If it were my child, we would start by discussing why they feel that way? Did something happen to make them feel uncomfortable in their body or is this something that they’ve been thinking about for a while?
We would discuss how they would like to move forward.
Changed wardrobe? Changed pronouns? Changed name?
And we would discuss how grateful I am that they felt they could come to me to talk about how they were feeling and that no matter what, mommy loves them and will be there through it all.
I agree with you. She’s definitely too young to know for sure. These days kids are exposed to soooo much more than we were. My niece also felt confused when she was 12. She is now 14, and in a completely different mindset than she was 2 years ago. Of course you let then know you would love and support them either way but 12 is so young.
There are very subtle (not body altering) transitions you can help your child with in discovering themselves. At this age start with clothes he would be comfortable in. Haircut, a change of name if they wanted even. These are baby step ways to navigate your child’s preferences and gives you time to let them mature into who they are BECOMING.Be supportive because they felt comfortable enough to share this with you who they are is a person won’t change
I’d start a conversation with her by asking “why?” Keep the line of communication open; and let her know that no matter what, your love/support is 100%.
Ask her why she feels that way. It may just be envy and can be talked through. Otherwise, if she really feels the need to change genders than be supportive
I am going through the same thing. My 14 year old who was assigned female at birth told us they were a boy about a year ago, and now believes they’re non binary/gender fluid. They’re not sure, they’re still figuring it out, but it doesn’t matter to me. I’m their mum, they get my support 100% of the time.
I won’t pretend it’s easy, there isn’t a switch you can flip to suddenly see your baby as another gender, I think I went through a grieving process. I made mistakes, I called them by their dead name, I took a few months to come to terms with them cutting their hair short. It’s okay to struggle, but it’s not okay to make it about your struggle. Support him with all your heart. Fight for him. Take him to his GP and explain the situation, ask for a referral to the gender identity development service. They’ll support the whole family in any way you need.
Well done for seeking advice and support, what a fab parent you are. All the best to you all
I have 2 trans kids, one told me at 3 yrs old,one told me at 15 yrs old. I told them I loved them and supported them and asked what they needed. Going through puberty for a gender you don’t feel like is hard. Really hard. No one is doing surgery on 12 yr olds, but hormone blockers ARE reversible and could really help them. Also ask what pronouns yourkid wants to use, if they have another name picked out, and find a gender clinic asap, for therapy and support if nothing else.
My ex was trans. Male to female. She knew by the time she was 4. Her family thinking it was a phase or a silly thought caused her to go through a deep depression all her life! (Also a lot of drug use for feeling like everyone was against her) She’s how almost 30 with both her surgery’s done and is the happiest she’s ever been. When kids know they know.
Let her express herself how she feels most comfortable, she can dress in “boys” clothes, play sports, and do “boy” things if thats what makes her comfortable, just because she said she wants to be a boy doesnt mean shes asking for surgery she just wants to express herself how she sees herself
My daughter told me the same thing around the same age…my response to her was “Ok”. I let her tell me what she needed me to know in her own time, she picked her own clothes, she decided the pace she went with…in the end it really doesn’t effect me, it effects her! I will love her no matter what she decides to be. About a year after she decided she wasn’t “sure”, I told her she didn’t need to worry about fitting into a category, to just be -INSERT NAME- and not worry about labels. As long as your child is happy and healthy, don’t sweat the small stuff Momma, you’re doing your best and learning this journey the same as you child is
I would tell them the ultimate TRUTH!
GOD MAKES NO MISTAKES. Indulging such a lie and confusion is a mistake.
If you don’t agree then fine, but ask the Lord to open your eyes.
I agree with you. I’m not saying that we cant be supportive. If she feels like a boy right now she can dress and act like that all she wants, but if she wants to make any permanent changes, like a name change, I would tell her to hold off. Maybe come up with a good nickname that suits what she wants till she has a chance to really find her or himself. I personally KNOW people who went through this, then as they got older it turned out it was a stage. People may hate me for saying this, but really believe that not everyone that feels like this right now, especially so young, is going to feel this way in several years. It’s becoming a fad. I fully support transgender, but their are too any kids out here thinking they need to support it by doing it.
my mother wouldn’t even let me get my ears pierced til I was 18… I feel now like it was the right call… I feel like kids should wait on most things til they’re 18. support them but tell them they need to wait for their body to fully grow before making a choice like that.
Honestly I would tell my daughter that there isn’t anything wrong with being a girl. I’d ask her why she feels that way. I’d tell my daughter that she’s a girl and that she was meant to be a girl. That doesn’t mean she has to be girly or like all things that girls like but she was obviously meant to be a girl. It’s ok for her to feel that way and have different interests but she’s a girl and that is how she was made and she shouldn’t feel like she needs to be a boy. She is what she is and I don’t think she should change that.
It’s OK if she cut her hair, wore boy clothing but Any sort of change or hormone should not be done until they’re 18 and can do that themselves.
My opinion.
I was a tomboy, my youngest was a Tom boy. I took on mom And dad role for my kids, I was the only parent, I’m a lot like dads, jokes and all. But beyond that, nothing.
My youngest told me when she was 12 that she was gay. I said that’s awesome, and I love you, but you’re a bit young, for any permanent decision, wait a couple yrs and see how you feel…
because a boy was bullying her at this time. Now she’s 20 and says she’s Bi. But she won’t date anyone and has never been intimate with anyone, the attractions are there and I support her 100%
( and the convo was a lot lengthier than typed)
The best thing you can do is support her. As hard as it may feel to you, it feels just as hard to her. She obviously felt like you give her enough of a safe environment to open up to you during a vulnerable time for her. Don’t be scared to ask her questions and educate yourself, but don’t stop supporting her. You’re doing a great job!
I would let her choose her own style, such as hair, clothes, etc. so she could feel more comfortable with herself but as far as changing her name or anything beyond that, no. I will accept her no matter what but I’m not allowing her to make lifelong decisions at 12. Period.
They are still children at that age … my daughter thought she liked girls at that age because it was the “cool” thing to … tell her when she is a little older and still feels that way than u will go further…
Okay. So here’s what is going to help you the most in supporting your kid and making sure they’re safe. If you don’t support your child in this, they’re going to do things sneakily to be more boy like that can cause damage. Best thing to start with would be getting them in to a therapist. People can’t go through any changes, including hormone replacement therapy, without usually at least a year with a therapist and getting a diagnosis consistent with needing it. It’ll get your kid started on the road, while also making sure they’re making this decision for the right reasons, and not some other underlying reason.
Also, speak to your kid about binders. If they’re wanting to flatten their chest (idk how developed they are) then without your permission or knowledge they may resort to unsafe measures such as ace bandages which can cause a whole mess of problems. Get them a starter binder, make sure they know to only wear it a few hours at a time at first and never wear it while sleeping.
I know this seems like a big decision, and it is I’m not discounting that. But if you just tell them to wait, and nothing else, they’re not going to feel supported and just get sneaky from here.
I was never a “girly girl” and was just always myself. But I never thought I was meant to be a boy. At 12 years old I would say that they should be able to wear whatever they want but as far as a sex change I think it’s too young. But I never had to worry about big boobs or any of that. I would take her shopping and have a good conversation about what she wants to change in her life and go from there.
It doesn’t hurt to explore options and start calling her by the he/him pronouns. Might I suggest you check out tiktok and check out auggieryan he is a trans man. otherwise there’s plenty of trans people on there you can watch they’re content and get info and advice. Good luck. Also talk to your kiddos doc they maybe able to suggest a therapist that specializes in this.
If my kid tells me they want to be a Turkey should I consider it? do you think any CHILD of any age can make a serious long term life decisions??!!! Hell does anyone older than 30 think decisions they even made in their 20s were all good ones?! Wth tell me a 12 year old literally understands surgeries and life long consequences- cuZ they think they’ll be happier that way?? Why? CuZ they like the clothing? The hair styles? If your kid is sexually active and is asking to change their sex at 12 cuZ of that or whatever you got more questions to be asking than this one. As a parent
It’s not a decision. A lot of you all act like one day you woke up and said I’m staying a straight girl today. No it’s not how it works.
Mama best thing you can do is get into consulting for yourself and your daughter and go with it. You either support her now or later. Or not support her at all.
My 10 year old did this to me. I had her reconsider this decision, I supported her decision even though I’m old school and disagree BUT she’s my daughter, I love her no matter what. After showing her how much it costs for the transition, I told her she’d have to find a good paying job that medically would cover her medications & help her with any surgeries needed. Long story short, she decided to cross dress but that didn’t last long either.
A month went by and she told me she was ok with being a girl. She hates her periods, but don’t we all? I also explained to her that you can be a woman & still dress comfortable. She hates v neck and tight fitting clothes bc she doesn’t want to get attention from other people. I showed her what my wardrobe consists of and she noticed that 80% were bagging like clothing because, I am the same exact way.
I would talk to her about how she’s beautifully and wonderfully created as a girl and that her Creator knows what is best for her and designed her exactly the way that she should be.
Everyone saying “this is a mental illness” “this is wrong” “it’s a phase” “don’t believe them”
You shouldn’t have children.
Imagine not letting your child be themselves.
Disgusting excuses for parents, I feel bad for your kids.
My children will grow up LOVED and ACCEPTED because I knew when I first had my daughter it was my job to love her and care for her and accept her no matter how she grew up, no matter if she was straight, gay, bi, transgender, gender fluid, anything.
You’re supposed to love your children and be their safe space, not ignore their needs and bash them.
You all should be ashamed of yourselfs for the nasty things you’re saying.
You’re children are going to grow up resenting you and not trusting you to go to about important life decisions.
Let your children experiment, find out who they are, especially when they’re questioning it and confused. Guide them, let them lead the way, don’t deny them.
Ask her how YOU can help HER. That’s the first important step, ask her what she needs and wants from you to help her
I’ve always said I’d be 100% supportive, new clothes, new name, chest binders and such. However, I’m not comfortable with hormone treatments or surgery until after puberty is finished.
I believe souls are sexless. And sometimes we are born into an ill fitting body. And I’d tell my child “this body that you inhabit needs to finish growing before it’s safe to change it. When this body is ready. We can change it.” And I’d precede to tell them what thier name would have been if that had been born into the body they should have been. Example my daughters name is Ellie, had she been born a boy It would have been Conner. And I’d ask if that’s a name they liked or wanted to go by. Otherwise we’d work on it later.
Mind you, this is my personal opinion and not what you necessarily should do. That decision is up to you…
For me, my child is whatever gender they were born as until they’re old enough to make life altering decisions. I would support my child but give them time to make sure it’s really what they feel and not just a phase.
And before anyone attacks me, yes 12 is old enough to know who you are in some cases. It’s also a very common age for phases. I went through my own embarrassing phases. There is such a thing as a tomboy, lesbian, gay, etc. Some grow out of it. Some decide as adults they want to do surgery and whatnot to change their identity completely.
Once my child is 18, if they still feel like they should be the opposite gender then I’d fully support that decision. Until they start the process of actually changing their gender, they are what I pushed out.
My 12yr old told me she was bisexual at 10 and constantly tells me she hates the fact that she has breasts, she wears nothing but sports bras. Just go with the flow and love him/her for whatever choice
I think while they’re young like that is the time for them to explore their feelings, and develop their personality and sense of style
Support your child and let them grow as a person!
Telling a child that feels that way to wait a few years is like telling them wait a few years to be who u want let it happen if they change as they age then so be it but never tell them to wait to be who they are
Support them, seek counseling to round out some of the many issue y’all will face, let your child explore this role they want to take on. That’s what I’d do, but mine are 6&7.
Let him be who he is. Ask his preferred name, change the name and pronouns you use. Be accepting, buy him new clothes that match his new identity. Love him
This gawd damn society let her be a tomboy like it was back in the day she wanna wear rank tops and gym shorts hell boxers then so be it but to change your whole fuckin gender at 12 NOPE!!!
Support and love them. Help them and be their rock. As far as making any surgery decisions, I do agree on being too young. I knew I was bisexual at 8 years old.
It is a very delicate matter to have to deal with. A 12 year old is not emotionally mature enough to even consider making such a radical decision. I agree she needs to take many years to think this through. Unfortunately our children are being taught to hate their femininity if they are a girl and their masculinity if they are a boy. Most important, being born a girl or a boy is completely designed by God and he does not make mistakes. You will never be able to change your dna from the gender your were born as. Even years after you die, your dna will still be the gender you were born as.
He knows who he is. Embrace him. I understand it’s difficult and I understand why. But it’s inevitable and prolonging it is emotionally damaging to him. Be his shield from the cruel world.
If my son came out to me I would ask him questions and make sure he’s in a good place mentally before anything. I would support him unconditionally and let him know that I’m not a transphobic asshat and that I’ll help him in any way I can. He will always have my support. If other people don’t well then looks like it would just be him and I. I want to be his safe place and I want him to feel comfortable with coming to me about anything. He’s my world and his happiness means everything to me.
So some of are saying that you would rather see your kid suffer and be miserable with themselves rather than see them be happy and gay,bi,trans etc? I think that speaks more about you than it does anyone else.
I’d tell her I’ve wanted to be many things while growing up and ask her why she wants to be a boy. Maybe she thinks boys have it better than girls and it’s not that she wants to change her gender. Finding out first why she says that would be the first step, I’d think. Then go from there. Help her to feel good about being who she is to begin with. Changing gender at such a young age might not be such a good idea as we go through many different things through our lives, and we change in many different ways by the time we are grown. Build her confidence and self esteem for now, and when she’s grown then she can make her decision which path she chooses.
Either way accepting who we are as we are is important. Being happy and content with who we are and what we are is an important first step. You might just be misunderstanding why she said that. I’ve made the comment many times about wishing I was a man, seems like they have more advantages in life, better pay etc. it wasn’t that I wanted to change my gender as much as feeling like there wasn’t equality in many areas of life.
Was it a serious sexual assignment change or did she observe something as to a privilege that the male sex has. Like was she ignored when trying to talk etc.
I’m a transgender male. I was born a female. Allow him to express himself but I say no to hormone therapy till he is older. BIGEST THING YOU NEED TO DO IS SUPPORT YOUR CHILD 110%!!! My parents didn’t I grew to resenting them for it. I was forced to stay in the closet because they didn’t allow me to express myself as the man I am and it caused a lot of mental health issues and damage to our relationship
I would recommend watching this documentary. It answers all your questions using doctors, mental health professionals, advocates,and most importantly,parents and kids going through it.
In my opinion I think it’s extremely inappropriate. My kids will be whomever I brought them into the world as. Just like my son will never wear a dress in my home. Those are decisions that they can make when they are grown up and out of my home. Children shouldn’t even be worried about their sex at this age, and if they are maybe that’s just bad parenting on your part. Kids should just be able to be KIDS. AND if anyone is offended by this comment, OH WELL. That’s my opinion and it’s not changing. You can’t biologically change the sex you were born. Parts don’t make you a man / woman, if you’re born with a penis you are always going to be a man biologically. If someone’s a boy / girl I’m gonna call them like I see it, I’m not changing my pronouns to fit your fantasies.
God made it Adam and eve. He made two genders he did not make 27 or however many there are today. We live in an evil world. Lots of people going to the lake of fire. If a kid thinks he’s anything but what he was born to be then it is the parents fault on their upbringing
Some of you are some nasty, sick, close minded, idiots. And I pray your children never need an ally because we all know you won’t be it
Here’s the thing- a very large majority of LGTBQ+ CHILDREN know who they are and how they want to identify by age 5. FIVE. And a large majority of them don’t say anything because they don’t have support or allies on their side. Think about that.
Also- many school systems are adapting their health standards to start teaching gender identification and family units (some houses have two moms and some have two dads:scream:) in kindergarten. Y’all have some deep soul searching to do… or better start homeschooling cuz you’re homophobes
LOVE UNCONDITIONALLY AND FULLY SUPPORT THEIR CHOICE. At 12yrs old, 18… 21… 4yrs, WHATEVER age, it doesn’t matter. If it makes my child happy, feel better about themselves, strengthen their mental health and/or self confidence/self love (and they aren’t harming themselves or others of course) then I am behind them 1million% because my job as their mom is to help them become the person they are meant to be, not who or what I want for them and their life. Its their life, not mine and as long as my babies are happy, mommy is happy.
That’s how I see it. Hope this helps. Best wishes and positive vibes sent your way
God’s word tells us that He made them; male and female. He also says that He fearfully and wonderfully formed us in our mother’s womb. God created your child to be a female. Please don’t listen to those who are telling you to allow her to do this. Seek your answer in the word of God and pray. I will be praying for you as well.
I was a tomboy as child. I hated anything girly for most of childhood. I still don’t get along with girls very well lol Im not a girly girl now either unless I feel like it. I would start by talking to her about why she feels this way. Ask her kindly so she doesn’t feel judgment. Let her know you want to understand her feelings and then maybe offer to get her someone to talk to. Kids these days are growing up in much more confusing world these days especially when it comes to gender and sensuality. I wish you all the luck in the world because I truly don’t know what I’d do if my son came to me with this. I’d listen, love and explain anything that may need it in the moment. Hugs mama
At that age she probably knows. Usually they know for sure about 10 even though that’s young. Just make sure she knows you’re there no matter what and has your support.
My daughter is 6 and my son almost 3. I always have conversations (age appropriate) about supporting them and loving them no matter whether they like the same gender, opposite gender, or want to become the opposite gender. I believe my kids should feel comfortable being their whole selves with me and if they change their mind, great! If they don’t, great!
I want them to reflect on their life and say my mom was always there for me and loved me no matter what. One day they will grow and they will have a choice whether they have me in their life or not. I want to be involved no matter what
Children are going to do what they want, even if it is a phase, even when you aren’t around. So essentially you have to decide if you’re going to be the person your child trusts or not.
Be accepting, be loving and let it play out. If it’s just a phase they’ll grow out of it and nothing changes between you too. If it’s not then you still have the love and respect of your child.
It’s a win win!
Okay. So after scrolling through these comments I feel the need to say a few things.
Firstly, most are offering great advice. Communication is key with this. You are their safe space, maintain that.
A therapist who specialized in supportive transitioning is definitely something to look into and start seeing.
Blockers will not hurt them, and can allow for an easier transition if that’s the road you need to travel down.
Now, sexuality has NOTHING to do with transitioning. NoTHING. Let me say that again. Sexuality and gender identity have absolutely NOTHING to do with eachother.
Being a Tom boy, is not the same as being transgender. A lot of you are talking about the media and popculture being a part of this. And yes, to an extent. But it is allowing individuals to realize who they truly are a lot earlier too, which is good! For example, I knew beyond question that I liked other girls when I was 8. But, had no idea what that meant, if it was okay, ect… I was supposed to like boys, well I liked both. We could play boys chase girls and girls chase boys, well I wanted girls chase girls too. It wasn’t until I was older that I understood, and that was largely because it had become more mainstreamly accepted. A lot of trans kids are experiencing the same thing.
Again being a tomboy is not the same as being a transboy.
For those of you who are saying wait until 18, I get it. I really do, however transitioning a fully developed body is so much more traumatic and difficult than pausing development until they are 100% sure.
My now 18 year old told everyone from age 4 on that she was truly a he. Never wavered and never changed it once despite me calling it a phase way too long. It could be a phase but might not be either. Just let her know you support no matter what. If its a phase itll pass if not then welcome to pridefests
There is a huge YouTube, tik tok etc. thing right now telling girls to take testosterone so they don’t have to go through puberty.
I am not saying there are not trans kids. But there is an insane amount this month of moms talking about their girls saying they want to be boys.
Once they got the girls off social media or talking to kids who have access to the influence the desire went away.
It’s the newest YouTube trend. Like flipping bottles and fidget spinners. They are telling girls how terrifying periods are and how I’d they take testosterone that they can avoid it. Kids are calling it “The T”
When i was you young i wanted to be a boy. I had a olderr brother i did everything with. I also had a sister and couldnt stand her. She was girly and i was a tomboy. Im not 25 and i am very happy as a girl. I think for me it was just a stage at that young of a age its so hard to know what the right thing would be
I think your advise to her was spot on mama. I mean if she didn’t wanna wear dresses anymore and things like that I wouldn’t force her to or anything but when it comes to do any changes medically I think that should wait until shes of age and makes her own decisions.
I’d make her wait until 18 and then if she feels that way let her.
Today she wants to be a boy, tomorrow it will be something else. She’s to young to make that type of decision.
Therapy, therapy, therapy. She will ALWAYS be a girl that WILL become a woman. No amount of hormones or surgery will make her a true boy to man. Makes me so sad people are confusing the kids. Like wtf.
You must have an amazing and honest relationship for them to feel comfortable opening up to you about something so personal and deep. I knew I wasn’t heterosexual by the time I was 9 and that never changed, so they might know exactly what they feel, and they might need time to figure it out too. But just support and honor their thoughts on the matter as much as you can. You’re already doing great if they knew they could tell you openly.
who they are is a person won’t change 
do you think any CHILD of any age can make a serious long term life decisions??!!! Hell does anyone older than 30 think decisions they even made in their 20s were all good ones?! Wth tell me a 12 year old literally understands surgeries and life long consequences- cuZ they think they’ll be happier that way?? Why? CuZ they like the clothing? The hair styles? If your kid is sexually active and is asking to change their sex at 12 cuZ of that or whatever you got more questions to be asking than this one. As a parent
Take that book and shove it up your arse. 
