What would you do if you never got a wedding (financial reasons) and you’ve made it known to your husband that you still want that and he pushes it off?. I know he loves me and he’s been a great husband and father so there’s no doubting that we want to be together. And he has mentioned he does want the wedding but I hate he doesn’t seem to care as much as me. He seems to be ok with what we had, which was getting married at the courthouse. We’ve talked about a vow renewal so we can get that wedding we want but it’s technically supposed to be next year when we planned on doing it and he hasn’t once brought it up or has said any ideas about doing it. I brought it up twice and he’s just like “up to you baby” I’m tired of everything being up to me and I have voiced that but he still won’t take anything by the reigns and try to seem interested. I know men are different than women but I feel like if you’ve communicated what you want and the man still isn’t trying , what else is there to do? To accept it? Like i said he’s a good man all the way around. But getting him to realize he’s making me feel like he doesn’t have to do something that’s important to me has been pointless
I understand are y’all a common law state I call my husband husband but we are not married throu court it’s just a piece of paper love is love me and my husband been together for almost 8 years it’s just a title but me and him still call each other husband and wife it’s about the feeling not the ceremony for us but we have talked about maybe one day doing it im allergic to most metals but we talked about getting a deer antler ring because of my last name and because I love nature it’s about the feeling not the paper y’all in my opinion be married throu God not the court
He glad you are still
With
Each other .
He said it is up
To
You , do plan it arrange it and I am sure he will
Show up
If he’s a great husband and father, will not having a wedding take away from that? Are you in a financial position to have a wedding? Can the money to entertain other people be better spent creating memories as a family? Is not having a wedding enough of a reason to start over with someone who will give you the wedding you want?
I understand what you want but it’s clear that this really is “up to you baby”… My ex husband expected me to do absolutely everything, except the things he cares about. So you can either do it yourself or keep getting upset about it. Start planning and give him tasks but it doesn’t sound like he’s going to take much interest in it
We got married with two witnesses and that’s it. Went to a local pub afterwards for a meal with family. We are very happy and we are just as married as those who have big weddings. Why not plan a lovely holiday? Make new amazing memories instead of a wedding only you want? I agree with other comments, it’s definitely time to sit down and talk it out. Really listen to what he has to say and he will listen to you too.
Weddings are not important to most men that is why they tend to forget anniversaries. From what was said it sounds like he wants you to be happy, and maybe he is just clueless on how to go about a proper wedding. Just sit down with him and tell him about your dream wedding and how long you have dreamed of it. And how much you would appreciate his input and help planning.
You are pushing your dream into him , that is why he is not showing any interest , you guys are married and that is the important thing, at this point in your relationship a fancy weeding/ ceremony is just a waste of money , plan something little instead and maybe a great vacation like a second honeymoon, something that both of you will enjoy
Sit and have a serious conversation. Then start planning
Just plan it- 100% guarantee he’ll be there 
I understand 110%. I have the same feelings. Our vow renewal was supposed to be on our 10 year anniversary. Well that’s coming up this October and there is no way it’s happening. It’s sad. I’ll never get my dad to walk me down the aisle. Never get a father daughter dance. Never get to wear the pretty dress and just feel beautiful and special for a day. I get it. I don’t have any advice, but just know you aren’t alone. I’m pretty much at the point where I can’t even watch a wedding in a movie without crying knowing I’ll never have that. Going to friends weddings is so hard because I want to be happy for them, but I’m also so sad for me. There is no logical reason to want it so badly except for the fact that I just really wanted that for my life. I get it, and I’m sorry you are dealing with it too.
He either doesn’t feel that he has reached his own financial goals to feel ready so you’ll be secure, or he isn’t sure about something else. Maybe you need to sit down and have a one-on-one about it and determine where you stand.
If it accounts for anything my parents have been together 38 years and still aren’t married. Long story short my parents met and got pregnant shortly after. My dad proposed and my mother said no. Her reasoning was she didn’t want get married so soon and the baby being the reason he proposed. 2 years later she got pregnant again and again my father proposed and she said no. Then years later she wondered why they weren’t married… and she expressed herself and my father ended up proposing for the 3 rd time (20 years later). Life happened through the years. It goes by oh so quick. They had different goals. And they thought their money was better spent buying a home together for their family they created. Still to this day they aren’t married… still together… I’m the second proposal and I’m 35 years old.
And to top it off… not being married helped them in so many ways financially.
I still think they should get married at least one day.
But moral of the story… if it ain’t broke don’t try to fix it.
I get wanting to be married one day and having your dream wedding but if you truly love each other it will be between you and him and it will only matter to you and him.
You need to ask yourself why you want it. Does it make you anymore married?
And some just dont like all eyes on them. Some are happy with the little things. Some hate spending money on a party. I am that way. Got married in a local park by a friend that ordained on the computer an hour before. No reception. No honey moon. Cost under $100. And here we are almost 10yrs later. And no plans to have a wedding. Cause Id rather buy a newer car.
This is where communication is 
!! Use it! You both are not wanting the same thing, time for a sit down and talk it out!
So he’s made it known he loves you, treats you well, and is satisfied with how your marriage went down. You want HIM to have your feelings . He doesn’t and that’s ok. Plan it if you can afford it and it sounds like he will show up and go through it happily. But you can’t force feelings about it he doesn’t have. Unless you want him to pretend and lie
I really feel like he just isn’t into planning a wedding, most men aren’t. He is telling you that he is happy how things were, which was you being his wife, court house of 50k wedding = the same marriage. As much as you are wondering why he seems not interested in taking a wedding by the reigns, he is probably wondering why a wedding is so important to you. Maybe not, but if he isn’t objecting having one, even though you two are already married, perhaps you should just be happy that he loves you and is going to “re marry” you or participate in a ceremony next year because it means something to you. You shouldn’t force him to join in the planning part.
You’re already married what is thousands of dollars on a wedding gunna change? Nothing
I got married in a courthouse 26.5 years ago. I agree with what others have said it’s cheaper and it doesn’t make the commitment any less. My husband is a fantastic dad to our kids and I wouldn’t trade what we have for the world. I was able to have up to 100 guests to see me get married and that was plenty for me. It was the best $50 I spent.
If he’s a great husband and a great dad why would it matter if you got married in a courthouse, under a tree by the justice of the peace or in a church? As long as you’re happy together it shouldn’t. Take the money you want to spend and go on a family vacation those are the things memories are made of.
You keep saying the wedding we want but contradict that with the “he seems happy with what we had”
This is a you dream and a you thing and pushing and forcing it on him more and more is only going to make him even less keen on it …
Either adjust your expectations a lil and reign it in or watch what you call a good marriage implode
This sounds more like it is your wedding and not his. He sounds happy with what you guys had. Plan the wedding that you want, tell him where he needs to be and let it go.
He’s not a husband yet if you haven’t been thru a wedding yet and signed a marriage license . All you’ve got so far is just a shack up job . And it sounds like he doesn’t want to really commit to you .
You should have done that before.
Why though? Weddings are expensive. Maybe he thinks it’s a silly waste of money considering you’re already married…
What prevented a wedding the first time? My husband and I had about a $1k-1500 wedding. No fancy dress (got it on clearance for $6… and it was green with flowers). I got my shoes on clearance and found out the day of the wedding they were two different sizes but wore them anyway. 
We had a justice of the peace perform the ceremony. We had maybe 12 people there. It didn’t make us any less married to have a cheap wedding with a justice. It made us smart for not wasting thousands when we had a baby on the way (plus my two I had coming in to the marriage). Still married. Six kids. Almost 20 years.
So I ask you—why is it so important to you that you spend a bunch of money to re-do something already done?
If you are already married why waste money on a wedding! Love is marrying the man u love, a vow made by 2 people to honer and love each other until death, the wedding part is money wasted and for everyone else to enjoy, its like the annoying wrapping paper covering a beautiful gift, a waste of money and un needed, he has said it is up to you, he isn’t saying no, he probably thinks its a waste of time and money doesn’t want to hurt your feelings, u bagged a nice man, by your own admission, so enjoy him and either get on with the planning with your close friends and then speak to him about the money side of it after u have made all the arrangements, stop trying to force him into planning something he has literally no interest in! He has the prize why run the race for a medal u already wear proudly around your neck
Sounds perfect to me. He’s quite happy as long as you’re happy. He obviously wants you to plan it how you really want it. Just enjoy the planning and the day. Most men don’t sweat the little stuff. Like the flowers or colour of the bridesmaids dresses. They focus on the big things like who they’re marrying and why. I’m sure if you are excited over things you’ve chosen you will see how happy he is seeing you happy.
Well he said it’s up to you… start planning it.
Ive been married 21 years, at the local city hall, by our Mayor, in a thrift store dress 
went to a figure 8 race for my honeymoon 
Went to 5 pretty lavish weddings of friends & they didnt last 3 years. None of them. 
Put that time & effort into a family dream home. You wont regret it.
Pick a day, and start making plans. Most Men aren’t excited about all of the stress of a wedding. Could you make it a simple affair?
I’m 71 and have been married 52 years. All I can say is it’s really not that important. You seem to be lucky enough to have a man that loves you and for heavens sake, he’s told you it’s up to you! So plan it and leave him out of it. How nice that he doesn’t want to stick his nose in. Agree to a budget and go for it.
I did it all told hub make sure u show up cause he wasn’t interested in planning he said it my day and I’m sure U will make it perfect so I did was easier tbh lol
I’d love a " real"wedding too. Not my hubby’s style. Bummer, but oh well. 20 years married, still madly in love.
I’ve always felt like weddings are highly overrated, it’s the marriage that counts.
Once I started planning my wedding; buying stuff, putting stuff together, my husband started jumping in and helping. Maybe try the same.
We got married at courthouse 40 years ago then a month later had very nice reception where I wore my wedding dress…We had a vow renewal at 25 years of marriage in the church we belonged to
Either plan it yourself or move on from the idea. He’s obviously trying to not hurt ur feelings by telling you it’s not on his priority list.
Skip the wedding and go on a lovely trip- second honeymoon.
The vast majority of men do not care about a wedding in any way whatsoever. Stop expecting him to take interest. If you want to waste money on a wedding then do it.
In my opinion the money would be better spent on something more fun and memorable for both of you…. Like a cruise or nice vacation somewhere.
It sounds to me like the “wedding” is not important to him but the “marriage” is. That’s why he’s willing to do it… FOR YOU but it doesn’t sound like it’s the “wedding we want”, it’s the wedding you want. There is nothing wrong with that! But it is asking a bit much of him to try and fake HIS excitement for something that only matters to him to make you happy.
I understand wanting to celebrate your love and your marriage but if you are going to plan a vow renewal and a reception, you will be the one taking the reigns. He has communicated his perspective when he said it’s “up to you”. It sounds like he’s willing to go along with it because it’s clearly important to you but don’t expect him to bring up his ideas because he probably hasn’t given it any thought and you have.
Go ahead and plan your vow renewal and reception. When it comes to details, give him options and ask for his opinion. If he doesn’t have an opinion, he’ll deflect and say “it’s up to you” because linen colors and cake toppers don’t matter to him. How you feel matters to him and he obviously wants you to have the day you’ve dreamed of. If the tasks of planning become too much, I am sure he would do something if you asked.
It sounds like you have a loving husband and in the end, the wedding is just a party. The marriage is the union and that’s what you keep (hopefully) til death do you part
My husband and I are celebrating our 5th wedding anniversary today. We had a courthouse wedding.
Personally, I’ve never understood the hype over a big (and expensive) wedding, reception and/or honeymoon. A marriage isn’t about the wedding or the honeymoon. It’s not about the rings or the dress. It’s about two people who want to spend their lives together.
It may just be me, but I’d rather take the thousands upon thousands of dollars that’s expected to be spent on a wedding and do something else… buy a car, buy a house, take a family vacation.
But that’s just me. If a wedding is important to you, and you want him to be involved in the decision making and planning, then speak up and say so. Don’t just tell him you want to have a wedding, clearly state that you want him to participate. Most (not all) men don’t care about that stuff.
He said whatever you want, which means go for it. So what’s the issue? He’s never going to be interested in planning a wedding. No man ever is. The woman always do it, for the most part. I feel like you’re complaining for no reason.
You’re already married. Sounds like you just want to celebrate it with a party? Do something small and inexpensive. No reason to have something huge that puts you in debt
He’s telling you it’s up to you because you’re the one who’s pushing for it, you are already married to him and you may not have had the most extravagant and expensive wedding out there but you should also just be thankful that you did marry the man you wanted to spend your life with. Big weddings aren’t that important but being with someone you care about is and spending money on something that you already said was a problem isn’t a smart when you can’t afford it. Let go of silly issues and you’ll be much happier in your life!
Weddings these day cost thousands and it’s usually for other people your married already save some money and go on a trip together and take photos there he’s probably not wanting to spend money you guys need for other things
In my opinion move forward not back . I had my wedding in the preachers back yard with his wife , my mom and his mom . Did i dream of a big wedding as a young girl absolutely , have a had a vowel renewal no . That stuff is no longer important what is important is we put our money towards buying a house and now have a pretty good farm going ! I would rather go forward spending money so i can leave stuff behind for my kids , not spend $30,000-50,000 on one day but in a year building up more . Maybe thats his reasoning the financial side of it . 20 plus years married !
Unless you are really financially secure, why be obsessed with a wedding when you’re already married? Are you planning to renew your vowels or having two separate anniversaries for him to keep track of? Seems silly…take the money and have a wonderful vacation, call it a honeymoon and be done with the nagging.
Have an anniversary reception. Your already married you probably don’t need gifts. Why spend the money now. Do something for the whole family…like a great vacation
I agree with the court house wedding if you can’t afford a big wedding… being married isn’t about a big wedding or party, it’s two becoming one… you can always save and then like you guys talked about doing the renewal and a reception! But for me, I am the only one planning my wedding! My fiancé just says whatever I want and agrees on whatever! He’s not interested very much so I I just do what I want and budget for just that! 
Maybe try to give him some small responsibilities to get started. Like, maybe pick some kind of theme? Then have him look at some things on pinterest. If it’s something like a rustic piece of wood for setting candles on in the middle of a table at the reception, see if he will be willing to cut the wood for you. Also, I get wanting to have the big wedding. Mine was 70ish people, mostly family and close family friends. Not huge, but still everyone who mattered.
It’s def a want over a need.
Men dont care about this kind of stuff
Weddings just are not that important to men. If you want it and he is willing you will have to do the work. Most men only want to be responsible for showing up.
Maybe he doesn’t want to waste the money on a marriage you already have 
use the money for a family vacation instead
This seems childish to even get upset about. My wedding didn’t go at all planned. Honestly would’ve been better off getting married at the court house. Everything that could go wrong did. But how happy he was, saying I do, and the love we had for each other made it all worth it. Instead of putting money into something kinda pointless, maybe put it in a little get away for just the two of you. A way to spark the love again, or help keep it burning. Another “wedding ceremony” when you are already married, just bc your wedding or how you got married wasn’t what you wanted, is insane. Even when we do a vow renewal, it will be a small little gathering, nothing insane, simple. Then go on a vacation just the 2 of us.
If it’s really that big of a deal to you, just plan the darn thing. My husband never gave me ideas, help, ect. I was told “Do whatever you like baby girl, I could care less as long as I get to say I do at the end of it”. He did help decorate, pick a cake (just the design. I knew the cake he wanted)
They were married at the courthouse, so it’s legal, but she wants something more.