My question is about my husband. We have 5 kids together, and both work full time jobs. I also do all of the cooking, and the cleaning, along with the kids who each have chores. I take care of the animals also. Our 5 kids play multiple sports, school, Rec, and club teams. So naturally they all have multiple practices a week in different towns usually. I handle all of the practices also. I do all of the grocery shopping, and get whatever the kids need. Anything that needs done at the house I do. Or if it’s something I don’t know how to do like flooring or Sheetrock etc, I hire it out and he always says he will finish the minimal things. Like cutting the door to fit the new flooring. Or running the electric etc. and he never does anything. Ever. Other than going to work. As soon as he gets home he is instantly on his phone on Snapchat with his friends or constantly on TikTok. CONSTANTLY. I have been so fed up with it I have told him I don’t know how many times I am going to leave because I never get any help from him at all and it’s like he isn’t even a part of the family other than putting his check in the bank. He always says he will change or do this or that. But he never has. And honestly I don’t even believe that he will. It’s just so hard because I love him. And at least he goes to work every day and keeps a job. But am I wrong for wanting more than just a bi weekly paycheck put in to our account? I feel defeated.
I am not sure you are going to like my reply.
I have been with my hubs 16 years. Year 4 we went to counseling because i was unhappy. I was doing all the cleaning. I felt like i was doing everything myself and was basically a warm body to cuddle at night. We would argue he would say he would help and change and two weeks later EVERY TIME he was back to himself. We have two kids together and I am a stay-at-home mum. He’s a youtube gamer. It got to the point in counseling where we had to be 100% honest about ourselves and our wants. He pointed out that he has been the same person he has always been - even before kids - even before our relationship. He pointed out that I am the one who has changed. That it is my ideas - my thoughts and wants that had changed and that i kept trying to force him into changing to suit my needs. This is not sustainable or healthy for him to force himself to fit my new wants. We had to figure out how to function this new way. With my new wants and desires. I had to decide if i could still be with him when I am the one who changed. I decided that this man was the one i fell in love with - he was still exactly the same. I stopped picking fights due to MY frustrations. We compromised and he helped more - just enough that he wasn’t forcing himself to be a different person and i felt less stress to hold everything together.
We have now been together for 16 years and i can honestly say that i am happy now. I am a lot less stressed and i understand where we are both coming from. You have to strip back your pride and really look into why you are feeling the way you are. I wish you luck.