My 12 yr old daughter told me she wants to be a boy… I would like to know how everyone would handle this… I told her I feel like she needs to give it a couple more yrs before making that decision because she is is so young. Please help. I need advice!
Let them know you support them no matter what! My 13 almost 14 yr old is transitioning from female to male. Sometime I make a mistake and say she but we’ve talked and they understand that I’m still learning this too. Take it one day at a time and be open and honest and 100% supportive. Find a group or organization for both of you to talk to. We have one where I live called the Phoenix center and they are absolutely phenomenal! Best of luck and all the love
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The best thing you can do is support your baby. If they believe they were born in the wrong body then you support them no matter what. If they later on change their mind that’s okay too! Take it one day at a time love
I would sit down with her and talk to her about how she is feeling, if she tells you that she’s feeling certain ways ask her how long she has felt that way. I would have a serious conversation about the transition process and everything that goes into transitioning. Doing research together & possibly talking to a specialist about the process would be a good idea. I don’t think it’s going to help to tell her to wait a couple years to see if she still feels that way especially if it’s something that she has struggled with. she could be unhappy with herself and how she looks. She knows more than anyone what she wants & how she feels…listen to her & don’t be so quick to shut her down. I would be 100% transparent with her about what it means and what she will need to do so she has everything she needs to make the right decision for herself. This is what I would do everyone feels differently about the topic & I respect that. Just remind her that you love her & support her.
I think she would benefit for therapy, she’s too young to male that decision… Kids are very influenciable and it’s more likely that she’s confused… It would take a professional to tell you if that is really something she wants or something she thinks she wants to impress someone… good luck! Always let her know that you love her no matter what! 
I grew up with a transgender brother and my mum was super supportive but times were different and he couldn’t change his name or use a different pronoun until he was 18. Schools and other places expected him to use female toilets etc which led to a whole different boat load of problems.
Everyone is so right, just listen to you child. My brother told my mum he was the wrong gender from the moment he could, he started dressing like a boy when he was five and he’s now nearly 30 and a very happy and successful man. Mum never pushed him to make decisions about his gender identity either way, she let him chose his clothes and took him to the barbers rather than hairdressers and little things like that.
The main thing is listen and don’t push either way. The first stop for transitioning as a child would be your GP and ask to be referred to a gender councillor! Don’t give up if you’re given a councillor your child isn’t comfortable with, always just speak to your child and the councillors and there’ll always be options
Children need help and guidance but they do have strong identities even at a young age and as long as we listen and support them whatever they decide then they’ll grow up to thrive.
Let your child express themselves and they may continue and solidify that trans identity yet they may change their mind and just want to be as they are but more masculine.
Also as a parent don’t hesitate to ask for mental support for yourself, having a child who is trans can cause you to worry more about their safety or how to support them and I’m sure there will be groups or support available, asking here is an amazing start.
The three hallmarks of a trangender child are if their feelings are insistent, consistent, and persistent. By age 12 a child truly knows who they are, and likely knew much younger than that, and if they didn’t know entirely, then something felt like it wasn’t “right” but they couldn’t put it into words. Some children know and can express it at preschool-age or even before. The best thing to do is follow your child’s lead. The last thing you should do is worry about what other people think. Your child’s well being is your top priority. Don’t do what you think is best for them in regards to society/school/church/extended family (or worse, what these others think is best!) - listen to your child about what THEY want for themselves. “What if it’s a phase?” people often ask. Well, what if it is? Changing a wardrobe and using different pronouns and name aren’t permanent, and neither are puberty blockers. If it seems your child is insistent, consistent, and persistent about transitioning, because of their age your first step is to see an endocrinologist to see where they are in puberty development. Blockers can put off puberty for a few years while your child thinks about what they want for their life and their body. It’s completely reversible. Don’t put this off and force your child to go through the puberty determined by their sex organs; this causes irreversible physical changes that may be agonizing and devastating to your child. For more resources and a parent support group in your area, visit transparentusa dot org . Your acceptance and support are of utmost importance.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How would you handle your child telling you they want to be the opposite gender?
Just be accepting and let her be what she wants to be
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I would support them… they are not too young.
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I would personally ask my daughter how she would like me to support her and Id let her know that i completely support and love her. By telling her to wait a few more years youre basically telling her that she cant trust you when she tells you how she feels. I get where youre coming from but its important to be supportive.
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I would have just said ok cool.
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I’d let them dress and look the way they want to look, I just wouldn’t do anything permanent just yet
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Ask what makes her feel that way? If she gives solid, valid reasons, buy her some boy’s clothes.
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Jazz Jennings for example go to YouTube look her up and start with her story she knew I believe since the age she was like five or six now as an adult she’s finally transitioned into who she wants to be my biggest suggestion is to have an open mind and an open heart and love them no matter what. But also let them know that if you did decide to completely transition that it is permanent and once you get on hormones there’s really no going back but have an open mind one way to make sure that you’re doing everything that they want is to refer to them in front of others as their preferred pronoun
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She is a child. I would tell her I support her but she is going to have to wait until she is at least 18.
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Support her let, her dress however she wants ,hair etc just no surgery until 21 that’s what I’d do any way
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I’ve been through this with my grandchild, please listen too her and talk talk talk she’s not too young to make this decision x
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Get into family counseling with a professional that doesn’t have an agenda or a record of helping minor children transition. And let your child know that once she is 18 you cannot stand in her way to make her own decisions.
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I would support my child no matter what 
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You are going to have mixed answers about this but I personally agree with you because she’s still young and kids anyway can’t make decisions for themselves. She is just seeing how often someone now changes gender and she’s suspicious. Let her enjoy being a girl and tell her all the wonderful things about being who she is.
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Ask her why she wants to be a boy. Maybe she thinks there are things that girls can’t do.
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12 is not old enough to decide to change your gender. 12 year olds don’t know which outfit to pick out let alone what they want to be. Stop letting your children be so influenced by today’s world and be a good parent. Letting the world outside your house raise your children more than you are.
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I think your answer was appropriate…gives her time to really think about it and know it’s just not a phase. You might ask her why she wants to be a boy and that might open up the conversation to her feelings.
Buy them a new wardrobe, cut their hair, and let them do their thing 
she didn’t ask for surgery or anything.
edit, if they want a haircut
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She is a child. She has no say until is she 18 , 21 if you are paying for college. She is too young to make those decisions
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I would be asking questions to make sure they are wanting it for the RIGHT reasons if there was little to no build up.
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Ok. Dress how ya want
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First I’d tell her she was born a girl and that when she is 18 years old n still has those same feelings we can address it then.
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This is now the time for therapy . Transgender children have to see a therapist and be approved for drs to help them transition. 
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Ask her WHY? She wants to be a boy?
Just be thear for her , please don’t push her away
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That’s also how I would handle it as well. But I would tell mine to wait until they’re 18 to be absolutely sure, then they’ll be grown enough to take the steps needed to transition & take full responsibility for the surgery & costs.
There are counselors out there for this who have transitioned who sit with young people and carefully talk over everything with them just to let them know it is permanent if they want to transition or start hormones… I had a young family member go through this and he now her parents approached it with the counseling and it helped her immensely
I would schedule some therapy for her and see why she’s feeling this way.
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She’s a child. Way too young to make that decision
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Support Him. Suicide rates are so high for that age group! He needs to know you love Him no matter what.
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She WANTS to be a boy or FEELS like she is one?
I wanted a boy haircut and to dress like one when I was younger… I was a super tomboy, but never felt like a boy.
I would let her dress like one, etc. But as others said, don’t do anything permanent yet. Support your child and love them and help them navigate through it. They may want to talk to someone about it, too.
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I’d talk about y she feels this way, and her know u will support and love her either way, but wait till she’s an adult to make major changes
Be her safe space, first and foremost. This world is cruel and if no one else has her, her mama should. She’s got plenty of time to figure out who she wants to be, but for now just love her and make sure she knows that she can talk to you about it without judgement or shame. 
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Support is key I let my kids choose their clothing hair styles as long as they aren’t too revealing or inappropriate. I would also say surgery would be something they would have to do when of age but I would support them 100% ask how you can support this transition and also get counseling with someone experienced in this sort of transition.
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It’s all this transgender crap these days that’s confusing the hell outta these kids… I feel for ya … I really have no advice just sympathy for you as a parent 
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Honest that is a tough one. My suggestion is to take her to a therapist to properly assess her feelings. Especially is she has not fully hit puberty yet. Good luck
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I’m currently struggling through this with my 13 year old. It’s not easy, that’s for sure. I’ve made several hurtful mistakes out of pure ignorance so I’d suggest you research as much as you can. I recommend this book. And ask questions as much as you need to to be able to understand where your child is coming from
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discourage it hang strong
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Get mental help and counseling. This is a mental illness. Treat it as such.
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I thought I would like to have been a boy too. I was raised by my dad mostly until I was 12. However, I’m glad I had no choice back then because basically I was just a tomboy. I grew out of it and happy to have had two wonderful kids although I was 31 for the first one. I believe that is a decision for people as an adult. Until then let her dress like she wants and support her later on if that is still her desire
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9 times out of 10…if a girl doesn’t want to be her anymore…someone is making fun of her or she is being bullied. Instead of just accepting it…maybe do the parent rhing and ask her why she wants to change. Tell her she is beautiful as is and anyone that says otherwise is just jealous. Be you…not what you think others want you to be and dont listen to bullies or snobs. Oher possible reason…seeking attention as sees others doing this and wants same attention. Think church might help. Teach that God made you perfect. He doesnt make mistakes. Hate kids are being exposed to craziness such as switching genders. Such a dumb trend.
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It’s just a phase is such an ignorant thing to say. Please do not take that advice. Your child felt safe enough to come to you.
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Let her know she’s loved no matter what her decision, but that you feel it best to wait a few more years so you can make a truly educated decision.
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As a parent to a transgender kid my advice to you is listen and keep an open mind and be supportive. My kid was 8 and knew she wanted to be a he and he is now 21
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Support them as you should. Always be available to talk and be there
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Just be supportive <3 <3
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Everyone saying “this is a mental illness” “this is wrong” “it’s a phase” “don’t believe them”
You shouldn’t have children.
Imagine not letting your child be themselves.
Disgusting excuses for parents, I feel bad for your kids.
My children will grow up LOVED and ACCEPTED because I knew when I first had my daughter it was my job to love her and care for her and accept her no matter how she grew up, no matter if she was straight, gay, bi, transgender, gender fluid, anything.
You’re supposed to love your children and be their safe space, not ignore their needs and bash them.
You all should be ashamed of yourselfs for the nasty things you’re saying.
You’re children are going to grow up resenting you and not trusting you to go to about important life decisions.
Let your children experiment, find out who they are, especially when they’re questioning it and confused. Guide them, let them lead the way, don’t deny them.
Ask her how YOU can help HER. That’s the first important step, ask her what she needs and wants from you to help her
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I would just let her dress as if she were a boy if thats what she wanted to do. Maybes its just a phase. Some kids know at early ages what they want to be and what their sexuality is, and some just go through temporary phases.
Well as someone who said they didnt want to be a girl when i was younger, i am so glad my parents took that with a grain of salt. I love being who i am now. It could be hormones changing because i specifically asked my mom to cut my insides out and take my boobs when i was 10 and started my period.
I’d support my child but I would put them in therapy. I would be very picky about the therapist. One that would be able to be neutral and truly help my child navigate who they are. I would probably try to start family therapy as well.
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Let her dress the part. Let her see what life is like and have her see a therapist for a few years. When she hits 18 she can make her decision then …
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Let her be who she wants to be if she is happy. Give her some credit 12 years old is not a baby she is very capable of making her own decisions and knows what makes her happy. I would probably be taken back a little at first but in the end it’s whatever makes them happy I’m okay with I will love my child no matter what because they are my child.
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I think you should be really proud of yourself that you fostered an environment where your daughter trusts you enough to tell you this, and an environment where she truly feels like she can be anything she wants to be.
At the end of the day, all you can do is love your child.
Counseling is always good. For all kids. Regardless.
Find a therapist without an agenda, and stay by her side.
If it does, in fact, turn out that she follows they, she will always remember how you handled it.
And if the comments thread is any indication, she’ll need everyone she can in her corner.
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Support them. Allow them to dress however they want, do their hair however they want, let them tell you what names they want to be called…if it passes, it passes. If not, you were there for them when they needed it the most. I would personally not allow my kids to make huge life altering decisions (surgeries or hormones) until they were a grown up and could fully understand the repercussions of something that serious…but other than that, let them find themself
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If your child knows they know. Dont try to force them to be someone they aren’t or they will resent you.
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I was such a tomboy when I was young. My mom put a dress and a pair of overalls on my bed for picture day and in my mind I said, finally she gets me. I walked downstairs with the overalls on and my mom said what are you doing with your brothers clothes on. Turns out the dress was for me ( I have a sister too so I thought the dress was for her). Even in the change room at school I looked at other girls changing… but not like watched them… looking back now I was just curious as a child. When we’re young we’re still discovering ourselves and I’m so glad I didn’t have the influences children have today or I would have been extremely confused maybe thinking I was gay or meant to be a boy. We don’t understand our own sexuality and we don’t need outside factors encouraging us to be the opposite sex. We just need to be kids. By the way both stories I just told I was about 11 and 12.
Be her safety zone this is something she’s probly already thought through if she’s bringing it to you. Embrace it… embrace her and accept her for who she is and who she may become! Maybe allow her to express herself as she would like to (dressing, haircut, ect) and see if that’s what she decides she really wants. It’ll also prepare you more for her decision!
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All the Karen’s STUF!! I’m a mother to a transgender son… it’s not mother fu**** phase!!! Ask about how they feel. What makes them think they wanna be a boy? Is it because the like boy clothes? My son came out at 4 saying how he felt he was born in the wrong body. Years later (hes almost 13) he admitted he was suicidal because he though I would resent him… I don’t! I’m not like these other Karen’s out thrrr who think he’s mentally ill… y’all are the reason there is a high suicidal rate among kids
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I agree with what you told her. She is too young to decide that right now.
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I have 3 girls, if one of them came to me and said they wanted to be a boy, i would just support it and let them
do them! its not my choice or decision on what they feel like they wanna be!
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I’m wondering if her daughter knows what a tomboi/tomboy is? I was a tomboi/tomboy from age 10-28…I didn’t want to be a boy & I wasn’t attracted to girls either.
Being that she’s so young and may not know what a tomboi is…asking her why do she feel that way is a good start to make sure shes not confusing wanting to be a boy/feeling like she’s a boy with being a tomboi/tomboy or just being a girl who’s attracted to other girls…because neither one of those means that she’s suppose to be a boy nor has a boy mentality. But I definitely wouldn’t do anything “permanent” until she gets 18 and knows for sure that’s how she feels about it. Give her brain and experience time to be sure.
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Acceptance, understanding, advocating.
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My friend just went through this with his now daughter, age 13 I think. They went to family counseling to work out how to navigate for a few months. They support her and call her by her chosen name and at a recent family event, “came out” to their extended family. He said she plans to start the new school year as a girl. They had no experience with the situation so it was a surprise! She is the only one I know of in my acquaintance circle. But I shared with him that I support her even though I don’t understand it. I had my own pre-conceived ideas about it, but his experience with his own child changed my perspective a bit.
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Support your baby in whatever they wanna do. Don’t listen to other saying it’s a phase. Just love and support your baby.
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IT’S JUST A PHASE! For those who support sex changes especially in children, STFU!
I think you did the right thing by just saying she should take a couple more years and see if she feels the same. Sorry ,but kids don’t know what they want and half the time don’t know how they feels. I believe you did good with what you said.
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just like gettin a tattoo…we will talk about it when you’re of age. until then you keep doing you.
I can’t believe the amount of parents on here who are close minded and cruel about this. Not all children who claim to be gay, lesbian or transgender have been brainwashed. None of those things are a new trend and it’s been around since WAY before any of our time. I sincerely hope that none of you ever have a child come out to you. Kids are committing suicide due to their parents’ disgust and rejection. There’s plenty of other sins being committed daily. Make sure your hands are clean before you pass judgement.
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Support them no matter what. She is not “too young” to have these feelings, children even younger do too. Just be there for her and don’t make her feel like she is wrong for feeling that way, ever.
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Tell her there is such a thing as a tom boy for one. It seems as though nobody acknowledges or promotes that anymore. I wore boys shorts up until my late 20s and still don’t wear shorts often but instead jeans. Ask what’s caught her interest at the idea of being a boy vs girl as she currently is and then show her that you don’t necessarily have to change genders to have the same opportunities. I was the only girl in my power lifting class and outlifted the guys. I have a bull ring septum piercing and blue hair currently. Find the root of her desires and encourage the Tom boy part of it now if she likes their styles ect and go from there
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You support their decision and go out for a shopping trip for new clothes… it’s not like you’re agreeing to give her surgery or something. Let her “be a boy” it’s not gonna hurt anything. But denying how she feels about it could hurt her
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There’s a difference in WANTING to be different vs FEELING you are different… seek counseling for your child and they will help your child to a better understanding of what he/she is actually feeling. Your child may be a trans child. Your child may just be a tomboy. Your child may be getting bullied and just want to be different. Who knows!! Talk to your child! And seek counseling!
As a pediatric trauma therapist I can tell you to just make sure to love and support their decision. Make sure they have the information they need/want. Otherwise this situation spins out of control, fast. Kids just want love and support. Be honored that your kiddo talked to you about it!
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Suoport whatever decision she makes❤
I think at 12 you kind of know what you want and why not just let her explore ?
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If God wanted her to be a Boy he would have made her a boy not a girl. Easy Question. 
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Support them! Let her change in ways that aren’t permanent like clothing, hair , etc. obviously you wouldn’t want to do hormones or anything so so young but it’s important to be supportive from the get go!
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She can not be a boy. Children need to be told truth. Take her to church and pray.
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Supporting your LGBTQ child is suicide prevention. Denying them their identity puts them at risk. Your child obviously trusts you enough to tell you this. Support him and his identity.
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I would be supportive but also consider therapy and to wait a few more years just in case it could be a phase. Once my daughter is on age and is still wanting to be a boy then she can start transitioning. But right now is too young to make drastic decisions.
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My advice is this, love them no matter who they are or what they decide their gender is. They are still your child, that will never change and still need your love and guidance. I am a momma of 4 kids and had this discussion with my 14 year old daughter. They want me to call them they or them, I told them I will love them no matter what.
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He is your 12 year old son, not daughter. He’s telling you that. My nephew is 12 and was born in the wrong body, too. When he told us he was a boy, we listened and supported him. I’m a middle school teacher and I can tell you that this is the age when kids are figuring out who they are. Your son might change his name and pronouns several times, or he might identify as a boy for the rest of his life. Lots of kids try on a lot of identities before they figure out who they truly are. Support him and believe him. He needs to feel loved and accepted as he is, full stop. Please don’t make this time harder for him.
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Mine came out around the same age
We got them new clothes, a haircut, and I got to help them pick a new name.
These kids know at an early age and MRIs show trans brains are closer to their preferred gender. Not acknowledging it can trigger deep depression and suicide.
Just accept your kid for who they are and support them.
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It seems like with this new generation that it’s a fad to be gay or want to be another sex or bisexual
I’d take that baby fishing, play in the dirt, build tree forts, go camping, rub dirt in our boo-boos, etc
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Supportqnd love this kiddo! It’s not a mental illness or wrong. You have one responsibility and that it’s to you child. Your child will need all the love and support in the world because as you can see from a lot of these comments people are horrible.
Maybe start with a haircut and wardrobe change, it will either allow the child to feel more comfortable in their own skin before deciding on life changing procedures or it will show them maybe it isn’t what they want!
If someone wants to change who they are you will never be able to stop them, they will do it when they are old enough to have the means to. The only thing to do is accept and support… or show them exactly how unconditional or unsupportive your love is for them.
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I was a tomboy, I did all the “boy” things growing up. Nothing wrong with that. It’s perfectly normal. I would explore why she felt that way to see if there is any underlying unaddressed issues besides just a phase. There may be something happening that is making her ashamed of being a girl and being a boy makes her feel better. The more she educated on the topic the better. I would make an active effort to let her know there is nothing wrong with the body and mind she was born with and that just because she wants to do “boy” things doesn’t make her any less of a girl.
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MY OLDEST IS TRANS, And is 19 now.
I won’t do the hate on here, but he knew he was a boy since he was 11.
I would be happy to talk more, please pm me if you’d like
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If people only understood the size of the problem they are creating by entertaining this kind of behavior.
Forget the trades, the richest people on earth will be the psychologists.
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Your first step is to take her to a psychologist, who will help her determine if this is actually what she wants, or if they’re confused, or if this is definitely the path for her. The psychologist will also help her through the difficult transition time if thats her chosen path. It’s also the first step before any hormones etc are prescribed.
If it is, or even if it isn’t, you will see her gain the confidence and happiness to be the person she wants to be.
Councelling for yourself to help with the change, is recommended also. It’s a Pandora’s box of emotions.
All the very best.
Please feel free to message me if you’d like to chat more.
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Did she say that she wants to be a boy or is a boy ? Valid question. My son told me he wanted to be a girl, not I am a girl. 2 years later, still a boy. Being and saying wants to be is 2 different things. I was supportive to either choice, and still am
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I’m 25 and identify female but I’m androgynous. I dont see why it matters. People are so rude, especially the religious…
Tell them you are a girl.
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