Can you please post this anonymously
My husband and I have been married for about 5 years. It was somewhat an arranged marriage so we hadn’t had sex or seen each other naked prior to marriage. I was approx 70 kilos when we got married and right away after we got married he politely mentioned he was always attracted to slimmer girls and he thought I was that. I was extremely offended by this and became crazy paranoid that he was interested in all slimmer girls. For some reason I couldn’t even loose weight because of how hurt I was. I ended up gaining about 10 kilos then I got pregnant and went up to 103 kilos. When baby turned 1 I went down to 83 kilos then got pregnant again and am now 6 months post baby and am 117 kilos 
I struggle to loose weight because I feel hopeless but once I start I do really well and that’s how I know I’ll loose the weight. I am not happy with my weight and cannot wait to get to a healthy weight rage.
My husband told me today that my weight affects him cuddling me , taking me out , spending time with me (he said this because I asked about my weight). He also said he feels like there’s isn’t really a spark, he said it’s not that there isn’t one but that’s it’s not lit and it’s always been like that. When I asked why he has sex with me then and that I feel like he is attracted to me during sex he said yes he loves me and physically and emotionally enjoys sex when it happens but he still feels deprived of the things he wants to do like pick me up and touch me and so on like he always imagined. I feel crap as I am I loosing weight I know I will have loose skin. I plan to get a tummy tuck but don’t want anything on my arms , legs or boobs. I worry what if he is never attracted to me because even though I’ll lose this weight I won’t be the image he always dreamed of having.
I should add he is a very good man. Honest and loyal. He takes care of the kids , works , helps around the house , treats me really well. Never says anything that could hurt me. Even when it does come to the topic of my weight he only tells me because I poke and pry because I feel like I need to know. He always says he doesn’t want to hurt me but doesn’t know what to do but be honest. I just remembered At one point he said that when he thinks of the rest of our lives together and me having the extra weight he feels depressed and it makes him wonder if we should have got Married.
I don’t know what I’m asking. Perhaps I wonder if there is still hope for our marriage ?When I asked him he said he is sure everything will be fine once I loose the weight because it’s really just the ‘mass’ that affects him.