown you have nothing to lose.
My mom left when I was 3 months old, and then was in and out of my life starting from 11 until 26. When it was good, it was great. Then later learned she was toxic. But as a child I wanted nothing more than to meet her. I’m satisfied knowing who she was and now appreciating that she’s no longer the kind of person I want in mine or my kids life.
Not to mention she has 2 other kids whom she’s heavily involved with so… they leave for a reason. But the fact you are questioning is because your curious. You will forever be curious if you don’t give it a try. Could be the start of an amazing relationship and another grandparent to your kids or not. But it’s for you to judge. I highly recommend just you meeting at first and getting to know him, if you go that route. Best of luck to you!
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Ok just try my bio dad had nothing to do with me and my sisters really growing up but you have to remeber there is 2 sides to every story my eldest sister made a good relationship with him and when she got marries 8 years ago he was at her wedding I had 2 kids by this point we built bridges from there I had a wonderful 6 year relationship with him I lived 180 off miles from him and he died almost 2 years ago of a heart attack at 58 
yes it was strange at first and I never knew what to say to him but I found talking about day to day lives helped but also communication happens both ways
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As a child in a similar situation, give it a try. You’re grown you have nothing to lose.
My mom left when I was 3 months old, and then was in and out of my life starting from 11 until 26. When it was good, it was great. Then later learned she was toxic. But as a child I wanted nothing more than to meet her. I’m satisfied knowing who she was and now appreciating that she’s no longer the kind of person I want in mine or my kids life.
Not to mention she has 2 other kids whom she’s heavily involved with so… they leave for a reason. But the fact you are questioning is because your curious. You will forever be curious if you don’t give it a try. Could be the start of an amazing relationship and another grandparent to your kids or not. But it’s for you to judge. I highly recommend just you meeting at first and getting to know him, if you go that route. Best of luck to you!
I’d just pass. He made his choices…
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As someone with a similar situation…I would probably meet him alone but in public. At least once. It would be several visits before I would decide to introduce my family. I would never, never give him money. I would say go with an open mind but a closed heart. Trust your gut.
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You should do it, whether it is going to be good or bad…at least you can know and that makes all the difference
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Only you can answer that question no one else can but be warned they can and will break your heart and it hurts like he’ll… be 100% sure xxx
Been there. I did met up, tried for a relationship. Didn’t work out. I’m ok with how things turned out, we can respect each other choice to be no contact. And at least I can say I tried.
Only you can decide, but i wouldn’t. Im 36, my dad lives right down the road and doesn’t bother. He would say he would come visit and never will. He popped in and out for a few years. It does bad things to your pysche. I’m still messed up from it.
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Only you know if you have any desire to see him. Don’t feel bad if the answer is no. I mean it’s been a long time and he decided when you were young not to be apart of your life. Now that you are an adult he wants a relationship, idk. If it was me I’d probably not even bother at this point but only you know what you want.
That’s a tough one for sure. Just remember no matter what u decide , YOU ARE IN CONTROL you aren’t a little girl any more that he can break ur heart. If u decide u want to hear him out bc people can change…
Make sure u do it separately from the kids and immediately set boundaries. If he can’t respect that knowing after all these years and what he did in the past that he can’t walk in like nothing happened… You will then have ur answer that he probably hasn’t changed he is just getting older so having regrets.
If he follows those terms respect those boundaries and get that things will take time then maybe it’s a start to the next step
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What matters is how you feel about it not us. It sounds like he reaches back out to you when things didn’t work out with the woman he met online. You aren’t Plan B. He doesn’t come back because he has no one else. What will happen is he will eventually meet someone else and be gone again. He is not a presence in the kids lives as he signed away rights. You are right . You have to protect your kids and not have him popping in and out. Just because he has called wanting this doesn’t mean you have to accommodate him. No, i have moved on is a sufficient answer.
Honestly no I wouldn’t. He’s prolly getting old and realizing he has no one like they do most of the time. If he signed his rights over I wouldn’t bother that speaks volumes to me. I wouldn’t want him around my kids either.
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My bio dad died 1 year after he kidnapped me out of my parents back yard. If he hadn’t though? Probably never. I don’t even let my bio mom in my life.
I’d be the bigger person, people change! Yeah what he did appears awful, but atleast he’s attempting to rewrite his wrongs. My son was killed 6 months ago in a hit and run and his sperm donor was never in his life, after my son was about 4 years old. Guess who got the call from TX? Yes him and he still didn’t come to his son funeral.
Life is to short to push people away that wanna be around. Take this opportunity to let him know how him leaving impacted you… I say give it an honest chance. There’s certainly worse fathers out there.
Its worth hearing his side
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You said, you know have kids would you want them to stop speaking to you over a mistake you made?
Doesn’t really matter how we feel. What matters is how you feel. If you wish he’d been a father, meet him, listen to him and gather more information. On the other hand, if you don’t know him and don’t care, you owe him NOTHING
He signed his rights away. More than likely so he wouldn’t have to pay child support. So, no. It is likely he is facing hard times and needs money or would eventually need to live with you. That is a hard no. There is no good reason to connect with him. None!!!
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i’d hear him out. then decide. you know what you’ve been told by i’m sure your mother & people in her corner. hear his side of the situation.
there’s always two sides and the truth in the middle.
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Protect them from what?
YOU having a meal with your bio dad?
How would that affect them at all?
You have to remember there are 2 sides to every story AND some people change over time
I went through this…and it didn’t end well. When I was 23 my bio dad contacted me said he made a lot of mistakes in life blah blah blah. Long story short, I let him move from Missouri up and let him stay in my spare bedroom bc I own my home. my oldest was 5 at the time and I was pregnant with my second and in college. He ended up bringing guns into my home without my knowledge and had them hidden in places my daughter could have reached if she went looking in the right places. He had 2 above my laundry cupboard (BTW I’m 5’3) so I would have never found those. One IN MY DAUGHTERS PLAY ROOM!!! and one under his pillow. He left kne night to go play pool at a local bar, he did this once a week…this time he came home drunk, I was out to the movies and my mom had my girls. I get the worst call of my life… my brother telling ne he has the girls safe at my house with all the doors and windows locked but my bio dad was at my mom’s house with a gun!!! I rushed to my mom’s aid and called 911 because my brother is disabled all her knew was to get my kids safe (which thank god) my bio dad and I struggled with the gun because I stood in front of him and the gun so he wouldn’t shoot my mom and step-dad and he pulled that trigger my ears rang for weeks…he missed! My stepdad steppwd in abd beat his butt out the front door. The cops got there and ran his name…he had been arrested for shooting someone in the past and he was not allowed to own a firearm. I let them search my home and they found all the guns. He was taken to jail and I haven’t seen him since. Moral of the story, do a background d check and ALWAYS keep your babies safe! <3 my story didn’t end the way I hoped but I certainly learned a valuable lesson.
Nope. I haven’t seen my dad since I was about 11. After I had my third child when I was 26, he reached out via fb and saying how badly he wanted to meet his “grandbabies”. I told him not a chance in hell. I was already fighting to protect them from my (at the time) husbands family. I wasn’t adding another person to protect them from.
Meh. Life is short, I would say least have breakfast or something and see what he has to say, but ultimately it’s up to you. You could gain a meaningful relationship from this, and really have nothing to lose. At the first site of toxicity just cut all ties. My Dad actually signed rights off for my older brother, and I know he wishes he had a relationship with him. My Dad is a great guy, an amazing Dad, and an even better Grandpa. I really can’t imagine my life without my Dad, he helps us out so much and helps out with our kids so much. There was a good reason he signed rights over to my brother at the time he did it, he definitely wishes he would’ve done things differently now, but you can’t change the past. Idk just my two cents.
I would give him a chance and hear him out. If he’s wonderful, cool. If he’s shit; keep him where he has been.
You don’t owe anybody anything. You do what is best for you and your family. His side of the story should be told, but thru e-mail, snail mail, or social media. Keep your kids distant until you feel comfortable. DO WHAT YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND WANT. Those are his kids too
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Nah if someone picked 
over their literal child, they would be beyond dead to me.
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Fck him. He signed off his rights made your mom do it by herself and likely made her struggle with no child support FCK HIM! Is he offering to buy you a house or back pay for 18yrs. My dad did the same thing and I realized the way he did my mom and made her struggle making it difficult to love her children bc of frustration being a single mom with no help and he didn’t care fck him. The audacity after signing his rights away and leave his responsibility for a woman. Fck him. I say fck anyone who made my mom’s life hard or made her struggle when she shldnt have had to.
It’s a personal decision, and one only you can make. Good luck
Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
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It’s a hard decision especially after a lot of years sometimes I think men sighn their rights because they don’t want to pay child support, then their some who was force to I agree two sides to each story talk at least on the phone and get to know him first and find out what happened
everyone talking about his side. he had how many years to fight for her and be in her life. eff that. he chose a long time ago.
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You should meet him. Get his side of the story. You’re an adult now you can choose to tell him this isn’t going anywhere or you can choose to let him in. I see no harm.
Iam 48 years old and don’t have a clue who my dad is I was told it’s between 2 guys and they are both dead so take your pick yes that is word for word what I was told I have since learned that there is other possibilities out there so I also have learned that neither knew about me so always know what you think you know may not necessarily be facts my daughters 12 and 13 know all about this because the question CAME UP ABOUT my dad I was honest with them and they understand that if I do find out one is my father that they will not be meeting them until I feel it’s safe so if you decide to hear him out and meet him you can and should leave your children ut of it like many have said I wish you luck
I’d give it a try but If it wasn’t the relationship I needed with my father I’d cut ties
Its up to you ,if u want to start a relationship with ur father its very beneficial to ur children.You and your father have to talk the Issues that broke your relationship.Nobody is Perfect and I think he deserves a chance then you can decide if u want him in ur life
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Absolutely not! After 23 years I’d tell him to go pound sand he made a choice and if you can live with that, so can he.
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I never met my father until I was 29. Same type of thing, he reached out and wanted to meet, I had young children as well. Let’s just say It was the worst mistake of my life and him not being in my life was dor the best. Things happen for a reason. Protect yourself emotionally as it’s really hard especially when children are Involved.
Do you know why he signed off?
Was he having a abundance of bs from the mom. I’d personally wanna know answers to some questions before I push it off.
One thing is if he leaves the world before your answers r answered you’ll be left to wonder why!
My dad’s in heaven just speaking from my experience
For me was little different situation but he died before I had children before I got married.
An every girl dreams to have dad give her away, or father daughter dance, or in my case my dad wasn’t a bad guy. (He od’d with help of a then Girlfriend who knew of his heart condition) but most of all I wish he would of got to see n meet his granddaughters.
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It’s simple really. If u don’t want to DON’T
I didn’t meet my dad until I was 12 and he died 10 years later…
there’s 2 sides to a story and sure he may have not been perfect but growth is understanding and accepting that. Yes, it shouldn’t have taken him this long to connect but at the same time it’s a parents responsibility to ensure a relationship with their kids. You need to feel it out alone and make the decision for yourself what the boundaries with him are when it comes to you or your family.
Just make sure you ask everything your heart has ever wanted to ask. Be raw, be straight, but guard yourself. I wouldn’t bring your kids around for a significant time for you to ensure he has good intentions. Your gut will know.
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You were only given one side of the story so I think you should give him a chance to explain his side. You haven’t seen this man in 23 years.
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It’s your call. I’d set up a time to meet with him and talk. Get some questions answered. That does NOT mean you have to involve your children. He doesn’t have to meet them at all until if and when you’re ready for that.
My daughter met her biological (who also gave up all rights when she was a baby) half sister and brother when she was 18, it was good at 1st but went sour quickly ( I have no idea what happened) and she chose to never speak to them again!! She has had an amazing dad who stepped up to raise her as his own since she was a baby and that’s the man she chose to walk her down the aisle when she got married!!
It depends. My husband tried multiple times to get back in his young son’s life to hear an excuse each time so he quit trying. My ex husband hasn’t tried since my son was 8 and he won’t give him the time of day. For me I would tell my biological father to take a flying leap but that’s because of doing very bad things. So basically it’s up to you. Has he tried and lost hope before, has he not even bothered or has he hurt you beyond belief? Questions only you can answer.
If you meet or talk to him, don’t involve your kids for awhile
Hard no on that one. Spare your kids confusion and spare yourself stress and heartbreak.
It’s your call if you see him but I wouldn’t put your kids involved yet.but at least he contacted you Un like some.
Ive not seen my dad for 27 years do i have questions of course i have am i going to get them answered i very much doubt it as i dont know whether he is alive or dead. Basically get a babysitter then arrange a meeting with him have a friend go with you but sit behind you. Hear his side of the story and ask him questions then decide from there whether you want to build a relationship or not with him but you be in control the whole time because trust me you will have questions for him that need answering but remember you dont owe him nothing! There is two sides to the story after all and if you still dont want to know him then just simply say ive heard what you have had to say and you’ve answered my questions but dont contact me again